Begin Again (6 page)

“Did you have fun, baby?” He clapped his hands and gave her a huge smile.

Dylan came up and sat next to her. “He’s really great, Journey. I didn’t understand half of what he said, but you’d have thought it was serious business.” He paused, staring towards the park. “I want to apologize for how I acted the other night. You didn’t deserve it. I was just so surprised to see you. I’m so sorry.”

Well, it was nice of him to apologize, but it still stung the way he treated her.
She could put it all behind her so things wouldn’t be awkward when they would see each other. She wanted them to get along for Joey.

“I appreciate that.”

She picked up Joey and sat him in between them. She placed some crackers and his sippy cup in front of him. She smiled when he immediately started shoving his crackers in his mouth. Journey looked up and found Dylan staring at her. She felt her face heat up and looked back down at Joey.

“I thought that maybe
for your first couple of visits with him, I should be there, too. Just until he’s used to you, and then you can start taking him for the day. I’d like to wait a little longer before you keep him all night.”

He didn’t even seem to need
time to mull it over. “That’ll be great. Thanks. My family would like to meet him. I was hoping you would bring him to their house this Sunday, for dinner.”

Oh boy, that wasn’t what she was expecting to hear
. But she did want to meet Dylan’s family, since they were Joey’s, too. It was only right that she meet them.

“Sure that’d be nice.
Why don’t we meet here again on Friday, see how he does then you can have him for a couple of hours on Saturday.” It was going to be hard to share him, but it was the right thing to do.

“Really? That’d be great.” He stared at Joey with love in his eyes. She wasn’t surprised her boy was the cutest little man ever. “I know I’ve said it before, but he’s beautiful.
Do you have any pictures of him I can see?”

“Yeah
, I’ll put together an album for you and bring it Friday. He’s a really good boy. He’s my little comedian, aren’t you?”

She took the cracker that Joey handed her. “Thanks, baby.”

“How big was he when he was born? Oh, and when was he born?”

“He was a big boy. He was ten pounds and almost twenty-two inches long.
His birthday is April 23rd.”

“He’s two days older than Violet. She was a big baby too, almost ten pounds herself.”

The silence between them was awkward
. She kept tucking her hair behind her ear, and picking at her nails. She watched Dylan take the crackers that Joey kept handing him. When Joey reached up and shoved a cracker in Dylan’s mouth, she couldn’t help but laugh. Dylan looked at her and smiled with the kind of smile that he used to give her all of the time. It made him look a lot younger than he was. She felt the corners of her lips turn up into a smile of her own.

***

Dylan watched her smile at him and felt an ache in his chest. She was even more beautiful than he remembered. Her curves were more pronounced and it gave her a sexiness that she didn’t have before. Her smile showed off the tiny gap she had between her front teeth. It always used to make her self-conscience, but he loved it. He looked down at Joey, his son. There was no doubt that he was his. Joey was gorgeous. It was obvious that Journey took great care of him.

“So what do you do for a living?”
It felt like they were on one of those awkward first dates. They’d spent two weeks together and he had felt like he knew her so well, but now they didn’t know each other at all.

She kept picking at her nails. Did he make her nervous? Of course he did
; last time she saw him-he was a total dick to her. Not to mention the time before that he just up and left her.

“Well
, before my parents died, I was going to school in Alabama for education. I just couldn’t go back, so I took some time off and traveled around, ending up in Florida. When I went back home, I got my certification so I could substitute teach. At least it would be doing something that I loved until I could go back to school and finish.” Her cheeks turned pink and she turned away from him and then back. “I’m sorry, I’m babbling. This is just a little nerve-wracking.”

He couldn’t agree more. The fact that he wanted to touch her was driving him mad. The attraction he always had to
wards her was still there. He’d never been a touchy-feely sort of guy, but in the two weeks they spent together that’s all he did. Whether it was holding her hand, an arm around her shoulders or his hand at the small of her back, some part of him was always touching her. Now was no different, but he couldn’t, and it hurt more than it should.

“It’s okay.
It’s weird for me, too. I never thought I’d see you again.” As soon as the words left his lips, he knew it came out wrong.

Hurt immediately flashed in her eyes before she hid it.
“Well, we should probably get going.” She stood up and shoved everything back in the diaper bag she was carrying.

“Wait, I’m sorry.
I didn’t mean it how it sounded.” She wouldn’t look at him. Instead she scooped Joey up in her arms.

“It’s fine, really.
It’s almost his bed time, so we really need to get going.”

Dylan followed her to
the little sedan she drove. She tossed the bag in the front and went to the back passenger side door. Turning to face him, she held Joey out to him. “Can you give your daddy a kiss bye-bye?”

He scooped up his boy in his arms and took the hat off his head, kissing his thick, dark hair.
It melted his heart when Joey wrapped his arms around his neck and slobbered on his cheek. “Bye, little man. You be a good boy for your momma, okay?”

His boy was smart
. As soon as he heard the word momma, he turned to Journey, pointed, said “momma” and then clapped his hands.

“Why don’t you buckle him in?
Trust me, you’ll want to practice. They can be tricky to maneuver.”

She pulled the back door open for him and backed away while he carefully placed Joey in his seat.
He could tell Joey was tired by the way he started rubbing his eyes when Dylan put his arms through the straps. After that he was lost; he couldn’t figure it out. He could take apart and put back together any type of M16, but strapping his child into his car seat seemed to require a Ph.D. He heard the other door open and soon Journey was on the other side.

The light floral scent
she was wearing invaded his senses. His dick twitched in his pants and he felt like a big old asshole. She had had that effect on him two years ago and it seemed she still did. He gave her a sheepish look.

“It appears I’m not intelligent enough to figure this out.”

“Here, let me show you.”

Her hands brushed up against his
and he heard her quick intake of breath. He knew she felt the shock that passed through him, too. Watching her strap their boy in was hard to do because he was willing the erection that was starting to stop. When he heard the last click, he looked up at her. Their faces were so close together that he could see the light dusting of freckles across her nose and cheeks. If he leaned in just a couple of inches their lips would be touching.
Fuck it
, he thought, but, as soon as he started to lean in, Joey started crying.

Dylan could admit that as soon as his little boy started to cry he panicked.
He looked up at Journey, who reached out, rubbing Joey’s tears away from his cheeks.

“It’s okay
, angel. Momma’s gonna take you home and put you to bed, okay?” Her voice was soft and soothing. Her southern drawl was thick as she murmured to their boy. She was a wonderful mother. Granted, he only witnessed her with Joey today, but he could tell how much she loved that boy.

“I better get him home
,” Journey whispered when he noticed Joey nodding off.

“Yeah
, sure.” He leaned down and kissed Joey’s forehead, got out and shut the door as quietly as possible. Journey came around to the driver’s side door and looked up at him. Her uncertainty was evident all over her face. “I’ll meet you here at six on Friday.”

“That sounds good.
Um, well, it was good seeing you again.” She pulled her door open, but Dylan stopped her before she got in. He wasn’t sure why he did, but he couldn’t let her leave yet. She looked up at him. “What, Dylan?”

“Listen, Journey
, I’ve done nothing but fuck things up and say the wrong things since I saw you last. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry and I plan on making it up to you both.” He leaned down and brushed his lips against hers. He backed away, smiling, and looked down at his sleeping son in the backseat. “See you Friday.”

She was standing there staring at him with a
perplexed look on her face. He knew the feeling. He wasn’t sure why he kissed her, but he’d forgotten how soft her lips were. He was never one for kissing, until her. He loved how swollen they used to get when he’d spend hours kissing her.

“Bye, Journey.” That seemed to knock her out of the state she was in because she blinked, shook her head
, and climbed into her car. She lifted her hand in a small wave as she pulled away and drove out of the parking lot.

Watching her taillights fade
, he came to a decision. It may have been two years, but it was obvious the attraction was still there. He was going to woo her. He wanted to see if they still fit together as a couple. When they had spent those two weeks together they didn’t share much personal information with each other, but they did share a lot. She had been extremely intelligent and was an avid reader. They would sit around her apartment, his hotel room, or the beach, and she always had her e-reader with her. He remembered she loved classic literature, but also erotic romance too.

Dylan kissed Journey’s stomach as they lay sprawled out on the bed in his hotel room. She was wearing a silk bra and panty set that was the color of the ocean. Her blonde hair was spread across the pillow she was laying on. She was so fucking gorgeous, and she didn’t even realize it. In one hand she held her e-reader and the other was buried in his hair. He had just fucked her twenty minutes earlier, but with her, he was ready to go again. Her touch was light; every so often she would scrape her nails against his scalp and he had to try not to moan.

He knew she was reading one of her erotic romances because every so often she’d get flushed and bite her lip.
She always got lost in whatever story she was reading. Hell, he had a five minute conversation with her the other morning and she had totally missed it because she was reading. Normally something like that would’ve pissed him off, but for some reason with her it didn’t. It was kind of a turn-on how into her books she was. God, she was making him lose it. He decided to see if he could get her mind off her book. His lips touched right below her belly button. His tongue swiped at her skin and then he kissed and licked his way up and up.

She was aware of what he was doing. Her chest was rising and falling
quicker than before. Her grip tightened in his hair. He sucked a nipple into his mouth right over the silk of her bra. A whimper escaped her lips and when he looked up her eyes were closed, lips parted and her e-reader was missing from her hand. He laughed to himself; that didn’t take nearly as long as he thought it would.

His mind came back to the present. Dylan knew it was going to take time, but he was a patient man. He was just going to have to prove to her that she could trust him. Now he needed to go to Zach and let him know his intentions. He didn’t want to hurt his friend, but he needed to know that Dylan had every intention of spending lots of time with Journey and Joey, getting to know both of them. Just the thought of Journey and Zach “together” made him want to punch something. Did he have the right to feel that way? No, but he still did.

Chapter Six

Friday afternoon after school let out, Journey went in search of Zach. She’d hardly seen him all week and they briefly talked on the phone and texted one another. She figured he was pulling away after the drama at his friend’s wedding, even though he told her he wanted to keep seeing each other. If he was blowing her off then he at least needed to be man enough to tell her to her face. She already had one man disappear on her instead of being honest and breaking things off. Journey was not going to let Zach take the easy way out.

When she made it to the floor his classes were on
, she turned down the hall to find him closing the door to his classroom with his messenger bag across his body. She was nervous, but she needed to hear him say the words that she knew were coming. She obviously caught him by surprise when his body jerked when he saw her.

“Journey, hey.
How are you?” His eyes were searching her face. For what, she wasn’t sure.

“Hey, can we talk?” He nodded his head at her a
s they walked out to the parking lot together in an uncomfortable silence. Once they reached her car she turned to him. “What’s up?”

“What do you mean, Journey?”

“I mean, what’s the deal? After Saturday you told me you still wanted this—” she motioned between the two of them “—but now you don’t call me, and you haven’t come over at all. If all of the drama in my life is too much for you right now, then please just tell me so I’m not wondering what the hell I did wrong.”

“Dylan came to see me the other night.” Her whole body went tight.

“What do you mean he came to see you?”

“It was the night he met Joey. I just have to tell you that I know he was a dick
Saturday night, but he loves that boy so much already. Journey, he asked me to step aside so you guys could figure out what you were going to do.”

She was going to freaking kill Dylan the next time she saw him. How dare he interfere in her
life? Her relationship with Zach was none of his business. She wasn’t going to get in the middle of Dylan’s relationship, even though the jerk kissed her. So why was he butting into hers?

“Well, that wasn’t really his call.
Is that why you’ve backed off?”

“Journey, I think right now you need to see where things go with Dylan.
I know this may not be what you want right now, but you used to feel something for him and I don’t want to get in the way just in case there’s a chance that the three of you could be a family.”

Journey couldn’t help it as silent tears slid down her cheeks. She cared about Zach a lot
, but Dylan would always be there between them. He was Joey’s father and would hopefully be a constant in his life. It really wasn’t fair to put Zach in the middle of it. Maybe if they’d been dating longer, but now they were still new…ish. It still hurt.

“I understand, but trust me
: nothing is going to happen between Dylan and I. He’s got a girlfriend and he’s made it clear that what we had meant nothing to him. He never thought he’d see me again.” She took a deep breath and wiped the tears from her eyes. “Take care of yourself.”

He stopped her from getting in her car
. “Hey, it’s not like we aren’t going to see each other. I really want us to stay friends.” He kissed her forehead. “I still would like to come see you and the kids.”

“I’d like that
; the kids would, too. See you around, Zach.” She got in her car, but he stopped her again.

“
I don’t know why he left you like he did before, but maybe there’s a good reason. Oh, and she’s not his girlfriend.”

Why did Zach think that mattered?
Sure, they’d work together to raise Joey the best they could, but that’s all it would ever be. She wasn’t going to let that man into her heart again, because if loving him in only two short weeks could practically destroy her, then now would be so much worse.

After she picked up the kids she drove them through Abby’s favorite restaurant for dinner.
Was it the healthiest choice? No, but she had no desire to make dinner. She was still in a funk when they had gotten back to the house, but listening to Abby and Joey’s happy chatter in the back made her smile. She was taking both kids to the park when she took Joey to see his dad. She figured it was as good as time as any for Dylan to know about Abby. The only reason she didn’t bring her the other night was because it was Dylan’s first time meeting Joey, and it needed to be just the two of them.

Getting home and the kids settled in the dining room
, she slipped off her heels and grabbed an apple off the counter. “Abby, honey, I’m going to go change. Keep an eye on Joey. I’ll be right back.”

“Okay
, Aunt JoJo.”

Journey had laid her clothes out earlier
, so as she headed down the hall, she unzipped her skirt. She changed quickly into a pair of cut-off jean shorts and the t-shirt that Abby and Joey had given her for Mother’s Day (of course Nan was really behind that). She went into the bathroom chuckling at herself in the mirror. Her shirt was baby blue and said in big colorful letters, “My kids’ rock.” There was even an actual picture of a rock, but it had a photo of them on it. She brushed her hair up into a high ponytail and made quick work of washing the makeup off of her face.

With her tennis shoes in hand
, she went back out to the kids. Abby was feeding Joey her apple slices. That little boy was going to eat her out of house and home in no time.

“Did you finish your nuggets, sweetheart?”
she asked as she sat at the table to put her shoes on.

“Yep
, I ate them all! Are we going to the park?” Journey was going to explain to her why they were going and hoped that she wouldn’t get fifty questions.

“Yes we are
, darlin’. You’re going to get to meet Joey’s daddy.” She pulled Joey out of his highchair and wiped off his face and hands.

“We are?
Is he gonna live with us?”

“No, honey
, he’s not going to live with us. Joey is going to start spending time with him, so sometimes it’ll be just you and me. Isn’t that great that we found Joey’s daddy?”

“But what if Joey misses me
? His daddy won’t know I sing him songs when he’s sad.” Abby’s face was scrunched up with worry. “Was Joey’s daddy lost like my daddy?”

Journey felt the familiar ache in her chest thinking about her brother, Cash.
She hadn’t heard from him since right after Abby came to live with her. Who does that? Dylan at least had an excuse for his long absence from his boy’s life. Cash fucked up and lost custody of his child and didn’t seem to care about Abby at all.

“Yes
, sweetheart. We were together, but he had to leave me and we didn’t get to say goodbye, so I had no way of finding him when Joey came along. Remember what I told you about your daddy: He and your mommy did something very bad and they needed me to take care of you, but they love you very much.”

She wanted to cry when she would
remember what Abby was like when she first got her. For one, Abby had never met Journey, so she was a complete stranger to her and it was obvious they didn’t take very good care of her. She was, and still is, tiny for her age. She had nightmares and cried a lot in her sleep at first, but somehow they managed to get past that. Abby was thriving now. As much as she loved Cash, he could stay away from them as far as she was concerned.

They reached the park ten minutes before Dylan was supposed to show up.
He texted her earlier in the day saying that he would be there at six or a few minutes after. She wanted to confront him about talking to Zach, but she wasn’t going to do it in front of the kids. After they went to bed tonight, however, she was going to call him and ask him what the hell he was doing.

She walked the kids over to a spot by the picnic tables.
Handing Abby a bottle of bubbles, she sat down watching as Abby blew them and Joey tried to pop them. He was getting so big already. He could run and jump, which he did all of the time. He chased Abby, squealing and clapping his hands. He couldn’t say Abby, but he did call her “Abba.” Nan thought it was hilarious and took to calling Abby “Dancing Queen.”

“Be careful with him
,” Journey warned Abby, who could get a little rough when they played.

“Hi there.” Journey lo
oked up to see a man with blond hair walking towards her. He was dressed in khaki shorts and a dressy t-shirt. He was good looking enough, but she wasn’t interested. Her life was too crazy and even Zach, the sweetest guy she knew, didn’t stick around.

“Um
, hey.” She stood up, still keeping an eye on her kids.

“Are they yours?” He was looking at Abby and
Joey smiling. It wasn’t creepy, but still, he didn’t know her or them.

“Yeah, they are.” She took a deep breath and turned to him. “I don’t mean to be rude, but is there something you needed?”

Abby brought Joey over and Journey scooped him up in her arms. Where the hell was Dylan? It was past six by now and he still wasn’t there.

The guy had the decency to look embarrassed. “I
, well…I’ve seen you here before and, well—you’re beautiful, and I just was wondering if you were single. Because if you are I was hoping to get your number. My name’s Greg, by the way.”

Well
, that was a first, and really sweet, but it was not gonna happen. She wasn’t in the right place to be dating anyone. Zach proved that, and until she and Dylan worked out visitation of Joey, she needed to stay focused on that.

“Well, thank you
, Greg, but I’m not really looking for a relationship of any kind right now and I don’t have a lot of free time. It was sweet of you to come over, though.” She figured that was letting him down gently enough.

“Okay, well
, it was nice meeting you…”

“My name’s Journey.
Nice meeting you too, Greg.” She watched him turn and walk back over to two little girls that were swinging on the swing set.

“Who was that
, Aunt JoJo?” Abby asked as she continued to blow bubbles.

“
It was just a guy, sweetie.”

She put Joey down and the kids started running a
round again. Looking at her phone, it was already ten after six, and Dylan still wasn’t there. He could’ve at least called or texted her to tell her he wasn’t coming or was going to be later than he said. She’d wait ten more minutes, then they would leave. If this was going to be a common occurrence, they were going to have problems. She wasn’t going to sit around and wait for him to decide if and when he’d show up. Maybe she was overreacting because he was new to all of this, but it wasn’t fair to her to have to put things on hold for him.

Joey screeched as he chased Abby
, trying to get the bubbles. Even though she was in a piss-poor mood, the kids still brought a smile to her face. They loved each other so much. Sure they fought and sometimes drove each other crazy, but they were close. Joey may have been a toddler, but he was Abby’s shadow. It was the type of relationship she had with her big brother until drugs took over his life.

Cash Cummings was four years older than Journey.
When he started using he was 16. It was pills first, then meth, and finally heroin. He was musically gifted like their dad, but for some reason he couldn’t take the pressure their dad put on him, and so he started using to deal with it all. Journey remembered when she was younger how at least once a year her parents sent him to rehab. He’d do well for a while and then start using again. When she’d gotten the call about Abby, she hadn’t heard from her brother for about a year, and even when they buried their parents, he didn’t talk to her or even tell her she was an aunt.

She shook her head to erase the sad memories from her mind.
Glancing down at her phone she saw that it was almost six-thirty and she had still heard nothing from Dylan. Looking at Joey, a sense of sadness washed over her and a healthy dose of anger. Is this the way it was going to be? Dylan flitting in and out of Joey’s life whenever he wanted? Well to hell with that.

“Come on
, kids, you want to go get some ice cream?” She scooped up Joey in her arms kissing his cheek.

“Ice cream?
Yay!” Abby shouted and pumped her little fist in the air. They walked towards the car. “Aunt JoJo, where’s Joey’s daddy? I thought he was coming to see us.”

“I thought he was to
o, sweetheart. Let’s go.” Abby climbed in and buckled herself in as Journey strapped Joey into his car-seat.

“Mama, mama, mama!” he
squealed at her while Journey tickled his tummy when she was done strapping him in. She kissed him quick and then closed the door

Journey started her car.
As she pulled out of the parking lot, she wanted to cry. She’d been so desperate over the last two years trying to find Dylan for Joey, but now that she had, she had doubts that he wanted to be in Joey’s life, which didn’t make sense since he asked Zach to back down. Oh well. She’d been doing this alone for two years; she could do it forever if she needed to.