Being Invisible (18 page)

The sun creeps into my room,
waking me up from a dream- filled sleep. I glance at the time.

6:30am
.

Damn it. It’s Saturday
.
Why am I up
?

I throw the pillow over my head,
hoping to trick my brain into going back to sleep.

 
No
such luck.

I take the time to relax in bed.
Annie has started staying at her place again, and Liz is out of town with Drew.
I’m going to have the house all to myself this weekend.

I made myself a list of fun things
to do over the next couple days, and I’m kind of stoked about it. I’m thinking
about checking off number one now: make blueberry pancakes from scratch. Then
again, I could stay in bed and pick up pancakes later.

I have been thinking about calling
Colin today. It’s been awhile since I saw him, and I’d like to see how he’s
doing. Liz told me that he’s been working day and night. I miss him, and I
still worry about him.

I let my mind wander for about a
half an hour, but finally decide to get up go for an early morning run.

As I pass by the shops near my
neighborhood, I am reminded of Colin. I smile thinking about all the mornings
we ran and all the times he bought me coffee afterwards.

 
The song ‘All I Want Is You’ starts to
play on my mp3 player, and I purposely run by places that remind me of him. The
three different coffee shops, all within a block of each other, where we went
to find the best coffee when we first moved here. The little shop where we
tried to find a lamp for my place that we both liked since one day we would
both use it. The bookstore where he always tried to convince me to leave by
kissing me on the neck and whispering what he would do when we got back. Eventually
he would give up and promise me cookies if we could go.
 

By the time I made it back home, I
was out of breath. I liked our memories, and I didn’t want them to end. I ran
five miles, listening to our music and seeking out our places.

I collapse into the family room
chair, ready to go back to bed. Instead I decide I better take a shower. As I
head past the phone, I see that I have a missed call. I check my voicemail
while gathering clean clothes and linen. I stop when I hear Colin’s voice.

“Hey, Lucy it’s me.”
Why does he sound so bad?
 
“As you can probably tell, I’m sick. I
can’t really go to the doctor. Drew’s gone too, and there’s really no one else
I can tell. Anyway, I was just wondering if you could bring me some pain
reliever. My throat is killing me. Don’t worry about it if you’re busy. I’ll be
fine. Hope you’re doing well. Bye.”

Before his message is even over, I
am making a list. His favorite soup, tomato from The Corner Lunch, Ginger ale
with a straw, bottles of Advil and Tylenol, and my special super soft blanket because
all of his suck.

After picking up food, I get to
his apartment in less than an hour. He may never be mine again, but there will
never be a time that I won’t be there when he needs me.

I knock on the door, and a full
minute passes before he answers. He looks as bad as he sounds. His hair is even
more disheveled than usual, and it seems less…washed. His usually clean-cut
face is unshaven, and his eyes are hooded. He smiles when he sees me.

“Lucy, Hey. It’s so great to see
you. Come on in.”

“No offense, Colin, but you look
like shit.”

Colin looks like I hurt his
feelings, which I don’t buy at all. “But I fixed myself up for you, Luce.”

“I can tell. That lumberjack
stranded in the wilderness look is really catching on. Must have taken you a
long time to get just right.”

Colin laughs, which causes him to
start a coughing fit.

“Okay. That’s it for you. Go lie
down on the couch. I’ll bring you some soup.”

“Is that what smells so good?” He
tries to look in my bag, but I pull it away.

“Couch. Now.”

“Fine.” He heads to the family
room, then kinda falls onto the couch.

I bring out some Advil and ginger
ale before returning to the kitchen to bring him his soup. I crunch up some
crackers in it because I know he likes it that way, but I make them extra small
so that it doesn’t hurt when he swallows. Finally, I add a little pepper and
bring it to him on a tray.

“Be careful. It’s still pretty
hot.”

“Have I ever told you that you are
the most awesome person I have ever met?” He says it with his mouth full of
soup, since he ignored my warning about how hot it is.

“Hmm… Not that I can remember. Why
don’t you tell me all about it,
after
you recover from your little bout of death. That way you might actually be able
to speak.”

“Deal.” He finishes his soup in
record time, takes a large drink of his ginger ale, and collapses back on the
couch.

“Why don’t you go to bed? If you
are a good boy, you can have a popsicle when you wake up.”

“The root beer kind?”

“The root beer
float
kind.” Colin’s wide smile is
infectious, and I can’t help but laugh.

“Can you come lie down with me,
just for a minute? I think I will sleep better if you’re with me.”

I sigh and shake my head. “Fine.
Just for a minute. And only because you are sick. And you are pathetic when you
are sick.”

“Yes I am. Now come with me.”

“I follow him back to his room,
and start to pull the covers over him, when I remember my blanket. “Hold on a
sec. I’ll be right back.”

I run out and grab the blanket and
bring it in. I put it over him, and curl up beside him in the bed.

“You brought the green blanket? I
love the green blanket.”

“I know.”

I let him put his arm around me
and pull me close. As he starts to drift off to sleep I can see him becoming
invisible.

 
“Is it easier now to control when you’re
sick, or is it still bad?” I notice that this is the first time he has
disappeared, so he must be able to control it some.

“Better since you’re here.” He’s
kind of mumbling his words now. “You...make me better.” That’s the last thing
he says before he’s sound asleep, his arms around me, holding me close.

When I wake up, it takes me a
minute to figure out where I am. I lean back on the pillow and close my eyes,
wanting to have a little more time with Colin.

“Hey, you going back to sleep on
me?” I turn my head to see Colin propped up on one arm, leaning over me.

“What time is it?” I ask, pulling
myself up to look around.

“Four thirty.”

“Four thirty? I’ve been sleeping
for over two and half hours.”

“Me too. I woke up about five
minutes before you. You looked so peaceful. I didn’t want to wake you.”

“I actually slept really well.” I
don’t mean to say it out loud, but I don’t really mind that I did.

“Me too. That’s the first time I
slept for more than an hour at a time since I got sick two nights ago.”

“Colin, why didn’t you call me
sooner? I would have come.”

“I know. I just didn’t want you to
feel like I was trying to get you back.”

Even though I don’t want it to, my
heart drops a little. I guess it shouldn’t be a surprise to hear him say it. I
should have known by the way he wasn’t, you know, doing anything to try to get
me back. But I guess I was hoping he was giving me space while he was working
on getting the world off his back.

“It’s okay. You can ask me for
help anytime and I promise I won’t think it’s some kind of move.”

I get up to try to avoid him
noticing that his words stung me so much. “You feeling any better?” I ask,
while pretending to fix my hair, which at the moment I really couldn’t care
less about.

“Yeah. A little. I was invisible
when I woke up, but I came back after a few minutes. I think I might have it
under control as long as I don’t doze off.”

“That’s good. I think you can have
some Tylenol now. I’ll go get it for you.”

“I’ll just come out with you.” He
gets up slowly, throws the green blanket around his shoulders, and heads to the
couch.

I bring him his medicine with more
ginger ale to wash it down. After taking a long drink, he leans back on the
pillows.

“So are you going to bust out
those popsicles, or am I going to have to beg?”

“Oh, popsicles. Right. I almost
forgot. Please no begging. It’s not a great look on you. I will get you a
popsicle.”

I head to the kitchen and stop in
front of his fridge.

Why does it still have to be so hard? When will breaking up feel okay?

I take a moment to collect myself.
Then I grab two popsicles and take them into the living room. I hand one to
Colin before opening my own.

I start to sit on the other end of
the couch, but he grabs my arm and pulls me down in front of him.

“What’s going on, Luce? Ever since
we woke up you’ve been acting weird. Are you upset that you fell asleep with
me?”

“No. Not at all. It was...nice
taking a nap with you.”

“Then what is it?”

“It’s nothing. Really. I’m fine.”

“Are you forgetting who you are
talking to, Luce? I know you. And I know when something’s wrong. So spill.”

I try to look down, but Colin
gently tips my chin so that I am looking in his eyes. Seeing him like this, so
sick but still so concerned about me, me makes me melt.

I don’t make a sound, but the
tears are a dead giveaway that I’m not as together as I would like him to
believe.

Colin pulls me onto his lap, and
puts his arms around me, which of course just makes me cry more.

“Tell me what this is about.
You’re scaring me.”
I let him hold me for a few more seconds, then when I feel like I can hold it
together, I pull away enough that he can see me.

“I’m sorry. It’s ridiculous. I
know we broke up a while ago,
 
but
it’s the first time I have heard you talk about how we’re completely over. And
it was just hard to hear.”

Colin squints his eyes and furrows
his brows, looking up and off to the side like he’s deep in thought. “When did
I say that?” He seems lost.

I start to talk, but I’m
temporarily distracted when Colin, who has already finished his popsicle, grabs
mine and licks it.

“Sorry. It was going to drip onto
my couch.”

“Here take it.” I hand it to him,
trying to keep all Colin germs away from me.

“Go on.” Colin says before taking
a bite.

“You didn’t want to call me
because you don’t want me to think that you want to get back together.”

Colin puts the popsicle in his
mouth for a few seconds before answering. “What?”

“What do you mean,‘what?’ I asked
why you didn’t tell me sooner that you are sick, and you said because you
didn’t want me to think you wanted to get back together.”

“That’s not what I said.”

“Uh, yeah it is.”

“No it’s not. I think what I said
was, ‘I didn’t want you to think I was trying to get you back.”

“What’s the difference?”

“I didn’t want you to think that
me calling
was a ploy to get you back.
That doesn’t mean I don’t want you back. It means I wasn’t trying in that
particular situation.”

“Hm. That does seem different.”

Colin rolls his eyes. “You think?”

I think about it a second before
responding. “Yeah. That’s different.”

“I know it’s different, I’m the
one who said it.”

“I know I’m being ridiculous. It’s
not like we are getting back together or anything. I guess it just always makes
me feel better to know that there is a possibility
someday.
”

Colin sits up a little straighter,
and sits me so that I am facing him, my legs around his waist. “Lucy, I am
never going to give up trying to get you back. As long as there’s still a
chance, I am going to be fighting for us. Never think for a second that I’m
not.”

“But you work all the time. Liz
tells me. It’s always the same. Job, Hero, sleep. Job, hero, sleep. There is
literally no time for me in your life. How is that trying to get me back?”

“The DEA wants to hire me. I’m
leaving NionCorp. My last day is next Tuesday. Once I start working with the
DEA, I promised them forty hours of superhero time a week. No more.”

“What? Colin this is huge. Why
didn’t you tell me this?” I am on the verge of being excited, but something
tells me there’s a big ‘but’ coming up.

By Colin’s hesitance to answer me,
I can tell there’s more, and that it’s not good.