Bella (2 page)

   Later
that evening father shouted for us to go to his office. Slowly walking down
stairs, we knew we were about to hear some bad news. He never did that unless
there was something wrong.
Lizzie as usual,
stood there looking bored and didn
’
t look the slightest bit bothered or interested. Simon
looked as worried as I did.
Father was sitting in
his usual chair; the frown on his face and the lines etched across his forehead
made it evident that something was very wrong. Mother was sitting staring out
the window, her face was pale and she looked terribly upset. Father coughed a
nervous cough as he cleared his throat ready to speak. He stood up, walked over
to mum and placed his hand tenderly on her shoulder. Simon looked my way.
Father inhaled deeply before he said.

  
“
Your mother hasn
’
t been feeling well for quite some time, so we
went to see Dr Preston who sent her for an x-ray. We have to wait for the
results, but he thinks she may have lung cancer.
”
 

Mum had
her head in her hands and couldn`t bring herself to look at us.
This can`t
be happening
I thought, all I could think about was how life would be
without her. Simon butted in.

  
“
We shouldn
’
t jump to conclusions until we have the results.
”

Lizzie
stood by the door playing with her hair and biting her lower lip; it was the
first time I had seen her look so worried.

   I
looked at dad and wondered how he would cope if anything were to happen to
mother. He put his head in his hands and pushed his fingers through his unkempt
hair. Simon looked at Lizzie as we left the room in silence.
What else could
we do?
I had never been good in a situation like this. I never knew what to
say.

   I ran
back upstairs, tears streaming down my face.
Why
mother?
I threw
myself on my bed and sobbed until I had no more tears left.

A short
time later there was a gentle knock at my bedroom door, father walked in. He
stood by my window and watched the children playing outside. Still with his
back to me, he sighed and said.

  
“
Sometimes Bella, when you were small and you
were outside in the garden, Lizzie and Simon would be running around with all
the other children, screaming and shouting, but not you Bella, you would sit in
the sand pit deep in thought. You were never aware that I was watching you.
”
He paused for a few moments before continuing.

  
“
When you were born, I took you into my arms and
looked at your tiny face; you had the biggest blue eyes I`d ever seen and I
felt this overwhelming love for you. I love all of you kids the same, but I saw
you come into the world which makes me feel closer to you somewhat.  Your mum
didn
’
t have time to go to
the hospital, everything happened too quickly, so you were born at home. I
remember we were putting up the Christmas tree when your mother
’
s waters broke.  I phoned for an ambulance, but
it was too late and she needed to push. The paramedics had to tell me what to
do over the phone, I was so nervous, and then when I saw your little face for
the first time I felt so proud and overwhelmed with joy.
”
He finished speaking and came over to sit on
the bed next to me.

He
’
d never told me this story before; I didn
’
t know he was there for my birth. I knew he wasn
’
t there for Simon and Lizzie
’
s birth.

I could
see the pain in his face as he ruffled my hair. I gave him a hug as he cried on
my shoulder.

   
“
If anything happens to your mother, I don
’
t know how I
’
ll cope without her, I love her so much. I know
I don
’
t show her the love
like I should Bella, but she is my life, along with you kids.
”

I looked
at father and smiled.

  
“
No matter what, we will get through this.
”
I said with a heavy heart.

   After
talking to him I felt a bit better and decided to walk down to the beach,
everyone seemed happy, couples walking along the shore holding hands; children
making sandcastles and laughter echoing in the lazy afternoon sunshine.

Today
had been hot and clammy; a storm was heading our way, the blue sky had turned
black and I could hear a rumble of thunder in the distance. I felt the first
drop of rain on my face and thought it was time to head home. We only lived ten
minutes away from the beach; in a town called Lighthouse Cove. Running along the
cliff, a flash of lightening lit up the sky and illuminated the whole town. The
thunder roared like an angry lion. I could feel the cool rain lashing down on
me, soaking me through to the skin. It felt cool and welcoming and by the time
I reached home I was drenched.

  Father
’
s Audi was parked in the driveway. I entered the
house, mother was in the kitchen baking and she looked really tired. Lizzie was
out as usual with Ben, and Simon was in his room playing my favourite piece of
music on his guitar. I stood in the doorway listening with tears stinging my
eyes. He took one look at me, stopped playing his guitar, walked over to me and
took me in his arms.  

  
“
Don`t cry my sweet Bella, everything will be ok,
I promise.
”
He said, gently
stroking my hair.

Every
time Simon took me in his arms, I felt safe and protected. He and I were so
very close, he knew me so well. We stayed like that for a good five minutes
before I went to my room.

   The
storm became angry, hailstones started banging loudly on my window, and then
suddenly the lightning struck, cutting off the power supply.

My eyes
felt extremely heavy and swollen from all the crying, so I lay on my bed and
listened to the storm as I drifted off to sleep.

   I
woke up with a jump. I looked out the window; an ambulance was outside; its
blue lights were flashing. Then someone knocked frantically on my bedroom door.
When I opened it, Simon
’
s face was ashen. He
told me that mother had collapsed. I only had my bra and panties on, I felt a
little embarrassed, as he looked me up and down. I quickly got dressed and
headed downstairs.

  
Father impatiently told us to get into the car, and we followed the ambulance.
The hospital was usually a fifteen-minute drive from Lighthouse Cove, but
because of the storm it took a bit longer. The hospital was huge; doctors and
nurses were rushing around everywhere, and mother was whisked straight off to
the I C U.

We
waited for what seemed hours before the doctor came to speak to father, we knew
by the expression on his face that the news was very serious.

   The
doctor took him to a private room, and we waited anxiously for news. When they
finally came back father looked extremely worried and the doctor
’
s face was full of sympathy. He shook the doctor
’
s hand, and walked over to
us.
He looked at us with tears in his eyes, put his hands in his pockets and said.

  
“
Your mother is dying
……
.
”
He sighed.
“
She does have lung cancer like we thought and it has spread
too far, there
isn
’
t anything they can do. If she had seen a doctor a few
months back, they
might
have been able to save her life. Your mother has
been coughing blood up for quite some time, but you know how stubborn she can
be.
”
Tears were rolling
down his cheeks. I
’
d never seen him look
so miserable.

The news
was too much for me to take, all I could think was
no
……
. not mother
……
. please god no!

I ran
outside the hospital, not caring where I was heading. The rain was still coming
down heavily, but I didn
’
t care. I just kept
on running until I couldn
’
t run anymore.

   I sat
on the cliff looking out to sea, the lighthouse was flashing brightly in the
distance. I must have been the only person out at this late hour in such
terrible weather. I felt cold and started shivering; my eyes were heavy with
tiredness. I put my coat on the wet grass and lay down, not caring if I got
pneumonia or not. I was exhausted; I closed my eyes and fell asleep. 

   
“
Here you are you silly girl.
Bella, Bella,
wake up
!
”
I opened my eyes and
Simon was leaning over me.

  
“
You shouldn
’
t have run off like that. I
’
ve been looking everywhere for you, I was so
worried.
”
He put his coat
around my shoulders, swept me up into his arms, and carried me back to the
hospital. It felt good being in his arms. I felt safe even if it was only for a
short time.

  
Lizzie was pretty calm and seemed to have taken the news quite well, but maybe
that was just her way of coping.

   Over
the next few days, the house was eerily quiet. Mother
’
s wishes were to be home with her family when
she died, so father brought her home and we tried to make her as comfortable as
possible.

   The
doctor kept her heavily sedated most of the time; otherwise she would have been
in too much pain. Father never left her side, not even to eat. Simon and I took
over the cleaning and Lizzie took over the cooking. Luckily it was the summer
holidays, so we didn
’
t have school for six
weeks. Father had taken some time off work to be with mum.

Every
evening Simon would sit by mother
’
s side and play `
The Deer Hunter
` on his guitar,
which was her favourite piece of music. Ben took Lizzie to the local youth club
to play pool or darts with some friends. She didn
’
t seem to want to stay home; it was too hard for
her.

   One
week later, I could hear whispering as I passed by father
’
s office.  His door was closed, but I could hear
him talking on the phone. I put my ear closer to the door and listened closely,
trying not to make a sound. I wasn
’
t sure if I had heard right, but I could have sworn I heard
my father say,
“
I love you too
darling
.
”
In a soft tone

Was
my father having an affair? No! of course not
.
I must
have heard wrong. There must be another
explanation
. I thought to myself.

   The
next day mother took a turn for the worst. The doctor told us she would be
lucky if she made it to the end of the week.

We tried
to make her as comfortable as possible; she was mostly in and out of
consciousness. I sat by her bedside and held her hand; she opened her eyes
briefly and looked at me with tears in her eyes.

  
“
There
’
s something you should know Bella.
”
She tried to say in a weak voice. However, when
she tried to continue she was too breathless and couldn
’
t get her words out
properly. I
called for father. He came rushing in, took one look at her and called the
doctor. He told us it could be anytime now.

  
Father called our local priest to come and give mother her last rights.

   Two
hours later she passed away peacefully in her sleep with her family by her
side; she was finally at rest and wasn
’
t in pain anymore. I couldn
’
t believe that she wouldn
’
t be there for me anymore. Father was
devastated, I couldn
’
t accept that I
’
d thought he might have been cheating on mother
and convinced myself that I must have heard wrong.

   The
funeral went as well as could be expected, the day was warm and sunny, not a
cloud in the sky. We laid her to rest next to my grandparents, who died not
long before I was born.

   The
house felt very strange without her. I missed hearing her sing in the kitchen
while she was cooking, sometimes I
’
d forget she
’
d died and would run into the kitchen to tell her
something; then realise she had gone and was never coming back.