Beneath His Darkness (Healing Hearts #3) (20 page)

After the song ends, I step back and let her have time with the others on the floor.  This party should be about her making new friends.  I want that for her.  I head for the table where I had discarded my beer and see Eddie standing there.

What did I do now?

I expect to get another lecture about how awful I am and how I need to keep my distance from Cammie.  Instead, he gives me a nod.  I don’t know what the fuck to do with that.  We have an unspoken moment where we agree that tonight is for her and we’re not going to fight.  He walks one way and I walk the other.

I spend the next couple of hours talking with co-workers.  Every so often, I check in to see Cammie talking, laughing, and even doing her version of dancing.  No matter when I look at her, she always has a smile on her face.  I’m glad for it, but it pains me, too.  I know when she realizes what kind of man I truly am, she won’t be smiling like that.  The thought of hurting her makes me feel physically ill.

“Have you seen Cammie?”

“Huh?  Uh, no,” I say, looking at Eddie confused.  I hadn’t searched her out for about twenty minutes and the last I had seen, she was dancing.  Now, as I check the room around me, she isn’t anywhere to be seen.

“Chip said she headed toward the ladies room looking upset, but that was ten minutes ago.  I sent Laney in and she’s not there.”

Instant anxiety rises.  Who could have upset her?  Eddie is worried, too.  I can see it in the way he’s grinding his teeth and constantly scanning the room.

“I’ll help you search for her.”

He nods and walks away.  That’s when I notice Tucker asking people if they’ve seen her.  Dammit!  Getting everyone panicked is not the way to go.  Wherever she is, she won’t want people fussing over her.  I know he’s just getting to know her, but that’s Cammie 101.

I can see he and Eddie have this room covered and it’s obvious she isn’t in here, so I head outside.  I dial her number as quick as my fingers can.  When I hear
Treasure
start playing close by, I follow the sound.

Around the corner of the building, Cammie is standing with her back against the brick, staring at her phone.  Her finger is hovering over the answer button and tears are coming down her cheeks.  Anger erupts from deep inside me and I feel the need to pummel whoever hurt her into dust.  They don’t deserve to breathe the same air as her.

But I have to lock that rage up.  She needs comfort.

I walk a few steps closer.  “You don’t need to answer that.  I’m right here.”  I disconnect from my end and put my cell in my pocket.

She doesn’t look up at me or stop staring at her phone.

“I would have answered it.  Just for you, Grant.”

“I know, buttercup.  Wanna tell me why you’re out here crying when there’s a whole bunch of people in there celebrating your birthday?”

She shrugs.  “You know what they say, it’s my party and I’ll cry if I—”

“Oh no,” I cut her off.  “You and I are not going to be those kind of besties.  No more lame jokes made from song titles.  What’s going on, Cammie?”

She sniffles and I can’t take the distance any longer.  I walk the couple of steps separating us and pull her into my arms.  I don’t care that her tears seep into my shirt or that her mascara may stain it.  Whatever is going on in her heart is much more important.

“You’ll think I’m stupid,” she sobs out.

“I highly doubt that.  I’m a guy.  Most of the time, I think with my small brain, so how smart can I really be?”

“How do you know just what I need to hear?” she asks, peeking up at me.

It’s my turn to shrug because, really, I’m normally the last guy to say the right thing.  I keep my arms around her and stay quiet, not sure I could find more words now if I tried.

“I got homesick.”

Come again…did she say she got homesick?

“I told you it was stupid.”

“I didn’t say—”

“You didn’t have to.  I felt your body tense.  You never talk about your family, Grant, and I don’t know why, but you know I’m close to my parents.  This is the longest I’ve ever been away from home and it’s the first time I’ve celebrated my birthday without them.  I was dancing in there, laughing and having a good time, and it dawned on me that they aren’t here.”

She gets quiet and I hug her tighter to me.  I can’t understand her pain because I don’t have anyone to feel this kind of pain over.  Her fingers brush across my chest and I struggle to remain calm as my body ignites from her touch.  This is completely the wrong time to react to her.

“Is there anything I can do to make this better for you?”

Her blue eyes peer up at me again and a small smile graces her lips.  “You’ve done everything just right already.”

She lays her cheek against my chest instead of burying her face this time, and I feel the tension start to leave her body.  I place a kiss on the top of her head.  I’m not sure where the gesture comes from, but it feels right.

“It will get better, buttercup.  I promise, and I’ll be here for you anytime you need me.”

I try to stop the words because I don’t believe in making promises I can’t keep, but I’ll do anything to dry her tears.

She grunts out a “thank you” and loosens her hold on me.  She may be coming out of her funk, but I know she still misses her folks.  It’s this moment, with her crying in my arms, I realize I need to do something special for her.

And I know just what I’m going to do.

Here’s to hoping I can go through with it when the time comes.  I’m not so great at letting people see into my past.

Chapter Twenty

Cammie

It’s been two weeks since my party, but what a two weeks it’s been.  I’ve spent a lot of time getting to know Tucker and now he’s like the big brother I never had.  We push each other around and joke like siblings should.  He looks out for me, too.  Especially when it comes to Grant.  In true little sister fashion, I fight him every step of the way.

Grant…well, he has stolen my heart.

I knew he was special the first night I saw him, but it really dawned on me the night of my party.  It wasn’t just how gentle he was when he found me crying.  It was like a sledge hammer to the gut, pounding me so hard I lost my breath…lost all sense of thought for a minute or two.  His arms around me, was all I could think of.  When he lay his lips on my head, I almost moaned.  I’m not sure if it was from him actually kissing me or because I wanted them on my lips.

I just knew my heart belonged to him and it felt right.

The last couple of weeks, I’ve hung out with him, too, but he’s been…off, somehow.  I can’t really explain it.  He has the same smile he always reserves for me.  I know it’s my smile because I watch him when he doesn’t realize it and he’s different with other people.  He’s almost fake with them.  He holds back his emotions, but he doesn’t do that with me.  He doesn’t really laugh with others.  His eyes don’t light up.  They look devoid of emotion even though his lips lift at the corners and laughter falls from them.

It makes my heart hurt for him.

I want to hug him every time I see him fail to connect with people.  I wish I knew who hurt him because I know someone did.  Someone hurt him so bad, he’s made it his life’s mission to shut himself off from everybody to avoid the pain people can inflict. 

I don’t know how I broke through his walls, but I feel honored that he chose me.  Well, I guess his heart chose me.  Isn’t it our hearts that truly make the decisions we’re afraid to make for ourselves?

We don’t give our hearts enough credit for how tough they are.  That’s why when they break, the devastation is so overwhelming, it feels like we’ll never be whole again.  And maybe we never completely are.  Who knows how the most important part of our being reconstructs after complete and utter ruin? 

What I do know is Grant allowed me into the most crucial part of his life and I’m going to hold onto it for dear life.

I wonder whether Grant will be back to normal tonight.  He hasn’t been mean to me in any way.  He just hasn’t been…I don’t know.  Maybe, it’s because he’s made excuses not to be alone with me since my party.  He hasn’t been to my place and I haven’t been to his.  We haven’t had any movie nights and I miss them.

I am going to his place tonight so I guess I shouldn’t worry, but he seemed nervous.  He has been avoiding eye contact with me all day, which isn’t like him at all.

Any time we’ve hung out the last two weeks, it’s been someplace public.  Maybe my crying freaked him out, or maybe he regrets the kiss to my head.  I’ve run the scenarios through my mind a million times, but nothing so major happened that I feel it should have affected our friendship.  At least, not on his end.

I know it affected me.

Dammit!

I could be wrong about it affecting him.  Does he see me as weak now?  Does he think I read more into the kiss?  I didn’t.  I may have wished more happened, but I don’t think it meant anything more than a comforting gesture.  I’m not the kind of girl to read into something that isn’t there.  I told Grant we’d be friends and no matter how I feel about him, I won’t push him for more.

I don’t think he can handle more.

I stare up at his apartment building and wonder what the hell I’m going to walk into.  My nerves are frayed.  Running my hands down my dress, I wonder whether I made the right call by getting a bit dressed up to hang out tonight.

Will he think I’m trying to impress him?  I know that was on my mind as I was primping and preparing myself for the night.  Shit!  I can’t go home and change now.  He’s expecting me.  It’s not cold yet, but a little too chilly for the cream sundress and sandals I chose.  I left my hair down because Grant has commented many times about how beautiful he thinks my naturally wavy curls are.  I put just enough makeup on to complement my blue eyes, a shimmery lip gloss and slipped on a simple gold chain my parents gave me with a flower pendant.

Now that I think about it, I kind of look like a little kid.  With my sundress and flower pendant, I won’t have to worry about him wanting to ravage me. 
Great way to get a guy like Grant’s attention, Cammie.

I have to remind myself I’m not trying to get his attention.  We’re friends and I have to be okay with that.  For Grant’s sake, I need to keep that in mind.

“You look lovely tonight, Miss Richards.”

“Thank you, Terrence.”

I give him a smile as I walk through the door he has opened for me.  He is one of the nicest men I’ve ever met.  Normally, I stop to chat with him about his kids, but I’m not wasting time with Grant tonight.  It feels like forever since I’ve been alone with him.

I’m grateful that Benny isn’t at the front desk tonight.  He gives me the creeps, not that I would ever tell Grant that.  The guy eyes me like I’m his next meal and I swear he has Superman’s x-ray vision.  His smirk when he looks at me makes my skin crawl.  I shiver just thinking about it.

In the elevator, my nerves really kick in.  I’m shaking slightly.  I don’t know why I’m so worked up.  I’ve been hanging out with Grant for about a month now.  There’s no reason for me to be so nervous.

Just breathe, Cammie.

The elevator comes to a stop at his floor and the doors open.  I almost expect him to be there waiting, which is stupid.  He’s never waiting for me here.  I step out and walk the couple of doors over to his apartment.  Needing a minute to compose myself, I take a few deep breaths before I knock.

The door opens, but only a few inches. 
What the hell is he…?

“Those sandals are perfect, buttercup,” he says, smiling.  “I need you to take them off and close your eyes.”

“Excuse me?”

“It’s a surprise.  Now, please, take the sandals off and close your eyes.  I promise I won’t let you fall.”

There’s still a nervousness to him that has my nerves on full alert, but he’s smiling my smile.  I can’t say no to him when he looks at me like that.  Bending down, I slip my sandals off and offer him my other hand as I close my eyes.

Instantly, his warmth encompasses me.  I have to hold back the moan of happiness I want to let out at feeling his touch.  His other hand lays gently against the small of my back and I can’t stop the tiny gasp that leaves my lips.  My whole body ignites and it’s from the simplest of touches.

Yeah, I should have just fucked some random guy before heading out here.

It’s crass, I know, but I’m so out of my league here.  I’m not stupid.  I know Grant is experienced.  Very experienced.  He makes me feel like I’ve been finger fucked and he hasn’t inserted anything, anywhere.  I can’t imagine what I’ll do if he ever does.  I’ll probably sound like a wildebeest. 
Wait, what does a wildebeest sound like and why the hell am I even thinking about them right now?

Focus, Cammie.  Just put one foot in front of the other.  No falling down or embarrassing yourself.

Holy shit!  He has big hands and they feel warm…and good…on my body.  I really wonder how they would feel on my…

FOCUS, CAMMIE!  One. Foot. In. Front. Of. The. Other!

“Okay, buttercup.  You can open your eyes now.”

Slowly, I peel my eyes open and I can’t believe what’s in front of me.  My God, what did he do?

Chapter Twenty One

Grant

I pace the apartment, my eyes raking over every inch of the space, making sure there’s nothing out of place.  It’s taken me the last two weeks to get this plan worked out.  Seeing Cammie cry that night, it…it broke something in me.  She’s too kind, pure, sweet, and everything that just makes her… her, to be hurting.  I felt a need that I’ve never felt before to make things better.  My heart literally felt like it was trying to burst through my ribs to get to hers.

I’ve never felt something so intense.

I know she’s worried about my behavior over the last couple weeks, but I couldn’t have her in my place.  I had sticky notes with phone numbers and plans all over.  My mind was a scattered mess while I worked through the best way to do this and allow myself to open up to her—even a little bit.