Better Than Okay (29 page)

Chapter 27

Destiny pushed the door open to her apartment and inhaled. Relief
washed over her in an unexpected wave. She hadn’t been able to catch a flight
on Thursday after her interview like she’d initially planned, she’d had to wait
until first thing Friday morning or pay an additional two hundred and fifty
dollars which her credit card didn’t have on it.

Although she knew she wasn’t going to be taking the job before
she’d even interviewed with Curt Schuster, she’d decided to go. She didn’t want
to make Gabe look bad and she figured it was better to not burn any bridges.
She was actually glad that she went anyway, mostly because it confirmed that
she definitely didn’t want to do any copywriting. Marketing wasn’t her
thing—she enjoyed the freedom that came with journalism and with writing
about music in particular.

She just hoped she’d be able to find another job in her field.
Curt had told her he’d be getting with her by the beginning of next week, and
to be honest, she wasn’t totally sure she would’ve gotten the job anyway. She’d
tried to keep her expression from turning sullen during the interview, although
she doubted she was successful since her emotions were always showing up on her
face whether she wanted them to or not. Looking bored and disinterested didn’t
exactly scream, “Hire me.”

 
Because she wasn’t
able to get out of Phoenix on Thursday like she’d planned, she spent most of
the next day searching for jobs in Miami, reaching out to all of her contacts
and putting out feelers.
Pitch.com
had
immediately gotten back to her, saying that they had an opportunity for her to
possibly blog exclusively about the local music scene. She’d quickly written a
sample piece for them and hoped to hear something by the following week. She
figured her chances to pick up that contract position was decent because they
were already familiar with her writing.

Then she’d gotten an email from Jason, saying that he’d
recommended her for a gig he’d heard about at locally-based but national urban
music website. He’d sent her the follow-up info and suggested that they meet up
soon for a drink the following week. By the time she left Phoenix she was
feeling much better about her job prospects.

She kicked off her sandals, heading for the bathroom to shower.
She was antsy. It was only three. She had at least another three or four hours
before she could see Brian. He probably wouldn’t get off until around seven,
which was the time that Dorian’s taco night thing started too.

Her plan was to just pop up over their house. It’d been nearly a
week since she’d seen him and she missed him so badly, it felt like a physical
pain in her body. She almost wanted to go up to his job. But she figured
declaring that she loved him in front of his co-workers was something that only
worked in PG-13-rated romantic comedies. In real life, such shenanigans might
get him fired.

She stood under the stream of the shower, trying to go over her
speech to him in her mind. She had no idea what to say, other than that she
loved him. Just thinking about finally saying the words out loud had her
stomach clenching. But she needed to do it. He deserved to hear her say the
words that had been on the tip of her tongue for what seemed like forever now.
She only hoped that her honesty would be enough to make him want her again.

Chapter 28

She pulled up to their apartment at exactly seven. She saw Brian’s
black Charger parked in its usual spot and her heart immediately started
racing.
 
He obviously was already
home from work. She checked her reflection in the review. She’d put on the only
red sundress she owned, a cotton spaghetti strap that fell just above her knees.
She’d done her hair in curls that hung loosely over her shoulders and she’d put
on makeup. It didn’t look as good as the job that Raven had done for her, but
it would do. She grabbed the blender off of the passenger seat and pushed open
the car door.

She released a breath and got out of the car, feeling a little
silly, as she inhaled a lung full of thick, wet air. Brian had seen her at her
worst. Either he was going to want her or he wasn’t. A red dress certainly
wasn’t going to seal the deal, but she still felt better with it on. The last
time she’d worn red he’d said she was beyond beautiful so it couldn’t hurt.
Funny. Not long ago she was wondering if she’d ever feel comfortable in a dress
again. Maybe it was sign. Maybe she wasn’t as broken as before.
 

She walked briskly up the palm tree littered pathway to their
apartment, narrowly skirting a water bug the size of Texas that decided it
needed to cross the sidewalk to get to wherever it was going. She yelped and
practically jogged the rest of the way to their door. She could already hear
noise pouring out of the closed door and she wondered who all would be greeting
her.

“Yo! It’s about damn time you got back!” Dorian said jubilantly when
he opened the door, smiling widely. “And you remembered the blender!”

He pulled her inside, wrapping her in a warm hug as they hovered
near the door. He released her, his smile faltering a bit. She frowned, waiting
to hear whatever he had to say.

“Tiffany is here,” he admitted quietly, with a warning look. “ I
told Amber to leave her at home but she’s hardheaded.”

Her head snapped up and she glared at him.

“What the hell?” she demanded, scowling.

Why was she always everywhere? And why did they keep letting her
loud ass come around?

“Cool out, Tweety. You know nothing’s going on. Remember… bubble
baths.”

She frowned and shook her head. He was blocking her view into the
living room and she took a second to compose herself.

“I don’t like that she’s always around though, Dorian, hanging all
over him. You need to stop bringing Amber around if she can’t follow
instructions,” she muttered angrily. “You really need to stop bringing her
around period, Dorian. What are you even doing with her? She’s dingy as hell.
What happened to Nichelle?”

He sighed, eyeing her. “Just be cool, OK?”

“Whatever,” she grunted.

“Tweet’s here!” he announced enthusiastically, although he eyed
her again, as he ushered her into the already crowded living room.

The TV was blaring loudly, with Uncle Ruckus from
The Boondocks
going off on another one
of his hilarious tangents. It was Dorian’s favorite TV show and he owned every
episode. The noise from the TV was fighting with the music that was coming from
the speaker in the far corner of the living room. She watched him walk into the
kitchen with the blender.

“What up, girl!” Nathan greeted her, as he crossed her path on the
way to the couch. He held his hand up as he passed and she gave him a
high-five.

“Please tell me you’re not really moving back to damn Phoenix,” he
said, pleadingly, plopping down on the couch next to a curvy girl she’d never
seen.

She smiled at the girl then shook her head, her eyes automatically
scanning the room for Brian. There were a couple of guys from Dorian’s job she
recognized sitting on the oversized couch and a few girls she’d never seen
perched on chairs that had been pulled into the living room. Pink Dress was
sitting on an armrest, chatting with one of the girls. Destiny waved and she
waved back.

Finally, she spotted him. He was sitting at the far end of the
table, drinking a beer. He looked up when Nathan spoke to her and it felt like
her heart stopped beating. Everything slowed down, like in one of those sappy
rom-coms.

Her lips parted and she inhaled as she looked at him. There was
stubble on his face and his eyes looked like he hadn’t been sleeping much
either. She released the breath slowly, still staring. He held her gaze for
what seemed like forever. She recognized the ache behind his expression because
it mirrored her own.

“Tweet, hello?” Nathan was saying, frowning at her from his spot
on the couch.

“No, I’m not leaving,” she answered, snapping out of it. “My heart
is in Miami.” Her voice was constricted, as she looked at Brian again.

The words were for him. He was still looking at her and it was all
she could do not to run over to him and beg him to let her back in.
 
Nathan released a loud breath and wiped
his brow exaggeratedly.

“Good, we need you around to help keep Dorian in check,” he sighed,
grinning, turning his attention to the curvy girl.
 

She barely heard him though. Her attention was tuned to Brian.

“Hi,” she said softly, walking toward him.

She leaned against the wall directly across from his chair,
oblivious to the random girl who excused herself to walk in front of her on her
way into the kitchen. She eyed Brian with obvious lust as she crossed in front
of him, leaving behind the scent of apples in her wake. She’d never understood
why women enjoyed smelling like fruit.
 

“Hi,” he finally said. He took another sip of his beer, still
eyeing her.

“I’m back,” she said, lamely with a small shrug.

“I see.”

“I tried to see Aunt Clara and Lexi but Clara was still out of
town and Lexi is still at camp,” she told him, as if he didn’t know where his
own aunt and little sister were.

He just nodded, his face impassive. She released a breath, chewing
on her lip. He wasn’t going to make this easy for her that much was obvious.

“I missed you.” The words came out like a whisper. “A lot.”

His expression remained stoic as he continued studying her. She
took another breath, ignoring the noise around them as people talked and
laughed with each other, sipping from plastic red cups.

“I didn’t…” she started before she was interrupted.

“Hey, Brian, can you come back here and help me really quick?”

Destiny turned her head to the right as Loud Girl poked her head
around the corner of the hallway that led to Brian’s room. She smiled at him,
biting on her bottom lip. She looked at Destiny, but didn’t acknowledge her
before fixing her face into a pout as she looked at Brian.

“Please,” Loud Girl whined, poking out her bottom lip.

Destiny stared at Brian. Her heart was pounding so hard it felt
like it was vibrating throughout her entire body. Her armpits were getting
itchy as she shifted her weight from one foot to the other, waiting on his
response. He tore his gaze from hers and glanced at Loud Girl, his expression
blank.

“Yeah,” he finally said.
 

Her heart sank, and she was on the verge of tears as he stood. He
was just a few feet in front of her and his warm, clean scent was overpowering
her again. She tried to speak up in protest but nothing would come out of her
mouth. He didn’t look at her as he walked passed her, following Loud Girl into
his bedroom.

She inhaled and exhaled, trying to calm herself. What the hell was
happening right now? This is not what she’d expected when she came over here.
She was going to deliver her I’m-In-Love-with-You-So-Forgive-Me-Please speech
and he was going to forgive her instantly. Loud Girl wasn’t even supposed to be
here. And he sure as hell wasn’t supposed to be following her into his bedroom
to give her “help.”

What was he doing? Trying to crush her? She looked around at all
of the smiling faces that had gathered in the living room and dining area and
tried to gather herself. She knew she’d hurt him with the way she acted after
they’d made love and by making the decision to go to Phoenix, but she’d changed
her mind. She’d realized her mistakes. And now he wasn’t even trying to give
her a chance to rectify it.

She pushed herself off the wall and rounded the corner into the
kitchen, holding back tears. Dorian glanced up at her, flipping the brightly
colored peppers that were simmering on the stove, filling the small space with
spicy aroma.
 
He immediately
frowned.

“Oh no,” he muttered, “what’s going on?’

“Nothing,” she mumbled, turning to grab a pre-made drink off of
the counter. She took a sip and released a breath. She didn’t need alcohol. She
needed Brian. Apple Girl eyed her scowling face and headed out of the kitchen.

“Did you talk to B?”

“No, he’s in his room ‘helping’ your horny-ass friend,” she bit
out.

He sighed and shook his head. “You two are gonna give me an
aneurism. For real.”

“I guess he wants her now?” she said aloud, sipping her drink,
which turned out to be vodka and cranberry juice. “Has she been hanging around
since I’ve been gone?”

Dorian flipped his food, shaking his head again.

“No, I told you he’s been around here moping. The only thing that’s
been in his bedroom for the past week is Jack Daniels.”

He sighed, eyeing her over his shoulder. “I don’t know what he’s
doing. Or what you’re doing. Or what ya’ll are doing. But seriously, get it
together. You’re messing up my taco night.”

She grimaced, taking another sip of her drink. “And God forbid
your stupid taco night be ruined,” she snapped.

“Why are you even in here talking to me?” he said pointedly,
agitation flashing in his eyes. “Talk to him.”

She stared at him for a second. He was right. They had things to
talk about and it wasn’t happening as long as she was standing in the kitchen
whining to Dorian about it. She was brave and resolved when she’d left Phoenix.
Now she was back to being her same old non-confrontational whiny self. She nodded
her head and sat her drink down.

Dorian shook his head again as she exited the kitchen, heading
toward Brian’s room. She braced herself. If Loud Girl got out of line tonight,
there was a good chance she would get the shit slapped out of her.
 
She halted outside of his door, which
was partially opened, taking a deep breath. She pushed it open.

He was sitting on the edge of his bed, not really looking at
anything and she was in his desk chair, pretending to use the computer as she
babbled on a mile a minute. He looked up at her when the door swung open,
surprise briefly coloring his face before he contained it.
  

“So, Brian, is this how you access it?” Loud Girl asked, twirling
in the chair, attempting to get his attention.

He started to answer but Destiny turned toward her.

“We need a minute,” she said, looking her up and down.

For a brief moment she looked like she wasn’t going to move, but
she guessed her glare gave her second thoughts. She got up slowly, tossing a look
back over her shoulder at Brian before exiting the room. Destiny moved and
closed the door, then leaned back against it.

She stared at him, a jumble of emotions coursing through her
system. The thought of losing him became more and more real with each second
that passed.

“I can’t lose you,” she breathed, her palms still flat against the
door. “I didn’t, right?”

He leaned forward, studying the floor, before glancing back up to
her. She watched him release a breath.
 

“Right?” she pressed, starting to panic as he studied her
silently.

“Destiny…” he started, running his hand over his head.
 
His expression was pained. “What do you
want me to say?” He paused and she didn’t know if the question was rhetorical
or not. He ran his hand over his head again. “Do you need to hear me tell you
how miserable I’ve been?”

She shook her head and started to speak but he kept on.

“Or how I’ve been drinking way too much just so that I can
function—and it still doesn’t work? Do you need to hear me tell you how
much it hurt that after all we’ve been through, you still had to go away to
another state for an entire week to figure out that you might want me after
all?”

He paused, anger flashing in his eyes now. “Is that what you need
to hear?”

She shook her head no, her stomach clenching. He was still so
angry with her. And she couldn’t blame him.

“I’m sorry, Brian,” she whispered shakily.

He looked at her then shook his head, staring at the floor again.

“You say that a lot,” he said darkly, still not looking at her.

She frowned, shifting her weight as she stared at him, her heart
pounding. Nothing about this was going as she’d planned. Maybe he was really
done with her. She was terrified now.