Between (18 page)

She nodded like she’d expected as much and tucked my blankets around me. “Sure, sure. We’ll keep you at the same level then. Just try not to move around, but you do need to take deep breaths as often as you can to help heal that lung. If you need anything, you just push the red button on the side of the bed.” She pointed out the button with a big, toothy smile and padded off quickly, not meeting my dad’s eyes.

“
Stupid nurse,” Dad muttered. “Did she upset you, sweetheart?”

“
No, I’m all right, Dad. Just a little tired.” In fact, I was exhausted and could barely stay focused, the pull of oblivion beckoning once again.

“
That’s fine, Linds. Go back to sleep. I’ll be here if you wake up and need anything. I love you, baby.” He kissed my fingertips, then tucked my hand next to my side. I closed my good eye and blissfully sank into nothingness.

~

When morning came, I woke with stiff muscles from lying flat for so long. I tried to sit up and got no more than a few inches off the mattress before the pain in my chest forced me to lie back again, breathing hard. My stomach rumbled and I reached out to press the call button on the side of the bed, but stopped when I heard voices in the hall.

“
The doctor said it was all right for me to see her. Please?” a lilting Indian voice whispered on the other side of the door.

Nurse Sharon responded begrudgingly, “Well, I guess it will be fine. Just don’t upset her. She needs to lay still or she could do more damage.”

The door opened and my visitor hobbled over to me on crutches, one leg wrapped in a cast from thigh to ankle. Our eyes met and he stared at me, relief and shock etched on his face.

Ravi.

My hand flew to my mouth at his battered appearance. His face didn’t look much better than mine, bruised and swollen with several stitches along his forehead, the black ends of the suture poking out either end of what looked like a deep gash. Seeing him brought back shards of memories from that night, the feel of his kiss and hearing him say, “I love you.” Then somehow the next thing I remember was seeing him in the crumpled car saying, “No, leave me. Help Lindsey.”

Again, the vision was from the outside of the car and I couldn’t understand how that could be, but I had a very clear image of his bloodied face and I shuddered with the memory. He attempted a smile that ended up looking completely pathetic and I laughed, my voice soft and hoarse.

“
You look like hell,” I teased and he returned my laughter, his face breaking into a real smile.

“
I was just thinking the same thing about you,” he replied. He stood next to my bed and we smiled at one another for a moment, not sure what to say next. Finally, my curiosity got the best of me.

“
Do you remember anything?” I asked. He shook his head and I recognized that same sense of frustration that I’d felt earlier. He took my hand, shifting so he could stay upright on his crutches.

“
They told me you almost died. It’s all my fault, Lindsey. I’m so sorry.” The guilt and pain in his eyes broke my heart.

“
It’s not your fault. It was an accident.”

His face creased in a frown and he shook his head, unable to accept my forgiveness. I didn’t know what to say to help him so I just lie there, holding his hand.

“
I had to see you. They didn’t want me to because they thought it might upset you, but I had to see with my own eyes that you were okay.”

“
I’ll be all right. I’m glad you came.” I tried to smile and was rewarded with a small sigh of acceptance. He pressed my fingers to his lips and hesitated, then smiled with decision.

“
I have good news. My mother flew here from India when she got the call about the accident.”

My good eye flew open wide. “Your mother is here?”

“
Yes, she got here last night,” he said with a mischievous grin. “And I told her about us.” Startled, I instinctively jerked forward. Agonizing jolts of pain shot across my chest. Ravi panicked and nearly fell, unable to bend his leg at all.

“
Lindsey, don’t do that! You have to lie still!” He struggled to pull himself up straight with one hand on my bed rails. I lay motionless for a moment, panting and concentrating on the ceiling tiles until the pain subsided.

“
Yes, I told her about you, that I love you and I don’t care that you’re not Indian.”

“
What did she say?” I asked, unease twisting in my gut.

“
Well, what could she say, really? Here I am lying in hospital, bandaged and bruised. It’s not like she could say no.” My mind rebelled at this open declaration of his feelings, but I wasn’t really sure why it bothered me so much. “Do you want me to introduce you to her?” he asked hopefully and I shook my head as vehemently as I dared, desperately trying to think of some excuse to avoid meeting his mother.

“
No, I… I don’t want her to see me this way. Please?”

“
Okay, then. Maybe not just now.” He hopped up closer to my head and leaned awkwardly over the bed rails to kiss me. Something in me was very uncomfortable with this intimacy and I stiffened a little at his touch.

Maybe I do blame him for the accident after all.

It was the only logical explanation I could come up with, but it made me feel very cold and shallow, so I pushed away the thought.

“
Before you came in, I was going to ask the nurse to bring me some food. I don’t think I’ve eaten anything at all since before the accident.” He studied me for a moment and then apparently decided against what he was going to say. He nodded and picked up his other crutch, hopping a little toward the end of the bed as he did.

“
Sure, I’ll let her know you’re hungry. I should probably go anyway and let you get some rest.” He smiled and clumsily rounded the corner of the bed, trying to move sideways on his crutches. He stopped at my feet and turned back to me, his face asking a question I was not willing to answer.

“
I’m sorry,” he said. “I swear I’ll make it up to you. I don’t know how, but I will.” He didn’t look at me again, but limped his way out of the room on his crutches. My heart ached, watching him go. I pushed the call button and the nurse came bustling in.

“
Hey there, sweetie. Your boyfriend told me you’re ready to eat something.” Sharon smiled her toothy grin at me, picking up my chart. I irrationally bristled inside at the use of the term ‘boyfriend’ and shook my head.

“
No, I just want to rest. The pain is getting worse. Can you give me something to help me sleep?” Sharon looked at me critically but nodded.

“
Sure, sure, honey. I’ll crank it up a bit and you should be feeling better in no time. Remember what I said before about taking deep breaths now.”

After I promised to carry out the torturous exercise as often as possible, she patted my foot and left me alone with my thoughts. I dreamt of a beautiful meadow with wildflowers waving in the breeze and a sparkling blue stream of water. I knelt down beside the cool water and scooped up a handful. The soothing effects ran through my body, filling me and strengthening me. I smiled and stirred in my sleep then grimaced as a pain in my side jarred me awake.

My dad slept curled up on that tiny, uncomfortable couch under the window and I watched him sleep for a while. His light snoring joined in with the ticking mechanical noises from my monitors and the steady drip from my IV, comprising an oddly comforting cacophony of loving care that warmed me. Here he was sleeping on that God-awful excuse for a couch just so I wouldn’t wake up alone in the middle of the night.

Dad.

The memory of our trip to the Space Needle years ago filled my mind and I smiled, remembering that sweet moment walking hand in hand, more vivid now for some reason. He grunted in his sleep and tried to shift into a more comfortable position, but eventually gave up and sank back into a gentle snore. I decided to do my breathing exercises and winced at the pain, but reminded myself of the sacrifice Dad was making for me and suffered through it. Exhausted, I settled into my pillow and joined him in sleep. When I woke in the morning, he was sitting at my bedside.

“
Good morning, pumpkin. I’m glad you got some good rest last night.” He obviously had not. Disheveled and unshaven with dark circles under his eyes, he gave me a tired smile.

“
Thanks, Dad. I’m sorry you have to sleep on that miserable couch. Couldn’t you get a hotel or something? You don’t have to stay here.”

“
No, no, it’s fine. I’d rather be with you than anywhere else.” He patted my hand. “Hey, would you like some breakfast? The nurse told me you can eat a little something now. You must be starving.” My stomach growled just then, answering for me and he jumped up, thankful to have a purpose. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

A warm feeling settled over me as I watched him go. Ever since the divorce, things had been strained between us and it felt good to have that melt away, to be close to him again. He returned shortly, carrying a tray of jello, ice cream and chicken broth.

“
I know it isn’t ‘taties and eggs’ but it’s all they’d let me give you since you haven’t eaten anything for a while. They don’t want you throwing up.”

I had a brief flash of the family cabin when he said that, but my thought was interrupted as he swung over a mobile cart and proceeded to open all the little containers of food. As much as I hated to admit it, even this pitiful breakfast looked appetizing and I downed the small bowl of chicken broth. It didn’t take much before my stomach revolted and I grimaced, wishing I’d taken it a little slower.

“
I shouldn’t have let you eat that so fast,” he said. He swung the mobile cart away from me as if to prevent me from gorging myself on the rest of the items.

“
Sorry, it just felt so good to eat again. You know how I love to eat.” I attempted a wink, which was more like a blink since I only had one good eye. He tried to maintain a serious face, but couldn’t do it and we both started to laugh.

“
Knock, knock. Is Lindsey in here?” came a loud whisper from the door. Dad beckoned the visitor to enter and I grinned as Stephanie pulled away the curtain. Her eyes shone with concern behind her round, white-rimmed glasses. My other roommate Jennifer came in close behind her, her cheeks rosy from the cold outside. They carried a bouquet of balloons and a teddy bear that held a plush red heart reading “Get Well Soon.”

“
Oh good, you’re awake! We came by once before but you were sleeping,” Stephanie said.

“
Yeah, I’ve been doing that a lot. I guess I need all the beauty rest I can get.”

Jen murmured “definitely” but Stephanie frowned, shaking her head as she looked me over critically. “Actually, you look much better than you did before. Your bruises are fading and the swelling has gone down quite a bit on that one eye.”

“
Well, I guess it’s working then, huh?” I answered a barrage of questions about how I felt, what hurt, and what I remembered from the accident. The girls shed their coats and Dad excused himself, leaving them room to sit on the sea foam green couch across from me.

“
I’m going to take a shower in your bathroom, Linds, if you don’t mind.” He left, pulling the room’s privacy curtain closed behind him.

“
Did your dad tell you the college has decided to give you and Ravi all A’s on your finals, since you couldn’t take them?” Jennifer asked.

“
Wow, finals, I had totally forgotten about that. Well, I guess there’s always a silver lining, huh?”

She laughed and I thought to myself how beautiful she was, but for the first time, I didn’t feel that familiar pang of jealousy. She was beautiful, sure, but somehow it didn’t bother me now like it did before.

Stephanie broke into my thoughts. “What are you going to do about Christmas? Will you still be in the hospital or will they let you out before then?”

Oh, that’s right. If finals are over now, then Christmas break would be…

“
What day is it today?” I asked her. “What day was the accident? I don’t even know.”

“
Today is December 20
^th
. The accident was on the 15
^th
.” My eyes widened in disbelief that I had basically lost five days, give or take, in my drug-induced state.

Jen piped in, “Yeah, actually we’re headed home tomorrow. We were going to leave today but we wanted to try and see you again before we left. We’ll be back for January term, though, so we’ll see you again soon.”

“
Oh crap, I was going to take French history during Jan term. Well, at least this won’t screw up spring semester. I should be better by then.” Jennifer and Stephanie nodded actively, trying to cheer me up, but an awkward lull crept into the conversation. Steph arranged the balloon bouquet, then turned to me as if just remembering something.

“
Oh, I meant to tell you, the orchestra concert went really well. My violin solo was perfect and the whole audience applauded when I was done.” She beamed at me, not bragging but simply sharing in the joy of her accomplishment. I pouted at her and told her how much I’d really been looking forward to hearing her play. “Well, there’s always the concert in the spring. You can come to that one, provided you don’t go getting yourself killed again,” she said.

Jen gasped and at the same time, Stephanie realized what she’d said. Jen smacked her on the arm and Stephanie winced, her eyes instantly filled with remorse. “I’m sorry, that’s not what I meant. I just meant… never mind, I’m being stupid. I’ll shut up now.” I chuckled, amused that they were so worried about my mental state.