Between The Sheets (37 page)

'Me too,' Dana said. 'I was in a very dark place back then. If it wasn't for Dr Corcoran, I'm not sure I'd have come out the other side.'

Ed leaned his chin on his hand and studied his sister. 'Was the depression due to Mum's death or because of the abortion, Dana?'

Walter spluttered out his brandy. 'Abortion? What abortion?'

Dana froze.

Ed looked from the agent to the shocked expression on his sister's face. 'I'm sorry. I just assumed—'

Dana sighed. 'I didn't tell my husband, but you thought I'd tell my agent?'

Ed groaned. 'I'm sorry. It's just when you said that Walter had suggested you get help, I thought you must have confided in him.' He stood up. 'Maybe I should go-'

'Oh, for God's sake, sit down, Ed,' Dana said. She felt tired and drained. She'd had so many deep and meaningful conversations over the last few days — she couldn't remember who knew what. It was hardly surprising her brother didn't either. But, she realized, it didn't matter. Walter was a true friend and she certainly didn't mind him knowing she'd had an abortion. On the other hand — she suppressed a smile at the thought — she could always kill two birds with one stone. 'I'm tired and I've drunk too much wine,' she told them. 'I need to go home.'

'I'll call for the bill.' Walter looked around for a waiter.

'No, you two stay. Please,' Dana insisted. 'Do me a favour, Ed. Fill Walter in on all the gory details. I'm not up to it right now, but I would like him to know.'

Ed patted her shoulder and stood up. 'I'll organize a taxi.'

When they were alone, Dana turned to Walter. 'Please don't be offended that I didn't confide in you before.'

'Of course not! I'm as tough as old boots, you know that. And I know I've been going on about publishing your story, Dana, but I'll respect your decision, no matter what. I won't mention it again, if that's what you want.'

'No, like Ed says, that's the mistake we've made in the past. Even if this manuscript never sees the light of day, I'd like my close friends to know the truth. And,' she smiled, 'you certainly fall into that category.'

Finally, when she was in a taxi and on her way home, Dana pulled back her wrap and looked at the slightly grubby cast that would be taken off her arm the following morning. It would mark the end of Dana the invalid and the beginning of Dana the survivor. Because that was one thing she was sure of. She might be a bit bruised and slightly battered but she would survive.

'Okay, Ms De Lacey. Do the exercises I've shown you and you should be absolutely fine.'

Dana gingerly flexed her arm and fingers. 'It feels so strange. I'm a bit afraid to use it.'

'That's completely natural,' the nurse told her. 'But don't worry, it's mended and the more you use it, the stronger it will get.'

'Thanks for everything.' She smiled at the nurse.

Dana went out to the waiting room where Ed sat reading a newspaper. 'Well?'

'I'm as good as new. Though it feels weird, and very light.'

'So, what would you like to do?' he asked as they walked out to the car.

She laughed. 'Have a shower.'

'Straight home, then?'

She nodded. 'Yes, please. And then, I have a hair appointment.'

'Is this all for lover boy's benefit?' he asked as he opened the passenger door for her.

'It's to give me courage to finish with him.'

He climbed in beside her and started the car. 'Are you sure that's what you want to do? You've had an emotional few days. Maybe you should wait a while before making that decision.'

'You think?' Dana thought about his words. It was true; her head was all over the place and she seemed to spend as much time in the past as she did in the present.

'I do.' He swung the car out into traffic in the direction of home.

'Did Wally fly out this morning?' Dana had gone straight up to bed when she got home yesterday, though it had only been four o'clock. Amazingly she'd slept straight through till six this morning so she never even heard Ed come home.

Ed nodded. 'Yes, his flight was at eleven.'

'So how did it go after I left?'

'I told him about the abortion. He cried.' Ed smiled. 'That guy cries a lot.'

'He's soft and kind. He's been good to me.'

'I can see that. I'm glad you had someone to watch out for you.'

'And then what did you do?'

'I told him a bit about me and my work. He told me a bit about him and his work. And about Giles — what a bastard.'

Dana turned her head to look at him. 'He told you about that?'

Ed glanced over. 'Yes, why?'

'He never talks about Giles, not properly. He must really like you.'

'Dana—'

'I'm just saying! Look, I know Wally. He was devastated when he found out that Giles had been cheating on him. And even so, he was ready to forgive the shit and carry on. When Giles walked out, Wally was heartbroken. And though I've seen him flirt a little and heard him talk about other men, I've never seen him open up as much as he has to you.'

'Oh, Dana, I don't know ...'

'I'm not saying you should hop on the next flight to London and ask him to marry you, Ed. I'm just saying there's nothing wrong in being open to the idea that maybe you and Walter have a future. And if not as a couple, then as good friends.'

He shook his head, laughing. 'I didn't know you were such a matchmaker.'

'I'm not,' Dana assured him. 'But I saw something happen to you and Walter the moment you met. That doesn't happen often, at least not in my experience.'

'And it's not there with Ryan?'

She sighed. 'He makes me feel happy and sexy. He's attractive and kind—'

'But, no spark?'

Dana shook her head. 'I don't think so.'

'I'm sorry. Still, I haven't quite given up on you and Gus.'

Dana looked mournful. "You haven't seen his girl-friend.'

'No. But I have talked to him, a lot. He doesn't sound like a man who's moved on.'

She turned in her seat and looked at him. 'Have you been keeping in touch all the time you've been here?' she demanded.

Ed kept his eyes on the road. 'Not all the time.' 'Ed?'

'Look, he asked me to come here because he was worried about you. Obviously he was going to call me to know how you were doing.'

'Did he ask about Ryan?' Dana asked.

Ed shook his head. 'No.'

Dana stared out of the window, afraid to hope that Gus was feeling anything more than guilt.

'I bet you he calls today.'

Dana looked back at her brother. 'What?'

'I said I bet he calls you. He knows you're getting the cast off.'

'Oh. Yeah. Well, he might. But he'll just be being polite.'

'If you say so.' Ed pressed the remote control for the gates, and guided the car through them.

Dana climbed out of the car and stretched. 'Oh, it's so nice to be able to do simple things without help.'

'Go and have your shower,' Ed said, opening the front door. 'Call me when you're ready to go to the hairdresser.'

'Oh, it's okay, I can drive—'

'No, don't start trying to do everything at once. Save your energy. You're going out tonight, remember?'

'I remember,' Dana said and trudged upstairs.

She received three calls that day, from Walter, Sylvie and Judy, all checking to see how she'd got on at the hospital.

The call with Walter had resulted in tears on both sides as he sympathized with her on the loss of her child. No one had ever put it quite like that before and it had made Dana feel very emotional.

She had also chatted to Judy for a long time — there was so much to tell her.

'Poor Ed. He's had to cope with so much. And I can't believe your father made him believe your mother's death was his fault.'

'He was not a nice man,' Dana had replied.

'It would be wonderful if Ed and Wally got together,' Judy had gone on.

'They're perfect for each other,' Dana had agreed. 'But I won't push it. Ed is very nervous, and Walter, after all, lives in London.'

'It's only an hour away,' Judy had pointed out. 'And Ed can work from anywhere. Is he heading home now you don't need minding any more?'

'I don't know. I suppose he will. I'll miss him,' Dana had admitted. 'I've kind of got used to having him around.'

'It's not far/ Judy had reminded her. 'You'll see him all the time.'

'Not if he moves to London to be close to Wally.'

'I think we're getting a step ahead of ourselves, don't you?'

'Yes, I suppose so.'

The call from Sylvie had been a lot shorter. And that was it. No call from Gus. Dana was disappointed and annoyed with herself for caring. And annoyed with Ed for getting her hopes up.

'You look nice,' he said when she came downstairs.

Dana's dark, blunt bob shone and she wore a red dress and matching shoes that made her feel very glamorous.

'Is that your "dump 'em" outfit?'

Dana smiled despite herself. 'No, but red always gives me confidence. Is it too much?'

'No, you look stunning. He'll be crying into his soup. Or will you wait until dessert to break the news to him?'

'It's not funny, Ed.'

'You don't have to do it tonight,' he reminded her.

'I think I do. He'll be expecting to come home with me, and if I let him ...'

Ed grinned. 'It would make you a complete tart.'

Dana turned away to put in her earrings. 'So much for Gus calling,' she remarked.

'The day isn't over yet.'

The buzzer sounded. 'Maybe not. But I'm going out.'

'If he calls, I'll tell him he'll get you on your mobile.'

Dana grabbed her wrap and bag. 'Don't you dare,' she warned, hurrying to the door.

'Have a nice evening,' he called after her.

'You look beautiful,' Ryan said when they were sitting in the romantic French restaurant.

'Thanks.' Dana managed a weak smile and wished she'd worn her jeans. Now that she was sitting across from him and he was looking at her like that, Dana knew it was over. She just couldn't let him make love to her again. They were no longer on the same page, and it would be wrong to let him believe they were.

'And the arm's okay?'

'A little sore but it's a relief to have the cast off.'

They studied their menus, ordered and then sat back with their wine. 'How was your trip?' Dana asked, for want of something better to say.

He watched her over his glass. 'The same as all the other trips.'

'Boring, then.' She smiled.

He didn't bother answering. 'Tell me about these visitors you've been having.'

'Well, my friend Judy came up from Wexford and stayed with us for the weekend. And then she had just gone when Sylvie and Ian stopped by. Sylvie was a bit worried about her job and was looking for reassurances—'

'Why is she worried about her job?' he asked.

'She knew the book probably wouldn't be published so that made her nervous. But I've said I'll keep her on and she's going to do some other stuff as well.'

'And is it definite that the book won't be published?' His eyes searched her face.

She nodded. 'But I'm okay with that. Walter arrived just after they'd left - I told you it was a busy weekend — and we talked about it. It will probably be published in the States, but not here. Also I've decided not to sign a new contract.'

'Wow. That's a big decision. Are you sure it's what you want?'

'I haven't given up writing. I've just had enough of this genre. It's time I tried something else.'

'Any idea what?' he asked.

Dana thought about telling him about the biography and decided against it. She'd spent enough time talking about the past. She smiled. 'I don't know, maybe thrillers?'

'Great. That's much more my sort of thing. I could be your first reader.'

Dana's smile was strained. 'I wouldn't have had you down as the bloodthirsty type.'

He grinned manically. 'Ah, there are lots of things you don't know about me, my dear. But we have plenty of time.'

She looked down at her fingers and played with her wedding ring.

His smile faded as he watched her. 'I see,' he murmured.

She lifted her face and feigned innocence. 'What do you see?'

'Oh, please, Dana. Don't do this. Not with me. We're beyond such games, surely.'

'I'm sorry, Ryan.'

'I suppose it beats a "Dear John" letter.'

She said nothing, wishing the meal was over instead of just starting.

'Is it Gus?' he asked, his voice quiet and con-trolled.

Dana shook her head. This was no time for honesty. He certainly didn't need to hear that she thought he cared more for her than she did for him. 'I feel I need space. A lot has happened to me in the last few months and I've been completely lost. Now I'm ready to snap out of my stupor. And I feel that I can only do that alone.'

He looked at her in disgust. 'I take it back. Maybe a "Dear John" letter would be preferable. How can you sit here and expect me to swallow this shit?'

She looked at him, alarmed. In all the time she'd known him, she'd never heard him use such a tone. 'Please, Ryan, don't do this. We've had such a wonderful time. You've been the only light in my life—'

"Then why are you dumping me?' He reached over and grasped her hands, making her wince. 'Don't do this, Dana. I love you.'

'No, you don't.' She pulled her hand away. 'You don't even know me.'

'I think I know you better than most,' Ryan retorted.

'Are you having the steak, sir?' Dana looked up to see a pretty waitress with their dinners.

'I've lost my appetite,' he grunted. 'Take it away.'

'Ryan, please,' Dana murmured, embarrassed.

'Bring another bottle of wine, though,' he said, ignoring Dana.

She shot the waitress an apologetic look. 'I won't be eating either. But we'll pay, of course.'

The waitress hurried back to the kitchen and moments later the maitre d' arrived with the wine. 'Is there a problem, sir?'

'There certainly is,' Ryan replied, 'but it's nothing to do with you or your food. Just open the wine. I'll pour.'

The man shot Dana a concerned look as he opened the wine. She managed a smile but she was getting a little nervous herself. Ryan had emptied his glass while the second bottle was being opened and he poured himself another as soon as the waiter finished.