Beyond the Horizon (The Sons of Templar MC Book 4) (17 page)

Aiden glared at him for a long moment, then his eyes moved to me. “Is this who you want to surround yourself with, Lily? You’re better than this. This isn’t you.”

He struggled to his feet, shrugging me off when I tried to help him. “I’ll be here when you remember who you are,” he said, giving me a long look and Asher a glare before wandering into the parking lot.

I watched him for a moment. People kept telling me what wasn’t me. I wished they’d enlighten me for a second, what was me.

I slammed the door as we got into my apartment. “What the heck was that?” I half yelled at Asher.

The bike ride had made yelling impossible. And gave me a great opportunity to get even angrier.

Bex’s eyes bulged from her position on the sofa, a spoonful of cereal halfway to her mouth.

Asher turned. “What was what?”

I scoffed. “Seriously? You’re going to act like that senseless act of violence against my friend didn’t happen?” I asked in disbelief.

“Dude, please tell me it was Aiden,” Bex put in from the sofa.

I swear I saw Asher’s mouth twitch slightly before he focused on me once more.

“I wouldn’t call him referring to you as a biker slut, senseless. He should be glad he’s not eating through a straw right now,” he clipped tightly.

“Mother fucker said what?” Bex hissed.

“It was nothing, he was upset,” I reassured her quickly.

Asher’s eyes hardened. “Talking to a woman like that, that’s never nothing. No matter how upset you are. Talking to you like that? That’s something. Something not fucking acceptable. Something never fucking acceptable,” Asher clipped. “You’ve gone through enough shit. Life’s already handed you ugly. You’re not having ugly words spat in your direction. Not when there’s not one ounce of truth in them. Not when I’m around. And I intend to be around a lot,” he promised.

I sucked in a breath. It was hard to argue with a guy when he said shit like that. And as much as I abhorred violence, a tiny piece of me agreed with Asher. Aiden was definitely out of line.

I sighed, plonking my bag down by the door. “Whatever,” I relented trying to act like his words hadn’t made my legs shaky. “I’m hungry.” I stepped forward, pointing at Asher. “Use your words next time,” I ordered.

He grinned, though there was something behind the grin. I didn’t get time to analyze this, as he tagged my hips and yanked me to his body.

“I’m thinking I wanna do something that doesn’t require any words,” he murmured against my mouth.

I was caught by surprise, and my body responded accordingly, my heart thumping and breathing heavily.

“But, I’m hungry,” I protested.

His eyes flared. “So am I … starving,” he said roughly.

I swallowed.

“Um … guys, I’m still here,” Bex called from the sofa. “Take it to the bedroom.”

Asher smiled into my mouth. “What do you say, flower?”

“Food can wait,” I whispered.

“Good answer,” he murmured.

“You’re good at that,” I whispered, slightly breathless.

He had just finished making love to me. That was after he had
“eaten”
me like promised. It was more than amazing.

Asher’s chest vibrated as he chuckled. “Glad you think so, flower. Though how hard you came had me thinking you were enjoying yourself.” His voice was husky.

I felt myself go slightly red at his statement. Asher seemed to sense my reaction because he pulled me from my position curled against his chest to lie half on top of him. He stroked my hair out of my face, eyes searching mine.

“You don’t need to worry about that shit with me,” he told me quietly.

“What shit?” I whispered.

His thumb ran over my cheek. “Whatever shit that runs through that beautiful mind to make you curl into yourself. Turns you quiet. Gives you that glow. Don’t get me wrong, I love seeing that you get affected by shit like that,” his voice was rough, “but I don’t want you ever crawling to that place, being embarrassed of anything. Not when you’re in this bed with me. Not when you’re with me full stop,” he said firmly.

I stared into his eyes, his words filling a little of that empty space inside me. It frightened the shit out of me.

He continued. “I know that whatever turns you like that seems to turn off with me, most of the time. I want it to stay like that, flower. I want to be the one to take that weight off your chest, to take down that shield you’ve constructed, I want you to just ... be when you’re with me,” he murmured into my mouth. “And when you feel comfortable enough, I want to get to the bottom of why you think you need to hide behind that shield. As if your life depended on it….” he paused. “And now, we’re going to talk about what that was in the parking lot,” he said quietly.

I stared at him. I was silent, letting those words wash over me. I traced his jaw with my fingertip, amazed at the fact this man, this beautiful man was saying these beautiful words to me. Those beautiful words also catapulted me back in time, back eleven years to memories that should be weathered and blurry with age, but instead they were clear as if they happened yesterday.

I was scared. Terrified. The headlights that illuminated our small living room meant he was home. That meant the red rage, the yelling, him hurting Mommy, saying bad words right in front of me. Sometimes saying those bad words to me.

“Okay, peanut,” Mom knelt in front of me, smiling that weird smile that didn’t seem quite right. “I need you to do your special trick and don’t say a word. Go to your place in your head. If you be really quiet, quiet as a mouse, it’ll all be okay. I promise.” She kept smiling that smile. “Just be my little quiet peanut for a little while longer, then Mommy will keep you safe. Can you do that, Lily?

I nodded, deciding to start being quiet as a mouse, right now because I could hear his key in the door.

Mommy did too because she kissed my head and stood, smoothing the pretty dress she was wearing underneath her apron.

I curled up as small as I could be on the sofa, my eyes glued to the pictures on the screen, trying not to make a sound, I even tried to make my breath silent. If I were quiet enough maybe I’d disappear, be invisible to him.

I escaped the memory before its venom could taint this beautiful moment.

“Be me,” I repeated.

“Yeah, flower,” he responded, not taking his eyes off me.

“What if I don’t know who that is?” I asked in a strangled whisper.

Asher’s hands clasped my neck firmly. “Then we’ll find out, together.”

His voice was so firm, so resolute, it made my stomach dip. Not in a good way.

“What if you find out you don’t like, who I find out I am?”

His eyes hardened. “Not fuckin’ possible,” he declared.

I chewed my lip. Emotions like I was feeling, this, I didn’t know how to figure it out. I didn’t know how to figure out anything in my life. I could barely figure out my past, apart from the fact the last time someone looked out for me was when my abusive father had a heart attack in our kitchen, while my mother lay bloodied on the floor, after he caught her trying to leave. He would have killed her in that moment, even my nine-year-old eyes could have seen that. Something intervened to give her escape, freedom, a life. For eleven more years at least. That same thing decided to rob of her of that. Rob me of that.

Asher put firm pressure on my neck to direct my eyes back to him. “The partying, the drinking, that shit helping?” he asked softly.

I regarded him, blinking away my demons and letting the feeling of warmth spread through me at his gentle words, his soft voice.

“No,” I admitted. “But it helps delay it all. The feelings, the big sadness that I’m afraid I’ll get lost in. Makes me forget. Be someone else. Someone different. Someone better,” I told him truthfully.

There was a pause as Asher’s face turned blank. Then he sat up, resting on the wall and positioning me so I was straddling him.

“You need to listen to me now, flower,” he began seriously. “There’s no such thing as better. You are who you are. The fact you think that being someone else is better is not acceptable. I stand by what I said three years ago,” his eyes burned into mine, “I don’t know if there’s such a thing as perfect, but I’m looking at as close as I can get right here.” His hand squeezed my neck. “You aren’t perfect because you’re drop dead fuckin’ gorgeous, your tight little body makes my cock harden in my jeans every time I see it. Not because you’re kind, caring, soft when you need to be, but your claws come out when you decide to be a smart ass. Perfect isn’t superficial shit it’s who you are in here,” he tapped my chest lightly, “and here,” he brushed a hair off my head.

“I’m not,” I argued. “I’m not beautiful. I know that. We both know that.”

Asher’s entire body jerked. Flinched. His eyes turned dark. “You seriously think that?” he asked in a hard voice.

I glanced down. “I know it,” I replied in a small voice.

“Fuck,” he muttered. “Wish more than anything else I had the gift to bring back the dead. First, I’d get your mom back, then I’d get your father. Kill that piece of shit all over again. I’d make it slow. Death is too easy of an escape for what he did to this beautiful soul,” he said fiercely, his voice almost shaking with fury.

His finger moved underneath my chin, gently moving my eyes to meet his.

“Listen to me, flower. You are the most beautiful, amazing woman I’ve ever laid eyes on. Everything about you. Your hair that shines like the sun. The eyes that look like someone’s taken a piece of the ocean and put it in those beautiful things….” he paused, stroking my face. “Beauty is on the surface, flower. Temporary. Something that fades, withers. Being truly beautiful is when you’ve known suffering, fought demons at the depths of despair and managed to claw your way out. Managed to smile again. Managed to laugh, to live, to love. That’s eternal. That’s you.”

His certainty. His resolve, almost had me believing him. His words caused tears to trail down my cheeks. But a lifetime of my own certainty stopped me. I knew arguing was pointless, so I just leaned down and placed my mouth gently on his.

Gently was where I started, hungry and claiming was where he finished it.

“You still want to try and look for answers at the bottom of a bottle, I won’t approve, but I’ll be there. You’ll do it at the club,” he said firmly against my mouth.

I nodded more on instinct than anything else. I was questioning the answers that lay at the bottom of any of the bottles I’d emptied. I knew that nothing of value was there, and it wasn’t exactly a long-term plan.

“Can I ask you one question?” he murmured softly, searching my face.

I nodded.

“Do you want to be with me? Do you feel this, us, right down to your soul?” he asked in a raspy tone.

I swallowed. “That’s two questions,” I whispered, my heart beating one hundred miles a minute.

Asher gave me a look but didn’t say a thing. He seemed to realize my need for silence. So he let the quiet expand while I searched my head.

“Yes,” I said finally. I opened my mouth to say the reasons why it wasn’t that simple. How he’d realized that I wasn’t right for him. How I was a broken shell that wouldn’t fool him for long. His finger at my lips silenced me.

“It’s that simple, flower. You want this, you feel this. I want you. I’ve fuckin’ craved you for three years, babe. I’m holding on as tight as I can without bruising you, and I’m not letting go anytime soon,” he declared hoarsely. “That’s all there needs to be right now. You want me. I want you. The other shit doesn’t matter,” he said simply.

I wanted to believe that. With all of me, I did. I wanted to believe that fate had finished screwing with me, and somehow in the midst of all the turmoil in my life we could make it work. I knew doubt would creep in, later, in the future. But right now I did believe him, did feel the warmth settle in at his promise.