Beyond the Pine (4 page)

Asher

The next morning, I’m woken early by the sound of birds chirping outside the window by my bed.

There was a time when I’d have found the sound beautiful, calming even. There was a time when I found beauty and wonder in most things, but that time was long gone.

Now it just gets on my fucking nerves.

I hear the hushed sound of people moving on the other side of the divider that offers me a semblance of privacy. I lay quietly, keeping my eyes shut tight as I collect my thoughts, try my best to get myself together before I face another day in this strange place I’ve landed myself in.

I can’t put my finger on it, but there’s something off about this place. The people are nice, everyone here seems to work together, which I like, but there’s something else, an undertone of...
something
I can’t quite understand just yet.

I need to get the hell out of here. I thought about taking off last night, but then Riley walked in and that plan was scrapped.

Feeding my newfound infatuation, I keep my eyes closed, reveling in the memory of her crimson cheeks as I met her eyes last night.

Tendrils of her dark hair brushed over her shoulders, framing her pale face as it came loose from the small braid at the base of her neck. Her green eyes danced over my skin with lust, something she likely had no experience with.

I did.

I felt it churning in my groin the very first time I saw her. Even as I lie bleeding on the grass, as she hovered over me, all I could think of was tasting her, claiming her, making her mine.

The thought of her expression when I caught her eyes grazing over me is one that brings a devious smile to my lips.

It doesn’t take a genius to understand that she’s pure. That thought alone would make a better man write her off, brush her from his thoughts.

Unfortunately, I’ve never been a very good man.

Not only that, there’s something about her. I don’t know what it is, but for some reason, when I think about leaving this place, it doesn’t feel right to do it without Riley.

I don’t know what the fuck my problem is.

She’s just a girl, a random woman who doesn’t know me from Adam. Sometimes that’s a good thing, but with her, it seems like it could be dangerous for us both.

It’s a fruitless effort, this I know. I know it’s wrong, but I just can’t leave her alone.

Not yet, anyway.

When I feel my linen pants tightening with the thought of her staggered breath, I lower my palm, stroking my length beneath the thin sheet resting over me.

I need relief something fierce, but something about jacking off in whatever kind of religious hut I’m in seems a little fucked up, even for me.

My cock is aching just thinking about all the perverse things I’d gladly do to her right now if given the chance.

I’m sure there’s a specific circle of Hell reserved exclusively for soulless bastards like me. Men who not only blatantly crave forbidden women who have vowed their lives to God, but also relish in the fantasy of their name on her lips, her walls contracting around them, her sweet taste on their…

Fuck me hard.

I indulge myself for a moment, thinking of her soft lips running over my shaft before I shake it away, swallowing my lust, letting it simmer.

Riley’s a good girl. She doesn’t need whatever kind of flawed salvation I think I can offer.

For once in my life, I need to do the right thing.

I’ve always been real good at leaving, so in the morning, that’s exactly what I plan to do.

Riley

Asher remains in my thoughts for the better part of the day. I try to focus on other things, my duties, my people, but no matter what I do, I can’t seem to shake the thought of him.

The Reverend mentions to me around lunchtime that he intends to ask him to stay with us. He says we could use the extra help on the farm, especially with the east end having problems with the crops.

I nod, telling him I think the extra help would be a blessing, but inside, my body buzzes with excitement.

If Asher stays, this newfound fascination of mine might not be in vain. If he stays, we could be friends. Maybe more, if the Reverend deems it part of our path.

By the time my day is coming to a close, my nerves get the better of me. Aside from Asher, my thoughts have stayed locked on my counsel with the Reverend. He’s not mentioned it since the night before, so my mind is reeling with wonder by the time he pulls open the door to his chambers.

“I’ll expect to see you back here next week,” he says low to the young girl nodding up at him. “We’ll discuss the remainder of your penance then. Is that clear?”

“Yes, Reverend,” she says quietly, her voice just above a whisper.

“Very good,” he nods, sending her on her way before raising his eyes to mine. “Come on in, Sister Riley,” he says politely, giving me a warm smile. “Please, have a seat.”

I glance over to the girl, Sister Abigail, I believe. She looks like she’s been crying, which isn’t uncommon. Many times, I’d come to the chapel and seen our members leaving counsel with the Reverend, feeling and looking emotional.

He had that effect on many of our flock. I knew I couldn’t speak to her now, regardless of how much I’d like to reach out. We weren’t to interfere with the counsel of others.

Instead, I offer her a nod of sympathy, whispering a quick prayer for her light and peace as I make my way toward him.

“Thank you, Reverend,” I smile nervously, smoothing out my long skirt before taking a seat facing his large desk.

“I’m sure you’re wondering why I asked to speak with you tonight,” he starts, pulling a nod from me. “I’m very pleased with your work here in the chapel. I’ll be the first to admit, I was skeptical at first due to your age and the fact we’ve not had a woman working within these walls for some time,” he continues. “But so far, you’ve impressed me with your devotion and the strength of your light on this path.”

“Thank you, Reverend,” I smile, my cheeks hurting from the wide grin. “That’s very kind.”

“With your eighteenth year behind you, I think it’s important that we begin discussing your other duties here at the farm,” he continues, pulling another nervous nod from me. “You’ve been the subject of my prayer for the past few days, Riley. I’ve given this decision a lot of thought and asked for much guidance in this matter. I’m very delighted to tell you that the Lord has spoken to me, given me direction for your path. A God-fearing woman such as yourself should be coupled with a man who can both support you and offer you all the things you require,” he continues, leaning back in his seat, his hands in a steeple before him as he considers his next words. “It’s with great joy that I tell you that you’ve been betrothed to my own son, Tobias.”

“Tobias?” I ask, my voice coming out with a low break, silently praying I’d misheard him as blue eyes with gentle flecks of green inexplicably flash inside my mind.

Sara will be devastated…

Somehow, so am I.

“Yes,” he nods, his words sounding far away from me, although he doesn’t move an inch. “You know him well, don’t you?”

I do. Of the young men on the farm, Tobias is one of the sweetest, most active members in our community. Any of us would be lucky to call him our husband, but Sara had always had her eye on him and it had been clear he’d shared in the hope of one day gaining her affections. Although I know she’ll be supportive and understanding, this doesn’t feel right to me. I know his words should fill me with great joy, relief even, but they don’t.

Instead, they fill me with an inexplicable feeling of loss, confusion and guilt.

They fill my mind with the vision of Asher.

“I have to say, Riley,” he starts, his voice bringing me back to reality. “I thought you’d display a little more graciousness when I told you. Tobias is a good, God-fearing young man. During my counsel with him, he was very happy with the decision, but I don’t feel as though you’re truly grasping what a blessing this is.”

“No sir,” I start, shaking my head. “It’s not that, I’m just... well, I guess I’m just surprised is all.”

“Pleasantly, I hope?” he asks, his eyebrow quirking up slightly as he continues to look back at me.

“Yes, of course, Reverend Tucker,” I nod, biting back the lie. “It’s just...”

“What?”

“Tobias is a wonderful boy. I think he’s very sweet and honest, traits I would be foolish to not wish for in a husband,” I say gently. “But the truth is, Reverend, I’m not in love with him. I’d hoped...”

“Riley, no one is in love when they take their vows,” he chuckles, the sound making my heart sink. “This community of ours, it’s vital that we keep it running smoothly. In order to do that, we must rely on the word of God to help us along the way. I’m telling you now that He has come to me, told me that you and Tobias are to be married. That should be good enough for you.”

“Forgive me, Reverend,” I start nervously. “But if we want our community to flourish, shouldn’t we base our relationships on foundations that will hold in both good times and in bad? Isn’t
love
also vital? Shouldn’t we strive to marry those who are the keepers of our hearts? Wouldn’t that be best-?”

“The Lord is the keeper of your heart, Riley,” he cuts me off, the bite in his tone surprising me. “I won’t have you second guessing my decisions, is that clear? His word,
my word
, is final. Is that understood?”

“Yes sir,” I nod, fighting the tears that threaten. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you, I just...”

“Well, that’s alright,” he cuts me off, his voice lowering, but still holding an unfamiliar edge. “Riley, you look terrified.”

“I’m sorry,” I apologize, trying in vain to keep the shake from my voice.

I watch him as he stands, walking around the front of his desk and coming to a stop in front of me. He bends slightly, bringing his eyes closer to mine while still looking down on me, both literally and figuratively.

“I’ll tell you what,” he starts quietly, gently placing his fingertips at the end of my chin, angling my face to his. “Since you’re feeling a little shaky about things, why don’t you spend the next couple of weeks down in the infirmary? Maybe some time away from your coveted role here in the chapel will offer you a little more perspective? Help you to understand what a blessed life you’ve been leading,” he continues, the sneer in his threat making my heart sink with unease. “Maybe after some time away, you’ll start to be a little more appreciative of the path your light has afforded you.”

“Reverend, I do app...” I try, but my plea is cut off again by his cold tone.

“Maybe time away will help you to understand why my word is final,” he says, pulling away to tower over me. “Why I will
not
be questioned.”

“Yes sir,” I nod, swiping at the tear that slides down my cheek.

“Your engagement will be announced at service two weeks from Sunday,” he continues, moving to pull the door open, gesturing for me to leave. “I’ll expect you to display more gratitude in front of the congregation. Don’t disappoint me again, Riley.”

“I won’t, Reverend,” I promise, turning to face him as apology stains my face. “Be blessed.”

“And you,” he says quickly before closing the door in my face.

Asher

When the door swings open to the infirmary that night, my heart catches in my throat as Riley makes her way inside. As usual, she stops to talk to Sara, my nurse and her good friend, but the look in her eyes tells me her visit isn’t a happy one.

Once she finds the nurses’ station empty, she sits alone in the chair for a moment, trying her best to control her emotions. She’s unaware of my eyes on her from the slit in the divider. I feel a slight twinge of guilt in my chest for watching her so intently, but I can’t stop. Something about her sadness, her disconnect from the girl I’ve known up til now tugs at my chest as I watch her swipe her fingertips over her cheeks.

Standing, I move closer, willing her to come to me and hating when she doesn’t. I step to the side and in my desperation, I bump against the small table, knocking it over. The clang of the metal against the concrete floor pulls her eyes to where I’m standing, pulling a low string of profanity from my lips.

Bending carefully, I try my best to retrieve the few items that litter the floor, but with my bandages still in place, I find the effort futile.

“Asher?” she asks from behind me, pulling my eyes to hers. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” I nod, memorizing the shape of her lips as she bends to help me clean up my mess. “Are you?”

“Of course,” she says, still refusing to look at me.

When the lure of her skin is too much to bear, I reach over, gently tilting her chin to face me.

“You’ve been crying,” I whisper, running the pad of my thumb over her still damp cheek. “What happened to you?”

I don’t miss the way she slightly leans into my touch before catching herself, placing her hand over mine and gently squeezing it before releasing me.

“Nothing’s happened to me,” she tries, the way she stumbles over the mistruth making me smirk. “I’m just fine.”

“You know, you’re not a very good liar,” I counter, her cheeks blazing at having been caught. “But if you don’t want to talk to me, I can’t force you to. You’re your own person, the creator of your own fate.”

“No, I’m not,” she mumbles, so low I think I may have imagined it.

I watch her bite her lip, shaking her head clear before she watches me stand, looming over her. Her eyes meet mine, both of us staring intently for a moment before I extend my hand to hers.

She places her hand in mine, the smoothness of her skin against my calloused flesh sending waves of something new through me.

She stumbles as I pull her up, her breath hitching as I place my free hand on her waist, steadying her against my chest. I think she’ll move away immediately, but when she doesn’t it surprises us both.

“If you’re not the master of your own fate, then who is?” I ask her, the feel of her hot breath against my bare chest sending chills over my skin.

“It doesn’t matter,” she shakes her head, pulling away from me and smoothing out her dress. “I’ve come to offer you friendship and prayer,” she mumbles, her voice hoarse from the exchange. “Would you like that?”

“I don’t want to be your friend, Riley,” I admit, my words making her face fall, but my husky voice only further confusing her.

“I’m not sure I understand,” she whispers, her eyes trying desperately to lock onto anything but my chest. “Have I done something wrong?”

“No,” I whisper, shaking my head.

“Do you want me to leave?”

I should tell her to go.

Every second that’s passed since she loomed over me in that field, my thoughts have been consumed with her skin on mine, the taste of her flesh. This kind of obsession wouldn’t be healthy for anyone, but it’s even more fucked up now.

Riley isn’t the kind of girl who’d ever want to be with a man like me. I shouldn’t care about that, either.

I never even gave much thought to the kind of man I even was until I met her. Now, that thought consumes me, second only to Riley.

I shouldn’t care about what’s bothering her, making her cry, but damn if I don’t want to fix it.

I shouldn’t want to.

I should just tell her to go.

One look into those big green eyes of hers and I know...

I couldn’t speak the words to make her leave even if I wanted to.

“No,” I shake my head, watching her features soften as I raise my fingertips to her cheek, lightly brushing the stray tendrils away from her face. “No, Riley. I don’t want you to go.”

Riley

As his fingers graze my skin, something sparks inside my chest, making me stifle a quiver at his touch.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” he asks, the feel of his breath dancing over my face making my own waver. “Riley, you’re trembling.”

“I’m okay,” I manage, nodding before pulling away from him and reaching for the Bible I set on the chair. “Would you like me to read to you?”

“Is it okay if we talk tonight instead?” he asks, slowly perching himself on the edge of the cot, bending over slightly so that his elbows rest against his knees, facing me.

“I suppose that would be alright,” I say quietly, mesmerized by the way shards of moonlight break through the window, highlighting the contours of his skin. “What would you like to talk about?”

“Anything,” he says, his voice low and full of thought as he holds my eyes. “I just... I just want to know more about you, Riley. You’ve told me all about this place you call home, but not very much about you.”

“I’m afraid there isn’t very much to tell,” I admit, giving him a slight shrug. “Besides, I don’t know very much about you, either. Maybe that’s best if you’re intent is to leave?”

“Who said anything about leaving?” he asks, making my heart catch in my throat.

I’d not told him Reverend Tucker’s intention of asking him to stay, become a part of our struggling community. Although the idea had my chest buzzing with prospect just hours ago, Asher wasn’t the type I’d ever thought would stay. Not only that, any excitement I’d had this morning had been effectively squashed at counsel.

Finding his eyes trained on me, watching my every move, I shake my head clear and compose myself as quickly as I can.

“I just assumed...” I stammer, looking away before growing lost in my own thoughts. “Asher, you’re a self-proclaimed gypsy. Why would you want to stay here?”

“You’re right about that,” he whispers, his words pulling my attention back to him, the closeness of his lips to mine causing my breathing to hitch yet again. “A place like this isn’t somewhere I ever thought I’d call home, but I’m finding it more appealing by the day.”

I stare back at him, feeling intoxicated by his gaze at the same time fear courses through me.

Not fear of Asher.

Although I’d meant what I said, I didn’t know much about him, I knew he was nothing to fear. Something about him, something I couldn’t put my finger on, told me he’d die before he let me perish.

No, my fear was not for him, it was for me.

It’s wrong and it doesn’t make sense, but I want him in ways I’d never known, ways I wasn’t sure were possible before now.

In this moment, that realization strikes me. In this moment, I feel lost in ways I’d never felt before.

“Tell me a secret, Riley,” he says low, breaking my thoughts.

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to say,” I confess, my voice low.

“Why?”

“Because I’ve never had a secret,” I start, searching his face with newfound fascination. “And perhaps because no one’s ever asked me about myself before. No one’s ever cared enough to want to know anything about
me
.”

The look in his eyes as the words stumble from my lips is one of compassion laced with disbelief. He glances down between us, his fingertips grazing mine as he stays close, invading my space in ways I shouldn’t allow, but can’t help but crave.

“That’s a shame, Riley,” he says low, still tracing my fingers with his own calloused hands.

“Why?” I breathe, unable to steady my words at his touch.

“Because,” he begins, his eyes shifting up to mine. “I’m finding it hard to imagine anything you could say that wouldn’t leave me completely enraptured.”

His words render me speechless, tugging at an inner need I’d never realized I’d had until he spoke. He leans forward, one hand remaining wrapped in mine as the other grazes the edge of my cheek, leaving me lightheaded. As his lips graze mine, something inside me jolts to attention and I shirk away, stumbling backwards.

“I have to...” I manage, the feel of his strong hands steadying me further hindering my ability to breathe. “Asher, I should go.”

I bend to grab my Bible, dusting it off quickly before I turn to face him again.

“Riley, wait...” he starts, but I shake my head, cutting him off.

“Be blessed, Asher,” I choke out. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”