Big Girls Drama (19 page)

Vivian's house was absolutely beautiful. I'm not going to lie, I didn't expect her to live in a house this nice. She was very stylish, but this home was far beyond what I'd dreamed for myself. I was happy her house was taking my mind off what I was about to do. Now that it was getting closer to me telling my friends everything, my nerves were shaken. I couldn't figure out, after all this time, why I was choosing now to spill the tea on my life. Maybe it was my testimony today. Maybe I wasn't only speaking to the hypocrites in the church, I was also speaking to myself.

“Sis, I know I asked to stay with you for a while, but I'm getting ready to leave you and make Vivian my new sister, honey,” Victor said standing by the fireplace in the living room. “I mean, look at these ceilings, will you? I haven't seen anything like this.”

“It's gorgeous. Vivian, you have a very beautiful home,” Kellie agreed.

“Thank you.”

“I mean, seriously, y'all must be bringing in the chips to be living like this,” Victor assumed.

“Actually, this house is not as much as people think it is. We got a pretty good deal on it. The buyers were in a hurry to sell,” Vivian explained.

“Well, I'm glad someone like you is living here,” Victor said.

“Why? So you can come over here all the time?” Sonya asked.

“Exactly. I'm back in the Carolinas now. You ladies need to get used to seeing my pretty face around here.”

As everyone chatted amongst each other getting comfortable in the space, Vivian asked me if I could come with her to the adjacent kitchen to help, which I happily obliged.

“Monica, what's wrong? You don't seem yourself,” she asked with concern as she cupped my elbow gently.

I smiled weakly before responding with, “I'm nervous.”

“About what?”

“What I have to tell you all. I've done some things, Vivian.”

“Look, whatever you have to say, it's not going to change the friendship we've developed. We've all done things we are not proud of, trust me. There is not enough time in a day to tell you what I've been through.”

“But—”

“No buts, Monica. You are an awesome person. Look how you accepted me into this circle. You didn't have to do that. So stop worrying yourself. Besides, from what I know about these ladies and Victor, I don't think you have anything to worry about. They aren't going to treat you any differently. So, spill your truth. God has brought you this far. He's not about to leave you now.”

Grinning with appreciation, I reached out and hugged Vivian tenderly saying, “Thank you so much.”

“Anytime, girl. I'm here for you,” she comforted rubbing my back.

“All right, you two. That's enough of that. Where's the bubbly?” Victor interrupted and all Vivian and I could do was laugh at his flamboyant behind.

We both helped Vivian gather the wineglasses and bottles of wine and took it into the living room. Victor did the honors of popping the cork and pouring each of us a drink. After we all nestled back into Vivian's comfortable seating, Sonya turned to me to ask what this little get-together was about.

“Okay, Monica, what do you have to tell us? You've kept me hanging all afternoon now.”

“I thought you didn't like to hear about people's drama,” I countered.

“We never get to hear anything going on with you. But some people, who shall remain nameless, we know their entire life story,” she said, cutting her eyes at Kellie.

“Excuse me? Are you throwing shade my way?”

“I wasn't trying to be shady. I'm just saying out of this bunch, the only person we know a lot about is you.”

“You
are
my friend, right?” Kellie asked Sonya.

“Yes.”

“Then why do you have a problem with me venting what's going on with me every now and then?” Kellie asked.

I could feel the mood in the room beginning to change and felt like this situation was going to get worse.

“You see, that's where you're wrong. It's not every now and then. It's
every time
we see you.”

“Sonya, what have I said today?”

“Nothing. And I'm surprised. Maybe it's because Victor is here and the fact you've already vented to him. I don't know, but you are right. You haven't said anything today.”

Here I was trying to speak my truth, and these two were getting into it. I swear if I didn't know any better, I wouldn't think they weren't friends at all. One minute they are fine, and the next, they are going back and forth. Unfortunately, the negativity was always coming from Sonya. She always found a reason to antagonize Kellie. As much as I loved her, she really needed to give Kellie a break. Especially after she told Vivian and I what happened to her last night.

“Sonya, come on. Leave Kellie alone,” I pleaded, hoping I could somehow get back to the subject of me and what I needed to tell them.

“She came at me.”

I started to tell Sonya that she was the one who threw shade first, but before I could say anything, Kellie erupted.

“You act like I was supposed to ignore your slick comment, Sonya. I'm getting tired of you ragging on me all the time.”

“Please,” Sonya dismissed her as she took another sip of her wine.

“No, I'm really tired of it. I would think of all of us,
you
would be the one who could relate.”

The room fell silent as we were watching this scene unfold. Vivian placed her wineglass down as Victor turned his up. Our gazes shifted from one to the other as we waited for Sonya to respond. It was in her nature to defend herself, but it wasn't in Kellie's nature to get as angry as she was getting. I guess when you poked someone for too long, they eventually snap back.

“What does that mean?” Sonya asked, giving Kellie a cold stare.

“Your life is not all peaches and cream.”

“I never said it was. Just because I don't tell everything going on with me doesn't mean everything is good,” Sonya said, getting heated.

“I'm not you, though. I release my pressure. You, you let it build up while you play bully.”

“Kellie, you better back off before you step to something you can't handle,” Sonya warned.

“Okay, ladies, this is getting out of control,” Victor said, scooting to the edge of the sofa, trying to minimize the confrontation. “We did not come over here for this. We are here to support Monica and hear what she has to say.”

“Victor, no. I'm sick of Sonya and her damn mouth. I have never done anything but try to be her friend.”

“Kellie . . .” Sonya cautioned.

“She's a single mother whose daughter is crying out for attention that she can't get from her own mother. But she worries about what I'm talking about. She needs to take that energy she's using to pick on me and figure out a way to be there for Meena.”

Sonya jumped up and lunged for Kellie. Vivian was quick on her feet and jumped in between the two and blocked Sonya before she could put her hands on Kellie.

“Don't you ever talk about my daughter,” Sonya bellowed as she struggled to get at Kellie.

“I'm not talking about your daughter. I'm talking about
you
and how you need to step your game up when it concerns her.”

“Kellie, please. Stop it,” I said. Of course, she ignored me and continued with her tirade.

“You don't think I know you only allowed Meena to come over to my house last night so you could sleep with Dempsey?”

“And?”

“Do you ever wonder how that makes
her
feel?”

“Kellie, when you have kids, then maybe you can give me advice on how to be a mother.”

The room went silent again, this time knowing the level of things being spoken was being taken way too far.

“Sonya, no,” Vivian advised.

“No, what? She needs to have kids of her own before she goes telling me how to raise mine.”

I don't know if Sonya forgot about Kellie's possible inability to have kids, or she just didn't care. Either way, her saying this made this squabble a lot worse.

Kellie dropped her head as her eyes filled with tears, and Victor came to his sister's rescue.

“Okay, Sonya. You've taken this too far now. You know what my sister is dealing with, and you didn't have to say that,” Victor said, wrapping his arm around Kellie's shoulders.

“She didn't have to bring Meena into this conversation. You don't talk about somebody's child,” Sonya argued.

“Did you even listen to what she said? She wasn't talking about Meena. She was talking
for
Meena,” Victor informed.

Those words caused Sonya to think twice. She literally stood motionless as she allowed his words to filter through her mind. Hell, we all did. I could appreciate Victor's way of saying this to my friend because it did make her stop and listen.

“My sister would never say anything negative about Meena, and you know it. She loves that girl like a sister. That's why she wanted her to stay last night, so she could see where her head was at.”

Sonya stepped back from Vivian who was still blocking her path, and we watched as Sonya settled down on the sofa. She seemed taken aback, like she knew she handled this situation wrong, or at least that was what I was hoping. Her lips didn't part, which was a clear sign, as she allowed Victor to continue.

“Not only was Kellie being a friend to Meena, she was also being a friend to you by being there for your daughter. But you couldn't see that. All you heard was her bringing your daughter into this conversation, and you couldn't do anything but become defensive. My sister knows you are trying to be the best mom you can be. But she also knows some things you can do to improve communication with Meena, that's all. Your daughter is beautiful and smart. But she's also lonely, Sonya. But I don't think you needed me to tell you that,” Victor finished.

I almost gave that man a round of applause. He spoke truth with compassion, and that was what was missing when Sonya and Kellie were going back and forth with each other. He definitely accomplished a miracle, and that was shutting Sonya down but in a respectful way.

“Umm,” Kellie said, clearing her throat. “I think it's time for me to leave.” She looked up at Victor who still had her in his embrace, and he nodded.

“Kellie, please. You don't have to leave,” Vivian urged.

“It's evident Sonya feels some kind of way about me. I'm not sure why, but it has definitely become clear to me today that she really hasn't been a friend of mine.”

“That's not true,” I said, looking at Sonya to fix this, or at least say she was Kellie's friend. All she had to say was she was sorry and that could possibly fix this, but Sonya sat there and didn't say anything. Now, she was pissing
me
off.

“Sonya, say something,” I urged. We all stared at her to say something, but she kept her lips sealed.

Removing herself from Victor's embrace, Kellie walked over and picked up her purse, saying, “Vivian, thank you for inviting me to your beautiful home. I'm sorry all of this happened.”

I could tell Victor wasn't ready to go, but his loyalty lay with his sister, and I loved that about him. He gulped down the last of his wine and followed Kellie out of Vivian's home.

Seeming unfazed about Kellie leaving, Sonya picked up her wineglass, took a sip from it and leaned back like things were cool. I eyed Vivian, who looked just as confused as I was. I didn't know if this was a sign to keep quiet about what I wanted to say, but it was evident today was not going to be the day for me to say anything, and I had Sonya to thank for that.

I was boiling inside. The nerve of Kellie thinking she could tell me how to raise my daughter when she wasn't even a mother to start with. Not saying she couldn't give me advice, but why wait until we have a disagreement to bring it up. If she was any type of friend like she claimed to be, she would have talked to me about Meena way before now instead of waiting to use my daughter against me. And that's why I kept my mouth shut. I really wasn't worried about how she felt or her damn tears right now.

“Sonya,
really?
” Monica asked furiously.

“Did you hear the things Kellie said?”

“Did you hear the things that
Victor
said? What? Did that go complete over your head?”

“I heard what he said.”

“And that didn't warrant a response?”

“What was I supposed to say?” I asked with frustration.

“How about ‘I'm sorry'?” Monica shot back.

“This was not my fault,” she retorted. “Vivian, you are neutral to this. Do you feel like this was my fault?”

Vivian looked back and forth between the two of us before answering with a “Yes. I felt like you started this.”

“How?”

Vivian sat down, sighing before saying, “By talking about Kellie always talking about her problems.”

“It's true. Y'all act like I'm supposed to have sympathy for the ignorant decisions she's made.” I couldn't believe the two of them were not on my side.

“Yes, she was the one who chose to love her husband and trust him,” Monica explained.

“Which is why she's in the situation she's in. If she would have left him like I advised, then maybe she wouldn't be in the predicament she's in right now.”

Monica sighed in disappointment as she walked away from me. She turned and looked at me like she couldn't believe what I was saying to her.

“She may not be able to have children, Sonya. Did you remember
that
when you said what you said?”

“Yes, but—”

“Do you like Kellie?” Monica interrupted by asking.

“Do you want the truth?”

“Please. I asked,” Monica countered.

“No, I don't care for her. I put up with her for you.”

There. It was finally out. I didn't care too much for Kellie. Maybe if I would have told this truth earlier in our relationship, there wouldn't be this confusion now.

“That doesn't make any sense, Sonya. You don't like her, but you use her as a babysitter to Meena?”

“Monica, I would recommend you not go there. You saw what happened when Kellie brought my daughter into this conversation.”

“I don't care, Sonya. I've known you a lot longer than Kellie has. These ladies may not know how much you've struggled, but I do.”

“I didn't
use
Kellie.”

“Where was Meena last night?” Monica asked.

I hesitated.

“Where?” she yelled.

“She was with Kellie.”

“And didn't Kellie bring her to church this morning?”

“Yes, but—”

“No buts. You were dead wrong, Sonya. Kellie cares for you. It's evident she cares for Meena also. I think you got mad because there was some truth in what Kellie was saying.”

Now it was my turn to get up and walk away from Monica. I didn't feel like hearing this nonsense. I walked into Vivian's kitchen and placed my wineglass on the counter. I placed my palms down on the cold granite and leaned forward, lowering my head. I needed to calm down because this afternoon had become way too much for me to deal with.

“Why did you leave?” she said, entering the kitchen. “Was there some truth in what Kellie said?”

“I know what's going on with my daughter,” I said firmly.

“You think you do. Even the best mother doesn't know everything going on with their child.”

I stood upright and turned to face Monica. Vivian was standing to the side, leaning against the sink with her arms crossed, watching us intently.

“Look, the fact still remains I don't care for Kellie. That's it. Why can't you leave this alone?” I asked.

“Because I think there's more to it than that. What? You jealous of her or something?”

“Jealous of what?” I asked with a grimace.

“She's gorgeous and is married,” Monica named.

“I'm not a toad or nothing. I look good too. And as for being married, she's with a man who keeps cheating on her and infects her with diseases. You think I'm supposed to be jealous of
that?
” I laughed.

Monica inched toward me, her shoes echoing off the tile floors as she said, “She's skinnier than you.”

That
hit a nerve with me. I stared defiantly at Monica, not saying a word.

“I see I've hit a hot button with you.”

“Skinny women . . . they . . . They make me sick,” I muttered tersely.

“So you hate all skinny women, is that it?”

“Yes. I can't stand them bitches. Flaunting their toned bodies, around looking at me like I'm beneath them. It makes me sick.”

“You sure that's not in your imagination?”

“I'm not crazy. I know how I've been treated.”

“Has Kellie treated you like you are beneath her?” Monica asked.

“No, but—”

“Sonya, come on. You know Kellie is not that type of person. You shouldn't punish a group of individuals for the ignorance of some.”

I actually hadn't thought about it like that.

“If Kellie was fat like us, then you would like her better?” Monica asked.

“Maybe,” I mumbled.

“So all this time, you've picked on her and been mean to her, not because she speaks her mind and tells us all her business, it's because she's skinny?”

“I wouldn't expect you to understand,” I told Monica.

“Then what about me?” Vivian finally interrupted.

She'd patiently sat back and allowed me and Monica to talk about this situation. I glanced at her, forgetting we were still in her house.

“Sonya, I've kept my distance and comments to myself because I didn't want to overstep my bounds, but now I'm going to say something.”

“Please do,” Monica replied.

“It does seem like you've been really hard on Kellie. When I first met you two, I didn't know you were friends at all. I know Kellie sees you as her friend, but you acted like you didn't like her. To hear now it's because she's skinny, it makes sense.”

“How does it make sense?” Monica asked in confusion.

“I have five sisters. Well, now four. One has passed, and one is in jail.”

I was surprised because Vivian had yet to allow us into her business, not until now. To hear she's lost a sibling and another is in jail was a lot to take in and made my issues seem like nothing. With as much sympathy as I could muster, I said, “I'm sorry, Vivian.”

“It's okay. I can't say it's not difficult, but I'm learning to deal with it. The point I wanted to make is out of all my sisters, I was the fat one. I was the chunky one, the fluffy one, the jolly one—hell, the biggest one, and I didn't like it. I used to get ‘she's cute for a big girl' or ‘she's stylish for a big girl.' For years, I wondered what that meant. Why did all the sentences have to end in ‘for a big girl'? There were times I didn't like my sisters because they were skinnier than me. None of them know I've felt this way, but I have. I just kept it to myself. ”

Monica and I were concentrating deeply on what Vivian was saying.

“I felt like I was the black sheep in my family, even though I was the oldest. I felt like I had to try extra hard in everything I did because I'd already lost when it came to body image. My sisters had that category locked. Did it build resentment within me? Absolutely. Did it make me dislike women who were a lot skinner than I was? Hell yeah. But I've learned to live with it.”

“That's the problem. Why do we have to learn to live with it?” I asked.

“Maybe those weren't the best choice of words to use. There's a lot that goes on in the world we all have to learn to live with. Weight just happens to be a subject that's sensitive to us because being skinny is something we want to be. Television pushes weight loss and images of having the ‘perfect' body. Magazines seem to celebrate women who are not as voluptuous as us. Even society gives us the side eye because they may think we don't fit the mode in what's beautiful, not realizing we are just as fantastic as the next person.”

“I don't want to be skinny,” I admitted.

“I wouldn't want to be Kellie's size. She looks amazing, but I don't think I would look right being as small as she is. A couple of sizes lower, I would be happy. But until I can get fully happy with me and love me in the body I'm in, I'm going to always find wrong with the world because I'm finding so much wrong with me.”

Vivian was speaking to my soul. It was like she was in my head telling me everything I had been feeling for years. And if I would have stepped back and looked at the life God dealt me, I would have recognized my insecurities started with my mother and the lifestyle she led, only to include me in it later. When had I had the opportunity to love me when life, along with me being a single mother, overshadowed the love I should have been giving to myself?

“I wish I can tell you ladies I've learned to love myself, but I haven't yet. Not fully. This is why I have a problem accepting the fact my husband loves me.”

“But I do,” a deep voice said, causing all of us to turn in the direction it came from.

Vivian's husband was walking in the kitchen looking fine as hell. I knew it was rude to stare, but I could gawk at that man forever. He walked over to Vivian and pulled her into him.

“Did you hear me? I said I love you. There is never going to be another woman who can take your place, Viv.”

He leaned down and kissed her tenderly, and in that moment, I became jealous of Vivian too. Not like that. I was happy for her. Seeing them together only reminded me of a love I once had with Kegan.

“I guess this is our cue to leave,” Monica hinted.

“Oh no, please. Don't leave,” Sheldon urged as he turned to us. “You ladies continue with your discussion. I didn't mean to interrupt. I just wanted my wife to know I do love her just the way she is, and I'm not going anywhere for nobody.”

“Girl, if you don't want him, I'll take him,” I said chuckling.

“You are one lucky woman,” Monica added.

“I know. And so are you, Sonya, to have a true friend like Kellie.”

“I know you are right.”

“You don't have to call her tonight. Think about what I said, but try to fix this. The feelings you have toward her really don't have anything to do with her. It's your insecurities trying to ruin a good thing. Don't you allow that devil to come in and steal her from you.”