Big Girls Drama (20 page)

In the park swinging on the swing set, I let the mulch beneath my feet be my cushion as I pushed off to fluctuate back and forth. I enjoyed the wind caressing my face with its coolness which aided in extinguishing my sweltering rage. I needed this quiet moment to myself. It gave me an opportunity to think in peace without any interruptions. That's why I dropped Vic off at my house, telling him I would be back after a while. He didn't bother to question me, knowing I was going somewhere to clear my head. He kissed me on my forehead and told me he loved me before going into the house.

Usually the park was bustling with people walking their dogs or jogging, trying to get a workout in. Or there was some mom or dad pushing their child on the swing or tossing a ball back and forth, but for some reason, the park seemed empty. There were a few individuals, but not as many as I was used to seeing, which I thoroughly enjoyed. Why couldn't I go back to times like this when life was so much easier?

The park was a place I found comfort in because my dad used to bring me to the park all the time when I was a little girl. I smiled at the memory of him pushing me on the swing and catching me when I slid down a sliding board. Nothing felt better than knowing he was always there to catch me. I thought about him all the time and wished he was here to talk with me. He would know the exact words to say to me about dealing with any turmoil I was going through. Looking up at the arctic-blue sky, I closed my eyes and began to talk to him.

“Dad, I miss you so much. I wish you were here to tell me what I need to do. I'm hurt. I'm confused. I'm angry, and I don't want to do anything I will regret. I've tried to make you proud and do things the right way, like you taught me, Dad, but, it's getting so hard,” I said, getting choked up. “I miss you so much. I just need you to hold me in your arms one more time and tell me it's going to be okay.”

I paused, thinking of his round face, and the reflection in my mind made me smile.

“All I have is memories now, which I will cherish for as long as I live. I know you are my guardian angel looking over me. I love you more than my words can say.”

A tear streamed down my face, and I reached up to swipe it away. More tears began to fall, and before I knew it, I was covering my face and weeping like a baby. The weight of everything that was going on in my life came spilling out. My marriage, the cheating, my husband's lover, the sexually transmitted disease, the possibility of me not being able to have children, and my failing friendship with Sonya were all too much to handle.

“Are you okay?” a husky voice startled me, causing me to jump slightly as I opened my eyes.

In front of me stood a tall, mahogany brother who had a concerned look on his face as he stared at me. By his side stood a little girl who was gawking at me too with her little hand in his.

“I'm okay,” I said swiping at my tears.

I knew I looked a hot mess. Looking at my tear-drenched hands, I could see my mascara was ruining everything. Using the back of my hand, I did my best to get my appearance back on point, but it was no use. This man had already seen me look my worst.

“Are you sure?” he asked.

“I'm just having a moment,” I giggled weakly.

“I didn't mean to interrupt you,” his baritone voice said.

“No, you are fine. I was just talking to my dad.”

The man looked around like he was searching for my father, and I instantly felt embarrassed. He looked at me like I was crazy.

“My father has passed. The park was our favorite place together. So, I come here to talk to him when I'm going through some difficult times,” I explained with a nervous chuckle.

His sincere expression let me know he understood.

“It's good to know men like your dad exist.”

“Thank you,” I said.

“I lost my mother a year ago, so I completely understand where you're coming from.”

“It's crazy how hard it still is.”

“I know, right? My mother was my rock. I still pick up the phone to call her, realizing she's no longer here. I feel like an idiot when I do that.”

“Just like I do now. I mean, look at me,” I said wiping my hands on my black-pleated skirt. “I look like a crazy woman.”

“You look fine to me,” he said tenderly.

The way he said it caused me to gaze at him, only to notice he was looking at me compassionately. The handsome man smiled, causing my stomach to flutter.

“Daddy, can I swing now?” the little girl asked him.

“Oh, I'm sorry,” I said, getting off the swing. “Here you go, sweetie. Aren't you a cutie-pie.”

“Thank you,” she said sweetly.

I watched as the little girl let go of his hand and ran over to the swing I was just in.

“How old is she?” I asked.

“She just turned five. I can't believe she's starting elementary school in September,” he said as we both watched her rock back and forth to make the swing sway.

“By the way, my name is Landon,” he said holding his hand out. “And that's Gabrielle.”

I looked at my hand, which had smears of mascara, and hesitated shaking his. He reached over and took my hands into his, letting me know it was okay.

Smiling genuinely, I said, “My name is Kellie.”

“It's nice to meet you, Kellie.”

I don't know what it was about this man, but I really found him attractive. I was always leery of men I came in contact with because most were always gawking at me like I was a piece of steak. I didn't get that from Landon. For some reason, this man made me feel comfortable around him. But most killers did, didn't they?
Damn, I've watched too much Wendy Williams,
I thought. She always said the killer is lurking.

“Daddy, come push me,” his daughter demanded in her cute squeaky voice.

“I'm coming, honey. Give Daddy one second.”

“Let me leave so you can get back to your sweetie pie,” I said.

“Are you sure you're okay? You don't have to leave if you don't want to.”

“I am. Thanks for asking. Besides, I don't want to intrude.”

“You are not intruding at all. This is an open park. You are more than welcome to join us.”

“I don't know,” I said with hesitance.

“Please. Stay. Do you see that young lady,” he said pointing to Gabrielle. “She's going to wear me out. We can be out here an hour swinging, and she would still want to stay. As much as I love this quality time with her, a brother needs a break and sometimes a little adult conversation. You would be amazed at the things my daughter brings up to talk about sometimes. It scares me.”

I laughed at Landon, thinking I loved his sense of humor. I decided to join in the fun.

“So, what you are saying is you want to use me for a break?” I asked jokingly.

Chuckling, he said, “Of course.”

I laughed, asking, “Then how can I say no to that?”

Landon nodded with a smile as his daughter called out to him.

“Daddy, come push me.”

“Stay right here,” he said as he scurried over to his daughter.

I stood and watched, happy he'd invited me to be a part of his father-daughter moment. The little girl squealed with laughter as Landon pushed her. She grinned as that same wind that was caressing my face was now embracing hers. Her daddy made sure she went high, and it looked like she enjoyed every bit of it. He smiled at me as he pushed his daughter who screamed, “Higher, Daddy, higher.”

Remembering my father doing the same thing, I beamed, knowing he was here with me. I knew that was my father's way of letting me know
you are going to be just fine
. I was going to take it as that because seeing this dad and daughter together gave me a comforting feeling that I hadn't felt in a long while.

I wasn't sure how long I was in the park with Landon and his daughter, but I knew it was long enough for my brother to call me several times to make sure I was okay. I ignored the first three calls, but I finally answered him, letting him know I was okay.

When I hung up, Landon asked, “Your boyfriend?”

“No, that was my brother. He's worried about me.”

“You don't look like you should have any worries,” Landon said, watching his daughter climb the jungle gym in the park as we sat on a nearby picnic table.

“You would be amazed.”

Gabrielle ran over to her dad and asked, “Daddy, are you ever going to tell me where babies come from?”

“I've told you already.”

“Babies don't come from bakeries, Daddy. I asked Mom.”

“Then where did your mother tell you babies come from?” Landon asked his daughter.

“She told me to ask you again.”

Smiling warmly, Landon said, “Babies come from a special garden where people plant seeds.”

“Can we go find some of those seeds, because I want a brother or sister? I can help plant them,” Gabrielle said.

Landon sighed nervously, mumbling, “I want you to stay away from those seeds.”

“Why?” she asked, tilting her little head.

“You weren't supposed to hear that young lady,” he said.

“Why?” she asked again.

“Gabrielle, we will talk about this later, sweetie. We are going home in a little bit. So, go have a little more fun before we go, okay?”

“Okay, Daddy,” she said running back over to the jungle gym to have more fun.

With his hands clasped in front of him, he dropped his head, blowing out a deep sigh. All I could do was giggle at him.

“You see what I'm talking about? She stopped everything she was doing to ask me that. Where do kids get these questions from?”

“She sounds like a smart little girl,” I complimented.

“She's too smart. And I wasn't playing when I said I wanted her to stay away from seeds,” he said, shaking like the image disturbed him. “My daughter may not ever be planting any seeds of her own if I have anything to do with it.”

I laughed to myself, realizing he was a lot like my dad. My father didn't want me having any kids either. Not any time soon. Little did he know I may not ever be able to have any.

“There you go again. What's on your mind?” Landon asked, noticing I'd drifted off a bit.

“Just things,” I answered hopelessly.

“I hope you know whatever you're going through, it's going to work itself out.”

“How do you know?” I asked.

“Faith.”

His answered stunned me. Not because it wasn't correct, but because it was something my father talked to me about when he was alive.

“You do have faith, don't you?” Landon asked warmly.

“I would like to think I do, but sometimes, I feel like I have none,” I said honestly.

“It's okay.”

“But it's not okay. I need to have faith things will work out . . . but I don't. The way things have been going in my life, I'm waiting for the next negative moment to happen to me.”

“If you are looking for it to come, then it's going to come. Bad things or negative things will always happen, because that's life. Unfortunately, we are not living in heaven. I pray I make it there.”

I chuckled at his humor.

“There's always going to be bad times, but there are going to be good times as well. There is no reason for you to sit and be unhappy about the bad things that may happen when you can concentrate on the good things that are.”

“Can you say that again?”

“No. That was a mouthful,” he chuckled.

“I know you're right, but it's easier said than done,” I disputed.

“True, but you have to smile your way through.”

“Is that what you do?” I asked.

“Not all the time. Giving you advice is a lot easier than me taking my own.”

Remembering my conversation with Sonya earlier, I knew that all too well.

“I tried to give a friend advice today, and I believe it ruined our friendship,” I told him.

“It didn't sound like she was a friend to start with,” Landon surmised.

I looked at him with a puzzled expression. He understood my look and went on to explain. “If you were truly friends, something as simple as advice shouldn't ruin a friendship. That's what friends do . . . advise one another, especially when we see our friends maybe doing something that could hurt them in the long run.”

“I would like to think we were friends. I was definitely a friend to her,” I said.

“But was she a friend to you?” Landon asked.

That was one of the things I'd been racking my mind about all day. To know we'd been hanging out with each other this long and her allowing her daughter to stay with me, how could Sonya not be my friend? It was very difficult to think she never was one.

“Sometimes, we force relationships to work in our lives. Whether friendships or partnerships, it doesn't take one person to make these things work. All parties have to be a part of making any relationship work.”

I looked at Landon who watched his daughter enjoy herself wondering where this man came from.

“Daddy, I'm hungry,” Gabrielle said, running back over to Landon.

“Me too, honey. What do you want to eat?”

“Pizza,” she said with excitement.

“I think Daddy can make that happen.”

Landon stood to his feet and scooped his daughter into his arms.

“I'm tired too, Daddy,” Gabrielle told him, laying her head on his broad shoulder.