Big Girls Drama (24 page)

I was a nervous wreck. I sat on the examination table in the room, foot bouncing from the waiting. Vic sat in one of the two chairs in the room watching me as I tried not to have a nervous breakdown.

“Kell, chill. Everything is going to turn out fine.”

“How do you know that?”

“I just do. So, will you please be still and stop acting like ants are in your pants.”

This caused me to giggle. I was happy my brother was here for moral support because I didn't think I could do this on my own.

It wasn't long before Dr. Hoffman walked in holding her tablet. Following her was a young woman also in a white lab coat.

“Hello, Kellie.”

“Hi, Dr. Hoffman.”

“This is Amanda. She's a med student who will be shadowing me today. Is this okay with you?”

“Of course,” I responding thinking she could have twenty students following her as long as I got the news I wanted.

“I see you brought your brother. Wow, I haven't seen you in quite some time,” Dr. Hoffman greeted.

“It's good to see you again. You look good. You haven't changed a bit,” Vic complimented.

“Thank you.”

All this chitchat was good, but I really wanted to get to why we were here in the first place. We could socialize after the results.

“So, I guess we should get down to why you are here.”

“Yes, please,” I said anxiously.

Swiping across the tablet, Dr. Hoffman scanned the screen before looking back at me.

“Kellie, you are fine.”

I sighed the biggest sigh of relief. My hands were covering the biggest grin ever. Tears began to form as Vic clapped his hands with elation.

“I told you, Kell.”

“Dr. Hoffman, are you sure? I will be able to have children?”

“Yes, your reproductive organs look wonderful. The pains you were having were a complication from the STD.”

“I never thought I would be happy to hear that,” I said giggling. “You've made me the happiest woman ever.”

“I'm glad I could give you this good news.”

“Will she need to have any more tests done?” Vic asked.

“Not right now. As long as she continues to take her meds, her STD should clear up.”

“I'm taking that faithfully,” I told her.

“As long as she's having safe sex and doesn't expose herself to someone who's infected, Kellie should be fine,” Dr. Hoffman explained.

I was on cloud nine, but noticed my brother's happiness dwindle a bit.

“So she's clear. She's good?” Vic asked.

“Victor, stop. Dr. Hoffman said I'm good. I'm soon going to be STD free, as crazy as that sounds. All of my other tests came out clear. So stop worrying.”

“I'm asking, Kell, because I have a reason to worry.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, frowning.

“I wanted to hear from Dr. Hoffman you were good with everything before I told you something.”

“Should I step out while you two talk?” Dr. Hoffman asked.

“No, please stay, because you may be able to help me understand this as well, or let me know I'm right,” Vic said.

“Vic, what is it?”

“Do you remember when we had that ‘guest' stop by the other night?” he asked.

I thought back to what he was talking about and remembered Kyle.

“Yes.”

“Remember you asked me what was wrong?”

“Victor, spit it out already,” I urged.

“Kell, I know him.”

“What do you mean you know him?”

“Kyle and I use to have a thing back in the day,” he revealed.

“What?”

“No sex was involved, thank goodness. Just some smooching and rubbing . . . you know.”

“Why didn't you tell me?”

“That was when I first came out as a gay man. Many years have passed, and it's been rumored that Kyle . . . has . . . AIDS.”

“Wha . . . What?” I said breathlessly.

I looked at Dr. Hoffman whose face remained stoic, but her student looked at me with wide eyes. I could feel my stomach churning at this news.

“I didn't say anything, because I didn't want to worry you. That's why I asked Dr. Hoffman all these questions about you being clear because I was afraid your husband . . .” he paused.

“AIDS!” I repeated.

“It was a rumor, but later, I found out from a reliable source it's true.”

I sat there dumbfounded. I felt like I could not win.

“Dr. Hoffman, I know you tested my sister for AIDS as well, and she's clear. Does this mean she's good even if she could have been exposed to this disease?”

My brother was asking these questions, which I knew I needed to know, but I couldn't grasp the fact I could have been exposed to AIDS. Victor should have told me. I wanted to understand he was looking out for my best interest, but regardless of everything, I still needed to know. Here I was happy about being able to have children . . . only to have that dream taken away from me again. Was that why Kyle showed up on my doorstep to talk to me? He wanted to tell me to get tested because my husband had exposed me to this? I wanted to leave so badly, but I needed to hear what Dr. Hoffman had to say.

“Kellie's HIV test did come up negative, which is great. But based on the fact she may have been exposed, she should come back in three months to get tested again. We call this a window period. More likely than not, if you test negative three months later, you can feel safe assuming you do not have the virus. Me, personally, I have my patients come back six months later to get tested once more due to the fact if your immune system has been compromised for any reason, you could still test positive.”

“I can't believe this,” I murmured.

“I'm sorry, Kell.”

“You could have told me before now,” I yelled.

“I didn't want you to worry.”

“What am I doing now? What do you think I'm going to do for the next nine months, Vic? If you would have told me, at least I would have gone into this knowing what I was facing. But you allowed me to rejoice before ripping that sense of relief away from me.”

“Kell, I said I'm sorry. You know I didn't do this to hurt you. I didn't know how to bring this up. I thought now was a good time to talk about it since Dr. Hoffman could help us understand.”

“Oh, I understand. I could be dying and the hopes of me ever having children could be gone as well,” I said, jumping down from the table with tears streaming down my face.

“Kell, please,” Vic pleaded.

I ignored my brother as I brushed past Dr. Hoffman, leaving the examining room. I'd had enough of everybody, and all I wanted to do was be alone.

Not only did Devin not attend church with me on Sunday, he didn't bother to come home either. I called him several times, but all my calls were sent to voice mail. I called his parents' house, and no one bothered to answer there either. I even went by his parents' house, but no one answered the door. Talk about pushing me to the limit. Here I was trying, by not divulging the negative behavior of his parents in church in front of the entire congregation, and now they all were treating me like I didn't exist.

Since Devin refused to deal with me by phone, I went by his job, only to be told by the security check-in officer I wasn't allowed on the premises. All I could do was look at the officer in disbelief. My husband had me banned from the property.

I can't say I didn't sulk in my emotions the last few nights waiting for him to get home. I could tell he'd come home while I was at work by the glass being left in the sink or a few more of his clothes going missing. I was so upset this morning I called into work, telling them I wasn't feeling well. I did not feel up to dealing with anyone. I hadn't slept in days, waiting to hear from him. I did hope Devin would come home, thinking I was at work. I knew if he saw my car in the garage, he would probably turn around and leave. This was why I parked my car on a neighboring street. I knew it was drastic, but I was willing to do whatever it took to have this conversation with my husband once and for all.

Devin never suspected anything until he entered the room he'd been staying in, to find me sitting on the bed holding one of the pillows. He was dressed down in a pair of jeans, a white tee, and a dark blazer. He looked like he'd been sleeping just fine.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, holding a large folder.

“I was waiting to see if you would show up.”

“I thought you had to work.”

“I can say the same for you.”

“I had some business I needed to handle,” he said looking down at the paperwork.

“Is that for me?” I asked calmly.

“Actually, it is,” he said stepping forward and passing me the folder.

Without opening it, I asked, “Is it what I think it is?”

“If you think it's divorce papers, then, yes. That's exactly what it is. That's your copy.”

I tossed the folder on the bed and continued to glare at my husband.

“So you are really serious about leaving me and being with Georgiana?” I asked.

“Monica, I wasn't playing when I told you this.”

“And you expect me to let this happen so you can move on?”

“Yes. I think it's best for both of us.”

I looked over at the folder and opened it.
Petition for Dissolution of Marriage
was in bold print at the top of the document.

“You didn't come home. Were you with Georgiana?”

Tucking his hands in his pockets he answered with, “I don't think that matters.”

“I'll take that as a yes then. Did you fuck her?”

“Monica.”

“Answer the damn question.”

“Look, I came to get my things and leave you with those papers. We need to move on with our lives,” he said walking over to the guest closet which housed most of his clothes.

“You want to move on with your life, but I want to make our marriage work,” I said.

“Let this go, Monica,” Devin said, taking out one of his suitcases. He brought it over and plopped it on the bed. Opening it, he proceeded to empty one of the top drawers like I wasn't in the room with him.

“Do you know your mother had me investigated?” I asked.

“She mentioned it to me,” he said, stuffing his underwear into the suitcase.

“She found nothing. I guess I've done a great job hiding my secrets.”

“What are you talking about, Monica?”

“I'm telling you your mother was right to have concerns about who I was,” I glared at him as I continued to hug the pillow.

Devin looked at me cautiously as his packing became slower. With a knitted brow he asked, “Monica, say what you need to say.”

“Do you remember me telling you my parents passed away along with my brother Michael?”

“Yes,” he answered.

“Well, I lied. My parents are alive and well, and my brother, he's not dead either.”

Devin peered at me asking, “What do you mean they are not dead?”

“They are very much alive.”

“Are you serious right now?” he reacted.

“As a heart attack.”

“This is just another reason why I should leave you, because you've lied to me all this time. But you want to get on me about how you gave your all and I didn't. Looks like we both are guilty of the same thing.”

Ignoring him, I said, “My brother lives right here in Greensboro.”

Devin stared at me in utter shock. He wasn't packing much of anything now. He seemed taken aback by this conversation, looking at me like he was trying to figure out where I was going with this. Well, he was getting ready to find out.

“Your brother is here in Greensboro?” he inquired.

“He lives in this house.”

Devin chuckled saying, “Now you are crazy. Something is
definitely
wrong with you.”

He walked over to his closet and took out an armful of his slacks and brought them over to the suitcases, placing them all in there like he was trying to get out of here sooner rather than later.

“It's the truth,” I professed.

“I don't think you would know the truth if it smacked you in the face.”

“Well, here's another truth for you. I'm my brother, Michael.”

Devin halted. With narrowed eyes, he stared at me with a frown, trying to figure out what I was saying.

“Excuse me?”

“I'm Michael.”

“Wait . . . wait . . . wait . . .” he repeated, rubbing his head as he walked unsteadily to the closet and back to the bed in confusion.

“My name is Monica, but I used to be Michael,” I revealed.

Devin's face contorted in agony as he leaned forward to balance himself by holding his knees. He looked at me, like he was waiting for me to say I was joking, but I knew he understood the expression on my face, and he knew I was speaking the truth.

“Wait . . .” he whimpered, gripping his stomach as he stumbled back a few steps. “What . . . What are you saying?”

“I'm telling you I am a transgender man,” I clarified.

“You're lying,” he pointed, shifting from one foot to the other. “You're doing this to keep me from divorcing you.”

“It's true, Devin.”

“But . . . but, you don't . . .” he sighed like he was going to throw up. “You don't have a—”

“Dick?” I finished.

“Yes,” he answered.

“I had the sex reassignment surgery before I met you.”

“But you have tits, and ass, and a vagina. We've had sex, and you felt like a woman. You don't look like a man,” he said in distress.

“I'm going to take that as a compliment. My surgeon is good at what he does.”

Devin kept staring at me and turning away but looking back at me trying to see if I was lying. Then again, he could have been examining me to see if there were signs he missed. Either way, I had his full attention now.

“No. I don't believe you. I have not seen one sign to confirm what you're telling me,” he argued.

“Remember the medication I take every morning. I told you it was because I had high blood pressure and hypothyroidism which caused my weight gain?”

“Yes . . . but—”

“Those are my hormone medication and other medication I need for my life as a woman.”

“Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness,” he kept repeating.

“This is also why I can't have children,” I divulged. “Of course, I would have loved to give you a child, but it's medically impossible. Science hasn't figured out a way for transgender men to have children yet.”

I watched Devin sort through his mind trying to understand what I was telling him. To further put the nail in the coffin, I got up from the bed and dropped to my knees to reach down and pulled a safe from under the bed. I had the key around my neck, which I usually kept in my jewelry box, but a part of me knew I would need it today. Sticking the key in the safe lock, I opened it, revealing all my personal and medical information about myself.

“If you don't believe me, here's the proof,” I gestured toward the safe.

Devin took a few steps toward me but stopped like he didn't want to see what was in the safe. He probably knew once he had proof of what I was saying, he would have to face the fact I was born a man. Seeing he was not going to come any closer, I pulled out a picture of myself.

“This is me as Michael,” I said holding up a picture when I was fifteen years old. “Here's a few more,” I said holding up several more. “Here's the document showing when I changed my name from Michael to Monica,” I showed him. “And here is the medial documents confirming the surgery I had done.”

Tears formed in Devin's eyes. He backed away from me with his hands on his head until his back hit the wall.

“What have you done to me?” he asked, overcome by this revelation.

“I've done nothing but love you.”

“But our love was based on a lie,” he yelled.

“Would you have married me or even dated me if I told you I was once a man?” I asked.

“Hell no. I'm not gay.”

“Devin, this does not make you gay,” I tried to comfort.

“How the hell doesn't it? You are a fucking man, Monica, Michael—whoever the hell you are.”

“I'm a woman. If I had never told you this, you wouldn't have thought any different.”

“Then why did you tell me?” he asked.

“Because I thought you should know. I also didn't want you to leave me,” I told him.

“What makes you think I'm going to be with you after what you've told me?”

“Because you don't want anyone to find out, do you?”

His entire demeanor changed. Anger quickly turned to dread as the fear of everybody finding out raced through his mind.

“You wouldn't,” he murmured.

“Why wouldn't I? Your parents wanted to know the truth about me. I would be more than happy to tell them, especially that mother of yours. I wonder how she's going to take this,” I kidded.

“You can't do that.”

“Why not?” I asked cockily.

“They will disown me. My parents . . . they . . . They will not understand. Hell,
I
don't understand.”

“You've left me with no other choice, honey,” I told him.

“So, you are trying to blackmail me?”

“You call it blackmail. I call it trying to keep our marriage together.”

Devin slid down the wall landing on his behind. I went to him and crouched down beside him. He moved away from me slightly, looking at me like he didn't know who I was.

“Devin, I love you so much. I'm still the woman you married.”

“Why are you doing this?”

“I just told you. I love you with everything in me. Look at the life we have together. Look what we've accomplished. We have a nice home, nice cars, great jobs, nice clothes, and money in the bank. Many people would kill to have the life we have. I never once stepped out on you. Georgiana can't say that. Even if you slept with her while you were gone these past few days, I'll forgive you so we can move on. But this does mean you can't have any contact with that woman ever again. She's blatantly trying to take you away from me. She had her chance and messed up. Now, you are mine.”

“I can't believe you are doing this to me.”

“I'm doing this for us.”

“You will not get away with this.”

“Devin, the ball is in your court. If you still want to divorce me, then sign the papers and leave them on the kitchen counter. I will sign them and get them to you. But please keep in mind what the aftermath of your decision may be. I have no reason to keep my truth to myself anymore. I will tell everyone. Your parents, your job, the church, Georgiana—everyone. Because if I have to live my life without you in misery, then it will be a misery accompanied by your own misery.”

Devin stared at me as I stood to my feet. I went over to the bed and gathered my safe, locking it again. I picked it up, looked at my crumpled husband, and exited the room.