Bittersweet (5 page)

Adam
was surprisingly easy to work with. His attitude was matter-of-fact and
neutral, which helped Zoe control her emotions, and he seemed to know what
questions to ask in order to determine whether something was worth keeping or
not.

They
managed to get through most of the clothes before Zoe would have thought it was
possible.

At
the back of the closet, Zoe pulled out a leather jacket. She recognized it,
although Josh hadn’t worn it since they’d been married. It was the jacket he’d
worn when he was in high school and college.

She
pulled it off the hanger and shook it out, turning around to say something
about it to Adam. When she saw his face, she stopped short.

Adam
stared at the jacket, his expression almost frozen. There was an ache in his
eyes she recognized, an ache she’d felt so often herself.

That
was when she realized something she hadn’t known before. Adam grieved for his cousin.
He’d cared about him. He was sad that Josh was no longer in the world. The
leather jacket, which held little emotional resonance for Zoe, evidently held a
lot for Adam.

His
expression made her own chest hurt, and she had to swallow over a lump in her
throat to say, “Did you…did you want to have this?” She held the jacket out to
him hesitantly.

“You’ll
want to keep it, won’t you?”

“Not
really. This was before my time with him. It doesn’t mean that much to me. But
I think it meant a lot to him.” She ran her hands over the soft leather. “And I
think he’d like for you to have it.”

This
time, Adam accepted the jacket when she extended it to him. “If you’re sure,”
he murmured, lowering his brow and studying her carefully.

“Yeah.
I’m sure.”

They
stood in the closet across from each other for an uncomfortably long time. They
weren’t really looking at each other, but Zoe was acutely aware of Adam, like
he was more of a person to her now than he’d been even this morning.

Finally,
she managed to clear her throat. “Well, I think we’re almost done. Thanks for
your help.”

“Of
course. Do you want me to carry these down and take them to wherever you’d like
to donate them?”

She
started to object—more out of habit than anything else—but then she realized
that would be ridiculous. “Sure. Thanks.”

Adam
actually looked a little surprised before he managed to hide the expression, but
he didn’t say anything. In a couple of trips, they managed to get all of the
clothes down to his car.

When
the last bag had made it into the trunk, Zoe stood in front of Adam on the sidewalk,
holding Logan. “Thanks for your help.”

“You’re
welcome.”

It
felt like he was waiting for something, but she had no idea what it might be.
She patted Logan on the back and felt a little uncertain.

For
the last few years, she’d grown used to Adam being professional and distant. But
he seemed more like the guy she used to have lunch with just now. And maybe a
little lost.

Since
Josh had died, she’d been lost herself, so there wasn’t anything she could do
about that recognition in Adam. It made her feel kind of strange, though—unsettled
and disoriented.

“All
right,” she said. “Well…”

“Well,”
Adam repeated, “I’ll be in touch with some options for Byte Tech. The decision
is entirely yours.”

“Okay.
I’ll be around. And I’ll try to keep my ringer on.”

Adam
smiled back, his expression almost poignant. “Good.”

When
he got into the car and it pulled away, Zoe carried Logan back up to the
apartment. It was huge. Vast. And for some reason felt emptier than before.

All
of Josh’s clothes were gone.

Josh
was gone.

Now
she and Logan had to fill this huge space on their own.

Since
she didn’t want to spend the evening depressed, she called a couple of friends
as she fed Logan. Then she ate and decided to spend the evening reading in bed.

After
a while, she started to lose her concentration, thinking about how lonely her
big bed was without Josh, but then her phone rang.

“Just
checking to see if your ringer was on,” Adam said at her greeting.

“Has
anyone ever told you you’re kind of obnoxious?”

He
actually chuckled. She almost never heard him laugh anymore. “You might be the
first.”

Zoe glanced over
into the living area where Logan was playing on the floor with his animal
tabletop. When she saw her son was still happily engaged, she shifted her eyes
back to Adam, who sat across from her at the table.

“So
what do you think, Zoe?” he asked.

She
sighed, staring down at the documents laid out on the table in front of her. “I
don’t know. I guess it makes sense. My lawyer says it’s the right thing.
Michael says it’s the right thing. Everyone says it’s the right thing.”

“But?”

“I
just don’t know what Josh would have wanted.”

Adam
just sat in silence, looking at her. He was still wearing a business suit,
since he’d come over to her place right after work so they finalize the
paperwork for Byte Tech.

Something
about his steady, dark gaze made her uncomfortable.

She
knew him better than she had a month ago at Josh’s funeral. She knew he’d loved
his cousin. She knew he wasn’t trying to hurt or take advantage of her. She
knew he was trying to help.

But
he still seemed to have so many layers—layers that Josh had never had. There
was so much about Adam she still didn’t know.

“Did
he ever say anything to you?” Zoe asked, suddenly convinced Adam was holding
something back.

His
eyes didn’t waver, but she saw him swallow.

“Adam,
did he say something to you about what he wanted?”

“We
did have one conversation.”

“When?”

“A
couple of weeks before he died.”

“Why
didn’t you tell me? I’ve been torn up over this decision, and the whole time
you knew what he wanted?”

“Would
you have believed me if I’d told you this a month ago?”

All
of Zoe’s brewing angst collapsed into exhaustion. She hunched forward and
rubbed her face. “No. Probably not. I’m sorry. So what did he say?”

“He
didn’t give me any specifics. He just asked me to take care of things—make sure
the company didn’t fall apart.” Adam met her eyes again. “That’s what I’m
trying to do.”

“I
know you are.” She didn’t always like or understand Adam, but she realized he
was genuinely trying to do what was best. “Thank you.”

They
sat for a minute at the table, neither talking. The only sounds in the room
were Logan’s little grunts and babbles as he played.

Finally,
Zoe asked, “So you think this is the best option?”

“I
do.”

She
nodded, resolved to do what everyone told her was best. If it meant that she
would have to work more closely with Adam than she’d ever intended, then she
would deal with it. “Okay. Let’s do it.”

Without
comment, Adam removed the cover sheet and slid a set of documents over to her.
They’d all been prepared, little sticky tabs on the places she needed to sign.

She
started to read through the documents, as carefully as she could, relieved that
Adam didn’t seem to be watching her.

She
was on the third page when Adam said, surprise evident in his voice, “Look at
Logan.”

Zoe
whirled around toward the living area. Logan was using his tabletop for support
and pushing himself up on his feet, his little knees bent. As they watched, he
lost his balance and landed with a grunt on his diapered bottom.

With
a smile, Zoe said, “Yeah. He likes to try. Sometimes, he can hold himself up
for a few seconds, but he can't really stand by himself yet.”

“But
he’s not even crawling yet.”

She
chuckled, irrationally pleased that Adam was so impressed by her
seven-month-old son. “He scoots himself around sometimes. But, no, he doesn’t
really crawl. He doesn’t want to bother with something as mundane as crawling.
He wants to jump right into walking.”

Logan
was pushing himself up again and managed to teeter on his feet for a few
seconds before he sat down hard.

This
time, he looked over at Zoe with an outraged expression and babbled out his
frustration.

“I
didn’t do it to you,” she told him, “You just have to try even harder.”

Logan
babbled a little more. Then he tried to push himself up again.

Adam
appeared mesmerized by this activity, and Zoe suppressed a laugh as she went
back to her documents. She supposed he had virtually no experience with
children, so it was all new to him, but it was kind of funny to watch the
brilliant man try to solve little Logan like he was a puzzle.

The
next time she looked up, Adam said, “He’d do better if he supported himself on
the couch. That tabletop is too low so he keeps falling down.”

Zoe
laughed out loud. “You go right ahead and give him that advice.”

Adam’s
eyebrows drew together briefly, as if he couldn’t figure out whether she was
serious or not.

She
glanced at her watch. “It’s actually time for his dinner. Do you mind if I give
him some food?”

“Of
course not.” Adam began to straighten the stack of papers, as she went to pick
Logan up from the floor and settle him in his highchair.

Zoe
then pulled some baby food out of the refrigerator. Since she’d had a lot of
spare time lately, she’d been making homemade food for Logan. Now, she mixed up
some porridge and spooned out puréed carrots.

When
she returned to Logan’s highchair, she saw Adam had been watching her. “Guess
he’s not old enough for sushi yet?” he said in a dry voice.

Zoe
laughed as she fed Logan his first bite, carefully avoiding his flailing arm.
“He’s a good eater, but that might be pushing it.”

Logan
liked the porridge. But, when she tried to feed him the carrots, he made a face
and spit them out. Used to this behavior, she tried again.

“He
doesn’t like carrots,” Adam said.

“He
used to like them. Now he just wants fruit. But he still has to eat his
vegetables.”

She
managed to get Logan to swallow a couple of bites, although he babbled out his
discontent and waved his arm rather grumpily. On one of the waves, he managed
to hit the spoon, and a glob of carrots flew out of the spoon and smacked Zoe
in the eye.

She
grunted and tried to wipe the carrots away. “That wasn’t very nice,” she
chided, having trouble seeing out of both eyes since they were tearing up so
much. After a minute of wiping at her eye, she asked Adam to watch him while
she went to rinse it out.

Zoe
went into the bathroom to wash her face. When she stared at herself in the
mirror, she realized she looked pretty bad—her hair pulled up in a messy
ponytail, her sweatshirt too baggy, and her face kind of blotchy from the
carrot in the eye.

With
a shrug, she started back, but then she heard Adam talking. It seemed so out of
place that she paused to listen.

“Carrots
aren’t my favorite either, but your mom seems to think you should eat them.”
After a couple of Logan’s babbles, Adam continued, “No, you can’t have the
spoon. I'm trying to use it. Oh, all right, here it is. I’ll see if I can find
another one.”

Fascinated,
Zoe moved toward the kitchen so she could see what was happening. She caught
sight of Adam as he was returning to the dining table with another baby spoon
in his hand. Logan was sitting happily in his highchair, banging his
commandeered spoon on the tray with carrot on his chin.

Adam
caught her before she could see anything more. With a rueful half-smile, he
said, “I don’t seem to have any natural talent for feeding babies.”

“Who
does?” Walking over to join them, she said, “Go ahead, if you want.”

Adam
handed her the spoon. “I think I’ll let you take care of it.”

She
wasn’t surprised. Without comment, she took the spoon and started to feed Logan
again.

She
managed to get him to eat most of his supper. Then she wiped his face, took off
his bib, cleaned off the tray, and suctioned on a toy steering wheel that was
made to attach to the highchair tray. Logan squealed at the sight of his
steering wheel and started to hit the buttons to the make them beep and light
up.

Then
she sat down to finished signing the documents Adam had brought over. “Sorry
it’s taken so long,” she said, glancing up at him sheepishly. “I’m sure you
just wanted to stop by for a few minutes, and you’ve been stuck here forever.”

Adam
gave a half-shrug. “No big deal. I don’t have plans this evening.”

Something
about the way he said it made Zoe look at him discreetly from under her lashes
as she pretended to read the last page. For just a moment, she caught a flicker
of expression—something almost wistful.