Bittersweet Hate (7 page)

“Anyone ever tell you that when you talk to someone like a cocky prick, it gets you nowhere?” He releases my wrist, and I grab it with my other hand rubbing in the exact place his hand was. It’s warm and it feels as if I’ve been burned by him.

“Don’t cross me Mimi, this is the least you could do for me. After all I did just help you out in a major fucking way.” My nostrils flare, anger surging through my veins.

“Do you have a death
wish? Don’t make me feel fucking guilty. I’m grateful for your help. However, I won’t be very happy with myself if I find out I told you about Kennedy and then you went and fucked her five ways to Sunday. She’s a good girl with a good head on her shoulders. God knows she doesn’t need to get wrapped up in you.” I let out a breath. “You don’t love girls Ryder; you break them and beat them down. You use them, and she doesn’t deserve to be used.”

His breath stalls as he stalks over to me, his height blocking out the light from the door. “Kennedy…” He says it as if he’s just testing out how her name sounds on his tongue. “Kennedy… has nothing to worry about. She’s too good for me,
of that I know.” A tiny look of anguish, a heartbreaking look of pain encompasses his face and is then gone. He steps back turning on the ball of his feet, leaving me in the very room I ran into.

I feel like letting a tiger eat me, or even letting the floor swallow me whole. I hate that I hurt Ryder, I hate that I made him feel like he’s not good enough. Guilt washes over me, he’s heartbroken and I don’t understand why. He saved my life and I don’t know why.
He’s misunderstood and I don’t know why. For the first time in a long time, I’m left feeling like a jackass.

“Hey
, are you okay?” Corey asks, as he walks into my room. I can’t help but drag my gaze up his body, stopping in all the perfect spots.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” I look back to my sex ed book, it’s not like I don’t know about the bird and bees. Hello, I think I’ve been well introduced to them.

“No, I mean are you really okay?” I look back up at him, letting out a deep sigh as he sits on the edge of my bed making me feel smaller than I really am.

Why must everyone insist on asking me twenty time
s a day if I’m okay? Three days ago; no, I wasn’t fucking okay. Now? Well, I was better than I previously had been and that was all that mattered.

“Corey, I’m okay. Really I am.” I say offering him a sincere smile. He hasn’t touched me since the incident, and I can see the hunger just underneath the surface. He knows he needs to take his time with me. Slow is the key, It’s not that I think there’s something wrong with me it’s just that sometimes I have flash backs, little touches and small things can set me off real easy.

“I just wanted to make sure my girl was okay, I didn’t know if you would be up for a triple date.” His hand caresses mine; his touch is gentle and warm. He smells like man and spice and I just want to take a huge bite out of him. I bite my lip instead stopping myself before I do something crazy.

“Hey
, did you hear me?” He demands, his hand grazing against my chin, lifting it up so I’m looking at him.

“Oh uhhh…
yeah” act normal Mimi; act as if you haven’t been caught. Don’t lead yourself into a corner. Don’t do it…. Oh no but he’s biting that lip, and I’ve tasted…

“
Do you want to go?” There he goes again asking questions when my mind and body aren’t in the same place. What did he ask again?

“Sure
.” it was something about a date. Which by me is fine, Jenna and Rex need to get out more anyway. All they do is attend classes and spend time together.

“Okay, good. Ryder is bring a date with him tonight.”
I can’t help the look on my face once I registered what he’s said.

“Come again?” I blurt out. He smiles at me, as if he’s just as surprised.

“Yeah I know, he says it’s not a date that they are just ‘friends’, but Ryder being just friends with anyone let alone a girl is out of character.” More like out of space, I didn’t even know he knew how to do anything other than stick his dick in them. Then again I didn’t know Corey was capable of love either.

“Yeah so who’s the girl?” I’m down right curious
now as to whom he could possibly be friends with. Not that I want to think that it can’t happen but like Corey said, it’s not common.

“Some Monic
a chick.” He says, as if it’s insignificant to him and it is because he doesn’t know Monica. But I do.

“Did you just say Monic
a?” I ask just to make sure I’m hearing him correctly.

“Yeah I did. Why what’s
the matter?” There must be a major look of disgust on my face, and I’m not even going to try and hide it. I’m pissed off; I’m more than pissed off. I’m so tired of him bringing random chicks on group dates. It’s getting to a point where I don’t even want to invite him anymore.

“Monica,
oh that’s just great. Yet another slut.” I say pounding my fist into the mattress. Okay, she’s probably not a slut now, but by the time he gets done with her she’ll look and feel like one.

“Whoa feisty pants, slow down. What are you talking about? Don’t hit me, but I’m just not following the problem here babe.” He looks at me teasingly before pouncing on me.

“Hey let go of me
” I scream-giggle. The moment his hands land on my sides, is the moment he digs them in. His fingers touch my most ticklish spots and I let out a high pitched squeal.

“See
that, now you don’t even know why you were mad.” He says it as if he just saved the world from starvation.

“Actually I do
mister.” I huff out, our chest rub against one another. His eyes lock on my chest, and then skim back up to my eyes.

He arches his eyebrow at me before saying, “I bet I could really make you forget?” I can’t help but roll my eyes, always using sex as a way to forget things.

“I bet I could really remind you why you shouldn’t fuck with me.” His smile grows wider with anticipation I’m sure. His hands reach up encompassing my wrists above my head. His dark hair falls onto his forehead and I feel the need to reach out and brush it aside.

Staring intently down into my eyes,
“I love you…” He says, his lips barley touching mine. Every time he says it, it’s like hearing it for the first time. My insides melt into a pile of molten lava and my thoughts swirl. It’s like an orgasm for the mind. It’s exhilarating to hear someone that you never thought was capable of love say it. Let alone it be directed towards you.

“I love you too…”
I say hushed as I watch the feeling of endearment show on his face.

“Yo
u don’t know how lucky of a man I am to hear you say that. To be here with you, like this, after what I did to you, to us.” I nod my head because there are no words that need to be said.

“You’ve given to me what my father never gave to my mother. I won’t lie I was scared to love, let alone allow myself to be loved by another. Doing so puts
you on the line. You’re practically waiting for someone to shit on you. But with you Mimi….” He releases my wrists, his fingers, running through my hair as he holds me closer to his body.

“With you
, Mimi, it’s easy. Our love is like a jigsaw puzzle. When you’re not in love you don’t think that anything is missing, you don’t feel a loss. But when you have love, when you have felt its power; it’s like you’ve had a piece missing from you your whole life.” His eyes melt into mine, and the last pieces of my wall fall away. I know that whatever this is with us, it is real and I’m jumping in feet first.

“
You are that missing piece babe.” His words bring tears to my eyes, the emotions swarm me, and I feel myself clinging to him to his every word.

***

After cleaning myself up from the sobbing mess I became after Corey let everything out, I looked half way decent. Not that I thought I would look less than stellar but…

“Mimi get your ass out here
right now. I want to be headed wherever the hell it is we’re going ASAP. Not tomorrow, but tonight.”

I smiled, like really smiled. Dear Jenna, how many times did I have to tell her
that beauty takes time?

“I’m already done, loser.”
My voice vibrates off the walls and down the hall where I know she can hear me. I stare at myself in the mirror, contemplating life’s decisions. Most people do it in the shower but I’m a rebel so…

“You know, if you didn’t want Ryder to go with
us all you had to do was say something.” Jenna’s voice sounds behind me and I look up at her, our eyes meeting in the mirror.

“I didn’t say he couldn’t come, I didn’t even say he couldn’t bring a date. W
e both know all he plans to do is screw her and move on. I’m just getting sick of the fuck and forget them girls hanging with us on our group night out.

She smirks at me, she actually fucking smirks at me. “I know you want to save everyone Mimi but you can’t. Sometimes you have to let things be the way
they are. Telling Ryder not to do something just makes him want to do it more.”

“You would know wouldn’t you…
?” The words slip from my mouth before I can stop them. She doesn’t say anything just stares at me. Suddenly I feel like a shitty friend. It’s not her fault asshole couldn’t listen.

“I would… When I told him to leave me alone he pushed back. Let it be, if he screws her over then he does. The only person’s destiny we control is our own.”
She’s so heartfelt in the way she says things. Then again she should be; she’s been through the ringer more than once. In the last year things have changed so much.

“I know… I just hate it. It reminds me of what you went through.” I let out a deep sigh turning around and walking over to her to give her a hug.

“I didn’t realize you missed me that much?” She says laughing in my ear.

“I didn’t miss you… t
oo much…” I say lying. “Okay, I missed you a lot. I never get to see you anymore, and that sucks.”

“Why are you so emotional? You’re never emotional. What’s going on?” She looks me over worried that I maybe growing a second arm somewhere. Why am I so emotional?

“I don’t know… it’s just been a lot going on lately, between Classes, things with Corey, You, My parents.” Sigh, my parents. Talk about drama. My mom never shuts up and my dad works too hard to ever be around.

“You need tequila… that is what you need.” She replies as if tequila is the answer to all our worries. Only in college is alcohol the answer for everything. Can’t pay your tuition? Drink some beer. Have to study for a test? Here’s a shot. Now I understand why everyone turns to alcohol when they have a problem.

“No I need solutions, answers. I need to de-stress.” I say in a serious tone.

“No you don’t, you need copious amounts of liquor, and a splash of Channing Tatum.”

“Kay, Doctor Jenna.”

“Not funny, I’m just trying to help.”

“Hey sweet cheeks,
are you ready to go?” Corey asks while leaning against the bedroom door casually. I can see Rex’s body behind him. I know Rex and Ryder are twins but if I didn’t know they were cousins they could almost pass for triplets.

“Uhm, yeah ready
.” I reply while grabbing my purse off the dresser. Here goes nothing.  Jenna exits the bedroom first, and Rex envelops her in a bear hug, his lips tugging on her ear lobe.

“Stop it…
” She says as if to say down doggy. Her body says something else though, and by the look on Rex’s face he knows it.

I look down and see Corey’s hand interlacing with mine.

“You look absolutely stunning.” His voice is thick, his hair damp from the shower he took not long ago, and he is wearing faded jeans, a button down shirt and a pair of dark boots. “Why thank you… you look beautiful as well.” I say teasingly. He does in many different ways.

“Don’t say that ever, again.
Beautiful isn’t manly, and I’m all man-baby.” A smile forms on his lips and I feel like sinking into the floor. I am melting at the touch of his hand on mine, while swimming in his dark hazel eyes. Wow, when did I become such a sap?

“Let’s go.” Ryder says from the front door. His attention not really directed at anyone.

“After you my lady” Corey says, pressing his hand into my lower back and urging me down the hall.

“
Such a gentleman” I say snickering. Just when I think I’ve had the last laugh, a strong firm hand lands on my ass.

“Far from it baby.” He says nipping at my ear lobe. Yup, I’m pretty sure my panties just got wet.

***

“Why is it every time you pick a club Ryder,
it’s packed?” Rex grumbles from the entrance of the club. We’ve been standing in line for the last ten minutes to get into the club and Corey and Rex are anything but patient.

“I only pick the finest asshole. Therefore, we wait. So shut your mouth, wrap your arm around your girl and enjoy the time you’re having together.”

Ryder’s comment has Rex snapping his mouth shut and Jenna’s mouth falling open. As of now, nothing surprises me when it comes out of his mouth. Ryder has no filter, he’s a no holds bar, and if you don’t want to hear his opinion on something, it’s best not to ask it kind of guy.

The line slowly moves up, and before we know it ID’s are being checked and were being ushered into the club. The music is
blasting; the strong beat making it hard to breath. I look around and there are lots of people on the dance floor, sweat covers their bodies, as they rub against one another. The way they move their hips in time to the music is hypnotic.

“What do you want to drink?” Corey asks me.

“Whiskey Sour.” I respond, basically yelling.

We part ways as he heads towards the bar with the guys and Jenna and I head to find a seat. Just as
we’re making it to the booth, on the second floor I look down to the bar to locate Corey.

The strobe lights are cascading a crazy dance of colors across the dance floor. I blink through the bright lights, seeing a large breasted woman pressing herself into Corey’s side.

Suddenly I’m seething. Though we haven’t established the whole boyfriend, girlfriend thing I’m positive when you’re exclusively sleeping together its more than just sex. I watch for one more millisecond before I decide to take a stand and send this girl back to where she came from.

Jenna sees my reaction but does nothing to stop me, she knows me better than anyone else. There is no stopping hurricane Mimi. Heads are going to roll.

As I make my way closer to them I make out more and more of this girl. Her hair is platinum blonde, her lips are plump and there’s a pout on her face. Her hands are touching Corey’s arms casually but that doesn’t mean it’s okay with me.