Bittersweet Hate (8 page)

A smile shows on Corey’s face once he takes notice of me coming. As soon as I’m within hearing distance I kind of wish I wasn’t.

“You can take me in the bathroom and bend me over baby. I’ll let you do me hard.” She purrs at him. If I was pissed before, I’m beyond pissed now.

Her eyes grow big as she finally takes notice of my presence now that I’m standing directly in front of her skanky ass.

“No thank you, my girl is right here.” He says handing me my drink. I take it but set it on the bar, not in the mood to slam a drink back quiet yet.

“
Your girl?” She asks confused.

“Yeah like girlfriend, spouse… ever heard of it?” My tone is bitchy, and I’m feeling slightly
territorial.

She smiles, her white teeth glow in the light, and I feel like punching her porcelain
veneers down her throat.

“When did you start claiming girls you have sex with, because I’m sure that’s what this is
? You see, sweetheart, I’ve known Corey for a while and I know he doesn’t date… ever.” I can’t help but roll my eyes, her tone is all California valley girl or some shit, and I feel like knocking her into the ocean, or all the way to Japan. Fuck, I just feel like knocking her the fuck out.

“Who’re you calling sweetheart? Get your fucking hands off my man.” I growl. Corey’s smile is growing bigger as h
e pulls himself from her claws and over by me to restrain me from hulk slamming this bitch.

“Your man? You realize how ridiculous that sounds right?” She puffs out her chest so her already half fallen out of her shirt boobs stick out more. She throws her hair over her shoulder and I can’t stop myself from doing what I do next.

“Let’s get something straight.” I bark, pushing my finger right between her breasts. “You don’t touch him, you don’t look at him, and you most definitely don’t come around acting like you know him. I’ve known him my whole life and if you knew the first thing about him you would know that. So take your stupid fake ass blonde hair and your fake ass tits and go somewhere else. Your sexpertise is not needed here.” Her mouth gapes open as she glares at me clearly not ready to let the argument go.

“You are
nothing. That’s what you are. Just another girl he’ll fuck and move on from. Eventually you’ll fall off the face of the earth and I’ll be back to where you’re standing right now. Don’t think you’re special because you’ve gotten five minutes of his time.”

A rumble of laughter erupts behind me and I turn around annoyed. Corey’s hand rubs down my arms softly, as if to calm my erupting temper.

“She’s everything, Chelsea. There will never be another time when you sleep with me. You can let all your groupie friends know that, too.” Corey doesn’t just say it he commands it. His voice is the only one I hear in this loud club, and that speaks volumes to me.

“Psh, fine.” She huffs before turning and walking away. I grab the drink in front of me and down it. No way could I stay sober after that.

“You did great standing up to her.” Corey says taking a drink from his beer. Ryder bellies up to the other side of us, “Dude what the hell was that about, you pissing off all the good pussy?” That statement right there? That’s not respect that’s being a pig. I roll my eyes at Corey, giving him the look. Friends or not, you should respect women.

“You call that good pussy?” Corey says laughing gruffly. Great
, just what I wanted to get caught in the middle of, a conversation about good and bad pussy.

“Dude pussy is pussy, as long as it’s slick and tight I don’t give a fuck.” Pig, pig, pig. That’s what Ryder should change his name too.

“Well, I’m over that dude. Someday you’ll sink your dick into some one, and it’ll be so warm and inviting that you’ll just know that no other pussy will do for you. It’ll milk every ounce of you, and have you begging for more. One time, two times, every time will never be enough.”

Corey words, as
seemingly unromantic as they are, cause my heart to beat out of my chest. “Does that mean my pussy it better than anyone else’s?” I stand up on my tip toes and whisper into his ear.

“No one’s puss
y is as tight and hot as yours” He whispers back.

“Fuck dude,
you’re pussy whipped.” Ryder says smiling smugly. Yup, and that slightly romantic scene was just doused in cold ice water.

“Yup, I Corey
Winchester am a pussy whipped man and I don’t give a fuck.” He yells. Even though it’s loud because of the music a couple people including the bartender look at us strangely.

I let out a laugh, because honestly it’s hilarious that he would admit such a thing. At the same time I’m slightly embarrassed, and ready to climb under a rock.

“Did you leave your balls on her dresser too? You are being such a girl.” Ryder snorts out. It’s official, I’m over this conversation. I walk away before I deck Ryder, or worse, before I find Chelsea. That bitch. She thought her claws were sunk deep into my man.

My steps f
alter when I realize what I just said. Did I just call him mine? Panic starts to seize me, my thoughts clash with other thoughts and I feel myself holding my breath. The seriousness of saying I love you, has never hit me so hard. What am I doing? Am I really ready to allow myself to feel these feelings? Am I ready to hand my heart to someone capable of breaking it?

Being vulnerable is my biggest fear, and claiming Corey basically made me this way. I need to find Jenna. I push through the crowd avoiding any and all dirty looks. I look like a mad woman on a mission and I don’t care.

By the time I get to our booth I’m out of breath, and I’m sweating. Ewww.

“Jenna.” I say hoarsely as I
fight to catch my breath. “I need to talk to you now.” She knows when I say now I mean it. She pulls herself from Rex’s lap, and looks at me like ‘this better be good.’ I grab her by the hand, practically dragging her. Once far enough away she pulls herself from my grip.

“What the hell is your problem?” She’s angry and she has every right to be.

“I think I love Corey.” I mumble out shaking my head, trying to stop myself from going crazy. “No, actually I’m pretty sure I do love him, and I’m pretty sure I just claimed him in front of that bitch Chelsea, and him and Ryder were talking and it sounds like he wants us to be “official” official and that scares me… and why aren’t you saying anything?” The words rushed from me, and I didn’t even realize the megawatt smile on Jenna’s face until I was done talking.

“So you love him what’s the big deal?”

What’s the big deal, what’s the big deal? “What’s the big deal? Were you not listening to one word…?”

“No. No I was listening I just don’t understand why that’s bad.”

I feel my eyes growing wider and wider, I grip onto the banister in fear that I may faint.

“Breathe girl. So what you’re in love, you’ve never been
before. This is a good thing. It sounds like Corey feels the same.”

“No. No. You don’t get it….” I say gasping for air.

“Yes I do Mimi. Breathe. You’re scared, you want to run. I know a runner when I see one. He loves you and it’s finally hit you.”

I nod unable to form words.

“I can’t though, I can’t…”

“You already do.” Her voice is soft, and slowly brings me back to life.

“I can’t love him Jenna. I can’t allow myself to be hurt.” I’m on the verge of tears in a club. Something is seriously wrong with me.

“You know what
Mimi; you’re not the only one that can get hurt. Think about your actions; think about what happens if you run. If you walk away from him who’s going to be hurt more. Sometimes you have to take a step back and not be so selfish.”

Her words are like a slap to the face. “I’m not selfish Jenna. Protecting myself from getting hurt doesn’t make me selfish.”

A look of determination develops on her face. “You know what? Nothing in life is simple. Love is hard, it’s hard to get, and it’s hard to keep. You know why?”

I nod my head no,
while listening intently to her lecture me.

“Because of people like you,
they find it and then run; they are so scared of the unknown that the second that they realize they’re falling they leave. Protecting yourself in this fake bubble does nothing. It’s a false sense of security, love isn’t meant to be painful. What you’re experiencing is fear, and you know what Mimi? You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met. You stuck up for me when no one else would. You protected me, and now I’m protecting you from yourself. Let go, fall helplessly and madly in love and I guarantee Corey will be there to catch you.”

I don’t realize tears are falling until Jenna is softly wiping at them.

“Stop running, stop hiding. Let him love you and if you fall you do.” She says, smiling as she walks away. I turn around breathless as I look down onto the dance floor and over to the bar. Corey is still standing there joking with Ryder. They were both smiling, and I smile because I know that man down there is helplessly mine, and I’m crazy in love with him.

Classes and finals consume my life
over the course of a few weeks all leading up until Christmas break. Our apartment is decked out in Christmas lights. There’s a tree, and various Christmas decorations hanging everywhere.

I come into the apartment and the smell of peppermint assaults my senses. I gag, the smell being to
o pungent. I don’t even get my backpack on the counter and I’m racing down the hall into the bathroom. My eyes water and my mouth fills with saliva as I feel the need to puke coming on.

Then it happens, breakfast and lunch sit in the toilet bowl. I pull myself away from the toilet and lean against the wall. The smell of the puke has me gaging again but I contain it by plugging my nose.

I slowly stand, my stomach still churning as the bile attempts to rise. Gah, I hate being sick. A knock on the door, pulls me from my thoughts. Fantastic, just what I need, For Corey to see me like this.

“You okay babe? I saw you run for the bathroom like Hades was hot on your tail.”

“Yup I’m fine. Just had to pee so bad I was afraid I was going to pee my pants” I force out, as I grab for my toothbrush, tooth paste, and start brushing my teeth.

“Okay…” He responds as if he doesn’t fully believe me.

“I’m okay babe, really just going to finish brushing my teeth and I’ll be right out.”

Something is wrong, and not only does Corey have a reason to be conc
erned so do I. I never get sick. Ever. And being that this is California they have pretty mild winters which means flu is less likely to occur. I finish brushing my teeth and exit the bathroom running straight into a hard muscled chest. Whatever I was going to say floats out the window and is replaced with a desire that needs to be filled between my thighs.

“Hey baby.” He murmurs into my neck as he licks a path down my chest. My fingers beg to trace every inch of him, but I can tell there will be no time for that. In two seconds flat he has me so turned
on that all I can think about is getting him inside me now.

He rips my shirt off, and I pull his pants off. His fingers flick the button on my pants and I shimmy out of them. A seductive smile plays on his lips.

“Are you feeling up for this baby? If not tell me now.” He says gruffly. I couldn’t tell him no if I wanted too. My senses are on high, and all I can see is getting to that finish line.

“Fuck me, please.” I whimper as his finger
slides my panties down. I grip him through his boxers, and he makes a hissing sound. I smile up at him satisfied that I can make him feel this way. He moves my hand, and pulls his boxers off. In one swift movement he has me picked up and slammed against the wall.

He enters me hard, and a shudder runs through me as my insides clench around him. We stare at one another, as he pulls out slowly, only to slam hard back into me. There’s an animalistic look in his eyes, and it excites me. It makes my blood hum. I push into him urging him to take me harder, faster.

My hand grips onto his hair, as he holds me against the wall his head in the crock of my neck. His teeth graze against my neck nipping softly.

Suddenly his bites turn
harsh; he pumps into me at a rate that is on the brink of pain. But the pleasure, Fuck the pleasure is sending a cascading of tingles down my spine. I feel like I’m floating. Fingers bite into my hips as he keeps his pace.

“Look at me. I want you to watch me
come.” He says between gritted teeth.

I gaze down, watching where
were connected. I’m hypnotized by his movements, By his grunts, and howls, the way his teeth graze against my skin, the way his hands hold me tightly as he drives into me over and over again, bringing me to the brink of pain and pleasure.

“I could fuck you every day, all day
long; it’s never enough with you, never.” His breath is hot on my face as I feel him filling me. He’s in me so far, that I can feel his come dripping out of me. My toes just barely graze the floor, as his hold on me eases slightly he drops to his knees.

I look at him confused, so he sends me a
panty dropping smile. His palms rub come into my thighs the gentleness of his touch has me groaning out.

“Does
that feel good?” I can’t form a coherent thought, let alone a response to his question. I just nod my head as he situates me against the wall, my legs over his shoulders.

I feel his finger probing at my entrance gently. He enters me so slow,
it’s tortuous. I try to sink myself further down onto his finger but he doesn’t allow it.

“Now, now, patience sweetheart.” I look down at him growling. He’s evil, so evil…. “Ahhhh…” His tongue dives into me lapping at our mixed secretions.

“Fuck.” I gasp out, as I ride his face. His fingers dig into my ass, holding me in place. His pace slows, as he licks between my folds and circles around my clit slowly. He flicks against it softly, and his soft and slow motions are driving me crazy.

I pull his hair pulling him back to look up at me. “Give it to me Corey.” I demand. There’s an exchange of power in our gazes. Then all thoughts are lost, his body, and soul goes into eating me out and boy does he
ever. By the time he’s done, I’m quivering so much I can’t stand up straight.

“You taste fucking delicious.” He pushes the hair that’s fallen into my face behind my ear. His lips descend onto mine and
all I taste is the saltiness of us. I’ll be damned if I’m not getting turned on again from it.

I walk away from him, a satisfied smile marring my face. Then it hits me, tenfold. Every time we have ever had sex it’s been without a condom and it’s never occurred to me to use one because Corey never mentioned anything.

How could I be so fucking stupid? The previous months swirl together in my mind and I try and figure out when the first time we had sex was in correlation to my last period. 

These thoughts are totally running my post orgasm
, but I have to know, have too. I head back to the counter, after shrugging on one of Corey’s shirts. I check the calendar on my phone as I watch Corey turn on the Christmas Eve football game

“Clay Matthews is a fucking beast.” He yells at the
television.

My eyes are glued back on my phone as I scroll over the dates. Today is the 24th, and I should’ve had my period a week ago. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I cannot be pregnant with a baby Winchester. CANNOT.

I text Jenna our secret code that we made up back in high school, its code for I’m seriously fucked. In my case it’s literal.

“Get that sassy ass over here.” Corey demands as I put the phone down. A nervousness ticks in my body. What If I am? Corey isn’t ready to be a dad, hell I’m not ready to be a mom.

I take the seat next to him. I feel myself withdrawing from Corey. This was the hurt I was telling Jenna about. Sometimes there are things that can happen that aren’t within our control. Those things can either bring you together, or break you apart.

A loud banging sounds on our door. I roll my eyes, getting up to answer it.

“Who the hell is that?” Corey asks me, concerned that someone might be dying from the amount of pounding occurring on the other side of the door.

I open it and am
nearly plowed over by a red faced Jenna who’s out of breath.

“You code texted.”

“Nu Huh.”

“Yes you did,
‘Marshmallow.’ See it’s right here.” She says handing me her phone.

“We really should change that word.”

“Shut up, what’s going on?” She asks.

“Hey Jen
,” Corey yells over his shoulder.

“Oh hey
,” She responds. It’s so weird to see them interact with one another so casually. They went from hating, and bullying to normal. That’s real forgiveness.

“I’m pretty sure… I have a problem. I’m a week late on shark week.” I say hushed.

“What are you guys talking about?”

“Oh
, nothing. Just the fact that Shark Week is on next week.” Jenna says blandly lying. I will give her credit though she did say it with a straight face.

Corey looks at us confused, “I thought Shark
Week was in August?” I look at Jenna fearful that he may figure it out. Corey may seem dumb, but he’s smarter than he looks.

“Uh, it is
. Re-runs duh.” She plays it off well, with a laugh.

“Oh. Okay. I guess.” His attention is then directed back to the game.

“Not good Mimi, not good at all.” Her tone is filled with disappointment.

“Hello
! I know it’s not good, I’m the one that has to carry this thing.” My voice is hushed, I’m afraid that Corey may find out before I know if I am or not.

Jenna looks at me as if I’m dumb. “So let’s go get a test?” My nervousness spikes. I don’t know if I want
to. I know I need to but that doesn’t mean I want to.

“I’m scared.”
I whisper to Jenna, not wanting Corey to hear. Her face softens instantly. She knows that not much of anything scares me, but the thought of one day losing Corey, and possibly having a baby both scare the piss out of me.

“Well
, let’s go get a test then. Stop standing here wondering and let’s just figure it out.” Her tone is so matter of fact, and the way she deals with this situation has me in a state of awe.

“Corey, I’m taking Mimi with me to the store. I have a couple thousand things to get.”

There’s a passing moment of silence, where I feel like I’m lying and when he looks at me he’s just going to know. He turns around and looks right at me. I force a smile onto my face.

“Have a good time babe.” He yells, facing back towards his game. I can feel the sweat on my brow. Never in my whole life have I been able to lie to that boy, he can usually read me like a book.

I tell Jenna to hold on a second while I go slip on a pair of sweats, and grab my purse. I catch my face in the mirror, and let out a big breath. What if there is a tiny baby inside me growing? Flailing around without a care in the world?

Could I handle being a mother all on my own? Could I care for someone when I can hardly care for myself?

“Let’s go Mimi.” Jenna bellows at me. For a whole minute I let the shakiness go. God has a plan for everything sometimes I wish he would be a little bit clearer about things.

***

After spending the whole day with Jenna shopping I came back to the house, slipping through the door knowing that Corey wouldn’t be home. Which was great, no way could I pee on this stick with him in the room nearby.

I slipped off my sandals, put the bags on the table and looked at the Walgreens bag that contained the answers to my future. It was like a fortune teller.
Except I had to pee on it to get the answer I needed. Sigh, just get it done and over with I told myself.

I pulled the test from the bag and walked to the bathroom. How bad could it be
; it would either say pregnant or not pregnant? I went in did my business and set the stick on the counter. The three minute wait time was the longest three minutes of my life.

I looked all over the bathroom anywhere but at that damn test. Then the second three minutes passed my gaze slid over the test. The word
‘PREGNANT’ blinked back at me in the little box. I stared at the screen a moment longer than needed, suddenly finding myself sinking to the floor. There was no fucking way I could do this alone.

I grab my phone and text Jenna telling her the news. My head is spinning. How am I going to tell him, how am I going to tell my parents. I’m only ninetee
n I can’t have a baby. Abortion and adoption aren’t answers for me though. I could never follow through.

My phone starts ringing. I look down at it frazzled, noticing Jenna’s name on the caller id. So I hit the answer key.

“You’re kidding right?” She huffs into the phone. I can hardly comprehend what she’s saying. I’m pregnant. I’m fucking pregnant and I’m going to be alone and I…

“I can’t do this Jenna… I have no one. Corey won’t be able to do this… he can’t handle it hell… we can’t even handle each other. We’re not stable enough to do this Jenna.” I say panicked.
What am I going to do? I don’t even have a job. I don’t even... I’m just a fucking college student.

“Just breathe for a second, you haven’t even told him or talked to him about it. Who knows what he might think.” Jenna talks about Corey like she really knows him, and honestly she doesn’t at least not like I do.

“You don’t understand. He doesn’t want a baby…” She cuts me off before I can finish.

“It doesn’t matter if he wants a baby, there is one, which means buck up, or get the fuck out. You’re having a baby, and if he wants to keep his balls he’s going to need to step up.”

I stare off blankly into space, hearing her words but not taking note of them. I’m scared, and alone, and I don’t know if I can do this right now.

“He has a right to know Mimi, and you’re going to tell him.” Her demanding voice echoes through my mind. I don’t respond to her, because I know he needs to know. I need to be the one to tell him but that doesn’t mean I want
to.