BLAMELESS: MC Biker Romance (Black Thorns, #3) (19 page)

“Take it all away.”

She wraps her arms ‘round me and squeezes me tight. “What, Zeb?”

“The…the hurt, darlin’.”

She pulls back and gazes up at me. Her eyes are intense as she tells me, “I love you. That’s how.”

“Why?”

“What?”

“How the hell can you love a screwed up bastard like me, Sarah?”

She frowns, not liking what I’m saying. “You’re not screwed up. Don’t say that. What happened wasn’t your fault.”

“But what happened downstairs in the garage were. I lost control. I’m sorry.”

She shakes her head at me. “It’s okay.”

I release her and step back, eyeing her closely. “Is it?”

She shrugs. “If I’d wanted you to stop, I would’ve made you.”

“Sarah—”

“No, Zeb. I know with you that the second I would’ve said the word, you would’ve stopped. Yeah, it was intense. But….” A sexy little smirk plays on her face. “It was also
really
hot.”

Before I can get a word out, she breathes, “I mean
really.
”

I chuckle at the look of awe on her face. “So…for real…you liked it? Cuz, darlin’, that were some rough shit. I gotta know the truth here. You like me fucking you that way?”

She blushes at my words. Probably me saying
fucking
. So cute. She hangs her head and murmurs, all embarrassed, “Yeah. I like you…uh…doing it…like that.” She comes to me then, wrapping her arms ‘round me. She stretches up and whispers in my ear, “You’re good at it.”

Had a lot of practice. Thankfully, my brain filters that thought real quick and I don’t say it out loud. Jesus. Being with Sarah is real different than just screwing ‘round with a random chick. Can’t be treating her the same way I’d treat one of those throwaway fucks. I actually surprised myself with her, cuz that normal instinct to cut and run after getting it on ain’t been there since we slept together. Been the opposite, like me wanting to be ‘round her more and more. Who knew? But I’m liking it a hell of a lot. I just regret keeping away from her these last few days, cuz of all the shit messing with my head after what Jase did to me.

But I were protecting her.

It were bad enough she had to see me going through that detox bullshit.

After that, I didn’t want her seeing nothing more. I didn’t wanna be ‘round her too much ‘til I had my head straight. But her coming into the garage and busting my balls like that and basically giving herself over to me the way she did, sent all that straight to hell. No way I coulda turned her away and continued keeping my distance after that.

She drove it home to me then. I need her. Fucking hell, I need her.

She shivers in my arms and I gently ease her backwards into the warm stream of water from the shower. She smiles up at me. “You’re so sweet.”

“Ain’t never heard those words outta no woman’s mouth before, that’s for damn sure.”

She giggles. “You are.”

“Just with you, darlin’.”

She frowns then and I can see the wheels turning. It takes her a moment and then she says, “So…we’re…Smiter said you claimed me and then you said…am I your…Old Lady?”

I can’t help laughing. It’s hilarious that the one woman I end up claiming—me, the guy who’s more
club
than anybody, even our damn Prez—don’t know shit ‘bout club life. “Basically, yeah.”

“Basically?”

“Claiming you means nobody here’s gonna touch you. They know it’s hands off. But
you
gotta make a choice on your own, too. I am and I’ll always be club, Sarah. I ain’t never gonna leave. I’ll run with Thorns ‘til the day I die.”

I ain’t Ax. When him and Rox hooked up, he were willing to walk for her, partly cuz she didn’t like club life. Real ironic considering her old man were our club Prez a ways’ back. Him being willing to do that really pissed me off. I’ve made my peace with it now and he didn’t leave in the end, but it took me a long time to get past it.
I
ain’t him. I
am
Thorns. Have been for the last twenty years and that ain’t never gonna change.

“Yeah, I get that,” she says.

Ain’t sure she does. I gotta make it damn clear. I shoulda done it before I told her I loved her, but I ain’t exactly been at my best lately. My head’s been messed.

I lift her chin gently, coaxing her to look at me as I tell her, “The club and the man are one, Sarah.”

She smiles and wraps her arms ‘round my neck, pulling me down to her. “So, teach me.”

Well, that were way easier than I figured it’d be. “Yeah?”

“Yep,” she says, grinning excitedly now. “Teach me, badass biker.”

I grab her hips and hoist her up in front of me. “
Badass biker
, huh?”

She giggles. “You heard me.”

I turn and press her against the wall. “You giving me shit, woman?”

She bites her lip. “Maybe.”

“Yeah?” I ask, adjusting her weight and freeing one hand. I trail it down to her pussy. “Gonna have to do something ‘bout that,” I growl at her as I slide a finger inside her.

She gasps and bucks against me. “Please do,” she challenges.

“Oh, I’m gonna.”

I pump in and out of her slowly and she throws her head back, her eyes rolling back in her head. “Mmm. Yes, Zeb.”

I lean into her and whisper in her ear. “That’s right, darlin’. Gonna give it to you nice and slow this time. Gonna take my time with you. You want that?”

She nods her head.

“Tell me how much,” I demand as I still my finger.

She whimpers. “Yes. Please, Zeb.”

“Mmm,” I breathe into her neck. “Good girl. Gonna give you everything, Sarah. Cuz you’re mine, darlin’. Gonna take good care of you. I love you.”

She nuzzles my neck. “I love
you
.”

Chapter 21

~Runner~

“No! Jase, don’t do this!” I find myself screaming rabidly.

I’ve lost my shit. The idea of him doing this to me after all these years and how hard I’ve worked…I can’t…I can’t stomach this. I can’t keep it together.

Jase ignores my freak out and steps closer. “How long’s it been exactly?”

“Too fucking long for you to do this to me now. You ain’t that sick, Jase. Don’t. Don’t fucking do this to me. I can’t—”

He grabs my chin, squeezing painfully. “You can’t what? Get clean again?” He smiles. “I don’t want you to. Wanna welcome you back into the life you ran from. The life you belong in. And this is the only way you’re gonna agree to it. You gotta need it. Gotta need the high. That’ll ensure your loyalty.”

I bolt up in bed. Fuck me.

I’m sweating buckets. I bring my hands to my head. They’re shaking uncontrollably. I clutch my head tightly, tryin’ to block it out.

But I can’t.

I keep seeing it.

I stop breathing for a few seconds as the horror of what’s happened hits me.

I look down to see the syringe buried in my arm. My eyes flick up to Jase and he’s smiling with victory and some demented pleasure at seeing the look on my face.

He pulls it out and tosses it on the ground.

“Gonna hit you any second now.”

I squeeze my eyes shut, hoping like a dumbass that it’s gonna somehow make it stop. Like it’ll somehow cast all the memories out, drag ‘em outta the dark, messed up pit that’s my mind right now.

It ain’t just the memories. That ain’t what’s messing me up. Nah, it’s the
feeling
.

I remember exactly how it felt.

That goddamn high.

That’s
what my body’s reacting to. The shaking. The sweating. The never-ending replay in my head of the moment Jase stuck me with that needle.

I can’t stand thinking ‘bout it. But the bitch of it is, it won’t let me forget. It’s clawing at me, tryin’ to drive its way into my brain. Willing me to remember.

And worst of all?

It’s willing me to want it.

And it’s winning.

I
do
want it.

“Fuck this,” I mutter under my breath.

I ease myself outta bed and start pacing up and down erratically, tryin’ to get a handle on my shit.

I eye Sarah. She’s naked in my bed, sleeping on her front. She looks so peaceful. Part of me wants to wake her and
try
and talk to her ‘bout this. Being with her is the only thing that’s been able to get my mind off it. But…no…I can’t wake her over this. It’s too dark and dirty. It ain’t for her.

I gotta get a handle on it on my own.

I blow out a breath and start scrambling ‘round on the bedroom floor looking for my clothes. I know what I gotta do.

I gotta dull it.

***

I bring the half-empty bottle of scotch to my lips.

“Argh!” I growl, getting frustrated with my hands shaking. It’s a bitch tryin’ to bring the bottle to my mouth every time I wanna take a swig. It’s even worse with the smoke in my other hand, too.

It’s pitch black where I’m sitting on the steps of the clubhouse, looking out into our courtyard full of bikes. A nasty ice-cold wind’s whipping through the area, giving me a chill cuz I’m just out in my jeans and black beater. But at the same time, sweat’s dripping down my face. Seriously?

Too frustrated, even though I ain’t nearly numb enough, I put the bottle down beside me and then stub out my smoke.

I rest my face in my hands.

I can’t do this.

I know what this is.

It’s the drugs taking hold.

After all this time, it’s taking me over again. I can’t stop it. It just keeps burrowing into me, forcing me to stand up and take notice. To look it in the eyes.

My every waking moment it’s getting worse.

All I can think ‘bout is that high.

Wanting
that high. Needing to taste it again.

“Fuck!” I roar, grabbing the bottle and smashing it on the concrete. The neck snaps. Glass and booze sprays over the side of the steps.

“Hey, brother.”

Shit. I didn’t even hear nobody come outta the clubhouse. I turn to see one of our prospects, Ben, standing in the doorway.

Kid’s barely twenty. Always dresses like a rocker. He has long, black hair down his back and he’s always got some kinda bandana tied ‘round it. He don’t wear leathers. Always ripped jeans. He’s standing there folding his arms across some way-too-tight tank top that’s got a ton of gold chains hanging from it. Kid’s arms are all tatted up, too. Guy’s been a prospect for the last nine months and from his first day he’s been an arrogant little shit. He pissed Ax off. But Mullet pushed for him. He knows his old man, or something. I don’t really got a problem with him. That’s probably cuz he’s a wild partier. Him and me got along real well with all that, acting as each other’s wingmen. My two best guys weren’t available. Ax is married and Smiter’s hung up on Halle. But I’m done with all that now.

“Ain’t in the mood for no talkin’,” I tell him.

“Yeah, I get that. Just heard the noise. Knew you were out here. Just came to make sure you’re all right.”

I blow out a breath and struggle to my feet. That’s when I feel the full effects of the scotch I downed. I grab the wall for support. “I’m fine,” I grunt at him. “Go back to doing whatever.”

“Weren’t doing much. No bitches ‘round, cuz of the lockdown. Only one here is
your
girl and I’m guessing you ain’t up for sharing.”

My eyes narrow. “Watch it, kid.”

“Just saying, Runner. You’ve shared in the past. Help a brother out?”

Is this kid fucking serious? I take a step closer to him and growl, “You got a death wish?”

He steps back real quick and holds up his hands. Yeah, he knows my rep. Anybody I go up against, I take down hard.

“Sorry, I just thought—”

“Don’t care what you
thought
. Sarah’s mine. My Old Lady. That clear enough for you? Nobody touches her, but me. Hell, nobody
looks
her way, but me. You hear me?”

He nods.

“Say it!”

“Yeah. Yeah, man. I’m sorry.”

“Just get outta here. Go crash, jerk it, or whatever the hell.”

As I turn away, he calls out, “Wait. Didn’t just come out here to check on you. Came out here to
help
you.”

“What?” I snap, turning back ‘round. I fold my arms across my chest and glare at him. “Ain’t nobody got the power to do that.”

He reaches into the back pocket of his jeans and steps forward. He holds out his hand, palm up. There’s a key on it.

A
special
kinda key. The kind that belongs to a lock that only Ax—former professional thief—has got the skill to pick.