BLAMELESS: MC Biker Romance (Black Thorns, #3) (20 page)

The key to the medical room. It’s where all the drugs are at. Not illegal shit. Painkillers.

Even though we’re legit now and we don’t got to deal with a hell of a lot of
illegal injuries
no more—gunshot wounds, stab wounds—a bunch of the boys do got criminal records, so they can’t be going to the hospital for medical stuff. So, we take care of it here. We got a doc we bring in and pay off when we got serious situations. We don’t take none of the boys into a hospital unless it’s beyond the doc’s abilities. Last time were when Ax and Rox had that real bad car accident a couple of years back.

Anyhow, that means we got a lot of supplies here. Ax keeps it locked up tight, cuz a lot of ‘em meds are expensive and he don’t want none of the boys wasting ‘em. We all gotta ask if we need something. The key floats between all the boys. Everyone takes turns monitoring it.

Except me.

I ain’t never allowed that key.

Cuz of the drugs in there. Even though it’s been two decades, Ax don’t want me near none of it. And I get that. He’s just keeping it outta my way as a precaution, to help
me
more than anything else.

But now…now this kid’s offering it all up to me on a silver platter.

And I’m so messed up right now that I ain’t saying “no” right off the bat. I’m hesitating.

“I know what happened to you. Figured something in there could help take the edge off.”

“Why?”

“You’re my brother. You been good to me. We had some good times and good pussy. You done me favors. This is me doing you one.”

I’m talking to him, but my eyes are on the key. Right there for the taking. All I gotta do is reach out and grab it.

Talk ‘bout temptation staring me right in the face.

Thoughts of Sarah come to me outta the blue, as I stare at the thing.

That promise I made her upstairs plays in my head.

“Gonna give you everything, Sarah. Cuz you’re mine, darlin’. Gonna take good care of you. I love you.”

“I love you.”

And those three words from her that keep shaking me to my core every time they come outta her mouth.

Nah. I can’t do this.

It’s gonna screw up things with Sarah if I take the leap here. It ain’t just taking a key, it’s setting off down a bad road. I can’t.

I take a step back and shake my head at Ben. “Nah. Keep it.”

He steps closer and presses, “You sure?”

What the hell? Why’s he pushing it?

Before I get the chance to ask, Ax comes barrelling outside.

Ben closes his hand quickly and I see him stuff the key back inside his jeans.

Ax looks like he’s on some kinda mission, but he stops short in surprise when he notices the two of us standing ‘bout.

“Everything all right?” I ask him.

“Will be if I get my ass home in the next twenty minutes.”

“When were Rox expecting you back?”

He grimaces. “‘Bout two hours ago.”

“Shit,” Ben says, choking out a laugh.

Ax glares at him.

“My bad,” the kid says, holding up his hands.

Dumbass. Can’t talk to Prez that way when he’s only a prospect.

Ax looks back at me. “You doing okay?”

“Fine. Yeah.”

His eyes dart behind me at the step where there’s glass and scotch all over the place. I see the concern in his eyes and I hate it. I gotta stop it before he launches into one of his speeches ‘bout me going to therapy and addiction meets.

“Need you to lift my lockdown, Ax.”

His eyes narrow. “No.”

“I just need to ride. Being stuck here ain’t helping me. I gotta clear my head and there ain’t no better way to do that than riding. You know that. Can’t tell me it ain’t true, Ax.”

He shifts his weight and scrubs his hand over his face. “Runner, I—”

“One day. Or a few hours. Just something.”

“Fine. A few hours,
but
you don’t ride alone.”

“What? Don’t need a goddamn babysitter.”

“Yeah, you fucking do.”

“I’ll do it,” Ben offers, real quick. What the hell? Does this kid have some sorta hard-on for me, or something? I don’t want no protégé. I’ll save that kinda shit for when I have a son. What? A
son
? Why am I thinking ‘bout my own kids now? What the hell is happening?

“Runner!” Ax yells at me.

Shit. I must’ve tuned out for a bit. I shake my head and eye him. “Yeah, sorry. What?”

“Ben’s gonna go with you. You check in every hour. I’m gonna give you a curfew, too. You follow all that and you’re good to go. You feel me?”

Jesus Christ. “Yeah. I feel you. Agreed.” What other choice is there?

“Good,” he says, nodding. “Now, I gotta get home to my wife and kid.”

“Give ‘em my love, yeah?”

He smiles. “Always, brother. Later.”

“Later and thanks, Ax.”

“Yeah,” he says, before turning and heading across the courtyard to his bike.

“So, where you wanna head out to when we ride?” Ben asks me.

“Dunno.” Truth is, I don’t care. Just wanna ride. Don’t matter where to.

Chapter 22

~Sarah~

I thrust my fist into the punching bag. Argh! Just like the last four times, it has absolutely no impact. No dent. Nothing. Well, at least it’s helping me to get my frustrations out through being physical. Physically violent. Who knew I had that in me? Usually I’m a very calm person.

But with everything that’s happened lately, I guess it has changed something in me.

I’d thought that the awful helpless and powerless feeling I’d experienced during my time with my asshole ex, Eddie, had been firmly entrenched in the past. I’d been living my own way and on my own terms for years and I hadn’t felt that way in all that time.

Until that night he’d walked back into my life, into my diner.

The moment that’d happened, it’d seemed as if those feelings had never really left me. I’d felt helpless again and powerless against him. Weak and submissive.

Him coming into my home and attacking me had been such a huge violation. It’d really shaken me up. But I had managed to rally some power. I’d stabbed him. I’d stopped him. In that moment, something had shifted in me.

It was Zeb. His influence over me. I don’t know how, but he just somehow brings out this
fire
in me. He sparks a no-nonsense attitude within me. For goodness sake, in my attempt to protect him at the safe house, I had a gun in my hand! Me. I fired a gun and then pistol-whipped my ex with it. The past version of me—the girl from a few years ago—would never have even considered doing something like that. It’s become clear to me that the scared little girl from before is now a stranger to this
new
me.

But now I need to learn
how
to use this new fiery conviction.

Now I have the strength to stand up and refuse to be bullied. To refuse to take that abuse. Now I have that, I just need the know-how. That was made clear to me that night at the safe house when I didn’t have the means to protect Zeb, to fight with him.

Maybe if I had…no…I can’t go there.

Oh God. He’s in so much pain.

He let me in during our garage confrontation and the extremely intense sex that’d followed.

But since then he’s just shut down again. He’s had a smile on his face, but I know it hasn’t been real. He’s been faking that he’s okay.

I think I know why.

He thinks I’m too much of a
good girl
to be able to deal with the dark aspects of his world. He’s clearly failed to recall what I’d told him about what I’ve been through with my ex. The things he put me through were as dark as could be. Sure, Zeb’s issues with narcotics are a different type of darkness, but it’s still a similar sort of thing. I know how it is to feel trapped in the dark with no hope. Just pain and more pain. I can help him.

I’d planned to talk to him today, but I’d woken up to find him gone and a note on my pillow. It’d read:
Gone riding. Be back later. Love you. Zeb.

He hadn’t even bothered to wake me up to say goodbye.

Argh!

I thrust my fist into the punching bag again.

“Gotta put your weight into it.”

I gasp in surprise and my gaze snaps to the door.

Ax is standing there, leaning against the door frame with his arms folded across his chest in that intimidating, no-nonsense pose of his that always makes me nervous.

“I…what?”

He steps into the room and approaches me. “Back up,” he says.

I step back as he asks, because no one argues with the President of Black Thorns. Ax is a scary man.

He takes my place in front of the bag. I watch him shift his weight so that he’s forming what looks like some sort of boxing fighting stance.

And then he takes a shot at the bag.

Holy hell!

His fist almost plunges right through it.

“You see that?” he asks, turning to me. “See how I turned into it? A woman like you who don’t got the weight and muscle on her like I got, needs that a lot more than I do. You feel me?”

Yeah, I see what he’s saying. “Yep,” I manage to eke out with a nod. God, I hate how nervous he makes me.

He chuckles. “You don’t gotta be scared of
me
, Sarah.”

“I…I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. It’s my fault, cuz I ain’t exactly been that welcoming to you. I’m sorry. Weren’t ‘bout you. Been ‘bout the trouble that’s come to Thorns, cuz of Torvin and Jase. The club was finally at peace and then all of that came right to our doorstep. Same time you did. Guess I couldn’t separate it.” He smiles and adds, “Can now, though. All right?”

“Yeah,” I say. “And I’m sorry…for all the trouble.”

He just grunts at that. And then he eyes the bag and tells me, “Ain’t just me you ain’t gotta be scared of. Aint gotta be scared of those faces you’re seeing when you’re pounding on this bag.”

“I—”

“Torvin? His thugs? Maybe Jase now, too? And you—the scared part of you.”

A nervous laugh escapes me. “Do you have a background in psychology, or something?”

“Nah. Just good at reading people.” He steps up to me and eyes me intensely as he says, “Fear cripples people, Sarah. The only use it’s really got is when you turn it ‘round and make it your bitch. When you figure out how to kill it, to make damn sure the thing you’re afraid of ain’t never gonna happen.”

His words reach into the heart of me and I find myself admitting, “I don’t want to rely on other people to protect me. I need to be able to save
myself.
”

“Runner’s always gonna be tryin’ to protect you, now you’re his. Same with the club. But I get what you’re saying. You know who I’m married to, yeah?”

I laugh at that. “Yeah. Rox is tough, that’s for sure.”

“But she weren’t always. Had to start somewhere. She started with fear, just like you. But now, hell, the woman don’t fear nothing. Nobody.” He shakes his head to himself. “Causes me a shitload of problems sometimes, too.”

He walks to the back of the room then, to the bench there covered with equipment. He starts putting on some boxing gloves. Once he’s done, he walks back to me and says, “Runner’s the best teacher for this kinda thing, but he ain’t here. So, I’m gonna show you a few things.”

“Aren’t you…busy?” He’s President. I can only imagine all the stuff he has on his plate.

“This time of the day’s when I work out. Got a couple of hours.”

“And you want to use that time to teach
me
?”

“I’m gonna help you. You’re gonna help me.”

“Me help
you
?” I ask, having no idea how someone like me could help someone like him.

“With Runner.”

“He won’t…talk.”

“That’s how he is. I’m gonna need your help to change that. He’s gotta get help. He ain’t fooling nobody. He ain’t fine.”

“I know,” I say, sadly. “Whatever you need, I’ll do it.”

“I wanna get him to those addiction meetings. Problem is, he don’t wanna do that. He don’t see himself as an addict no more. Thinks he’s
recovered
. But the second that shit hit his system that was all shot to hell. He ain’t responding to me. The only person he is responding to and the only person he ain’t being destructive and difficult with is you. Need
you
to start pushing harder. Pushing harder to convince him to get help.”

“I’ll try, Ax, but he won’t even talk about it. When I did try to talk to him about it, we ended up…” I stop myself as I realize I’m about to tell Ax about an extremely personal moment between me and Zeb. Oh God. I can feel myself blushing.

Ax chuckles. “Know what happened. You guys weren’t exactly quiet ‘bout it. Trust me, though, he’s gonna respond to you. You just gotta keep going at it.”