Bleeding Heart (10 page)

I shook my head. “I,” my eyes blinked. “Calix, I feel,” I paused and he took another step forward.

“What are you feeling?”

I dropped my face into my hands, suddenly frustrated with myself. “I don’t know.”

Calix pulled my hands gently from my face. “Love?”

“I’m nervous, and, and afraid. And I don’t know what to expect - what you expect from me - sexually,” I shook my head frantically. “Or, um, not sexually. And,”

Calix halted my frantic ramblings with a firm voice. “I’ll guide you, Nova. With me, you’ll never have reason to be afraid or uncertain.”

“But,”

“You need to change, love, or we won’t make our flight.”

“Oh,” I glanced to the floor.

“Nova, we’ll talk more about this on the flight. But right now, I need you to get dressed.”

“I don’t know what to wear.” I whispered. I was frazzled. This was too much at once - too many decisions - too many things to be uncertain about. In the last two weeks, I hadn’t had to make a single decision - not really, anyway. There were too many factors I didn’t know - like where the plane would be landing. “How do I choose what to wear if I don’t know the destination? It could be warm, or, or it could be cold. What if I wear sandals but I need boots?”

I saw Calix’s eyes widen at my frantic mumblings and obvious uncertainty. His hands settled on my hips, where he led me to a cushioned bench in the center of the closet. “Sit here.” He said firmly.

I watched as he moved about the closet. He plucked a black pair of leggings from a drawer before tugging a loose beige, bat-winged shirt from the hanger. His eyes scanned the bras and panties before he chose a white lace matching thong and bra set. And then he moved back to me.

“Stand.” He commanded and I did. Somehow, and I didn’t know how it had happened, but I had come to need his instruction. The decisiveness within him had calmed the wired nerves that had somehow shed their rubber overcoat and threatened electrocution inside me. In this moment, I was so thankful for his calm, controlled dominance and the way he claimed a situation. Actually, I was just thankful for him.

Calix knelt down before me, his blue eyes hot on my body as his fingers hooked into the band of my panties at my hips. He slid the material down my legs, and in the silence of the room I heard his breath hitch.

“Fuck,” he growled a pained sound.

“What?” I whispered, placing my hands on his tense shoulders as I stepped from the lace and into a new pair. “What’s wrong?”

“Everything.” His reply was tense - spoken through clenched teeth.

“Calix,” I breathed his name and his eyes lifted to mine as he pulled the panties into place over my hips. “Talk to me.”

“My new wife, a woman I have wanted to sink myself into for years, is naked - and I’m fuckin’ putting clothes on her body.” He bit out. “When all I want to do is push her to the ground and fuck her until I can’t see straight.”

“Oh,” I didn’t know how I felt about his words. Their raw need was consuming and I squeezed my thighs together.

Calix’s eyes widened and his lips parted as he watched me do this. “Fuck me.” His fingers dug into my hips and he closed his eyes, breathing in deep. “We don’t have time for this.”

When he opened his eyes, his movements were precise. He dressed me quickly and efficiently before taking my hand in his to guide me to the door of the bedroom.

It felt odd to walk from the room I had spent so much of my time in for the last fourteen days - without taking a single thing with me. I was aware that Calix had arranged for everything to be packed, bought and transferred for us, but I still felt odd not even having a purse with me.

“Calix,” I squeezed his hand, suddenly worried. “I don’t have a passport.”

“You do, love.”

“But,” I tipped my head back to look up at him.

“I have connections.” He said as though it were an explanation. “Your new passport has your new name. Nova McKnight.”

That was the first time I had heard my new name. It did - funny things to me. In a way, I felt reminiscent to my old name - the name I had always known. But at the same time, I couldn’t deny that my new name gave me butterflies in the pit of my belly.

Absently, I mumbled. “Nova McKnight.”

Calix stiffened in the hall at the sound of his name, now my name, on my lips. He looked down at me, his blue eyes scanning my face, and then I was in his arms with my back against the wall and his lips were on mine. His tongue slid between my lips, memorizing my mouth, swirling, sucking and licking. My hands dove into his hair and I held on tight so as not to completely lose myself in this man - my husband.

On a gasped breath, Calix pulled away from me. Leaning his forehead against mine, he spoke. “Nova McKnight. Beautiful.”

I nodded - because it was. And he squeezed me tighter.

“We have to go.” I smiled as I spoke the words he had been saying to me for the last hour. “We’re going to miss our flight.”

He lifted his chin to glare down at me. “Smart ass.”

I giggled and he peeled me from the wall, leading me to the front door and outside into the fresh night air. I saw the limo parked, running, and waiting for us, and I stilled. I hadn’t seen or been in the limo since the night of my abduction.

Suddenly, my bliss deflated and a heavy weight settled into the base of my heart as flashes of that dark, frightening night flooded my brain. My hand in Calix’s went slack and I stared, feeling pale and shocked, at the black stretch of a car glimmering in the night.

Calix glanced down at me. I knew this because even in my state, I felt the heat of his eyes on my body. I heard him sigh heavily, and then I was in his arms, bridal style, and he was carrying me to the ominous limo. The driver, also a man I remembered from that night, one of the men who’d been in my bedroom, opened the door. Gasping a moan, I shoved my face into Calix’s neck and held on tight - almost for dear life - as he settled us into the belly of the car.

The door closed.

I flinched.

Calix squeezed me tighter.

I felt his pulse beating against my lips in his throat.

The car moved forward.

And I breathed.

“Baby?” Calix questioned softly, but he didn’t release his hold on me.

“Please,” I moaned against his throat. “Don’t let go.”

Again, he tightened his arms around me and I didn’t lift my face from his throat. “Never, love.”

The promise in his words wasn’t one I missed and I hugged him tighter to me, practically sewing myself to him. And I thought, in that moment, that if I could - I would.

Chapter 9

The limo rolled to a gentle stop and I felt Calix’s body shift beneath mine. Since leaving his house almost an hour ago, I hadn’t moved from his lap. I hadn’t wanted to move, and Calix hadn’t given me any indication that he was uncomfortable beneath me. I hadn’t fallen into sleep, but I couldn’t deny that my eyes were heavy and my body had relaxed of its coiled tension. I was warm against Calix, snuggled tight against his chest with his strong arms wrapped around me.

“We’re here, love.” He said softly into my hair. “Are you awake?”

“Yes.” I breathed, but I made no move to push away from him. I wasn’t ready to face the next phase of our journey.

“You can sleep on the plane, Nova.” Calix said gently and then I felt him shifting against the leather of the seat. “I’m going to let you go now.”

Feeling at a loss, I nodded. “Kay.”

Calix unwound his arms from around my back and I lifted my head from where I’d buried it in his chest. Then I felt the air in my chest deflate as a sharp gasp pushed into the silence. “Where?” My eyes grew wide as I searched outside the tinted windows of the limo. “What?”

Calix’s gaze followed mine before understanding registered in his crystal blue eyes. “It’s a private plane, love.”

Oh great!
There goes my hope of being surrounded by people for the duration of our flight. I’d been prepared to fly in a plane with a hundred other people. I’d been prepared to have twenty-four hours to prep myself for the month of alone time I would have with Calix McKnight - as his wife. Now he was telling me we would be flying in a private
freaking
plane? Was he nuts?

I blurted. “How much money do you have?”

His eyes darkened. “Enough.”

I sputtered. “You have a private plane.” I pointed to the bulk of an aircraft that sat outside the limo. “I mean - you’ve got a
freaking
plane!”

“Nova,”

“Calix!” I snapped back, suddenly feeling fiery. “Why wouldn’t you tell me? I could have - I could have,”

“What?” Calix asked with humor in his eyes. “What could you have done had I told you we would be flying privately?”

“I could have prepared myself!” I dropped my face into my hands, shaking my head. “I thought I had time.”

“Time for what?” Calix asked gruffly.

I didn’t answer and his hand slid around my waist to pull me against him once again. When he spoke, I felt his deep voice rumble through me. “Nova?”

“I could have prepared myself - to spend time alone,” I paused and my voice lowered. “With you.”

Tension crossed over his face and I closed my eyes against the assault of his emotions. I didn’t want to see them - I didn’t want to acknowledge them. “I’m not going to jump you as soon as I get you alone, Nova. If I had so little control, I would have taken you a long time ago.”

“I,” my mouth dropped. “Calix.”

“We need to board the plane. Do you think you can manage that on your own, or will I have to carry you?”

I blushed. “I can manage.”

“Good.” Calix replied coldly and I watched as he lifted his fist to the window, tapping his knuckle against the glass.

My heart was pounding a nervous, pained, desolate beat in my chest as the door opened wide and I watched Calix step from the limo. It was then that I noticed the bottle of champagne in ice and two sparkling glasses. Calix had planned for our drive to the plane to be romantic - it hadn’t been. Suddenly, I felt a need like no other to cry. I wanted to turn back the hands of time so I might be able to enjoy this moment with Calix, rather than have the tense, cold man, waiting for me outside the door.

Again, I’d ruined something beautiful. Again, I’d fallen into the darkness of my emotions and entertained the demons of my fears.

I decided in that moment, that I wouldn’t allow myself to settle into the fear I felt curdling in my belly. I wouldn’t entertain the whispering hesitations that plagued me. Instead, I would give my everything to ensuring this trip was everything it could be. I would give my all into making Calix McKnight happy - because as twisted as it was - he made me happy. When I was without him, I felt - lost.

Moving across the seat, I stepped from the limo. My eyes fixed on Calix standing beside the car waiting for me and my heart lurched at the cold ice in his eyes as he watched me. There were men standing around, waiting, but I didn’t see them. All I could see was Calix - my husband.

I didn’t allow myself to think about my actions. I simply acted. Pushing myself forward, I threw myself against his hard chest, wrapping my arms around his neck as I pulled my body up against his to slam my lips against his. Calix didn’t even rock back on his heel as my body connected with his. There was a moment of shock that stilled him, and then his arms were around my waist and his lips were moving against mine. When he pulled away, I was breathless and flushed. My lips felt swollen and raw - and I loved it.

I smiled and his eyes glimmered. “What was that for?” He asked huskily.

“I saw the champagne.”

He chuckled. “You want champagne?”

I nodded. “Yes.” I blushed. “If you do.”

His arms tightened around me and he began walking to the plane. “I want everything with you, Nova. And I want to give you everything you want.”

I wrapped my legs around his waist at his urging and hesitantly, I teased. “It looks like you’re carrying me again.”

“It appears I am.” Calix grinned - but it wasn’t the cocky grin I was so very used to seeing on his face. Instead, this grin was almost boyish. It was pure happiness and the sight of it had been burned in my mind, a memory I would pull from the collage for the rest of my life.

And that was the moment I realized, that despite my effort to fight it, I was hopelessly in love with Calix McKnight - I didn’t just love him or want to love him to make this easier. But I loved him, completely, entirely, and unchangingly. I was in love with him. He wasn’t only the owner of my body, the seducer of my desires, but he was the medicine to my soul and the keeper of my heart.

I’m in love with him.

I’d been too overwhelmed with the force of my feelings to notice that Calix had carried me into the body of the plane. Only when he sat me down in the comfortable cream leather seat did I realize that we were inside.

Calix pulled the seatbelt into my lap before buckling me in as he explained. “When we’re in the air, you’ll be free to move about.”

“Okay.”

His eyes lifted from my lap to focus on mine and I saw a small frown tug his brow. My heart leapt and I ached to kiss away whatever thought it was that put that frown onto his beautiful face.

“Nova,” He paused, placing both his hands on the arm of my chair before leaning into me. I felt surrounded by him, but unlike before, now it made me feel secure. “I want you to be happy with me.”

I blinked. “I am.”

“Not always.”

My heart was hurting. “Sometimes I’m afraid,” I admitted. “And I still want to be part of my families life - I will never stop asking for that - but I am happy.”

“If I gave them to you, would you leave me?”

“I married you, Calix.”

“You had no choice.”

“There is always choice.” I whispered.

“You had no choice, Nova. I ensured your hands were tied.” He blinked slowly, painfully. “I made sure you had no choice.”

My hands moved to the buckle in my lap, but he caught them. “Calix,”

“Love,” his eyes were tortured. “I’m telling you I’m sorry for everything I put you through and have yet to put you through. I’m sorry that you were the one caught in the middle of this, but now that I have you, I won’t let you go. I can’t let you go - and one day, I know you’re going to hate me. I just hope that you will find it in your heart to forgive me.”