Blinding Light (The Bloodmarked Trilogy Book 2) (26 page)

When I jumped, I made it about thirty feet in the air and grasped the closest limb. It shuttered under my weight and released mounds of snow. The assassin dodged the snow easily, but I dropped with it, landing exactly where I wanted to be.

Holding the knife in hand, I drove it deep into his back and stretched my five-foot-five frame as tall as I could to whisper in his ear. “If you stab someone in the back, you should always make sure they’re fully dead. Because payback is one really pissed off bitch.”

The fireworks show satisfied my vengeance, but the enjoyment was short lived when I heard Nick’s faltering heart. I was running out of time, but I was near and followed the sound until I spotted him. I crossed the snow-covered lake and hoisted his limp body into my arms.

Sprinting at full speed while carrying someone proved difficult. Trying not to jostle him too much, I slowed to a steady pace, but when I finally made it to the mansion, people rushed out to help.

I shooed them away since it would be easier for me to carry him to the medic. When I reached the second floor and burst through the door to the infirmary, two doctors waited and barked orders for me to place him on a prepared examination table. They went to work quickly, inspecting all bite marks and taking his temperature.

When I stepped back, I realized I had never seen this room before. I always knew where it was, but never had a need to be in here. It was large with several beds lining one wall and a bank of drawers and cabinets stretching across the other wall. Various instruments lay scattered across the counter tops.

It didn’t take long for the scents of disinfectant and iodine to burn through my nasal cavity. I tried for a stealthy exit, but the gathering crowd in the doorway made that a little tricky.

However, when I neared, they parted for me. I glanced up and saw several serious expressions, but their eyes shone with gratitude as I passed. Some nodded their thanks and others patted my shoulder.

I still wasn’t used to recognition and didn’t know how to take it. I hadn’t done anything to earn thanks. I saw it as doing my job. Backing away, I gave the group a tight smile before departing.

As I came to the private wing I occupied, my breath shook. Gavin leaned against his doorframe waiting for me. His head was tilted forward and one arm crossed his chest while the other hand was brought to his lips to hide the grin that lit his eyes.

“What?” I asked, instantly wary of his careful scrutiny of me.

He shook his head. “Nothing. It’s just nice to have the old Lucy back.”

I stepped up to him, only a foot away. “Oh yeah? Let me guess, you heard everything?”

He nodded before leaning to whisper in my ear. “You were incredible. I knew you could do it.”

I shivered from the near contact. Suddenly, pushing his buttons became imperative. High off my latest victory, I wanted to conquer another one of those bothersome inner demons. And currently, it was the biggest one wreaking havoc on my strength and coordination. I found it incredibly difficult putting one foot in front of the other, but I inched forward on a mission. The only thought in my head was to figure out what he felt for me.

“Incredible, huh?” I leaned into him, grazing my cheek against his. “How incredible?”

He stiffened, and I knew he would dodge the question. “Lucy, I think we need to discuss what actions to take with the Sword. If Shane really is looking for it and whoever it is he is working with plans to use it to become all-powerful, we need to form a plan to find it first. If you can get to it, you would have the upper hand against them.”

Rebuffed and cranky, I pulled away from him, crestfallen. “Yeah, well, I’m not trying to be all-powerful,” I explained.

He observed me, his brows furrowing under that intense stare. Finally, he sighed and responded. “I’m not saying you have to be, but it’s better for you to have the advantage than them. They have the numbers. It would be nice to have a little more of an edge.”

One demon at a time, please.

Unwilling to hear more, I nodded in agreement. Turning to leave, I made it two steps before his hand clamped over my arm. “Lucy, wait.”

I knew he wanted to apologize for dismissing my advances, but I hoped for more of an explanation. He wouldn’t give me that, so I saw no point in arguing. I was tired and just wanted time alone.

“It’s okay, Gavin. Really. Don’t worry about it,” I assured him, my voice sounding dejected.

He heard the sadness and gave me a knowing look. When he opened his mouth to try again, I stopped him. “Seriously, I’m fine.”

When I shut the door to my room, I caught a glimpse of his worried expression. I thought I saw a bit of longing in those bright blue eyes as well, but my brain was too fried to process what that meant.

I went to the roof and did my best to clear my mind of everything. I stayed there until the sun broke free of the horizon. I sat there until Helen came trudging through the snow in the courtyard, wearing an oversized parka and snow boots. She lifted a hand to her brow to block the sun, but her face was tilted up as she scanned the rooftop.

“Lucille,” she called. “I know how you like to avoid all the attention, at least when it’s positive.”

You got me.

“Your mother never could take a compliment either. I figured I would find you alone somewhere, and I also know how you vampires like high places.” The last part sounded light, almost teasing.

I didn’t respond.

She sighed and tried again. “I thought we could go for a walk. Please, Lucy.”

The pleading in her voice wore me down. It wasn’t contrived like her typical politeness.

“Be right down,” I raised my voice so it would reach her from three stories up.

I stood at the ledge of the turret and casually stepped off, like coming down stairs. Soaring through the air, the cold wind bit at my skin before the ground rushed toward me. I landed in a graceful crouch, feet away from where she stood, looking shocked by my stylish arrival.

She indicated toward the front of the house, and as we circled it, I smelled the alcohol on her breath. It seemed a bit early for happy hour, but when I looked into her eyes, I saw the bags under them and the redness. She was hung over.

“Everything all right?” I prompted.

“What? Oh, yes. As right as it can be, I suppose. You did an amazing thing last night, rescuing Nick. I wanted to see how you were doing with your… situation.”

We rounded the front of the house and headed down the recently plowed drive. The sun shone bright in the blue sky this morning, causing a riot among the local birds. They chirped and squawked like they were ready to party.

“I guess I’m good. I mean, I’m better than good. I feel stronger now than I have in a long time.”

“That’s wonderful. Lucy, I want to apologize if I’ve come off a bit harsh. I just want to put an end to this.”

“It’s fine,” I replied. I honestly didn’t care how she reacted toward me. It wasn’t high on my list of worries. I had other issues to sort out.

Sensing my unease, she asked, “Is everything else alright? You’ve seemed different ever since our friend arrived. Is that going to be a problem?”

“No. I can handle it. Just a tad confused as to why I couldn’t be included on his solo mission.”

“Lucille, he did it to protect you. He drew the assassin away from you, leaving a trail of dead, well-known vampires for him to follow like bread crumbs. If he had told you his plan, what would you have done?”

I damn well would have followed him so I could find and kill the bastard myself. She saw the answer in my eyes and nodded. “He wanted you somewhere safe where you could adjust to your new life.”

“So why the hell couldn’t he have picked up his phone every once in awhile to let me know what was going on?”

“He thought it was best to report to me. Honestly, I think if he had heard your voice, he would have come running back to you in a heartbeat. You’re a weakness for him.”

“You don’t approve of us being together, do you? You never have,” I accused, remembering several hushed phone conversations between the two of them. “What is it? Are you in love with him or something? You have known him a long time.”

Wow, Lucy. Jealous much
.

“What’s not to love about him?” she asked.

It felt like she slapped me. I saw red.

“However, it’s not what you’re thinking. He’s a good man, but the two of you together would be dangerous. He loses sight around you, and your emotional state is unpredictable enough as it is without adding him to it.”

The authoritative tone was back in her voice and made my skin itch with defiance. It sounded a lot like an order to stay away from Gavin.

“I appreciate your opinion on the matter of my love life, but try to interfere and you’ll have worse things to deal with than psychotic vampires. Or maybe, you’ll just have one more to deal with.”

She sighed in frustration. “Lucille, I don’t think it’s wise-”

“-And I don’t think you’re hearing me. Stay out of my personal life. You and I are not close. You may have loved my mother, but I’m not her. I don’t even know who she was, but get it through your head. I will work with you to bring down the First. I’ll help track down the Sword. But that’s as far as our relationship goes. I am not your employee. I don’t answer to you. I’ll consider your professional advice, but I won’t be commanded by anyone.”

Her expression hardened, and she sucked in a sharp breath. “Of course.”

We had come to the end of the driveway, and she swiveled to go back. I took off through the woods. After coming to an understanding with Helen, I was even more confused about my relationship with Gavin. She said he was protecting me, but she made it sound like it had more to do with how he felt about me than his promise to my mother to keep me safe.

His face came to mind, and suddenly, I grew warm from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. Sophie’s question came back to me.

Have you told him you loved him?

It was time to settle this thing between us once and for all. I didn’t see how it could cause so many problems when it already did so much damage to my
unpredictable emotional state
by holding it in. I needed to find Gavin, corner him and make him talk before the elephant in the room trampled my heart and mangled it beyond the potential destruction of a blade.

When I returned to the mansion, he was nowhere to be found. I tried calling his cell phone, which I secretively programmed into my new phone the other night.

No answer.

Really?! The avoidance game again? My irritation grew with each passing hour. He was going to be in so much trouble when I got my hands on him.

The evasive tactics continued later that night when I heard him return. He practically sprinted in the opposite direction of the training rooms, which was where I currently resided, pummeling the air with my rookie swordplay. I passed the day by practicing my techniques and checking in on Nick.

He seemed much better and received several pints of blood before color replaced his pallor. He was in good spirits again as well. He hit on me before I left the room, and I knew we were almost back to normal. The only mention of his jealousy came with a quick apology and even quicker change of subject, but I had no doubt he’d get past his crush eventually. I had never been the easiest person to like. It was only a matter of time before he figured it out.

After I finished practicing, I showered and headed to the kitchen for a daily dose of the essentials, plasma and platelets. D
eeee
licious.

Chef whistled when he saw my appearance. “Who’s the lucky guy, Little Hunter? Or should I say, who’s the poor victim?”

“Very funny. Just because I always dress for killing and fighting, doesn’t mean I don’t have a feminine side.”

He snorted incredulously. “Who knew?” he teased. “But I understand why you normally go for the more… understated look. Those pants and that top are a lethal combination. You start dressing like that on a regular basis, and the guys here would lose their minds. Chaos would ensue.”

“Har-har.”

I happened to like what I wore. It was a pair of skinny jeans ripped around the knees and upper thighs, paired with a flowy black top with crisscrossed spaghetti straps. Simple black flats completed the look. Nothing fancy, but it made me feel a little more girly than my typical yoga pants and t-shirt.

I loved comfort, but ever since I lost Holly, I had been trying to find my inner style like she would have wanted. Maybe it kept me connected to her in a way, or maybe it was because I was pro having a life now. Either way, I was embracing a new image. A change.

“Hey, I never said I didn’t like the look. I like the hair too. I never see it down. You should wear it like that more often. How many guys do you think will break their noses tonight, either from running into doors while staring or from fighting over you?”

“Please stop,” I begged. Draining the glass I poured myself, I placed it in the sink before turning to go.

“Go break a few hearts,” he called after me.

“I’m better at driving a stake through them,” I shot back.

His faint chuckle was infectious and made me smile. The smile faded faster than the speed of light when I nearly collided with Allison on her way to the dining hall.

“Watch where you’re going, bitch!” she snapped.

Bitch? “Originality isn’t really your strong suit, huh?” I asked.

She sneered, but before she responded, she scrutinized my new appearance and changed tactics. “Trying to bag the new guy, Lucille? You’re going to need more than a new wardrobe to get someone that hot.” A mocking smile graced her lips.

“You’re right. Can I borrow your personality? I’m sure that will get me far. And maybe I can wake up tomorrow morning, empty inside because all I had to offer was my body and I gave that away already.”

Damn, that was lower than I typically stooped. I just ate like two minutes ago and was already turning into the next Regina George.

Her face reddened and she balled her fists. “At least I won’t accidentally kill him because I’m not a psychotic freak like you!” she shouted.

Ouch. “I’m really glad we can both be brutally honest with each other. This has been a nice moment for us, I think. Sharing really is caring.”

I spun on my heel to find Gavin, but I heard the sound of Allison’s skirt swish and the end over end whistle of something slicing through the air. Whirling around, I caught the blade inches in front of my chest. Hatred formed a heavy lump in my throat.

I flicked it in her direction, and it sailed a few feet away from her face. I thought if I threw too close I’d be tempted to actually hit, so I kept it distant. Her eyes widened in surprise, but a smile formed when she saw how off my aim was.

“You missed,” she said.

“You’re intelligent,” I observed. “Try that again, and I will make you bleed.”

“Good luck with Gavin. Although, I’m betting you have no skill and won’t even get to first base. Don’t worry. I’ll be there later tonight to show him what a real woman can do for him.”

“I’ll be sure and get notes from you tomorrow,” I retorted.

Jealousy pricked my skin, raising my hackles. Twice in one day, my feelings for that man turned me into a crazy person. I wanted to draw blood, and if I still had the knife in hand, I might have.

There was no putting this off any longer. I would get answers from him tonight, one way or another. It was stupid to keep going around in circles.

My rage and jealousy bounced around inside me like a pent up animal trying to escape. I knew I needed to confront the real issue head on, so I reached out my senses to find Gavin.

Our connection served as a type of built in GPS. The closer he was, the easier it became to pinpoint an exact location. I sensed him below ground. His private collection wasn’t a far enough hiding place to escape me.

I ran to my bedroom and sped down the spiral staircase. When I approached the door leading to the older part of the basement, I slowed my pace. Metal scraped against metal, and the sound of him sharpening his blades echoed through the network of halls.

Stopping in the doorway, I absorbed every element of the room. He filled it with more life. There was a leather couch placed near the back wall behind the large work table. It faced a now roaring fireplace, which used to be blocked by a rack filled with battle axes. The axes were pushed aside, giving the seating area a cozy ambiance.

Soaking in the minor details gave me time to compose myself before turning my full attention to the man standing front and center with his back to me. His posture became rigid at my arrival. The muscles in his shoulders tensed but still bunched and strained against his tight long sleeve thermal every time he swiped the blade against the tuning rod. Those broad shoulders led down to a leaner waist, and the fitted jeans practically had me salivating with thoughts of the firm backside beneath them.

It wasn’t the sight of him that punched me in the chest. When I took my first breath since entering the basement, his natural scent saturated the atmosphere. It overwhelmed me and ruled all other senses, hijacking them. When I smelled him, memories of his touch, his smile, even his taste assaulted me. A shaky breath escaped my lips.

Abruptly, he stopped tuning his knife and turned to face me, taking up a casual stance. He leaned back against the table and crossed his arms over his chest. Surveying me, his gaze turned smug. He knew what affect he had on me. Cocky bastard.

But I couldn’t stop from swallowing back my reaction to him. My throat worked loudly, and a corner of his mouth lifted. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he was trying to distract me from the interrogation he knew he was about to receive. I straightened, refusing to give him the satisfaction.

“Where have you been all day?” I started.

“Around. I had to check the tunnel system to make sure they were still passable,” he explained, already assuming I had found the tunnels. He did know me well. I had to hand it to him.

“So you weren’t just avoiding me?”

He chuckled, and it was a deep, reverberating sound.

Stay focused, Lucy.

“No, but that was an added bonus, knowing what you might have in store for me,” he replied playfully.

The anger sparked to life once more. I crossed my arms over my chest and lifted my chin. “I spoke with Helen today. She told me all about how you left to protect me from the assassin.”

“Was there a question in there somewhere?” he prodded when I didn’t continue.

I inhaled deeply and steadied myself before responding. “I understand that you left for my protection, but you’re back now and you still distance yourself from me. I don’t get why we can never talk about us, or why there can’t be an
us
.”

“Lucy,” he warned, his tone icing over.

“And don’t tell me it’s for my protection. That’s bull shit!” I yelled.

“It’s for everyone’s protection,” he said with finality.

“That’s it? That’s all you’re going to give me?” I asked incredulously.

“We just can’t,” he admitted.

My inner caged animal growled and broke free from its restraints. I sprang, shoving him hard against the table.

“I need answers! You promised you wouldn’t keep shit from me anymore. This has been eating at me since you left, and I have no way of dealing. At least give me something,” I cried, pounding on his chest.

When he did nothing, I increased my attack, punching his jaw and then his eye. I thought my window was closing. I fought even harder to keep him from shutting me out like he always did, but he surprised me this time.

He grabbed my fists, using both of his hands, and locked them behind my back. His eyes, once cool and closed off, now burned with an intensity I’ve rarely seen in him. Gone was the calm and collected Gavin I was so used to seeing. This was the one who never showed himself, except for the few times he lost his composure around me. This was the real Gavin that kept himself hidden under layers of steel walls.

His eyes seared me, both electrifying and terrifying me at the same time. “What do you want from me, huh?” he shouted to my shocked face. “Do you think it would change the fact we can’t be together? You want to know how I feel? Fine! You asked for it!” he growled.

The familiar vertigo seized me instantaneously. He held me tightly against him to keep me upright, the tension never leaving his body. One by one, his emotions rolled through, each of them so overwhelming I nearly collapsed. My body jerked in his arms, and the pressure in my chest barred me from breathing.

First, I felt his apprehension at being so exposed to me. When that passed, a joy and contentment so pure washed through me, making me gasp. Excitement and desire filtered in before I felt the unmistakable and blinding love. Admiration and his unconditional belief in me came next.

The backs of my eyes stung with building tears. Finally, he showed me a fear so paralyzing my own heart broke a little in response.

Before I could question what that meant, he answered, “I couldn’t handle losing you.” The whispered confession came out rough and husky.

He released me from his grip and blocked his heart once more. I gulped for air like I had been drowning. So many thoughts I couldn’t make sense of raced through my mind, I had trouble regaining my bearings. When I looked into his still heated gaze, a powerful need to comfort him commanded me.

My hand reached for him without consent, and we both stood stunned when I clutched his face, smoothing my palm over his cheek. He held my stare, and I drew up on my toes. The pull he had over my body ensnared me.

I watched helplessly as his walls shifted back into place. His eyes hardened and grew distant before he clamped his hand over my wrist, pulling it back.

“All those things I just showed you could get us or the others killed if we give in to them.”

What did that mean?

Maybe Helen was right. He saw me as a weakness like he and Holly had been for me. It didn’t matter what I said. He made up his mind, and my heart cracked from the finality in his expression.

Reading me like he did so well, he offered a consolation explanation for his taciturn tendencies. “I know I’m not always forthcoming. I’m a private man, Lucy. I don’t let anyone get close enough to exploit my weaknesses. Or my strengths.”

“And which of those categories do I fall under, Mr. Mysterious?”

“The fact that I let you get as close as you have should be all the answer you need. “

My head sagged in defeat. The generic nonanswer was incredibly telling. He didn’t think he owed me an explanation because he was ending this. Whatever this was.

When I turned to leave, I paused and looked up at him. If he wasn’t going to explain why this was so awful, I deserved a last request, or a parting gift.

“You at least owe me this.”

His face scrunched in confusion when I grasped ahold of the back of his neck, and his eyes widened in shock as I raised my mouth to his. I closed the gap between our lips before he had a chance to react. Surges of longing that had built up over the past month escaped me like brilliant currents of electricity pouring from the sky.

His lips felt amazing against mine and moved with them using the same desperate urgency. His hand moved to my face in order to hold it in place as the other gripped my hip, anchoring me to him. When our bodies pressed tightly together, he jumped back like I was a cobra ready to strike him. I stepped back, suddenly self-conscious.

After several steadying breaths, he spoke in a clipped, dangerous tone. “That cannot happen again.”

I bristled at the firm, commanding voice. I spun on my heel but halted in my tracks. My irrational side flared from the sting of rejection. He acted like he loathed the idea of wanting me, like it was a goddamn chore to him. Was I that bad? Was the thought of loving me so miserable?