Blinding Light (The Bloodmarked Trilogy Book 2) (28 page)

Warmth rushed me, until I recalled his words from this afternoon. My walls slammed back into place. He regretted what we did. How could he be ashamed of that if he really loved me?

“Lucy, stop,” he demanded. When I looked away, he flashed over and lifted a hand to my chin, forcing my gaze back to his. “I know you think I regret what we did.”

My cheeks flushed and I tried looking down, but his hand held me firmly. “Did I do something wrong? I mean, did you not like it or what?”

He laughed and it sounded harsh to my ears. “You think I didn’t like it?” he asked, skepticism evident in his tone. “Lucy, the only thing I regret is not practicing restraint, because now all I can think about is how fucking beautiful you are when you come undone for me. I only meant to show you the dangers of all-consuming need a new vampire might face.”

His eyes pierced mine. Hard. “Instead, I fell victim to it because I’ve never known it in that magnitude. A vampire has heightened senses, and on top of that, everything else is heightened. I worked so long at gaining control of myself, but that all changed as soon as I met you. That was a first for me, Lucy. My feelings for you are stronger than anything I’ve ever experienced before.”

“Huh,” I said eloquently. He basically just admitted his love for me was so strong it broke through over a hundred years of self-control. “So what happened when you ran off?”

“Well, I mentioned how a vampire can manifest primal urges in the same way. Lust, fury, jealousy, vengeance. When strong enough, they need an outlet, and for a vampire, that outlet usually morphs into a craving. I tend to crave violence.” He cracked a mischievous grin.

“The logging industry should thank me, though, after today. I desecrated several thousands of acres for them. It was either that, or kill the first person I crossed. Luckily, there were none in the area.”

I understood the part about cravings after my visit to the walk-in earlier. “So… you’re okay now?” I asked cautiously.

“Oh, I’m far from okay, Lucy. After today, I may never be okay,” he said.

I found it hard to believe that seeing him now, poster boy for self-discipline.

He eyed me disbelievingly. “You think I don’t want you still?” he asked dubiously. His grin lifted up at the corner in a rather sexylicious way. “Because I can assure you, all I can think about is doing it again, only this time with my mouth, or my-”

“Okay! I get it,” I snapped, my face flaming.

He laughed and it was a guttural sound that reverberated in my core. Noticing the bed a few feet away, my body warmed with something other than embarrassment.

Before I could blink, he pinned me against the wall, and I couldn’t budge an inch. “What is it with you and throwing me against the wall?” I teased.

“Is that a serious question?”

I shrugged.

“Lucy, I have a hard enough time trying to restrain myself around you as it is, but the barest of touches sets me off, making that restraint impossible. In case you weren’t paying attention, I have zero control when it comes to you.”

Those words spoke to my inner temptress, and I leaned in, seeking the plush firmness of his lips.

His expression sobered. “Lucy,” he warned. “We shouldn’t… We should take it slow.”

“You’re right. We need to-,” I stopped, processing what just came out of his mouth. “Wait, what? Take it slow as in…”

“I’m saying I’m sick of trying to give you up. After today, that’s not possible. You’re mine. I want this. I want you, but we have to be careful. Really careful.”

Not trusting my voice, I nodded my head fervently like an idiot. I was so on board with this turn of events, but he was right. We couldn’t keep giving in to our juvenile urges. We had to keep our composure. Shouldn’t be too hard to do, being around a Greek god.

“I know,” I agreed quickly before looking away. “I wasn’t really looking for an encore, anyway.” I was referring to the hours spent in the cooler, but he took my comment a different way.

“Ouch. I think you just wounded my ego,” he feigned hurt.

I snorted. “Trust me. That could never happen. That thing would survive any natural or supernatural disaster. It’s basically apocalypse proof and will outlive the cockroaches. Besides, you know as well as I do that if we didn’t have life or death issues to worry about, I would be dragging you to a deserted island and begging you to do it again.”

“I do know that,” he commented, smirking.

“Try not to sound so smug.”

“Just wanted to make sure my ego was still intact. The apocalypse doesn’t have anything on your cruelty, woman,” he teased, failing miserably at hiding his smile.

“Ha. Ha,” I said dryly. I soaked him in briefly but knew the longer we stood here, the more wrapped up in each other we’d become.

“I should go. I want to evacuate this place as soon as possible. With everything that’s about to happen, I need to get the others out of here, and I need to come up with a plan to find the Sword before Shane and company get to it.” My gears began spinning at an alarming rate.

“Lucy,” Gavin said gently.

“I need to talk to Sophie. She might know where to start looking for the Sword.”

“Lucy,” he tried again.

I grew restless and began pacing. Uneasiness settled in the pit of my stomach. What if I was too late? What if Shane already had the Sword?

“Lucy,” Gavin repeated. His warm hand curved around my cheek, and I looked up at him. “I’ve already talked to Helen. Everyone is gathering tomorrow to discuss plans of evacuation, although I don’t think anyone here would run from a fight. And I’ve talked to Sophie about the Sword of Michael. It might be best to go after it before the assassins get here. If we can make sure everyone is safe first, you and I could set out to find it.”

He already thought of everything. Of course. That’s what he does.

“Come on. I’ll walk you back to your room. You should get some rest and stop worrying so much,” he said comfortingly.

I let him lead me to my door with so many thoughts bouncing around my skull. The question that managed to escape was one that surprised us both.

“You really think I have a soul?” I blurted.

“Yes,” he answered without hesitation. “All Day-marked vampires have a chance at redemption. And once you realize your true purpose, your soul will belong to you again, and you won’t be a slave to the thirst. Your purpose will become your sustenance and the fire that keeps you fighting.”

He was saying I wouldn’t need blood anymore?

“Wait!” I said when he turned to go. Suddenly, it became so clear I wanted to smack myself.

“You have a soul, don’t you?” I asked.

“Yes,” he responded.

I was flummoxed.

“But how is that even…” I pondered. “You’re half Day-marked!”

He waited while I digested vital information. “How do you know you have it?”

“You just know, like an instinct,” he answered.

“But I have purpose already. I have a whole freaking destiny.”

“It takes more than practice, more than being told. It takes conviction. You have to believe, without a doubt, it is your purpose.”

Okayyy…

“I should go. Goodnight, Lucy.” He stepped back.

“Wait! What’s your purpose?”

He flashed that telling half grin, indicating he wouldn’t answer this question.

“Really? Another evasion,” I shot back to him. “I thought we were past those.”

“Oh, we are. But I thought the answer was pretty obvious,” he said.

Even as his door clicked shut, I stood there staring at the place he had just occupied, stunned into silence. I knew he made the promise to my mother that he would look out for me, but was I really the whole reason for retrieving his soul?

Minutes ticked by as I processed it, but when I couldn’t process any more, I headed to the training room. Fighting was the least complicated thing in my life, and I was in desperate need of the simplistic.

The thumping of a fist on a punching bag drew me into the same practice room housing the vault. The mop of blond hair and lean back surprised me when I entered. I expected Wade or Max at this hour, but Nick delivered one hit after another like a boxing champ.

“Got something to prove, or do you just really hate that particular punching bag?” I asked.

He froze and rotated his upper body toward me while keeping his fighting stance. He scanned me up and down but not in a pervy way, more like he was sizing me up.

“Don’t you have something to prove? Isn’t that why you’re here?” he insinuated, gesturing toward the impenetrable vault.

I surveyed the previously inflicted damage. It mocked me.

“Touché,” I submitted. He turned fully in my direction, and I got a good look at him. I inspected his bare skin, taking inventory of every healing bite mark and his overall paleness.

He caught me gawking and raked a wrapped hand through his hair. “Yeah, it looks bad, but I’m doing much better. They just released me from the medical room tonight. Helen wanted me to rest, but I’m sick of being idle. I just needed to… I don’t know. I needed to get back in the fight.”

A breathy laugh escaped me. “I understand the urge. All too well.”

“Look, Lucy-” he started.

“-You don’t have to thank me. I’m really not good with praise.”

“Well, I wasn’t going to.” His voice turned teasing.

“Well, okay,” I responded, unsure of what to say.

“I mean I was going to thank you, but first I wanted to apologize. For everything. I was pissed about you and that West guy, and I thought it would be a good idea to go out on my own and prove my strength to you. It was stupid. I was stupid. And before you say it, I know I never had a chance with you. If you choose him, I won’t say anything. I’ll respect your decision. I just want you to know how sorry I am for putting you in such a dangerous situation.”

“Nick, my life is built on dangerous situations. I don’t blame you. I am impressed by how well you pulled through it. You’re a tough little shit, you know,” I admitted.

“Little?” he scoffed as he stepped toe to toe with me, puffing up his chest for dramatic effect. He barely stood an inch taller than me. Realizing he was only enforcing my opinion of his size instead of refuting it, he backed up. “Size isn’t everything,” he added sheepishly.

“You’re right. It has no bearings on courage. I definitely won’t be underestimating you in the future. Seriously, most people would have had a full blown melt down after what you went through.”

“Oh, believe me. I’ve had my share of freak outs in the past couple days. I guess being that close to death shows you what kind of person you really are.”

“Truer words…” I trailed off.

I had become a different person entirely when I transformed, but I had yet to truly be tested. What kind of person would I be in the face of death? I used to know the answer to that before I changed.

I stepped up to the vault and heard Nick go back to shuffling around the bag once more. Looming over me like a broken mirror promising seven years of bad luck, the vault towered above my head. I cleared my head of everything, forgetting all the frustration it’s caused me since I arrived at the mansion. It was only me and the vault, here and now.

I may not have known what I was capable of yet, but that didn’t scare me as much as it once did. I knew what kind of person I wanted to be. The old me, minus all the guilt and hate.

Fearless. Determined. Strong. Sarcastic. Willful. I felt pieces of myself returning every day, so close to being whole again. The monster inside didn’t make decisions for me anymore. The demon didn’t control me. I
was
the damned demon.

With that in mind, I reared back, balled my fist and swung.

Hours had passed since I entered the practice room. Nick disappeared a while ago, and shuffling noises echoed through the house as people woke up, but I kept at it.

Light banter and footsteps traveled down the hall in my direction. People would be arriving soon to train and spar.

I set to work on finishing what I started last night, but I flinched at the thunderous boom created in my haste. Oops.

Shouts rang through the nearby corridors and heavy footfalls replaced the lighter ones. I backed away from my handiwork and watched the deep gashes on my palms and knuckles close, the skin going from angry red and puckered to smooth white and then blending with the golden glow of my hand.

Without turning from my project, I inspected the damage critically as people filtered into the room. Surprised gasps and a few holy shits followed them. Helen barged in next.

“What’s going on in here?”

I still hadn’t faced the group yet. Crossing both arms across my chest, I pivoted my head toward her. “Just redecorating.”

“Damn, Lucy, what did that thing ever do to you?” Max called from the back of the crowd.

“I didn’t like the way it was always looking down on me,” I mused.

“Well, you sure showed it,” Brody yelled. “Now you’re the one looking down on it.”

“You mangled a perfectly good vault. Where’s Brody going to hide all his porn now?” Max added.

“Hey, this is the 21
st
century. I keep that shit on my laptop. Password protected,” Brody joked. At least, I hoped he was joking.

“Gross,” Carly commented.

“What’s the big deal? She’s a vampire. She’s supposed to be super strong. Why has it taken her this long to take down a defenseless piece of scrap metal?” Allison whined.

“That’s several tons of scrap metal that she pried in half with her bare hands,” Jada said, sounding impressed. It took a lot to impress her from what I’ve gathered.

“Alright, alright, everyone back to your regular schedules. Anyone who needs this training space will have to make due in the common room for now. Lucille, I trust you’ll have no troubles cleaning this up?” Helen asked, sounding a touch more demanding than I liked.

“I’ll take care of it.” Gavin’s deep, take-charge voice resounded through the room from the far wall.

Everyone spun in place, shocked to see him there. I sensed him come in when my back was facing them, but now that I saw him standing in his casual dress pants and collared shirt, oozing power, my mouth watered. I itched to touch that chiseled jawline and run my fingers over the coarse stubble of his five o’ clock shadow.

Allison’s overt flirting broke my daydream. Everyone else had left but her. “I bet you will. I’d like to stick around and see what those muscles are capable of.”

She was so clueless. His eyes never left mine, and when she finally noticed, she huffed and scrunched her eyebrows together.

“Whatever. She’s just a novelty. There’s nothing special about her. You’ll figure that out soon.” When she turned away from him, she shot me a sugary sweet smile and bounced out of the room.

We stood frozen in the moment until he cleared his throat. “You never slept, did you?”

I shook my head in response. He peered at me for a long time, making me fidget, and I had to stop my hand midair when I nervously tried smoothing my hair down.

“Come on. You need a break. Let’s get out of here.”

He made a move toward the door but glanced back. I waited, arching an eyebrow.

His smile widened. “You want me to tell you how awesome you are for demolishing that thing? You hate getting compliments.”

“I hate getting them from everyone else. But when they come from you, I’m finding that I kind of…love them.” I lowered my voice at the end.

He strode closer, getting all up in my personal space. I found that I loved this proximity even more. He bent down and his breath tickled my ear.

“I’m afraid if I think about you getting sweaty, pissed off and in fighting mode, I’d want to find the nearest wall.” His voice dropped, getting all smooth and silky.

I panted loudly and groaned when he pulled away. He grinned wolfishly at my reaction before smoothing his expression.

“You’re amazing. Great job!” He patted my shoulder in a mentor-like appraisal and walked out the doorway. I gaped as his back, wanting to knock that bounce out of his step.

So infuriating.

†

Showered and dressed in skinny jeans, red sweater and black knee-high boots, I met Gavin on the front porch. He pulled a black Mercedes G-Class up to the steps and opened the passenger door.

“Such a gentleman.” His residual human manners still awed me.

“I aim to please,” he stated, trying to hide the playful glint in his eyes.

I grasped his hand firmly and he helped me into the warm cab. When he backed away, I tightened my grip, drawing his full attention. “I don’t suppose you’ll tell me where you’re taking me?”

The secretive smile I hated and loved lit his features, and I had to release my hold on him before I did something we’d both regret. He circled the hood and hopped into the driver seat. Being confined in this small space suddenly scared the hell out of me.

I understood we had to be careful with each other after our complete loss of control, and I was striving to behave myself. However, as we wound down the driveway with the heater blowing, his scent permeated the vehicle. I clutched the door handle hard enough to leave my handprint. He glanced at me with confusion, instantly fading into understanding.

The hunger in his gaze told me he was just as affected. He rolled the windows down and his grip tightened around the steering wheel. My attention stayed glued to those hands as a memory of them broke free. Once freed, it replayed in my mind until I crossed my legs and squeezed them shut in an effort to end the ache forming.

“Shit,” Gavin cursed, noticing the action. “Lucy, we’re going to Thunder Bay. It’ll take a couple hours to get there,” he hinted, sounding apologetic.

“Oh,” I gulped. “Why are we going there?” I asked to distract us both.

“I wanted to take you away from all the chaos for a little while. You needed a break, and you’ve been stuck there for too long.”

“So this is just for fun? You don’t have any informants we’re meeting or life and death missions planned?”

He chuckled before responding. “No, not today. Are you disappointed?”

“As long as we’re not going to a bar filled with hot, vampire girlfriends from your past, I’m down for whatever.”

“I don’t have girlfriends. Trixie was an acquaintance. Are you still jealous of her?” he teased.

I crossed my arms and dipped my head to thoroughly glower at him. I didn’t know which made me more upset, the no girlfriend comment or the accusation of jealousy.

“No.” I turned my head to the window to hide the hurt underneath the irritation.

He reached over and clamped a hand over my chin, twisting my gaze back to his. He dug through my pile of emotional baggage before sighing.

“You know I’ve never felt this way about anyone else before, right? This is all new to me.” He struggled for words to explain himself.

“But what is this? You said it yourself, you don’t do girlfriends.”

A faint smile crossed his lips. “I knew that comment was what did it.”

“Well, congratulations. You know what makes me tick.” My anger spiked.

“Lucy,” he growled in frustration.

“Gavin,” I mimicked with my own annoyance.

He exhaled over a laugh. “You really need to define it?” he asked, sounding sincere.

My unwavering gaze met his. I waited.

I wasn’t sure what spurred it, whether it was me latching on to a stable, committed relationship I’ve never had before or if it was just needing to know he wasn’t going anywhere, I did need this.

And we both understood the dangers of the physical aspect, but the cat was out of the bag now. There was no going back. The lust and attraction elicited physical responses, which were what got us in trouble, but love, that went beyond the physical, and neither of us could deny it anymore. He even admitted to wanting us to be together. We were past denial, or at least, I hoped.

I waited oh so patiently while he mulled over his careful response in his head.

He angled his head slightly away from the road to meet my eyes. “Girlfriend seems like the wrong word for you. It doesn’t come close to describing what we are.”

“So what word does describe it?” I badgered.

“I don’t know. Together,” he supplied. “We’ll always be together. We’re connected in a way no two people are, and there is no one else I’ve ever wanted to be with in the way I want to be with you. We may be hot-headed and irrational. We may fight and scream at each other, but that’s the kind of passion you can only get from something great.”

“Like love?” I hedged.

He smiled at me with so much warmth, my eyes stung with building tears. “We may be okay when we’re apart, but we’re perfect when we’re together. It’s all I have for now. I’ll come up with a better word eventually.”

All the love I had for this man exploded, hurling me out of my seat. I grabbed the back of his head in both hands and planted my lips firmly against his.

He hesitated, but his resistance dissolved when I bit his bottom lip playfully. A deep, throaty moan sprang from his chest and he yanked me into his lap. His tongue invaded my mouth, teasing and exploring.

He ended it abruptly and gently pushed me back, peering around me to see the road. He held me still with a solid arm braced around my waist. We both took several calming breaths. I closed my eyes and rested my forehead on his shoulder.

“Lucy, you should move before I pull the car over. If that happens, it’s hard telling how many forests will be demolished. Or worse, how many people will cross our paths.”

A curse slipped from my lips. He was right. I couldn’t believe how foolish I was. Well, I was reckless by nature, but when it came to hurting people at my own hand, I had been working harder at caution.

I slid off his lap slowly and achingly before I slunk back to my seat and unrolled my window, letting the frosty air clear my thoughts. We remained silent for the rest of the drive, trying to compose our naughty impulses.

The city skyline morphed into a sprawling town filled with a hustle and bustle I hadn’t seen since leaving St. Louis. Gavin parked the car in an expansive parking lot and glanced at me expectantly. I spied the building and the myriad of people entering and exiting before glancing back at him. He waited for my reaction.

“We’re seriously going to see a movie?” I asked, glimpsing the marquee and giant movie posters plastered to the side of the complex.

He grinned mischievously. “Like two normal people.”

“On a date?” I added.

When I turned back to face him, he wore an unreadable expression. “I just wanted to give you a normal experience. I don’t want you to ever forget that you fit in both worlds. You can be human. You can be vampire. It doesn’t matter as long as you remember to keep living.”

“You’re too perfect sometimes. It’s kind of obnoxious,” I joked.

“Well, you didn’t let me finish. I was going to suggest that we find a seat in the back like two horny teenagers,” he said. He leaned into me and dropped his voice. “Then again, you always like me more when I’m bad, so if my sweet side gets on your nerves, I’m sure getting dirty in a dark movie theatre would get you really hot and bothered.”

“Funny,” I retorted flatly. “And I wouldn’t go so far to say you had a sweet side.”

He pulled away laughing. “So what’s it going to be? Action or romance?”

I blanched until I figured out he was referring to the movies. He smirked knowingly.

“Do you really have to ask?”

I sauntered toward the theatre without waiting for his response. He snuck up behind me throwing his arms around me. His solid weight against me sent warm shivers rushing down my back.

He breathed close to my ear. “Action it is.” I couldn’t see his face but knew he wore the same arrogant half grin I either wanted to slap or kiss.

We ended up sitting in front to avoid temptation. After the movie ended, we waded through the masses and snuck around a couple trying to calm their crying baby. I noticed their other two kids nearby playing on the handicap railing. The boy kept pushing his little sister off the bar. Her cries went unnoticed by their preoccupied parents.

I glanced around to make sure no one else watched, and I waited for the girl to look the other way. As I passed, the boy sensed me staring and caught my eye. He stuck out his tongue.

Big mistake. Going full on vampire, a menacing hiss escaped my throat. His eyes went big at the sight of my growing fangs and lightening irises.

He freaked out and ran to his parents crying. The girl looked around in confusion, and when she caught my gaze, I had already changed back to normal. I shrugged and gave her an easy smile. She hesitated but eventually returned it with a bright grin of her own.