Blinding Light (The Bloodmarked Trilogy Book 2) (30 page)

Of all the thoughts rolling through my head, the one that slipped out was, “Why is it impossible to be both Light and Dark?”

He sighed. “I don’t really have a good answer to that question, but it’s almost like the two bloodlines have it ingrained in them to hate each other. Humans who are Shadow-marked typically are cruel and naturally repel those marked for the Light. My parents somehow saw past their differences and fell in love. Even so, the bloodlines shouldn’t be able to mix. I shouldn’t have been conceived.”

“Yet somehow, you managed to survive both powerful opposing lines,” I mused reverently.

His thumb smoothed slow circles over my stomach as he continued. “It hasn’t exactly been a walk in the park living with both sides. Until you came along, I had almost given up on the Day-marked part of me. I went so many years feeding off humans.”

“Did you kill anyone?” It occurred to me that I never actually asked him this before.

“No. I don’t think I would have a soul right now if I had. But I came close too many times. Part of me always wanted to let go. I wanted to kill, but every time I fed, my connection with the victim’s blood allowed me to access their fear. I felt so guilty I never could finish it.”

“Then I came along?” I rolled onto my back to see his face better. His hand stayed on my stomach as he leaned over me.

He smiled as his eyes grew distant in a memory. “Yeah. At first I told myself it was sheer curiosity for your bloodline and knowing there was someone else out there with the Light line. But after hearing what your mother had to say, I knew you were something special.”

“So you really do have a soul… because of me?” I asked skeptically.

He returned to the present and gazed at me with warmth. “Yes.”

“And you don’t need to drink blood anymore because you have a soul?”

“When you regain control of your soul, you get back your free will. Basically, you have no more ties to the cursed blood. The strong, vampiric urges are still there, but you’re free from the monster inside who demands blood and death. In a way, it makes you an immortal human, rather than a vampire.”

“So can you eat food?” I really missed my junk food some days.

He grinned proudly. “Yep. I don’t need it, but I can eat just for the satisfaction of tasting it.”

“Lucky,” I whined, seriously missing the sugar rush from an ice cold Mountain Dew. “What’s your favorite food?”

“Hmmm. I’d have to say a nice, homemade chicken pot pie,” he replied, licking his lips.

“Really, I’d have pegged you for a steak and potatoes kind of guy. What’s your favorite drink?”

“Hands down, a good beer.”

I laughed remembering the story he told me. “I want to go to Oktoberfest with you someday and have a beer.”

“Oh, yeah?” he said, his smile brightening.

“I won’t ditch you for another guy either.” He chuckled, but I continued. “If you leave me for another girl, though, I can promise you will end up with a permanent scar above the other eye.”

“You have nothing to worry about. I’ve never gotten this close to a woman before. I never let anyone in, not even in my human life,” he admitted.

“You scared?” I teased.

He snorted. “Of women? No. Bored maybe, but not scared. Of you? I’m petrified.”

“Afraid I’ll ruin you?”

“I think it’s a little late to worry about that.” His hand glided off my stomach to where my hand lay, and his fingers laced through mine.

I held our hands up, observing them. “Is this all because of your promise to keep me safe?” I asked, nodding to our joined hands.

He cracked a wide grin. “It started out as an obligation to protect you, but this,” he said, gesturing toward our entwined fingers, “is definitely not part of any promise I made to your mother. This is all you, and how happy you make me. My need to protect you is nothing compared to my need to be close to you.”

I bit my lip to hold back the goofy grin trying to split my face. He bent down to press a tender kiss to my lips but pulled away before it had a chance to get carried away.

When he looked into my eyes, I saw his love for me shining through the depths of those aqua pools. “I know you’re worried about tonight, but I’m going to be right there with you. I won’t leave you.”

“Promise?”

“I promise. Besides, you are the only one who can kill me, since you are my sole purpose for living.”

He’s alluded to this before, but I needed more clarification now. “What does that mean?”

“If I lost my reason for being,” he looked at me pointedly, “I would cease to exist.”

“So if I die, you die?”

“Yes, or if you decided you didn’t need me around anymore, you could kill me. I read a lot about it, and I don’t know how much truth there is to this theory. I haven’t exactly tested it, so who knows if it’s real or not.”

“You can’t be killed,” I marveled.

“Well, I’m pretty sure the Sword of Michael could do the trick, but like I said, it’s a theory that’s never been tested.”

In other words, ‘don’t get your hopes up.’

But still, it did give me hope. Hearing his reassurance relaxed me. He turned me so that I was tucked up against him once more.

His warm rays of tenderness shone on the darkest parts of my armored heart, igniting embers that have been smothered and cold for most of my lonely existence. I felt secure and safe, like nothing bad could reach me or would even dare to come near with Gavin by my side. To be in his arms, surrounded by his warmth and compassion, was like having a real home with a nice big bed to curl up in on a stormy night. Or morning, considering the current hour.

There may have been a lot of bad shit happening in the world outside, but with Gavin, I was safe. I drifted into unconsciousness with one thought on my mind.

Home.

That was our word. He was mine and I was his. What would I ever do without him? That was the one question I was determined to never have answered.

I woke to a creaking floorboard down the hall and was startled when Gavin’s arm wrapped across my stomach protectively, his hand holding me back at my hip. He was already in an upright position, watching the door like the entire assassin army was about to burst through it.

I’d like to think we would have heard something if they had managed to sneak in and kill all the humans before coming for us, but I wasn’t about to take any chances. When Gavin crept to the door, I followed.

He shot me an exasperated glare but turned back to the threat. When I pushed my hearing out further, I could pinpoint a single heartbeat drawing nearer and a not so stealthy set of footsteps clumsy enough to be human.

Gavin heard it too, because I witnessed the tension leave his rigid frame as he reached for the door handle. When he pulled it open, he stepped into the hallway, still blocking me from view of whoever deemed it safe to travel into vampire territory.

I heard a soft gasp, and a female voice say, “Oh, Gavin. You scared me.”

I imagined her hand coming to her chest to emphasize the innocent act she thought she pulled off so well. Two visits in one night. The girl was getting desperate.

“Allison, what are you doing here this late?” His voice wasn’t unfriendly, but it was harder than usual with a hint of warning. I wasn’t sure if the warning was for me or for her.

“I’m sorry. I just… I don’t have a good reason for coming here. I just woke up in the middle of the night, and something drew me here, like I’m safer or something with you around.” Her tone was baby soft now.

I rolled my eyes. If he actually bought this, I was going to beat his head against the wall.

“You shouldn’t be over here. Whatever comfort you’re seeking, you won’t find it on this side of the house,” he explained.

“But you’re staying over here. How did you get stuck in the room next to the monster, anyway?”

Gavin was standing half in and half out of the doorway. I was ready to push him aside when he held up a hand to ward me off.

“She’s not a monster, and I am here because this is my house and I chose this room.”

She sucked in a stunted breath and continued to ignore the sharpness in his voice as she persisted using her syrupy tone. “So the rumors are true? You are so young to be so successful. I’d love to here more about you. I know it’s late and all, but it would help calm me down enough to sleep if we could talk for a bit?” she suggested.

I held back my gagging reflex in order to hear what he might say.

“That’s not going to happen. You need to go back to your room.”

“I promise I’m a really good listener, though. I’m good at a lot of things.” And there was the suggestive flirtation I expected.

I really was working on my maturity, but sometimes doing the adult thing was just boring. I slid my hands over Gavin’s ribs from behind and ran them across his abs, feeling him tense for what was to come.

“Darling, are you coming back to bed?” I asked, mimicking Allison’s innocence. My voice couldn’t quite convey it. Even Gavin flinched at the warning it held. Oops.

When I peeked around Gavin’s still form, Allison froze, horror stricken and jaw dropped. Maturity was definitely overrated in some cases. Her face was priceless. It took her several tries of opening and closing her mouth before any words surfaced.

“But… I… how… her? Seriously?”

“Go back to your room, Allison.” Gavin’s words carried that authoritative and infuriating tone he usually reserved for lecturing me. It was weird hearing it used on someone else, and it didn’t carry the same underlying teasing to it.

“Thanks for stopping by. Have a good night,” I added.

She recoiled and whirled on her heel, stomping off down the hall.

I turned back for the bed as Gavin closed the door and grabbed my wrist, spinning me. He glared at me hard like he was about to rain down his wiser than thou spiel on me. I crossed my arms and glared right back.

“Don’t even. Yes, that was totally necessary. Now, get back in bed.”

He eyed me up and down, trying to hold onto the toughness, but it slowly slipped away to reveal a sexy smile. He backed me toward the bed until my legs hit the mattress. We shared another heated look before climbing back in bed and nestling into our cocoon.

“Do you get a lot of late night visitors, Mr. West?” I teased.

“Go to sleep, Ms. Masters,” he returned.

I really tried to do just that, but I was now stuck on the thought of Gavin’s sex life. It felt like tiny dull needles using my heart as a pincushion. A total of 71 seconds passed before I opened my mouth.

“How many women have you been with?” I cringed, kicking myself mentally. I was sure I had turned a nice shade of red. He smiled knowingly.

“Are you sure you want to know?” he asked wickedly.

My jaw dropped. No. “Yes.”

Idiot. Why torture yourself?

“Well, believe it or not, when I was human, I assumed I was God’s gift to women.”

I snorted, but grew a little sick to my stomach the more he said.

“And then, I became a vampire and did pretty much whatever I wanted, whatever felt good.” He noticed my face paling and quickly added, “But, Lucy, that was all before I had a soul, and before I had any sort of meaning in my life. Those women only lasted a night. I never found anything in them worth keeping.”

Admitting he used to be a ladies man with tons of experience in that department so did not ease my mind.

“Lucy,” he said, his fingertips touching my chin, gently guiding it up so my eyes met his. “For the first time in my life, I found something I want to hold onto forever. No matter what I had in my life before, you are a first for me in every way. You put the meaning into everything I do.” He paused in reflection and then added, “You’re both.”

“Both what?”

“Remember when you asked me if you were a weakness or strength?”

Panic bear hugged my chest in a death grip. I was afraid of the answer, but I was no longer fear’s bitch. Suppressing the anxiety, I nodded for him to continue.

“You’re my strength and my weakness, Lucy. My Light and my Dark. But no matter which one it is, you manage to bring out the best in me. You’re my everything.”

My scowl had slowly melted with each word, and the corners of my mouth lifted involuntarily. I felt our easy connection returning and wanted to lighten the mood before I did something regrettable, like break out in song or some shit.

“So are there any mini Gavins running around somewhere?”

It was his turn to cringe. I fought the urge to smack myself. The question wasn’t much better than my first. I was on a roll with this whole masochism theme.

“No,” he said with finality.

“But how would you know for sure? I doubt they passed out free condoms at the health clinic back in your day.”

“Trust me. I wasn’t even supposed to exist, so there would be no way my genes were able to pass any further. And as far as my other life, vampires can’t really conceive.”

“Oh,” I added lamely. I hadn’t thought of that. Suddenly, I deflated like I just lost a dream I never knew I had. “So I can never have kids?”

His eyes bore into mine. “Lucy,” he whispered, almost sympathetically. “Did you picture yourself having kids one day?”

“No, I just… I don’t know.”

He read my expression before responding. “You just shed another piece of that normalcy you still crave.” He tilted his head forward so his eyes leveled mine. “Even though you’ve accepted your supernatural life, it still stings, huh?”

“I guess so. I didn’t even realize I was holding onto it, but the whole husband and white picket fence thing was the ideal. The things that humans consider boring or plain seemed like heaven on rough nights of hunting. Their fairytales always sounded so perfect in my world of nightmares.” I stopped, unsure of how to make him understand.

A wry smile lit his features. “You don’t have to explain it to me, Ms. Masters. I already know you inside and out.”

My eyebrows lifted skyward.

“Well, after our last encounter in the basement, maybe even more-so ins-“

I cupped my hand over his mouth before he could finish the dirty remark. “I get it.”

He smiled against my hand and placed a lingering kiss on my palm. He proceeded to kiss his way over my fingers as I slid my hand away. His eyes bounced around my features, then down to my neck and back up before he ducked slowly, leaving me guessing about where his lips might land.

He held my eyes briefly before dipping his head and parting his lips over the now racing pulse at my neck. His lips dragged softly inward, sucking lightly at my skin, and my hips lifted in response, seeking out his. He ground against me once before settling more weight on top of me to keep me steady.

He lifted his head and drew his palm up to my face.  “I’m sorry, Lucy. Vampires can’t have kids. It’s impossible.”

“I kind of knew it all along, but somehow, I just never applied that law of nature to myself.”

“Hey, listen to me, Lucy. It’s impossible, but it was impossible for me to have been born. Impossible things seem a little more possible in our world. You and I are a lot different than the others, okay. Maybe when your soul belongs to you again, things can happen. You don’t have to give up on all your hopes.”

A moment passed as I considered his words. “Very wise, old man.”

He laughed and pinned my hands above my head. “You remember what happens when you tease me right?” Gavin’s eyes heated and drilled into mine.

“I do. And I think you’ll find that threat has the adverse effect on me now.” I pushed up so my entire torso was flush with his and bit my lip to hold back a moan.

“Shit, Lucy,” he breathed and dropped his head into the crook of my neck. “We can’t.” The agonized inflection in his voice hinted at an apology.

I exhaled a steadying breath and closed my eyes to clear my head. “Sorry. I’m sorry.”

“Me too. We need to be more careful, but if you could see yourself right now, you’d understand how hard it is for me.”

I raised another incredulous eyebrow and opened the same eye. There was no hint of innuendo, so I smiled at the compliment and changed the subject.

“Can you even imagine little Lucys running around?” I laughed at the idea.

He laughed too. “Yeah, pretty scary. But maybe they’d have my stellar patience.”

My heart stopped dead in its tracks. “Yours?” I squeaked.

“Lucy.” His tone grew stronger and confident. “If there are kids in your future, then yes, they will be mine.” Never wavering, his eyes stayed glued to mine.

And the possessive, alpha male world champion holds his title. But I understood his confidence. I mistook it before for cockiness because I didn’t know the extent of my feelings. I think he must have seen it all along. He wouldn’t have made that comment if he weren’t so sure about my love, or his.

My arms were now wrapped tightly around his neck, and his hands were gripping my hips roughly. Our lips hovered a mere inch apart.

He jerked back before they made contact, gazing down at me. “We really need to get some sleep. Before I attempt the impossible.” He winked slyly before rolling off me and over to his side of the bed.

†

I awoke to the sounds of shuffling. I peeked through the thin slits of my eyelids to see Gavin rifling through his dresser drawer. His naked back was to me. He pulled out a dark t-shirt and the taut muscles in his shoulders flexed as he lifted it above his head. His torso twisted slightly, and I openly gawked at the spectacular display of tight abs and defined pecks.

“If you keep looking at me like that, we’re never going to make it out of this room.”

I jumped at the sound of his gruff voice and met his smug eyes. In the midst of my heavy ogling, I had drawn up on my elbows and parted my lips. There I was, staring at him like a total creeper with what must have been the most wanton expression I could manage.

“I was going to suggest training together, but I could think of a few other activities to work up a sweat.”

I cringed at his arrogant tone and yanked the covers off myself. Huffing all the way to the door, I barely had time to react to the hand that curled around my bicep, spinning me in place.

He stood so close my hair whipped his face before settling loosely in front of my eyes. He brushed it off my face gently and leaned down to place a chaste kiss on my lips. I leaned into it, lingering half a beat longer on the warm suppleness.

Pulling back, I practically heard the words in his mind as if he said them out loud. Every part of me became aware of his love, but he still hadn’t said it. Neither have I. We were both afraid to give voice to it, making it real to the outside world. We didn’t want it tarnished by those seeking to destroy it or by our own consuming, destructive urges.

I was okay with that, knowing that when we did say the words, nothing would be able to stop it from being true. I returned his smile with my own, showing him everything I had inside of me that would one day be his, out in the open at least. My heart already belonged to him, but I would hand it over when the time was right.