Blood of the Pure (Gaea) (45 page)

“My fault?”

“Because you’re always going about how different they are. And, although I listened to your babbling, I could never really understand it. So, when I realized what she is, I just didn’t want to destroy her.”

I placed a hand over my chest, trying to settle down my raving heartbeat. Had it all been for something as simple as that! For mere curiosity about what I was? Because I was somehow ... different?

“Izrail!” Exasperation filled the black angel’s voice and I took another peek inside. “Just break that damn Contract, take whatever you want, and get out of here! What do you expect from her?”

“You really want me to do that! Because I’m not expecting anything! What could I possibly expect from a Soul that shatters into pieces just from standing beside me?” Bitterness filled his velvet voice, reminding me of my last failure, and I felt sick, although I finally knew the answer to my question about how he felt as he sat there, day after day, watching me struggle against myself and, inevitably, fail.

The room was silent once again and then the black angel released a deep sigh, leaning against what was left of a couch.

“I see,” he muttered, running a hand across his own face, looking suddenly too tired. “No matter what I say, you will not do it, right?” Once again, silence was the only reply he got. “And what about her
Merifri
? What have you done with him? Surely someone like her has a Guardian, and no Guardian I know would idly stand by and allow a
Deiwos
such as yourself to come this close to her.”

My heart jumped at that. A
Merifri
? I should have a
Merifri
? The word Guardian tumbled in my head, which meant someone to keep me safe! Someone who should have protected me from ... him.

“I didn’t do anything. He’s asleep. He was already asleep when she freed me. I guess he wouldn’t have even allowed her to complete the ritual, if he wasn’t,” he answered, but still the
Mazzikin
seemed suspicious.

“Another
Deiwos
?”

“Honestly? It would seem that it was of his own accord. Even with my presence so close by, he has yet to awake. I could almost bet he wishes to remain asleep.”

I clenched the sweater over my chest. It was like listening to some amazing tale and I could hardly make myself believe they were talking about me.

“What did I say, Izrail? About the power that beings like her hold? And she’s even brighter than Jonathan! I really don’t know what she’s still doing here!”

I looked over at the other boy, who by now I’d come to understand was called Jonathan. He stood exactly in the same place as before, the same posture, the same expression, the same vacant eyes. His honey-like hair was lightly waved, framing a young but inexpressive face. His brown eyes stared into nothingness, almost as if he’d fallen asleep where he stood with his eyes opened.

“You know, you’ll never get what you truly want, right?” the black angel told him and Gabriel averted his gaze. It was the first time I saw him react like that, listening to what someone else had to say without false smiles, indifferent expressions or threatening glares. That black winged creature seemed to have the ability to know what he was thinking and his words weighed on him. “Well, anyway, I gather that, no matter what I say, you won’t be leaving here any time soon, right? So we’ll stay ... and help,” he announced, now smiling unconcerned, and Gabriel stared back at him, this time with a silent threat in his eyes.

“I don’t need your help! Lea is enough!”

“Nonsense! That’s exactly why they Sealed you the last time. Or am I wrong?” he asked, sarcasm leaking out of his words, and Gabriel’s eyes glowed bright red. “Besides, I’m not doing you any favors. You know perfectly well I want to be a part of this war as much as you do. During the time you were away, stuck who knows where, many have been erased and those who remain are all pretty much from your caste. And I still can’t die!” Although his face was still smiling, his tone was the most serious I’d heard him use the whole night.

“You want me to protect you.”

“But of course! If we are to make an alliance, that’s to be expected. Above all, I expect you to protect Jonathan.”

Gabriel looked at the boy, still motionless like a real life-size doll, and sighed.

“We’ll talk about this another time, once we got rid of my stupid Brother,” he conceded and, although it had been far from a promise, the black angel seemed content with the way things had been solved. He stood from the broken coach where he had been half sitting and walked over to the boy, gently placing his hands over his shoulders as if he were afraid to break him.

“Jonathan?” he called, as softly as his voice would allow, and, almost as if he’d said a magic word. The boy’s body stirred back to life and I saw him move. Suddenly I had the feeling he could also see me, that he was staring right at me, and pulled myself upright once more, flattening my back against the wall, completely out of sight. “Come. Sit here. I’m sure you’re tired.” I still heard him say and the sound of slow footsteps over the ruble that had been my living room’s furniture made me jumpy.

Looking around, fearing my unwanted presence would be discovered, I silently ran to the stairs. I didn’t want to have to face any of them that night.

I stormed into my room and it was as if I’d entered another world. In there nothing had changed, everything was exactly as I’d left. The light on the desk turned on. My bed half unmade. I remembered I’d been about to get changed and went on from that point, as if nothing in between had actually happened, refusing to acknowledge that my alarm clock would ring in just an hour or so. I turned off the light and slid under my quilt, but, even surrounded by darkness, my eyes remained wide open. In truth, that day, everything had changed. I had changed, and I’d never be the same again.

Chapter Sixteen

OXO

– Vision of the rose of 49 petals, and of the Holy 12-fold Table.

Examination of the Candidate for Master of the Temple.
1
–

“There is a voice inside me that persistently tells me that I cannot win.

The reality around me goes way beyond my comprehension and,

as the insignificant and mortal Human Being that I am,

there is nothing I can do to be able to grasp it, much less change anything.

And suddenly the word ‘end’ sounds terribly tempting, certain that, in that moment,

I’ll recover the silence and peace now lost to me.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

hen my alarm clock sounded I was sure I had yet to close my eyes. A pale, gray light poured from the window as I hadn’t got the chance to close the blinds.

I stood up, my body sluggish and too sleepy to move any faster, and dragged myself towards the bathroom. I pointedly ignored the stairs as I passed them and washed my face with cold water, ending up almost sticking my head under the tap. Back to my room, I pulled a dress over my head, the first one I could reach, something I’d never done before on a school day because they were all too short for my taste. That morning, however, I didn’t want to have think about anything, much less matching colors and patterns, and so a dress came out as the easiest piece of clothes to wear.

Sorting out last night’s event seemed such a hard, confusing task that I didn’t even make an attempt. In any case, what for? I felt very much like a marionette that, even though she could never run away, still stubbornly persisted in struggling against the strings biding her. Things like the problem of his relationship with Steph now seemed suddenly ridiculous, and I couldn’t comprehend how I’d spent so much energy on something so insignificant. In truth, there was a war, somewhere, a war in which I’d ended up being involved. I should have also had a Guardian that had apparently abandoned me of his own free will. And, to wrap things up, Gabriel held my life in his hands, and all the freedom I thought I had was, in reality, the freedom he had chosen to give me while curiously studying me as if I were some strange, exotic animal in a zoo.

I grabbed my books and went downstairs. Faced with all that, what was there left of me? What was I supposed to do?

I went to the kitchen and, as soon as I appeared at the door, the voices I’d been hearing from the hallway were immediately silenced. My eyes ran through that small space and over the people present, but he wasn’t there.

Lea jumped from his chair, running towards me, and held the hem of my dress to call my attention.

“Mari! How are you feeling?”

I lowered my head to look at him and forced a smile. He was back to looking like a small boy, the small boy I’d gotten too used to having around, and that made me feel more at ease.

“I’m OK,” I replied. Actually, I couldn’t really tell. I couldn’t feel anything.

He seemed worried, as if my smile hadn’t been convincing enough, and I looked over at the two strangers. The boy with the honey-colored hair sat at the table, as motionless as I recalled seeing him last night. The black angel stood protectively behind his chair, except he didn’t look like an angel anymore now that his black wings had completely disappeared.

“Good morning!” he greeted me cheerfully, running a hand across the dark-red bangs that slid over his right cheek, and Lea pulled himself even closer to me, in a reassuring gesture.

“It’s OK, Mari. You can trust him ... for now,” he added in a threatening tone, and the black angel made a face in a surprisingly childish response.

“You can call me Alexander,” he told me and I tried to remember the name Gabriel had called him, but couldn’t.

“My name is Mari.”

“I know,” he went on, interrupting me. “Lea has been gently going over all the important things I should know about you, while threatening my life should I cause you any measure of pain or discomfort.” He smiled, seeming completely at ease. I gave Lea a sideway glance and saw he insisted on keeping his threatening demeanor, his eyes locked on Alexander’s every move. “This is Jonathan,” Alexander said, referring to the boy sitting in front of him. “Unlike us, Jonathan is Human, like you. So, even if you hate our entire race, please be nice to him.”

“Human?” I questioned suspiciously, watching him more closely. True, there was nothing that indicated otherwise. But that could also be said of Lea or Alexander, as long as they kept their present appearances.

“Yes. Jonathan is my
Medium
.”
Medium
. I’d heard that word last night, but wasn’t sure what it meant. According to what I’d learned after reading a bit more about magic and the occult, a medium was someone with the ability to become a bridge between the living world and the spirits or lost souls that supposedly existed. However, I wasn’t quite sure that definition applied.

“Where’s Gabriel?” I asked, indifferently changing the subject, and Lea took a step back, looking up at me with the strangest expression, as though I’d said something forbidden or blasphemous.

“Gabriel? Is that how he’s called around here?” Alexander asked, and Lea nodded, still staring wide-eyed at me.

“Yes, but not Mari,” he noted in a frightened low voice and I finally understood the reason behind his reaction. I rarely used his Human name. Saying it out loud always sounded too fake, like a bad lie, but, right then, I really couldn’t care less.

“Hmm, well, about that. He had to go somewhere and asked me to look after you,” Alexander informed me, still with that smile that always failed to reach his almond-shaped eyes.

So, he wasn’t at home. And I could feel it in the air that they were telling the truth. That was all I needed to know. I’d speak with him later then. After all, I’d already made up my mind. I was too tired to go on with that charade any further.

I opened the fridge and took out the yogurt box, placing it on the table along with a handful of spoons I grabbed.

“Take whatever you want,” I told them coldly, choosing a yogurt for me, and left, carrying my books under an arm.

I heard Lea’s bell following me after the first steps I took out of the kitchen, but then he seemed to think it over and decided to leave me alone. In my mind I could easily picture his desolated expression, but I’d already decided not to go over myself any longer, not even for Lea’s sake. I was sure that if I didn’t take a stand, I’d end up breaking something irreplaceable deep inside of me and simply disappear.

I stopped by the living room door while shoving spoonfuls of yogurt down my throat. Utter chaos greeted me between pieces of broken wood, torn pillows and shattered glass. At least they hadn’t tried to make it look like nothing had happened.

I finished my yogurt while disinterestedly observing that post-war scenario, and left the empty cup on the first step of the stairs, ready to go to school.

I hadn’t taken more than two steps outside the house when the front door closed again right behind me. And then Alexander was walking beside me. I glanced at him sideways. At least he dressed according to the weather, I noticed, wearing a dark-brown heavy coat that reached knee length. Under it I could see the gray wool of a sweater and I thought I saw him shiver when the cold wind blew his red bangs, releasing his dark gaze from the shadow they cast. His face was young, and beautiful, but a beauty that could easily be considered possible for a Human, unlike Gabriel, who looked more like a statue carved by some master of the arts. If it weren’t for the peculiar color of his eyes that once under the shadow of his bangs looked almost black, no one would ever guess he was far from being just like everyone else.

“Aren’t you going to ask?” he finally questioned me, wincing as the cold nipped at his skin.

“Ask what?”

“Questions, of course,” he replied in an almost insulting way that somehow irked me.

“Is that why you’re here?” My words were filled with irony as I glared up at him.

“No, not really, I guess,” he said with that smile again. “I just thought you might have questions, since Izrail has real problems where the use of words is concerned,” he added in that sarcastic tone that, by now, I thought usual for him.

“Why, is that another of your studies? See what kind of questions she’ll make if someone offers to answer?” He didn’t answer at that and anger filled all the empty places inside me, which was actually much better than the apathy I’d felt since last night. “Because in the end that’s all this is, right? Because I’m somehow different, he decided to make a lab rat out of me. ‘Oh, let’s see how Mariane reacts if I destroy her room! Wait, no, let’s see how Mariane reacts if I threaten to kill her friends! Oh, and how about sending her mother all the way to Paris? Better yet! Let’s get rid of all her clothes and make her wear whatever pleases me! And while at that, why not screw her best friend?’ Well, enough is enough! He can have whatever he wants, as long as he disappears from my life!” I unloaded it all in one single breath, and gasped for air, my heart beating too fast, too painfully.

“Things aren’t that simple,” he said wearily, apparently impervious to my angry tantrum. “Besides, I really don’t think that that’s the case.”

“And what do you know? You just got here!” I pointed out and he raised his head to look up at the gray sky above us.

“Unlike you, I know him. In some ways, I know him better than he knows himself. Because normally he doesn’t really think about the reasons behind his actions. Besides, the way you’re talking, it almost sounds like you see yourself as a mere, innocent victim. I hope you know you’re not. Because if you do, then you’re a much more selfish Soul than I’d given you credit for.”

My feet froze and I glared at him, frowning.

“What do you mean?”

“What do I mean?” he repeated, turning to face me. “Well, weren’t you the one who released him? Even if it was something unexpected, it was still a consequence of your actions. Yours and no one else’s. And the price of an evocation like the one you did is the Soul of the summoner. Whatever his reasons are, he saved your eternity by accepting this Contract. And, to fulfill it, he’s been stuck here, even though he knows he’s being hunted. Or are you that petty that you can’t see beyond your own bellybutton? And all because we’re different. Were he Human, like you, I’m sure you’d try harder to understand.”

I stood there, in silence, shivering inside. I’d often wondered if our situation, which I tended to see from my point of view, wasn’t something hard for him to withstand as well. After all, if I was bound to him, he was bound to me as well. Nevertheless, hearing him say those things so directly made me unable to simply shrug and put those ideas aside, as I always did. And that scared me.

“I understand you may feel tired,” he continued in a more appeasing tone. “That you may be confused. That you may not feel like fighting any longer, or trying to find a way out of this colossal mess. But if you’re just going to give up on taking charge of your own path and just let yourself be dragged by the torrents around you, then he might as well never have taken the time to try and save your Soul. It would’ve at least saved us a lot of time and trouble.”