Blood of the Pure (Gaea) (49 page)

“From what you say, he’s extremely powerful. Surely he won’t have any trouble defeating whoever comes at him,” I mused, trying to reassure myself regarding my decision to trust him with my safety, and Alexander practically stuck what was left of the cake in his mouth.

“I do not doubt his power. No one does. But believe it when I say it. We will all be much better off if we’re able to solve things without having to resort to it. That’s why his Brothers decided to Seal him. Izrail would never accept defeat and he’d end up taking the battle to its last consequences. After that, all that would probably be left around him would be a huge extension of desert land. For me, just to be able to sit here talking to you, I have to Seal most of my powers. If I didn’t my wings would appear and, even though everything else would apparently remain the same, the air around me would change, making Humans uncomfortable, feeling unsafe, even if they were somehow able to deal with the black wings part. For Izrail that’s also true, but in a way that’s almost frightening to the rest of us. He’s already Sealing his powers as I do, and his presence, and his energy. And, to keep up with that humanly acceptable appearance, he has to Seal himself all over again. They’re Seals, over Seals, over Seals. In combat he has to be very careful to release only the parts of him that are strictly necessary. For that reason, directly threatening his life is far from being the smartest of options. He’d probably react according to his primal instincts of survival, the same that were drilled into him time and time again during his childhood. I fear that nothing would be left of his adversaries, but the same can be said of the nearest town or piece of land.”

I swallowed hard. I couldn’t wrap my mind around what it would really mean to wield such an immense power.

“And so you decided to stay to keep him in check,” I concluded and felt internally grateful for that. He laughed.

“He’d hate hearing you say something like that,” he joked, signaling the waiter to bring us the check.

“And even knowing how powerful he is, how dangerous, you still don’t fear him,” I observed with admiration. I, in contrast, almost fell to pieces every time he came closer than a dozen steps to me.

“Oh, no. Everyone in his right mind fears him,” he denied with a smile, as if that was a worldwide accepted fact.

“But you’re still willing to stay beside him. Even last night. The way you faced him,” I countered and he averted his gaze looking disturbed.

“Yesterday was an entire different matter. I would have never challenged him like that if that stupid cat hadn’t pointed his claws at Jonathan,” he grumbled, sounding annoyed at the memory. “Since I know Suileabhan only obeys his voice, I had no other choice than to do that.”

His heavy expression opened up with a polite smile as soon as our waiter returned. To my amazement, Alexander gave him what very much looked like a credit card, and the man walked away happily.

“Jonathan. He’s really Human?” I asked and he smiled once again.

“He is. And it’s my duty to protect him,” he declared without the shadow of a doubt.

“And you are his Guardian.”

“I was. Now I can no longer take that position.”

“But you still protect him,” I noted and couldn’t help feeling slightly depressed. While Alexander stood by Jonathan’s side, even when that wasn’t his duty any longer, my Guardian had chosen to run away to some dream world. And suddenly my mind made the connection. “So Jonathan is like me?” I asked, still not convinced.

Alexander accepted his card back, standing up to leave. Our waiter thanked him more than once for our patronage, insisting that we return soon, and I picked up my books, following him towards the door. “Is he?” I insisted as I caught up with him and he nodded, hiding his face from me as he pulled up the collar of his coat. However, I couldn’t stop smiling. Suddenly I was no longer alone. Not alone in being a freak. And not alone in being a Human who had to deal with demons and angels for breakfast. I ran a few steps to catch up with him and peered up at him, excited with my new discovery. “You were his Guardian! What happened? How can you stay beside him when you’re not one anymore?” I went on, clueless, until his expression became surprisingly hard and cold.

“Jonathan only has one Guardian. And that’s me!” he stated dryly. “Whether I’m a
Deiwos
or a
Merifri
.”

The excitement drained out of me immediately and, for the first time, I felt intimidated near him. Could he contradict himself any more obviously? The idea I’d built about him, of someone cheerful and carefree, was suddenly, and quite effectively, completely shattered. The hard expression that had remained on his face with just that one question, after so gladly having replied to so many others, baffled me. And, above all, it clearly told me that that wasn’t a topic he wanted to discuss, and so I thought it better and let it drop.

“Mari, do you fear me?” His sudden question made me raise my head to face him. He was still serious, but his expression had grown smoother, almost pained.

I pondered carefully for a moment. I wanted to be as honest as possible with my answer. It was the least I could do to repay him all the patience he had had with me and all the things he had taught me.

“No,” I finally replied and smiled lightly at his surprised expression. “I guess, right now, I’m not afraid of any of you, although I’m quite aware that the humanly proper thing to do would be to run around screaming in terror,” I added and he half smiled at my sarcasm. “I did fear Gabriel for a long time, though. Not for what he appeared to be, because, ever since that first night, he never did anything that might make me feel that way. I feared him based on what I irrationally feel when I’m near him. It’s a kind of pure physical terror that I can’t control, dragging my mind with it. Rationally speaking, I know all too well that I have nothing to fear, that he needs me alive in order to reach his goal. But when he’s near, my mind goes completely blank. As for Lea, I guess I was never really afraid of him, even after he tried to kill me.”

Alexander opened his eyes wide and I couldn’t help laugh at his expression of disbelief.

“It was nothing special,” I pointed out. “Now we are practically best friends. As for you, well, maybe if you’d shown up last month, I’d probably have been very much afraid. Now, I’ve seen and heard so many things that I guess I just got used to it. Just last Saturday we were attacked by one of your kind. Sure there was a moment, in the middle of all this, that I really thought I’d end up losing my mind. Sometimes I still feel like that, but I learned to control the down spiraling thoughts that constantly cross my mind. Since you know us so well, I’m sure you understand. It’s as you said. It’s not easy being around Gabriel and he is seriously lacking in communication skills. And Lea, Lea obeys his every word. Gabriel only told me what he decided I needed to know, which is basically limited to the terms of our Contract. But who would ever be happy with just that? And so, after many struggles, mainly against myself, and after almost going insane once or twice a week, I finally developed a way of thinking that, somehow, allows me to move forward. I guess it was kind of a surviving instinct.”

“And what way of thinking is that?” he asked in a tone of genuine curiosity, gently bending his head to be closer to my height, and I took a deep breath, raising my head to look forward towards the path ahead.

“Nothing special, really,” I assured. “I just decided that I’ll trust him as far as I can. Because if he wanted to kill me, he could’ve already done it more than dozen times. That doesn’t mean, of course, that I agree with the things he does, or that I’ll do whatever he wants. To tell you the truth, up till now, the way I’ve been looking at things has been much as that of a chess player looking over a game board. He is my opponent. And that’s why ... why knowing that this is all a mere curiosity for him ...” My voice faltered and I had to take a deep breath before I could go on. “I just can’t help wondering what was I so intent on fighting for. If the game was rigged from the beginning, and a winner has already been chosen, then what’s the point of keep playing. I do know that the chances of me winning are slim to say the least, but, even so, I’m willing to go on. But if I never had any chances to begin with, then why postpone the inevitable? It will only bring more pain.”

“Mari, you’re not seeing things how they really are,” he said. I stared up at him and his gaze asked me for patience.

“It’s what you say. The way you see it,” I pointed out and noted we were almost home. “I trust you because he trusted you. This is where my trust in him stands. Because I found out I’m not able to live if I don’t have some kind of firm base to hold on to.

“And you chose him as your base.”

“What else could I do? I didn’t have enough information to build one of my own. I couldn’t go on rumbling about life, always lost, always afraid, unable to think or even interact with the people around me.” I frowned. I knew all too well that was my biggest weakness and I wasn’t all that pleased to have to talk about it.

“But now that I’ve told you all this ...”

“Yes. I guess now things are a bit different,” I conceded. “And although I ended up hearing things I’d probably rather not hear, I’m kind of happy with myself right now, almost proud. Looking back, I do not regret any of the choices I made, from the few moments when I was allowed to choose. Unless this is all another charade,” I added and stopped by my front door, looking for the keys inside my huge handbag.

“I can swear it to you, by Jonathan’s Soul, that it is not a charade!” he said with such intensity in his voice, carefully articulating each word with absolute precision, that I couldn’t help look back at him. “Maybe later you’ll end up reaching this same conclusion all by yourself. There are still many other truths you don’t know about.”

Chapter Eighteen

ZIM

– The Garden of Nemo. The Work of the Magister Templi.
1
–

“Why can’t Human Beings learn their lesson, like all the other creatures of the Earth?

And the cycles repeat themselves, day after day, year after year, life after life....

In truth we can only perceive the treasure that we held when, too late, we see it sink in eternal seas of life.

And then all that’s left is pain, sorrow and silence...”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

o my surprise, as soon as we set foot inside the house, we were received by an extremely worried Lea and one clearly bad-humored Gabriel; all because Alexander had decided to kidnap me without any kind of previous warning.

“Where have you been?” He demanded in a menacing tone and Alexander threw is arm over my shoulders, pulling me and making me stumble against his warm body. We were both standing by the living room’s door, where we’d sopped to face Gabriel’s angry expression, and I couldn’t help notice that, as expected, everything  was miraculously back to normal.

I looked up at Alexander, an angry protest in my lips, but the air around us was suddenly so heavy and charged with that frightening energy that it made me shuddered.

“Come on...” Alexander sighed as if talking to a child, keeping his hold around me, even though I tried to free myself, and a broad smile took over his lips. “Really? Are you going to throw a tantrum over just a lunch out?” He asked, making me shiver, and my panicking gaze turned towards Gabriel, towards his cold hard expression, his menacing black eyes intently set upon that arm that crushed me against his warm body. Oh my God!, I thought, my heart hammering against my chest, that stupid black angel did have a death wish!

“I told you to bring her straight home.”Gabriel practically hissed and I tried once more to stand up straight but that arm kept me in place with iron strength.

“You told me to watch over her. And I did.  But Mari needed some time off. And since you’re so poorly socially skilled I thought it best to take matters in my own hands.” He replied and my eyes shot up back at him, at his... amused expression. He was doing it on propose!, I concluded with sheer terror. And using me! To make him mad. Which was working surprisingly well, I easily gathered, as my hands and legs started shaking and the mark on my wrist burnt painfully.

As I shoved him once again, the fear that washed over me must have given me extra strength, or maybe Alexander decided to finally let me go. I stumbled away from him and urgently turned towards the origin of that silent dark threat.

“Just stop it!” I demanded, surprisingly more angry than afraid, and his eyes widened as surprise washed over his face; an expression that almost made me gasp in disbelief. That the perfect statue could make an expression like that was truly unbelievable. And yet it worked immediately, I mused as the air became lighter and easier to breathe. Which only made me feel much more self-confidant as I faced him. “You have such an ill temper!” I criticized and now he seemed abash, staring at me as he I were alien, or something like that. “So what? We had lunch together! What is it to you, anyway? I’m free to have lunch with whoever I choose!” I added and, for an instant, feared I’d gone too far. Gabriel pressed his lips together into a thin line, looking as if he was trying to keep himself under control, and then suddenly relaxed, back to his usual cold and indifferent self, that made me silently sigh in relief.

“Go with Lea. He found signs of activity North from here.” He told Alexander, as if nothing had happened, and Alexander nodded, still smiling mischievously, winking at me before turning to leave. I heard the soft sound of Lea’s bell towards the kitchen and then silence... and I knew I was alone with him.

He was standing by the table, where he’d been since we’d arrived. Not a new table that looked like the old one, I noticed,  but the exact same table, down to the smallest detail, scratches and stains included. It was strange seeing him stand, I thought, when I’d almost taken for granted that I’d always find him sitting on the armchair.

For a moment he slowly looked around, as if searching for something, and it took me a while to notice that his expression looked bothered.

“I’m... sorry... for loosing control like that...” He ended up muttering and his obvious embarrassment left me dumbfounded. I couldn’t deny he had reacted poorly to my tardiness, which had deeply annoyed. But, even so, I’d never expected in my wildest dreams, ever hearing him apologize. Above all, I wasn’t used to seeing so many foreign expressions flashing across his perfect, stony face. As I didn’t answer he went on, avoiding meeting my gaze. “If you had lunch together I imagine he... he talked about me?” He finally asked, cutting straight to the point, and I nodded, still by the door, as if ready to run away at any moment. “What did he tell you? “

“He...” I muttered, swallowing as I tried to unstuck my voice. Being alone with him was so much more intimidating... even knowing, as I now knew, that neither Alexander nor Lea would have been able to protect me from him, even if they wanted to. “He told me you are very powerful... and that everyone fears you...” I managed to say after quickly trying to ascertain what would be the safest thing to share. I did not wished to anger him again, specially not now that there wasn’t anyone else around, but his bitter expression told me that I had just failed in my attempt to please him.

“Feared... yes...” He confirmed. “What else did he tell you?”

“He told me about this war.” I replied, more firmly now, as I regained my confidence. “He told me that neither one of you desired to be a part of it, but that you had no other choice.”

“We never have a choice...”

“Yes, he told about that too.” I confirmed.

“Did he tell you about us? About our way of living? Of how we met?” I quickly considered if I’d be able to get away with a lie. After all, I was obviously getting better at that day by day. Still, and against my better judgment, I ended up nodding, which made him look away in a mix of anger and disgust.

“Would you rather I didn’t know?” I asked and saw as his fists curl up into two tight pale balls.

“I’d rather you didn’t know anything. That you wouldn’t get yourself involved with things that are none of your concern. You do not belong in our world.” He plainly stated in his low, velvet voice and, somehow, the way he did it sent a unexpected jab into my chest.

“I guess you’re right about that.” I conceded, feeling strangely calm as I stood there, talking to him. “But what I did, that placed us both in this situation, nullifies all that.” I stated and he glared at me, once more in disbelief. I took a deep breath, allowing myself a quick moment to ponder my present situation, and decided to go on. After all, if what I wanted was the truth then it only made sense that I should start by being honest myself. Anyway, what good could possible come from trying to hide my thoughts from him? That was exactly what I’d been doing so far, with no success whatsoever. I reminded what Alexander had told me just a few moments ago. If I couldn’t win by fighting head on then I’d search for a way around. Sharing was my first new strategy; giving in hopes of receiving something in return. And who knew... Maybe by learning a bit more about him, and him about me, we could end up better understanding each other... “I may not belong in your world, and I certainly do not wish to, but right now there’s really no other way. This Contract binds me to you, but it also bids you to me. Maybe if this war didn’t exist... maybe we could’ve just focused on this Contract’s terms, as you wish. In that point, Alexander is right. If it was my destiny to free you, I might as well have done it a few years later.”

He sighed, running a hand across his face, looking suddenly tiered.

“It’s as you say. I do not wish to have anything to do with this war.”

“And yet there’s nothing you can do to keep out of it.”

“I will not involve you in this! I swear!” He claimed with such intensify that the air vibrated around us, making a shiver.

“How can you swear something like that? The Contract that bids us involves me automatically!” I countered and he averted his gaze as if I’d scolded him. “You know, just this morning I was willing to give you whatever it is you want from me.” I confessed and he faced me alarmed, as if I’d just said the most terrifying thing, which made me smile briefly... More expressions, I thought, and this one so human-like. “You see... I’m really tiered...” I justified. “But, even tiered, I’ve been fighting to keep my sanity, to understand the situation as best as I can, to deal with this daily routine so different from my previous life. Although I frequently blame you for all of this, deep down I’ve always known that doing so was just a way to appease my despairing mind. If I’m not to blame, neither are you, and we both are who we are. The difficult thing is knowing how to deal with this. I also recognize, although I may not show it, that you’ve always tried to control your... true nature. And it’s been holding on to these certainties that I’ve been able to keep on living, waking up every morning, without any further explanations. But yesterday night... you told Alexander that you’d spared me because you felt... curious. Because I’m somehow different from other Human Beings. Which means that, in the end, this Contract is worthless. That once you’ve satisfied your curiosity you’ll simply destroy me, as you should have done that night. If I look at things this way then, all I’ve done trying to deal with all this, it’s been all for nothing... My life is worthless... And so I may as well give you whatever you want and be done with it!” I concluded and made a brief pause to take a deep breath. He stood completely still, is black eyes  locked on me, his face apparently indifferent. Only the slight glow of his gaze told me that he listened and that my words reached him. “Alexander says I’m wrong and, although giving up sounded much easier, I decided to believe in his words. Ironically enough, I found out that I’m not really the giving up type.” I added with a smile. “And, because I chose to believe his words, I came back to battle, even though I don’t know if I’ll be able to do it... Or if I should even be fighting ... If there’s a meaning to all of this...” I added in a low voice and straitened my back to face him. “So I need to know... what is it you really want. If this is all a curiosity to you, then tell me what you want from me. I’ll tell you anything, do anything, and then you can just destroy me and be done with it. If all you want is my first night with a man, then I’m yours right now. I’m too tired of fighting for things that mean nothing to you. That you can simply take, whenever you choose to. So... just tell me...”

I felt a knot tighten around my throat and the threads incarcerating my heart became dangerously cutting as I waited for his answer. The few seconds of silence seemed like an eternity.

“I... need... want... wish... you to keep fighting.” He finally told me, still facing me, and, for the first time, I felt warm inside at the sound of his deep velvet voice. “That you may survive my presence... that you end up winning this battle... and that you may remain yourself, as you were before our paths crossed, once I’ve left.” My heart jumped, beating faster, and I waited for the trembling that surely would follow... but nothing happened. Gabriel took a deep breath and seemed disturbed, once again. “However, as much as I’d like to tell you that I no longer wish this Contract, that’s not true either. I admit that what I wish for is no longer the price I imposed on you... not anymore... but, as you’ve said it yourself, this is the only thing binding us together. If, on one hand, this Contract implies an obligation that does not please me, on the other hand without it I’d have no place in your life.” I clenched my coat’s flaps over my chest that strangely hurt and told myself I did not understand what he meant. He seemed to notice my distress and frowned, averting his gaze, looking annoyed. “You asked me what I wanted.” He pointed out, defensively.