Blue Persuasion (30 page)

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

Gravity

by Sara Bareilles

B
ond followed me home, and as many times as Bond had been in my apartment, it felt different this time. I threw my bag down on the table, Helena’s unopened letter still inside, and sat on the couch while Bond used the bathroom.

He raised an eyebrow. “I see he changed the message on the sticky.”

“Yeah. Come sit,” I said, patting the couch next to me. “Have you spoken to Jacqs or Red today?”

He plunked down, legs open, arms across the back of the couch. “Yeah, they’ve made up. Never takes them long.”

“How’s Red dealing with her response to you?”

He shrugged. “He wasn’t happy yesterday.”

“Have you seen or talked to Rory?”

“No. I didn’t tell her I was at the apartment last night. Listen Blue, I don’t want to fuck anything up between you and Tate. The dude’s growing on me.”

“But?” I brought my knee up on the couch and faced Bond.

“I’m holding off moving forward with Rory.”

I sat up straight. “Because of me?”

He nodded.

“Dude, I ... I don’t know what to say. I’m in love with Tate. I don’t know if he’ll ever admit it or allow himself to love me back, but I’m hoping he will. He’s letting me in more, and he’s trusting me more. He already thinks you’re having second thoughts about us—”

“I am,” he said, his hand resting on my thigh.

I glanced down at his hand and back to him. “Why now? Why not a few weeks ago? Dude, you know—”

“I know you love me, Blue. I’ve always known. I just—”

“This is so cliché, Bond. You didn’t realize until I was gone? Really, Dude. Come on. We’ve been doing this dance for years.” I pushed his hand away and folded my arms around my bent knees.

“It was different this time around and you know it.”

I angled my head to the side and asked, “How?”

“I didn’t hold anything back with you. Answer me this, who knows you better than anyone else?”

“You.”

“And you, me.”

I sighed. “We’re best friends. That doesn’t make us
in
love.”

His light brown eyes looked pained. “I’ve been an idiot. You’re the one who helped me open up again.”

“I’m not like Rory. I could never share you and love you fully. Not like you want. You need someone who’ll allow you to be intimate with other people. I might love you, Bond, but I could never be that for you. I want someone who only wants me and no one else. I have to be enough for someone.”

“You are enough for me. I can be that man if you’d let me.”

I held my shaking head in my hands. “And the world tilts on its axis yet again. I love you dearly, but you’re delusional. Your dick is like a homing beacon for all the hot, fresh pussy around.”

“I have been loyal to you and Jacqs.”

“Count them, Dude. One, two,” I said, holding up my fingers. “And let’s call it what it was. I was never one. I was always and forever two. Let me ask you something. If Jacqs left Red and just chose you, would you choose to be with her?”

He ran his fingers through his hair. “I don’t know. I’ve chased her for so long, it’s hard to stop.”

“Clearly, you’re confused. I think you’re scared. I’m not sure if it’s losing me or meeting Rory or what, but I don’t think it’s love.”

He leaned back again. “But you think Tate will love you like you need?”

“Are you worried for me? I don’t know. I do know that had you had this revelation sooner, I’d be considering giving it a shot between us, but that would mean no more Jacqs and no more dicking around with every woman from Miami to Okeechobee.”

“Fuck!” He stood up and paced away.

“Yep. So what does Jacqs want?”

Stepping back toward me, he said, “The status quo.”

“So you still see each other and date Rory?”

“No. She wants me to tell Rory to fuck off. She says if Rory realized I was already involved with two women, it makes her a wicked bitch to try to worm her way in.”

My brows furrowed. “She said that? That doesn’t sound like Jacqs.”

“She was pissed off. She wanted to know if she was toothbrush girl. When I said she wasn’t, she got really pissed. She said, ‘Does Rory know toothbrush girl?’ When I said yes, she really lost it.”

Wow!
“Holy shit, Dude. How was it left?” My phone vibrated in my pocket. “One second.” I headed toward the bathroom to check the text. I sat down to pee and swiped my phone. Tate had sent me another picture.
Holy mother of god!

In the photo, Tate’s hard-on lay along the zipper with the head of his cock poking out.
Damn, damn, damn.
I wanted to be with him, slowly lowering his zipper and straddling his lap.

I wiped myself off, flushed, and quickly washed my hands. I rested against the bathroom door and texted him as much:

Me:
So wickedly hot. I wish I were there to unzip your jeans and ride you long and hard.

Tate:
Me too. Soon. Next chance I get, I’m bringing you to work. You can sit in on my class and torment me.

Me:
Holy hell, Tate. Yes! I’ll sit there with you knowing your cum is leaking onto my panties.

Tate:
I’m caring even more for you right this minute.

Me:
I’m smiling so big, I’m certain light is shining out of my eyes. I can’t wait to care more about you with your cock stretching my insides.

Tate:
Give me something bad to think about. I need to go to class soon. Is Bond with you?

Me:
You must be into self-torture. Yes, he’s here. I’m certain we have better things to talk about.

Tate:
Is he professing his love?

Me:
The dude is seriously confused.

Tate:
Do you want him back?

Me:
No, I want you.

Tate:
Good answer. You’ve got me.

Me:
Really?

I didn’t receive a response right away, so I went back into the living room.

Bond was hunched over his legs, forearms perched on his thighs. “Tate?”

“Yeah.” I sat down next to him and rested my hand on his back. “So where were we?”

“That’s your phone again.”

I swiped my screen and saw Tate’s response.

Tate:
Yes, really. Tell Bond I plan to keep my promise.

“Tate says to tell you he plans to keep his promise. What does that mean?”

Bond sat up and held my hand. “That he won’t hurt you.”

Intense heat suffused my entire being. Tate was falling in love. I was sure of it.

He loves me!

He loves me!

He loves me!

“You really love him, don’t you?” Bond asked. “I want you to be happy. I made a decision while you were in the bathroom.” He seemed serious.

“Oh?” I moved my hair behind my back and focused on Bond’s face.

“I’m going to spend some time alone and figure out what I really want.”

“By alone you mean—”

“No sex.”

“Wow! Really?”

He nodded.

“Quadruple wow. I think that’s a brilliant idea.”

“I’m not giving up on us yet, so if you change your mind...”

“I’m so proud of you, Bond. I think you’re doing the exact right thing for yourself.”

“Listen, I’m going to take off and stop by Red’s. I need to talk to Jacqs and grab some of my stuff. When I said I plan to be alone that doesn’t mean we won’t—”

“Tomorrow night at Red’s?”

“Yeah.”

I walked him to the door and we hugged hard. It seemed like a real goodbye of sorts. “Love you.”

“Love you too.”

I watched him walk down the stairs to his car and shook my head.
Holy moly.
Maybe we were both growing up.

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

If I Ever Feel Better

by Phoenix

I
n the kitchen, I fished out Helena’s letter. I held it in my hands, flipping it back and forth. Part of me wanted to read her words, and the rest of me didn’t know if I could take it with all the recent revelations.

“Fuck it!” I ran my finger along the flap and pulled out the purple stationary. Helena Adams with a rainbow swirl lined the top of the first page.

Dearest Love Bug,

If you’re reading this, then you know this butterfly has set sail over the horizon. Don’t be mad at your mom. I wouldn’t let her call you sooner.

It’s been my greatest honor to have had you in my life. I never was settled enough in life or in my relationships to have children of my own, but in my heart, you were always mine. No love is greater than the love one has for their child. Our relationship fulfilled me in ways you may never understand. So, in parting, I’m going to talk to you like you’re my daughter.

Value love and adventure over stability. Stability is an illusion that can crumble at the drop of a hat. Experience and love broadens your horizons and your heart, leaving more room to grow. Your love did that for me.

Take risks. Playing it safe never got anyone anywhere. Your heart will break, but it will heal, too, which brings me to the biggie.

Forgive. Forgive your father. He will never ask for it because he’s so damaged, and it would never occur to him to do so. The loss of your mother forever wounded him and he never forgave, leaving him a shell of a man. I’m not telling you to welcome him into your life. Just let the hatred go.

Matt needs you just as much as your mother does. He’s a good soul, that one, and is worth your forgiveness. You need him, too. I don’t know if you need your mother because she has always played the role of the younger sister. Even with me, and she’s the older one. Forgive her, too. We all have our limitations. She could never fully let love in, so she has always been searching to feel something she could never allow. Trust me, your dad was a pussycat compared to our folks.

I’ve never met a person more deserving of love than you. Let yourself have it. I’m so comforted knowing that you have a supportive group of friends. Never take them for granted. You and me, we find family where we need it.

I’ve left you something in the will. You will do me the biggest honor if you use it to chase your dreams. Find your bliss in life and pursue it to the ends of the earth.

Your mother has a photo of us I’d like you to have. Yes, this is my way of making sure you see her again and soon, but also, it’s a picture of one of my favorite days with you.

You are forever in my heart. I’m so proud of you, Jude.

I’m sending my love on the wind to help you fly,

Mama Butterfly

My tears fell throughout the reading of the letter and once I had finished, I broke down and grieved savagely. I made my way to the couch and collapsed. My one cheerleader in life was gone and I hoped when she left, she knew I loved her just as much. I would never again see a butterfly without thinking of her. In that way, she would always be with me.

I dozed on the couch when my crying trailed off to soft sobs and breathy sighs.

The guy in the next apartment dropped something, startling me awake.

Fuck!
I needed to get up, shower, and get ready for work, the last thing I wanted to do.

On the way to Tap 42, I had a vague feeling I had dreamt about Jacqs. I thought about what she must be feeling. Given advanced technology, I felt certain she was choosing to wait when she could have easily found out with a disposable test. Maybe she was trying to will her period to start.

Once inside the bar, I found Sheila on the clock, which seemed odd for a Tuesday. She looked especially cute. Her short, curly, blonde hair reminded me of the roaring 20s. She had painted her tiny mouth with coral and used smoky gray around her wide, green eyes.

“Is Stuart here too?” I asked as I checked the taps.

“Yeah, he’s in the back,” Sheila said, removing a plate from in front of a customer.

“Oh, I didn’t see him when I was coming through.” I casually retraced my steps and found Stuart talking to one of the cooks. Once he finished his conversation, he turned toward me.

“Sheila’s working with us tonight?”

“Yeah, she can also cover the floor if necessary.”

On a Tuesday?
Keeping my thought to myself, I replied, “Okey dokey.”

Back out front, Sheila and I worked together, cutting the fruit and stocking the freezer with more mugs for the night.

“What do you think of Stuart?” she asked as she quartered more limes.

“He’s a fine boss. Seems fair.”

She paused her knife and asked, “Have you ever—”

“No. Work and play don’t mix well. That’s been my experience, anyway.” I scooped out some maraschino cherries from the large jar and filled the fruit container.

“Did he—”

I abhorred lying, but I also didn’t want to get between a coworker and my boss. Thankfully, a distraction from the other night’s party of twenty-somethings presented itself. “How did you know I’d be here tonight?” I said to Redhead.

“I didn’t. Your boss wouldn’t tell me which days you work. I’ve been here every night since Saturday.”

I shook my head at him. “Tate will be here shortly, so why don’t you skedaddle?”

“What the heck’s a skedaddle?”

Sheila answered, “She’s telling you to take off.” To me she said, “I didn’t know you had a boyfriend.”

“I don’t.”

“She’s mine.” Tate approached, taking a stool next to Redhead. “I told you he’d be back,” he said without looking at the kid.

I stood there with my mouth hanging open.

“That’s a relief because I thought Stuart had a thing for you.” Sheila snapped her fingers in front of my face. “Are you going to take their order?”

“Yeah.” I threw down two coasters. “What’ll it be?” I felt certain the shock still showed on my face because my eyes were stuck wide open, staring at Tate.

“I’ll take care of the kid,” Sheila whispered to me.

Completely flustered, I asked, “Did you mean it?”

Tate nodded. “Kiss me hello.”

I propped myself up on my hands and met Tate in a kiss over the bar.

He gently cupped my face and held my gaze as he wooed me with his lips.

Stuart walked out from the back, so I hopped back down. “Hey,” he said to Tate.

“Hey man,” Tate said back.

“What can I get you?” I asked.

Tate winked. “I’ll take a draft of amber ale and the mussels.”

“Right,” I said, scanning his face.

“What?”

“You look happy.”

“I am,” he said. “Got a pen?”

I went to the register, tossed him a pen, and then placed his order. Sheila handed me a frosty mug, and I filled the glass.

She leaned into me. “You okay?”

I nodded, shook my head, and then shrugged.

She chuckled and whispered, “He’s enough to rattle any woman.”

“Oh yeah.” I grinned, then turned back around and placed his beer on the coaster in front of him.

Tate slid a square napkin in front of me. It read:
Spend all your free time with the half-breed American Indian with the big smile
.

My eyes filled and I said, “Please tell me you mean it.”

“Next time we’re at your place, I’ll make a new Post-It.” Then he pushed another napkin across and it read:
I REALLY care about you
.

“Stuart?” I said.

“Yeah?” he asked from across the bar.

“I need ten.”

“Okay.”

I rushed through the back of the restaurant and outside to the front. I ran straight into Tate’s open arms.

“Shhh,” he said as I cried against his chest.

I searched his eyes for the truth. “Are you sure, because I...”

He held my face and said, “Trust me.”

I wanted to tell him the truth. Maybe I wanted to test him too. “Tate?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

He crushed his lips against mine, lifting me off the ground.

I wrapped my legs around him, holding him just as tight. I never wanted him to let me go.

He pressed his forehead against mine, panting. “As long as you can leave the past in the past and not have to label us. Give me time to get there. I promise I’m not going anywhere.” Carrying me, he walked toward the back of the building.

I loosened my arms from around his neck. “Does that mean I’m allowed to use the dirty word?”

He laughed. “Yes. You’ve always had a very dirty mouth.”

I raised my fist into the air. “Tate is in a relationship with Blue. Yesss.”

His mouth covered mine again and this time, I felt his love more than his passion. The fierce emotion left me breathless in a different way. He placed me down by the back door. “You better get back in.”

“Yeah.” I went straight to the bathroom, wiped the smudged eyeliner from my eyes, and retrieved Helena’s letter from my bag. A few more customers had taken a seat, and I noticed Redhead flirting with Sheila. I chuckled to myself. “Here,” I said to Tate, handing him the letter. “Helena left that for me.”

I took a few orders, ran some food, and pulled another amber ale for Tate. “So,” I said, placing the beer down in front of him.

“Intense. Did you know your mother broke your father’s heart?”

“No. I had no idea why they were fighting all the time and then they split. I don’t know if Matt knows, either.”

“Thank you for letting me read it.” He handed the letter back to me. “I feel like I understand better. Now I know what she meant to you and what you meant to her.” He stared at me with a slight smile. “I’m going to take off in a minute. Are you coming over after you’re done here?”

“If that’s okay. I packed a bag.”

“Yep, and I think it’s time for you to leave some stuff at my place.”

Then I did something I had never done before and thankfully, Stuart didn’t see me. I turned away from the bar, hoisted my butt onto the counter and swung my legs around. I practically threw myself at Tate.

He caught me, laughing. “Don’t go getting yourself fired on my account.”

“Kiss me quickly.”

He gave me a hot, sweet kiss and helped me back over the bar. “How much do I owe you?”

“I got you covered.”

“Text me when you’re on your way.” He smiled and strolled away as I watched him until he was out of sight.

I love him!

Boy, do I love him!

“What was that all about?” Sheila asked, sidling up next to me.

“Progress. That was most definitely progress.”

By the time I made it to Tate’s that night, the emotional exhaustion from the day had set in. He was wonderfully attentive and understanding. After a shower, he spooned me and I immediately melted into his embrace and had a peaceful night of slumber.