Blurred Lines by KD Williamson (11 page)

“I don’t want this for him.” Kelli looked up and over her shoulder.

Nora let her speak.

Kelli gripped the arms of the chair. “I don’t want him trapped in something like this. I feel helpless letting other people push me around…I can’t even imagine what it would be like not having the choice.”

Nora stopped at a nearby bench. She pulled Kelli to the side and sat down. Nora didn’t know what to do with her hands so she placed them in her lap. More than anything else, she wanted to make sure Kelli knew she was listening. She may not know what to say, but at least there was this. Nora felt awkward at first. She wasn’t good at this kind of thing, but she pushed her uncertainty aside. She looked at Kelli and waited.

“I dream about the shooting every night,” Kelli whispered. “Every time I try to sleep, really.”

The sudden admission momentarily made Nora breathless, but there was something else as well. The warmth was back. The feeling was becoming a regular occurrence when they were together
, but
sharing was still a horribly unfamiliar concept to her. Nora felt privileged that Kelli was able to open up to her. “The medication helps.”

Kelli nodded and briefly looked away. A muscle spasmed in her jaw. “I can’t stay on them forever, but I know it’ll pass given some time.” She paused and a peculiar expression took over her features. “I don’t even know you, Nora, not really. So why the hell am I spilling my guts to you?”

“I’m definitely not the right person to ask.” Nora continued to marvel at the changes in her own demeanor. Kelli’s admission helped her to know that she wasn’t the only one.

Kelli smirked and shook her head. “Williams, my old partner, has been trying like hell to get me to talk. You’ve barely said a word…” She finished the sentence with a chuckle. “This is weird.”

Nora was in total agreement. This situation…this tenuous connection between them was…odd.

Their gazes met, and Nora found she was unable to look away.

Kelli pushed a trembling hand through her hair. “He’s not dead. I keep telling myself that, but…he’s a cop. He’s a detective, and that’s all he wanted to be. Without his legs—”

“He’ll still be alive.” Nora interrupted. The words fell from her lips, and they felt right. This entire interaction was surreal, but Nora felt the pull like a gravitational force, and she had no desire to be free of it. She just wanted to understand.

“Yeah. I know you can’t share everything with me, but I have a feeling that if I ask you, you’ll be straight with me.”

“I can only speak in generalities. Are you asking?”

Kelli gazed at her warily. “Yeah.”

“His injuries are significant and the odds aren’t in his favor. It’s as straight as I can be without violating HIPAA.” Nora wanted her words to be less clinical and dry. Kelli at least deserved that. Nora continued, “I wish I could say more, and I didn’t mean to sound—”

“No, I understand. As for the rest of it, I needed a dose of reality.” Kelli reached out, but her hand stopped inches away from Nora’s arm before Kelli pulled back.

Nora was intrigued by the action. She couldn’t remember the last time someone touched her without pretense or sexual intent, and suddenly, Nora wanted to know what that felt like.

“I need to separate all my shit from his. I have to. Anything else would be selfish.” Kelli stared at her. “I’m usually good at that, but this time…how the hell do I do it?”

Kelli’s gaze was heavy. Nora decided that she could handle the weight. “You’re asking me?”

Kelli’s mouth opened and closed a couple of times. “I guess I am.”

As Kelli continued to stare, Nora was sure that she could see through her and into the little compartments where she kept aspects of her life. “You just do.”

“Is that what you do?” Kelli asked softly.

Nora’s heart fluttered in her chest. It was strange for someone to actually see her and try to understand. “Yes.”

Nora felt raw, exposed, and she figured that Kelli did as well. When she stood, Kelli glanced up at her. The look in her eyes confirmed Nora’s suspicions. Without a word, Nora steered her toward the hospital entrance.

As the elevator doors closed, Nora hit the button for Kelli’s floor.

“I don’t wanna go back yet. Take me to the chapel please?” Kelli held her hands tightly together in her lap.

Surprised by the request, Nora asked. “Are you religious?”

“Not really. Not after all the things I’ve seen in my line of work. We were raised in the Catholic Church. It was a two-pronged attack. My Dad was Irish, and my mother’s Italian. We went to mass whether we liked it or not. They kind of loosened the reins when we got older. I guess they saw we were all going our own way. You could say they were probably more progressive than most.”

“If you don’t believe, why would you—”

Kelli shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe if I use His direct line, He’ll be more likely to listen.”

A few minutes later, Nora eased into the last pew and watched as Kelli lit several candles. The chapel was quiet, solemn. It was understandable why some lingered here looking for peace. Minutes passed. Kelli glanced over her shoulder. “I changed my mind. Can you take me to see him?”

Kelli’s gaze was stormy with emotion, and Nora had somehow learned to recognize the determined glint in her eyes. Nora nodded in agreement.

She wheeled Kelli into Travis’s room. Despite what had just occurred between them, Nora felt like an intruder. She left silently but stood just outside the doorway.

“Hey,” Kelli’s voice was rougher than normal.

“Hey, yourself—”

“We need to kick this paralysis shit in the ass.” Kelli interrupted.

A strained chuckle was his response. “We do. It’s a real twat. Not liking it at all.”

“Good, but either way, you know I…”

“I know,” Travis finished for her.

“Do you?”

“Yeah, you’re here for me.”

“Yes, I am.”

Nora was moved by what she heard. The lure of friendship was powerful, and for the first time, she understood the need for it. Maybe some part of her longed for it as well.

As she walked down the hall, Nora tried to move her thoughts toward her upcoming procedures. “Nora.” Instinctually, she turned. It didn’t matter that James was the one calling her.

Dr. Rader jogged toward her. Nora came to her senses and started walking in the other direction.

“Nora, wait!”

He grabbed her elbow. Nora jerked her arm away. His very presence hampered the clarity she’d just found.

His eyes were soft, needy. “Thanks for stopping.”

“It was an involuntary action. I assure you.” Nora moved away quickly, intent on avoiding the interaction.

James stayed with her. “You’re in a hurry. I can understand that. I just need a minute.”

Nora stopped abruptly. She prepared her words carefully. “Can you understand that we have nothing to discuss? This is getting dangerously close to harassment. This
will
stop while there’s some semblance of a professional relationship between us. You won’t like my next course of action.”

His mouth opened and worked frantically, but no words escaped.

Pity leaked into her voice. “You’re an intelligent human being. Surely, this type of behavior is beneath you?”

James’s eyes widened to comical proportions. His face contorted and turned a purplish hue. Anger emanated from him, but Nora decided that it could only be a good thing. She had grown tired of the simpering.

“Are you even human?” His tone was menacing. James took a step forward. “I mean, do you really have to be so hateful about this…about us? You can’t just treat me like this, Nora. You cut me down whenever you get the chance, even in front of my patients and the other residents. I’m warning you—”

Nora held her ground. The man was delusional. The audacity it took to blame her for all of this had to be astounding. She wasn’t afraid of him, and he needed to understand that. “Cause and effect, Dr. Rader.” Nora interrupted. “My treatment of you is the consequence of your continued actions. If you were mature enough, I’m sure you’d accept responsibility for your behavior and just move on.”

“Did you just tell me to grow up?”

“How very astute of you.”

“What did I see in you in the first place?” He paused. “Oh yeah, the way you sucked my cock.” James sneered.

Nora wasn’t fazed by his crude remarks. She repeated the words that she’d said to him outside the elevator days ago. “Not anymore.”

James’s jaw dropped. Nora assumed from his shocked expression that he was expecting more of a reaction. How unfortunate. He stood in the middle of the hallway as still as a statue. Nora walked around him. She would not let him be an obstacle. She had a much better road ahead of her.

CHAPTER 8

Nora entered her kitchen and paused at the chill the stainless steel brought to the room. The area lacked nuance, and for some reason, this morning that disturbed her. The only splash of color was the deep blue of Phineas’s food bowl. For the first time, her environment felt foreign. There was little she could do to fix it at the moment. She opened the refrigerator and automatically reached for the strawberries and Greek yogurt, intent on her habitual morning faire. At the last moment, Nora decided that the blueberries were a better choice.

She glanced at her watch. She was still a few minutes behind her usual schedule. It would have to do. She always greeted a day at the hospital with detached anticipation, mentally going through the list of patients on her rounds as well as the surgeries scheduled. Recently, however, there was an addition. Kelli had become part of her routine. Nora was not sure how any of this happened, but she adjusted her activities to include several visits with Kelli throughout the day. A different type of anticipation surged through her. The feeling was even warmer than what she had become accustomed to. Kelli accepted her and genuinely seemed to like her presence. Nora wasn’t merely tolerated, and she had no idea it would feel this good.

Change had swept into Nora’s life quickly, bombarded her defenses, and broke through before she could fortify herself. She had no choice but to adapt efficiently before another piece of her armor came tumbling down. Her lack of filter regarding Kelli troubled her, just not as much as it had before. Nora had to acknowledge that change was happening with or without her permission, and maybe it was time to admit that the minute loss of control was stimulating. Not as stimulating as Kelli, but Nora doubted anything was.

Nora rinsed her used dishes and put them in the dishwasher for later. She glanced at her watch again. It was 7:19 a.m. This was a vast improvement over the previous day. Nora stopped abruptly. Her life with Kelli in it felt as if it were a step closer to her previous routine, relatively speaking. Nora wondered how long this current stint of normalcy would last. Feelings were unpredictable and messy, as were the circumstances surrounding them. This lull in activity might be the calm before everything imploded. With a deep breath, Nora placed the uncertainty in its own compartment and exited the kitchen. Surely, Kelli couldn’t be that dangerous?

* * *

Kelli released a loud grunt, caused more by soreness than pain.

“Move the knee toward your chin as far as you can.”

Kelli wiped at the sweat on her forehead and glared at the physical therapist. “Dan, no offense, you’re a nice guy and all, but I fucking hate your voice.”

Dan chuckled. “A little farther. You can do it.”

Kelli huffed. “You remind me of that artist guy on with the curly fro, always painting happy trees. He was on PBS.”

Dan shrugged. “No idea.”

Kelli searched her memory. When it hit her, she smirked. “Bob Ross.”

“You can call me whoever you want if it helps. Now, I want you to stand unaided and lower yourself into the wheelchair. It’s time to really get to work.”

Kelli’s legs trembled, and sweat continued to trickle down her face and back. She brought herself to a sitting position and ignored the pull of her still healing chest muscles.

Dan stepped away. He left the wheelchair two feet from her bed. Kelli’s socked feet touched the ground. Slowly, she applied pressure and weight to ease herself through the soreness and her body’s protest. She was fucking doing this no matter what.

Kelli stood.

She led with her good leg, gritted her teeth, and shuffled the other one forward. “Fuck, yeah.”

“Good. Good!”

“Fuck you, Bob,” Kelli said with a smile.

“Ms. McCabe, must you subject every employee at the hospital to your crassness?”

Kelli grinned. “Yes, yes I do. Besides, that was a celebratory fuck.” She paused and cringed at the implied meaning of her words. “You know what I mean,” she mumbled.

Nora’s face reddened anyway. It made Kelli grin even harder.

“Good morning, Nora.” Kelli inched forward. She grunted again as she lowered herself into the wheelchair. It felt good to move again. She glanced at Dan. “You want me to wheel myself to the training room too?”

Dan laughed. “No, I’ll handle that part.”

Kelli stared pointedly at Nora. “I
said
good morning, Nora.”

Nora’s lips twitched. “Good morning to you too, Ms. McCabe. It’s good to see you up and about.”

“Did it almost make you smile?” Kelli asked. She’d seen it, the twinkle in Nora’s golden-brown eyes and slight curl of her lips. Kelli was starting to consider it a challenge. Before she left this hospital, she was going to make Nora smile.

Nora sighed. “I should leave you to your therapy.”

Kelli didn’t want her to go. “You’re a little late this morning.” It had gotten to the point, in a very short period of time, that her mornings didn’t feel right without a visit from Nora.

Nora cleared her throat. “I had rounds to attend to, and today it took longer than usual.”

“I’ll forgive you if you go to PT with me.” Kelli offered a compromise.

“I don’t think—” Nora started.

Dan shrugged. “That’s okay with me.”

“Besides, I like your voice a hell of a lot better than his.”

Dan coughed to cover up his laughter.

Nora turned yet another adorable shade of red. It made Kelli’s stomach tighten in a very interesting way. She didn’t want this little moment to end, so she pushed on. “See? Now, lead on MacDuff.” Kelli waited a few seconds for Nora to correct her Shakespearian fuck-up. Kelli hated
Macbeth
, but
Taming of the Shrew
wasn’t half bad.