Bonds of Courage (25 page)

Chapter Thirty

Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck.

Holden burrowed his nose in Vanessa’s hair and held her tighter. She didn’t respond except to grip his shirt and let him hold her. His heart still drummed a beat of rage that sent his blood pounding in his ears. Like the deafening roar of the crowd after a score, he couldn’t hear anything but his thoughts.

Fuck
,
fuck
,
fuck.

If he’d insisted on being at her side instead of hiding their relationship. If...

“Hauke.”

He recognized the visible red blotch on her cheek for what it was. The asshole had hit her.

“Damn it, Hauke.” A fistful of hair jerked Holden’s head up. “Snap the fuck out of it,” Grenick demanded.

He stared unseeing at the hulking guy for a second before Grenick stepped back. Holden jerked his head around the second Grenick let go of his hair. The bastard who’d hit Vanessa was slumped against the wall next to Walters. The man dabbed at his bleeding nose, his glare aimed at them.

“He hit Vanessa,” Holden said, his anger simmering behind the restraint he maintained for her.

“It was an accident,” the guy mumbled then straightened, brushing off the hand Walters placed on his chest. “She hit me first...” The words trailed off and he looked away. “I never meant to...”

“Then why in the hell wouldn’t you let her go?” Holden countered. The image of Vanessa struggling to get free of the man’s hold—the fear and panic scored on to her face—battered Holden’s mind.

“Oh, sweet Jesus.” Vanessa jerked at the sound of her mother’s voice. “What happened?”

“Goddammit.” Her father came in next, eyes blazing. Vanessa stiffened.

“V.” Liv’s cry was soft after the deep rumble of their father. She stroked her sister’s hair, her gaze taking in the situation in an instant.

“That asshole attacked me,” the man accused again, his finger pointed at Holden.

“After you hit her.” Holden countered right back.

“Enough.” Her father’s deep bellow silenced everyone. The man stepped around Walters to take in the damage to Vanessa’s assailant before he studied Holden’s right hand, which throbbed where it held Vanessa’s back. He rubbed his face, stared at her mother then Vanessa.

The asshole attacker dug in his pocket and jerked out his phone.

“What are you doing?” her dad asked.

The man glared at them all. “I’m calling the cops.”

Liv spun around. “Why would you call them? To ruin my event?”

“Vivian,” her mother cautioned.

“What?” The glare Liv leveled at her mother could’ve frozen an oasis in the desert. “Rick wasn’t supposed to be here. If he’d stayed away like I asked, V wouldn’t be hurt.”

“I’m fine.”

Vanessa’s voice shot through the growing chaos, and everyone turned in unison to stare at them. He wanted to haul her the hell away from all of them, but she pushed on his chest, and he slowly loosened his hold until his hands rested on her hips. She brushed away the tears that stained her cheeks and ran a shaky hand through her tangled hair. She looked around the room, pausing on each person until she reached the doorway.

Holden followed her gaze to see even more people spilling out into the hallway.
Well
,
shit
. They’d gathered a crowd of gawkers.

“Liv,” Vanessa said, her voice strong if flat. “You need to go out and keep everyone away. Don’t let this ruin your event.” She turned to Grenick and Walters. “You two go with her. Send in Segar, but keep the rest of the players away.” She waited for the men to nod and head out without questioning her before she stared her sister down. “Go, Liv. I’m fine.”

“But—”

“Go. This is your day.” Vanessa spread her arms. “I’m fine. See?”

Liv ran a hand down her sister’s arm, her gaze holding on V’s cheek before she turned and left, the people stepping aside to let her out. Vanessa made eye contact with Jake and Deklan by the door. They both nodded and one of them reached in to shut the kitchen door.

A cold distance settled over the room when the remaining people looked to Vanessa.

She moved out of Holden’s hold, and he had to cross his hands under his arms to keep from pulling her back.
What the fuck?
The absolute switch in demeanor was so Vanessa, yet it froze him out in a way he had no clue how to penetrate.

She looked between her parents before settling on her attacker. “This is between you and me. It doesn’t involve Holden.”

Someone had given the guy a towel and he pulled it away from his face as he held his phone up. “Since it was his fist that did this to me, I think it does.”

She shook her head. “It’s my call this time.” The deadly hollowness of her words had Holden stepping closer, only to stop when she raised her hand at him without turning away from the other guy.

“Really?” The guy puffed out a laugh then winced. “How do you figure? I only wanted to talk to you and this is what I get for my efforts.” He waved a hand at his face.

Holden ached to pull Vanessa back into his arms, but her stiff spine told him she didn’t want that. It killed him to give her that. He had to drill his shoulders into the wall behind him to keep from reaching for her.

He almost said fuck the distance and what people thought, because none of them mattered if what they had together was real, yet their opinions obviously did matter to her. The pain of understanding socked through his chest with a vicious dose of reality.

Maybe he moved or made a sound, he didn’t know, but she glanced back at him then. The emptiness in her eyes ripped his heart open even more.

“Goddamn, Vanessa.” Vincent Segar stepped into the room, his presence sucking the last of the air from the tension-ridden space. “What the hell is going on?”

The Glaciers’s owner drilled Holden with his stare, and he saw his contract being ripped to shreds. He didn’t care. He glared back, daring the man to do whatever he wanted. There was no way he’d regret his actions.

Vanessa moved between them, her hand raised to Segar. “Don’t. He...” She swallowed, chin lifting. “He was defending me. Protect him, don’t accuse him.”

“Protecting. Right,” her attacker scoffed.

Segar folded his arms over his chest and glanced to the other man, then to Holden’s bloody hand. He met Holden’s eyes for a long moment before he finally nodded.

“Let Heidi know what’s going on.” Vanessa turned around. “Noah, get us out of here.”

Holden stood frozen, his heart stuttering as she made her way to the tall dark-haired man standing in the doorway. That was it? He sucked in a breath, hands fisting despite the throb that radiated out of his swollen and split knuckles. He couldn’t believe she was just leaving him there.

She stopped at the threshold and turned back to him. “Let’s go.” She glared at her attacker. “We’ll do our statements at the station. If you care at all about Liv, you’ll do the same.”

Holden released in a rush the air he’d been holding.

She looked to Segar. “Noah’s a lawyer. You can trust him to handle Holden’s statement and me to clean this up.”

Segar nodded and waited for Holden, then followed them out. Vanessa never looked back after that. Not a word to her parents or any of the people who stood around. No one offered her a word of support or a gesture of understanding, and Holden wanted to shout at all of them for hurting her more.

It was oddly quiet as they walked down the hall. Absent were the raised voices of the kids and the click of her shoes. Her wedge heels had soft soles that were silent against the tile. He stared at her shoes, mentally adding the
click
,
click
,
click
with each step.

Noah led them out the back door and the three of them slipped quietly into an expensive black car. He didn’t even get the chance to hold the door for Vanessa as the other man stepped up and helped her into the front seat. He’d never felt so fucking useless.

Frustrated, he slid into the backseat and slammed the door harder than necessary. Vanessa flinched but didn’t turn around or say a word. He shook his head, his throat dry and sore. She was withdrawing from him, and he had no idea what to do.

Right now, he had to let her go. He ached worse than being beaten in a fistfight on the ice. Only the agony was all internal, except for his hand. He flexed his fingers just so he could feel the real, physical pain.

He kept it up, straightening and curling his fingers, during the entire silent ride to the police station, through the long interview and even under the bag of ice that was eventually given to him. He didn’t stop until the police officer dropped him off at his condo late that evening, the potential assault charge dropped. When he’d inquired why, Noah would only tell him that

Vanessa had handled it.

And through it all, she’d never spoken to him. Not a single word.

He whipped the ice bag against the wall, taking little satisfaction at the dull impact before it dropped to the floor.
Son of a bitch.

He dropped onto his couch, his head hitting the back as his eyes closed.
Son of a bitch
. He’d learned more that night than Vanessa probably wanted him to know. But the knowledge couldn’t be taken back.

They’d been separated for most of the questioning, but he’d picked up enough information to form a picture that reached far into the past. It made him wish he’d hit the asshole harder.

But what Holden really wanted to know was what in the fucking hell had he done to make her turn her Ice Queen shield on him? Could he fix it? Did he want to?

He rubbed his eyes, wincing as his fingers flexed. Not tonight. Damn it. There was nothing he could do tonight. She’d made it perfectly clear through her actions that she didn’t want him around. Didn’t need his support or anything he had to offer her.

Did she really need him at all?

Apparently not, and the answer tore his bruised heart out of his fucking chest.

* * *

“Thank you, Noah.” Vanessa barely recognized her own voice. She didn’t even try to smile at him. The scent of her home welcomed her. It spoke of safety, security and the one place she could let her guard down, but not until Noah was gone.

“You’re sure you’re okay?” He studied her as she turned in her doorway. The gray light of twilight put his face in shadows, but she didn’t reach to turn the light on. The frogs had started their evening serenade, filling the air with croaks and chirps.

She gave a stiff nod, her back straight. “Yes. I’m fine.”

He didn’t look convinced. “I’ll let you know if I hear more from the police. But it shouldn’t be an issue now that Rick has agreed to not press charges.” He started to turn away then stopped. He stared at the ground for a moment before meeting her eyes once again. “Don’t take it out on him.”

Her mouth dropped open with the sucker punch before she snapped it shut. “What do you mean?”

“Holden,” Noah said, shocking her again. “It’s not my place to interfere with your sub, but trust me when I say, pushing him away won’t help.”

She could deny what he said or pretend ignorance, but she was too tired. There was no fight left in her. “How’d you know?” She’d made certain to keep her distance, even though she’d wanted nothing more than to curl back into the safety of Holden’s arms.

“Vanessa,” Noah said, a soft smile transforming his stiff features. It lightened his eyes and took the edge off his hard jawline. “The man is crazy worried about you. He tracked your every movement. It was killing him to stay away, but he did and you know why.” He eyed her, but she stayed silent. After a moment, he went on. “Because you didn’t give him a single indication that he could approach you. He obeyed your silent command, even when it tore him apart to do so. Only a sub would do that. Any other man would’ve been all over you, ensuring you were okay.”

Damn it. The tears were right there, scratching her throat and burning her eyes before she could will them away. Noah was right. She pressed her knuckles to her lips, sniffed and swallowed. Her stomach rolled with the understanding she didn’t want to acknowledge. But the wise man before her forced her to see it with his simple observation.

Holden was completely hers, if she dared to claim him.

“Oh, God.” She stared at Noah, imploring him to help her. “What do I do?”

He gave her another smile, one that seemed to reach deep inside to something only he understood. “I wish I could give you the answer. It’d be easy then, wouldn’t it?”

She nodded. “I never wanted the commitment,” she whispered, a little shocked at the admission.

“I get that. Why do you think I don’t Dom anymore?”

She frowned. “I thought you just kept it private, like I do.”

“No.” His eyes grew sad and distant as he stared into the darkness. “The chance of finding that one I’d want to stay with is too big a risk for me. I...I can’t do it. So I don’t do it at all.” He focused on her again, the sadness hidden behind the stoic mask he wore. “You need to decide which is the greater risk. Losing him, or losing yourself to him.” He leaned in and dropped a kiss on her temple. “Call if you need anything, even to talk.” He went down the steps. “Oh, and call Liv. She’s been texting me all day, worried as hell because you won’t respond.”

She cracked a small smile at that. She owed her sister a call, but she couldn’t do it right now. Not yet. Not when she was still so raw inside. She’d send a text though and hope Liv understood.

She pushed away from the doorjamb and closed the door, locking it with a solid clunk of the deadbolt. The chills had her shivering. The evening air wasn’t that cold, but now that she was finally home—safe—her defense mechanisms fell away to leave her drained and exposed.

Her hands shook and it took several tries to undo the straps on her sandals and set them beside the door. Her knees trembled with each step she took up the stairs. The air in the bathroom swooped in to freeze her solid as she waited for the water to warm.

When she finally ducked under the steaming spray of the shower, she hung her head and let the tears fall. They tore from her chest in quiet sobs that left her aching, empty and done. Her cheek pinched with each gulp of air to remind her of everything she’d lost.