Boo Hiss (23 page)

“Melb is the love of my life. She always will be. But I guess after the wedding, you start realizing you may not have married the meatballs. You may have married the marinara.”

“Gotcha … “ Wolfe cleared his throat. He was getting hungry.

Sam said, “Where are you two going to keep the snake?”

“At Oliver’s house, just for now,” Wolfe said. “Their house is empty since they’re staying with us. And I’m thinking by tonight we’ll be able to connect with Dustin and get the snake back to him.”

“Why not just take the snake over now?”

“Butch wants to avoid that Leonard Tarffeski fellow. Says he’s bad news and that he wants to capture Bob and Fred just for the black market. Butch has a weird soft spot for lost pets. He doesn’t want Tarffeski around.”

“I think the guy’s kind of cool, with his accent and all,” said Oliver.

“I don’t know. All I know is that this town is going to rest easier when that snake is back where it should be.”

“I’ll sayyyyy!!
Ahhhhhhh! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!”
The car started weaving violently from one side of the road to the other. Wolfe hit the right side of his head on the window, and then banged the left side of his head with Sam’s.
“Ahhhh! Ahhh
!”

“Oliver!” Wolfe screamed over the madness. “Oliver, slow down!!”

But Oliver kept weaving and speeding and shrieking. Wolfe managed to notice that he was staring into the rearview mirror more than at the road. Were the farmers after them? When Oliver stopped weaving for a moment, Wolfe turned around but saw nothing out the back window except a dust cloud.

Oliver was stuttering, trying to say something. Sam was pale. Wolfe was about to ask what in the world he thought was following them when he saw it. Bob and Fred’s heads, slithering over the top of the backseat.

“They’ve escaped the bag!” Wolfe shouted.

“I know!” Oliver shouted back.

“Pull over, pull over!” Wolfe urged. But on gravel, going high speed, it was nearly impossible to slow down quickly, and the car fishtailed, causing Bob and Fred to tumble forward into the backseat. As soon as the car stopped, the men fell out.

“Close the door!” Wolfe hollered at Oliver, and Oliver slammed his door shut.

Oliver was trembling from head to toe. “Now what?”

Wolfe peered through the station wagon window to see what Bob and Fred were doing. They didn’t look happy, especially Bob.

Wolfe closed his eyes and, with confidence worthy of Butch Parker, said, “We’re going in.”

C
HAPTER
22

S
AM HAD TO DRIVE BACK
to Oliver’s, Wolfe was banished to the backseat to make sure the snake didn’t escape again, and Oliver was busy checking his own heart rate.

“I can tell you one thing,” Oliver finally said after much silence and heavy breathing, “that snake is not going inside my house. Not even for a minute.”

“Look,” Wolfe said, “well get to your house, leave the snake in the car, and wait for Butch. When he arrives, we can come up with a new game plan.”

Sam said, “Well, I’ll tell you one thing, this station wagon handles beautifully! I feel like I’m driving a luxury sports car.”

Oliver managed a smile. “I knew you’d like it, Sam. And as you saw, it handles erratic driving pretty well too.”

Once they arrived at Oliver’s house, Oliver said he needed a drink. Wolfe looked in the back of the station wagon. He’d double-knotted the laundry sack, and Bob and Fred hadn’t moved much since. Maybe they were enjoying the mouse. He prayed they wouldn’t swallow each other’s heads. The men already had enough on their hands as it was.

Oliver was stumbling toward his front door, large sweat circles under his arms. Sam followed. Wolfe shut the door and prayed Butch would arrive quickly … and safely. That’s all he needed—Butch held at gunpoint by Farmer Gordon. Plus, he wanted to brag a little about how
he got the snake back in the sack by himself, despite Oliver’s screaming unhelpful suggestions behind him.

Inside, Oliver was barely able to hold the cup still, but he managed a few swigs. “That was by far the scariest thing I’ve ever done.”

Wolfe smiled. “But you have to admit, it was quite an adventure.”

“The reason I stay in Skary, Indiana, is because nothing exciting ever happens. I’m about ready to move to the big city. I thought I’d seen it all last February. I guess not.” He took another swig, then raised his glass to Sam and Wolfe. “You two want some orange juice?”

Sam said, “No, I’m good, Oliver. But I tell you, I’m seriously considering the wagon. Great handling.”

Oliver smiled. “I know. And leather seats; just in case you accidentally wet yourself, it cleans up great. Not that I did, but if you did, it would.” Oliver poured himself more orange juice.

Wolfe stepped to the back door and opened it. He needed some fresh air. He was worried about Butch. How long should they wait before they went after him? Butch had impressed him. The way he handled that snake without any hint of fear. No … despite his fear. Something in him said that Butch was going to be just fine.

Nevertheless, he prayed this day would be over soon.

Oliver and Sam joined him on the back porch as Oliver was explaining air bag features.

Melb saw the station wagon as Ainsley pulled into their driveway. Her heart swam with love. “Would you look at that?”

“What?” Ainsley asked.

“The station wagon! Oliver must’ve turned in his BMW for a more family-friendly car. Isn’t he just a treat?”

“It looks like a nice one.”

“Oliver is a dream. I’m going to fix him his favorite TV dinner tonight. He’s going to be so glad to be home, to have life back to normal.” She patted her belly. “Well, almost normal.” She squeezed Ainsley’s hand. “Thanks for the ride.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Are you going to be okay?”

“I’ll be fine. How about you?”

“More than fine. Thanks for being such a good friend.” Melb stepped out of the car and pulled her bag from the backseat. She felt a bit like clicking her heels and singing a Julie Andrews song. Ainsley drove off, and Melb stood in the driveway of their home, taking in the smell of grass and trees. Life was good. God Himself had to have put this baby inside her. He believed she could be a good mother, so why shouldn’t she? She was capable of maternal instincts, especially if she would stop watching those stupid soaps, where not a maternal instinct could be found. Yes, today was the first day of the rest of her life. She was going to conquer it without fear. She would be determined! Capable! And joyful!”

Melb marched up her driveway toward the station wagon. It was a light blue … Perhaps Oliver was hoping for a boy? She giggled and peeked inside. Automatic, that was good. Looked to have “the package” as Oliver always liked to call it. Even leather seats! Wow!”

She looked in the back and saw a bag of laundry. Poor Oliver. He had taken to doing his own laundry now. She didn’t blame him. Ainsley starched like they needed medieval armor. Melb dropped her suitcase and opened the back hatch. She pulled the bag out and almost dropped
it! How many days had the man gone without his laundry done? She slammed the door shut and marched into the front door and straight into the laundry room. She put the sack on the floor.

Her Oliver was going to have his laundry done just the way he liked it!”

But it would have to wait. Her soap was on.

Wolfe was rocking back and forth in one of Oliver’s patío chairs when he thought he saw movement inside the house. He jumped up, causing Sam and Oliver to stand, too.

“Butch is back!” Wolfe said, running inside. Sam and Oliver followed. But they were all surprised that it wasn’t Butch standing in the living room. It was Melb.

“Oliver!” she said, her hand slamming against her chest. “What are you doing here?”

Oliver tried to contain his shock. “Oh, uh … you know … just … uh …”

Sam stepped up. “I’m Sam Bavitt. You husband here is quite a salesman. He’s about to sell me a car on the first test drive.”

“You must be an awfully special customer,” Melb smiled. “Oliver normally doesn’t invite his customers over!”

The men all smiled and nodded. Melb didn’t seem to think it was odd Wolfe was there, but since he was unemployed, people saw him mostly as a drifter these days.

Melb suddenly frowned. “It’s not the blue station wagon out there, is it?”

“Yes! It’s a fabulous car. I’m looking forward to driving it home at a safe speed on a paved, two-lane, divided highway for my wife to see.”

Melb looked disappointed. Oliver stepped forward. “Honey, what’s the matter?”

“Oh, nothing. I just thought that it might be a surprise for me … and the baby.”

“Sweetheart, listen. I would never pick out a car for you without you testing it first. And besides, if I’m not mistaken, you’re more of the minivan type, are you not? Especially with a sun roof, automatic doors, and hidden storage?”

Melb grinned. “You know me well, Oliver.” She took his arm and leaned her head against his shoulder. “I’m back, my dear. We’re back. We’re going to be staying here.”

“At the house?”

“Yes! Ainsley and I had a long talk this morning, and I’m seeing things differently now.”

Oliver glanced sideways at Wolfe. He didn’t look happy. “What kinds of things … differently?”

“Well, for starters, we need to be in our home. I need to be getting on with my life. We need to be setting up the nursery and planning. Now I know the snake is a concern, but the chances of the snake actually still being in our house or anywhere near our house are so slim that I don’t think it should dictate our whole lives!”

This provoked a chorus of nervous chuckles.

“You’re going to see a new me, Oliver. I’m inspired to be a better woman. A better mother. A better wife. You will never have to worry about your laundry again!”

“Honey … um, I haven’t been worried. I mean, Ainsley’s been doing my laundry, and—”

“Oh, Oliver. Always the gentleman. But the fact of the matter is that I saw the big bag of laundry in the car, and I happen to know you like a lighter starch. So fear not! Your laundry will be done by this evening!”

Oliver stared at Wolfe, who tried to keep a steady, normal look on his face. Sam’s eyes were widening by the second. A lot of communication needed to take place with only a few subtle facial gestures to do it. Wolfe was nodding and grinning, trying not to mouth the words,
We have to get her out of here
!

Oliver turned to Melb and said, “That’s urn … so nice of you. The laundry, I mean. Where, exactly, did you put the laundry?”

“In the laundry room, silly,” Melb said, slapping his arm. “Listen, you want me to fix you a sandwich? Sam? Wolfe?”

“No,” they all said in unison.

Wolfe said, “Oliver, you know, last time I drove by your lot, I saw that amazing green minivan. That hasn’t sold yet, has it?”

“Oh … urn … no, not yet,” Oliver said, his mock-joyful voice a little too forced, especially with the unusually large grin on his face. It looked like invisible fingers were pulling his lips back.

“Maybe Melb would like to go and look at the minivan. Now.”

“Oh, that can wait,” Melb said. “I’m over the station wagon. We’ve got plenty of time to decide on cars. I just want to stay in my house and enjoy it. I’ve missed this house! Your house is fine and everything, Wolfe, but it’s a little big and kind of on the warm side. You should consider a heat pump.”

“I think we need to celebrate!” Oliver said, throwing up his hands, startling everyone in the room. “I want to take you out, Melb. Right now! I don’t want a second more to go by without us celebrating this new child! We haven’t even celebrated yet!”

Melb looked amused. “That’s true. And I am looking pretty fabulous right now.”

“Baby, I’m taking you to the new deli and buying you a double-decker!”

Sam put his hands on his hips. “What about my car?”

“Oh…uh…” Oliver looked to Wolfe for help.

“Maybe I can finish up the paperwork for you, Oliver. I was, after all, trained by your very hand.” And fired, too, but why mention it?

Wolfe could tell Oliver didn’t like the idea, but nobody had come up with anything better.

“Sure. Why not?” Oliver squeezed Melb tightly. “Come on, honey. We’ll take your car, and they can drive the station wagon back.” Thank-fully, Melb’s car was parked in the driveway and not the garage. They all walked out the front door. Oliver was about to lock it, and Wolfe had to think quickly. He had to have access to the house. He wasn’t about to leave the snake there. Besides, Butch was going to arrive any minute.

Wolfe doubled over, holding his stomach. “Oh …”

“Wolfe! Are you okay?” Melb asked.

“Yeah … I think I just need to go to the bathroom. I’m feeling a little … “ Wolfe peered up at Oliver, who looked like he wasn’t sure if Wolfe was faking it or not. Oliver looked a little nauseated too. “You guys go on,” Wolfe said, grimacing. “Oliver, Sam and I will lock up. I don’t want to spoil your day.”

Oliver looked like he’d had enough, but he nodded. “Sure. Just lock up.”

“I’ll call you,” Wolfe said, “as soon as the deal is closed.”

Wolfe continued to hold his stomach as he watched Melb and Oliver pull out of the driveway. He then turned to rush into the house. Sam said, “I’m waiting here. I don’t want to see you get sick.”

“I’m not really sick, Sam. I had to do that so I could go back inside.”

“Whatever. I’m staying here.”

“I’m going to get the snake.”

“And then what?”

“Then well figure out what to do with it.”

“What about my car?”

Wolfe sighed. “Yeah, okay. Well go, finish up your car, and you can be on your way.” He hurried inside and strode down the hallway. He opened the door to the small laundry room that led out to the kitchen.