Boundary (7 page)

At the Feast’s end, my parents and I line up at the door
to say our farewells and receive everyone’s blessings. Jasper is last in line—on purpose, I’m certain. His parents wait just outside the door, shivering in the cold darkness, but he waves them on. “I’ll be home in a few ticks.”

Despite The Lex’s mandates about chaperoning the Betrothed, my parents excuse themselves under the guise of checking on the Attendants—a task my father has never, ever undertaken. It’s a silly ruse. I can’t believe my mother has persuaded him to leave us alone. And that makes me nervous, too. She must have her own reasons. I wonder if she also sees the love in Jasper’s eyes. I wonder if she hopes it will make me more a Lady and less an Archon.

Jasper and I stand together, hand in hand, under the archway to the door. It’s the first time we’ve been alone since he waited for me at the base of the Ring.

“When will you return?” he asks.

“I haven’t been given a date. I’ll send word by hawk when I do.”

“I would appreciate that. It will help with the waiting.” He smiles a little. “Of course, all the work I have to do to prepare for the Forge will keep me distracted. I can’t help but think that, with all your knowledge of The Lex, you’re the one who would’ve made a wonderful Lexor. Not me.”

I smile back, but it’s bittersweet. “Well, the decision to try for the Archon Laurels wasn’t by choice. That was by necessity.”

“I know.” He pauses, and his face grows serious. “Please take care, Eva.”

“I will. I promise.”

He lines up our hands. Finger to finger, thumb to thumb. His hands look so much bigger than mine. They’re softer and less scarred compared to Lukas’s.

Lukas
. I’m thinking of him again, though I shouldn’t be.

Jasper pulls me close. The length of our bodies touch, and he wraps his arms around me like the warmest cloak. I feel his breath upon me, and his heart beats fast. I wonder if he can feel mine racing, too.

I’ve imagined this moment many times since I called him my Betrothed the night at the Ring. I care about Jasper and respect him, but I had braced myself for the worst when it came to actually being private with him in a Maidenly way. I thought that the guilt I experience over deceiving him about my true Archon goals would make me feel awkward in his arms.

I was wrong.

He brings his face to mine. His eyes close, and he leans in to kiss me. I surrender to the unexpected softness of his lips and feel something spark within me. Something more than I felt that one night with Lukas. Much more. How can I feel like this with Jasper when I felt something with Lukas, too? I guess that I’m no Lex Maiden. But that is something that I already knew, isn’t it?

Our lips start to part, and my heart beats more quickly. I lean into him, but he pulls back.

My eyelids flutter open. His brow is furrowed, his eyes flickering over my tunic.

I press my fingers to my lips. Did I do something wrong? I’ve never kissed a Gallant before.

Jasper’s cheeks turn bright red. “I am so sorry, Eva. I can’t believe I ruined this moment. Something jabbed me.”

My cheeks are red, too, and I feel flustered. What in the Gods is he talking about? Did I poke him accidentally? And then I feel the outside of my tunic and remember.

It’s Madeline’s journal.

I’m furious with myself. How could I have been so simple-minded as to keep Madeline’s journal under my tunic all night? Why didn’t I just excuse myself at dinner and hide it somewhere in my room? But I know the answer. I had no idea I’d be in such close proximity with anyone before I retired.

“What have you got hiding under there, Eva?” Jasper’s tone is playful, even flirtatious.

I figure playing along is my best gambit. “Just a book where I write down my thoughts.”

He draws closer to me again. “What thoughts?”

“Maidenly thoughts.” I answer in my best impression of Maidenly coquettishness.

“Not Archon thoughts?” He draws even closer. So close I can feel his warm breath on my cheeks.

“Not a single one.”

He wraps his arms around me again. “Any thoughts about me?”

“Maybe,” I whisper, and allow myself to be enveloped by his strong arms. He smells good, like evergreens and a roaring fire and something else. Something exclusively Jasper. His hands travel down my back slowly, and I shiver. For a tick, I forget that I’m pretending.

His hands slide under my tunic—an unimaginable, yet delicious, violation of The Lex—then he grabs the book. He’s smiling playfully as if this is some Gallant-Maiden game, yet the action is so unlike Jasper that I am unprepared. I lunge for the book, but he’s too quick. He’s halfway across the room and flipping through the book before I catch up with him.

The smile vanishes. He stops flipping. “Why did you lie to me, Eva?”

“What do you mean?” I know what he means, but I’m buying time. The story I offered became unbelievable the moment he saw the obviously worn pages, but how can I explain what the book is without explaining how I came by it?

I reach for the journal, and he doesn’t resist when I take it from his hands. His brows furrow in confusion and disappointment. “Eva, I saw the date on those pages. That book was written in year 98, after the Healing. It’s no journal of yours.”

“I’m sorry, Jasper.” And I am. I don’t to want pull him into my double life—I’ve already exposed him to so much—but what are my choices? “I was scared to tell you the truth.”

His eyes narrow, and his jaw clenches. He asks a question much bigger than he could possibly know. “What is the truth, Eva?”

“It’s the journal of the first female Testor, Madeline.”

“Madeline? The one you used in your Lex arguments to be allowed to Test?”

“Yes.”

“How did you come by this?”

“From the Archon Hall,” I say, as if this could explain my possession.

“I wouldn’t think that such a precious, delicate document would be allowed to leave the Hall of Archons. Or the Library.”

“It wasn’t.”

“Is that why it’s under your tunic?”

“Yes.”

“Because you took it.”

“Yes. Although they don’t realize that it’s Madeline’s journal.”

He winces. “You took it without permission.”

“Yes.” No sense mincing words.

He steps away from me. “I can’t believe you stole this. You could end up in shackles or worse. The Gallows have been used for far less serious Lex violations.”

“I know.”

“Why did you take such a risk? You worked so hard to become an Archon. To fulfill Eamon’s dream for him. How many times did I hear you say that? Why in the Gods would you endanger that victory now?”

Should I chance another lie and tell him that I felt compelled to steal the journal because Madeline is my spirit-mate? From my references to her in my sessions with the Lexors, he knows how I treasure her history and her legacy. He might believe me. But Jasper deserves better. And I’m so sick of lying to everyone. Everyone except Lukas.

“Do you remember the conversation we had next to the fire the night before we came back from the Testing?”

“Yes.” That night we shared with each other our darkest thoughts about The Lex and the Testing and New North. It was the first night I thought that maybe I could enter a Union with him. Not just because everyone else wanted it to happen. Because I could talk to him more honestly than anyone except Lukas.

“I’ve only had a chance to skim over a few pages, but I think Madeline might have felt the way we feel. I think she might have known something about the creation of The Lex. The creation of New North, even. I felt duty bound to take the journal and follow up on some of her concerns.”

His face softens, but he doesn’t move closer to me. “Why would you be scared to tell me that, Eva? You know I share
your doubts. Anyway, as your Betrothed, I promise that you can trust me with any of your truths.”

“Really?” I ask. How I wish it could be true. But if Jasper actually knew the nature of
all
my truths, I don’t think he’d make such promises. He might not even want a Union.

“Really.”

I walk closer to him. Taking a most unMaidenly step, I wrap my arms around him. I will try to trust him, but I’ll need to be careful. I can’t endanger him. I need him on my side. “I will never doubt you again,” I say.

He leans toward me, and I allow my lips to touch his.

XII
.

This leave-taking is so different than the last. No throngs of Aerie and Boundary gather round the Gate to say farewell: just a phalanx of Archons, Scouts, Boundary Climbers, and Attendants—and, of course, our huskies. No tearful hugs from family members, or calls of luck from neighbors and friends, or long embraces from a Betrothed. No pageantry like the Testing, just a smudge of black heading into the immense whiteness.

We start on a route different than that of the Testing, one that bears none of the challenges, either. Seeming to sense my uncertainties, Archon Theo calls, “We save all the danger for the dig,” but I’m not appeased; all I can see is a well-worn groove in the ice that serves as a road. No sudden dips, no change from pack ice to
quiasuqaq
, no unexpected
crevasses. No dangerous wilds from the tales told by Schoolteachers to their students. Just a pathway traveled by Archons for centuries.

Laurence leads our group. Six Archons, twelve Scouts, and twenty-four Boundary folk, these latter charged with the heaviest loads. Theo was probably more shocked than our fellow Archons to be included in this expedition; his presence must have something to do with mine. Did my father command Theo to accompany us? He didn’t tell me, and as Chief Archon, he is somehow more distant than ever. More proof that I cannot have an answer to things at which I can only guess. I must focus on what I can know.

With our huskies, we will be a team of forty-two, charged with excavating one of the most precious sites in all of New North. On all of His Earth. No one says it, but the anticipation is heavy in the air. Frozen, like icicles.

The morning is bright and clear, and instead of sinking into my dark thoughts, I try to relax into the rhythm of the ride. My dogs are delighted to be free from the Aerie walls, and I concentrate on their joyousness. Certainly I’m happy to be reunited with Indica, Johan, James, Singerneq, Rasmus, Pierre, and Akim after so many days confined to the Archon Hall. But I miss Sigurd, my lone female, the one who died on the Testing journey. The team seems incomplete without her.

I miss Jasper out here as well. The last time I ventured beyond the Ring, Jasper rode alongside me …

I draw in a sharp breath. I am lying to myself. I’d ventured out beyond the Ring since the Testing—with Lukas. But I cannot linger on that memory, not here.

The landscape looks different than any I’ve seen. The warmer weather of summer melts the glaciers surrounding
us, creating waterfalls in the crevices between them. These rushing, sparkling stripes seem numerous, but I’ve seen no other summer season outside the Aerie with which to compare them. The evergreens, plentiful and bright green against the white-grey of the icescape, jut out toward Her Sun. Birds chirp from nests within.

To my great surprise, we reach the Frozen Shores long before the Sun begins Her descent.

The journey is so brief that I realize the Site must sit at the Shore point closest to the Aerie. Interesting. Although I’d spent weeks mapping and gridding the Site—and obviously saw the Site’s proximity to my home—I’d never thought of the true distance before. If the Site indeed contains one of the Founders’ ships, the journey by the Founders to the Aerie would have been short. As short as Madeline’s journey
should
have been in her Testing.

All at once, I am angry. The truth confirms my doubts about the necessity of the Testing hardship. I suspect the sacrifices were empty—those of every Testor, including me and Madeline. I grow more furious thinking about the descriptions in Madeline’s journal of her Testing—the long, hungry, freezing
siniks
, the Testor injuries and deaths. All for nothing. Jasper would be horrified to learn this, too, though we had suspected as much during our short trip to the Aerie at the end of the Testing.

I look for the signal from Archon Laurence to make camp, but he doesn’t give it.

While I wait, I dismount briefly to rub down my tired dogs. We’ve traveled a much smaller distance than I thought we would, but the dogs are tired. I reach into my pack for some oil to massage their feet and triceps and biceps where their harnesses chafe them. Then I throw them some dried meat.

Still Laurence doesn’t give the signal. He gathers two of the other Archons to his side, and they nod while Laurence gesticulates. His wild movements show anger. But instead of worrying about what in the Gods they’re discussing, I stare out at the Frozen Seas. We are so close to the edge of the Frozen Shores that I can see where the coast meets the sea.

The water is clear, cerulean blue, except where the blue-green of the shoreline’s glacial runoff meets the sea. Hundreds of small icebergs bob playfully in the seawaters, while an enormous one lurks nearby like a protective mother. Sea lions and their pups sun themselves in Her rays on the flat tops of these icy masses, each one a different shade of blue—silver, sky, stone, or aqua—depending on the concentration of ice.