Boy Meets Girl - Say Hello to Courtship (24 page)

The Courage to Obey

Has your confidence for marriage increased or decreased as a result of reading this chapter? Whatever your circumstances, I hope that your commitment to act on what you have seen has become stronger.

It requires faith and courage to end a relationship just as it does to pursue a courtship. In a chapter entitled "The Courage to Stay Single," Eva McAllaster shares stories of single men and women who made the difficult choice to end relationships that weren't right.

McAllaster writes:

Mara had the courage. She was already wearing a diamond when she began to realize that Larry's moods were so unpredictable that, in spite of all the qualities for which she adored him, he was not good husband material. Nor was he ready to be a father. She thought of his moods-those black moods-and she shuddered, and she stood by her courage.

I pray that you'll have this kind of courage and that you'll be willing to stand by what God has shown you about the

That courage could also involve taking the plunge into marriage. An adventure of faith lies ahead of that course too. Maybe God has been confirming the goodness of your relationship, but you're afraid of the unknown. Or maybe your parents were divorced, and you think it's inevitable that your marriage will fail as well. That simply is not true. By God's grace, you can overcome your past and your own sinful tendencies and build a successful marriage.

If you've honestly answered the important questions and God's Spirit is giving you peace about pursuing marriage, don't let fear hold you back.

Ask her!

If he proposes, say yes!

Live courageously!

When you know in your heart that you've found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, forever can't start soon enough.

Living and Loving in Light of Eternity

M

y face is sore from smiling. My heart is beating as though I just ran a hundred-yard dash. But I'm standing still. Trying to stand tall.

Waiting.

And then, the music soars. A door at the back of the church auditorium opens. I catch a glimpse of white, and I quiver.

This is the moment.

Every head turns. Necks crane. The congregation rises in unison.

There is Shannon, leaning on her fathers arm. She seems to glow.

If only there were a pause button I could press to make this scene stand still. Only for a moment, just long enough to try to take it in. I want to savor every second.

Today is my wedding day. My bride has just walked into view.

2O9

So
this
is the dress I've waited to see. Its gorgeous. If I were a girl, I'd be able to describe it. I'd know enough to say that it's satin with an empire waist and chiffon overlay that opens down the front. I'd rave about delicate lace around the neck and shoulders and its chapel length train. But I'm just a boy. And all I know to say is that the dress is incredible. She makes it stunning.

Beneath her veil I see a smile. Its for me. She is for me.

My mind is straining to record this scene. How quickly it will be a memory.
Don't miss a detail. This is the moment.

Oh, Lord, she's beautiful.

The Beginning

A wedding-a beginning. Nearly two years have passed since our beginning. Two years since Shannon walked down the aisle. Two years since we bound our hearts and lives in solemn vows before God.

"You think you're in love now," older couples told us then. "Just wait.. .it gets even better." They were right. It does get better. And we've only just begun. We have so much ahead of us. So much to learn. Some days we feel like a pair of kindergarters. Young at love. Inexperienced. Each day discovering just how little we know, but happy because we're learning together.

The one thing we know for certain is that marriage is a very good thing. Gods plan for two to become one was pure genius. Even as a newlywed, I've seen its rightness in a thousand different moments. When Shannon's foot slides to my side of bed in the middle of the night and rests against me. When she laughs with me at an inside joke about another inside joke, the origin of which neither of us can remember. When she puts her finger

Yes, marriage can be very good.

A wonderful, God-blessed, God-honoring marriage is what it's all about. And it's the potential for just that that makes it worth the effort to do the courtship right. A godly courtship establishes habits and patterns that can continue on until "death do us part." This is why we want to make God's glory our priority. This is why we want to grow in friendship. This is why we want to love righteousness and flee temptation. Because these are the qualities we want to define our marriages.

The romantic pursuit doesn't end with the marriage ceremony. Till my dying day, I want to be working to win Shannon's heart, to grow closer to her as a friend, to be more skilled as a lover. We've only just begun.

When Will My Turn Come?

You've come to the end of this book. You've read the stories of many different couples. What about you? Where are you in your story?

Maybe you feel like you're waiting for it to begin. Maybe reading all the happy endings has been a painful reminder that you're still alone.

"Boy meets girl" hasn't happened to you. You haven't met the right woman. The right man hasn't come along. Or if he did, he failed to notice you. "I'm glad you're enjoying marriage, Josh," you might be thinking, "but what about me?"

I won't pretend to know all the disappointments you've faced. I don't know what you've been through or how long

you've waited. Every day I get letters from men and women

who have waited far longer than I did and experienced much more pain. I don't have easy answers. "All I ever wanted was to be married," a woman wrote me. "I thought it would have happened by now." The honesty with which she confessed her struggle was heartbreaking:

I used to wonder "What's wrong with me?" but now I'm'

wondering what's right. I asked God to take away my burning desire for marriage if it's not His plan for me, but He hasn't.

I've never admitted this because I feel so ashamed, but I've stopped going to weddings, because jealousy gets the best of me. The last wedding I attended just

overwhelmed me. All went well until the end when the pastor said, "You may kiss your bride for the first time."

The groom lifted her veil, and everyone was expecting them to just go ahead and kiss, but they didn't. Instead he slowly cupped her face in his hands, and they just stood there looking deep into each other's eyes. I could almost hear their secret communication. Then they smiled and kissed, long and deeply.

At that point, I lost it. The tears poured from my eyes, and I sobbed in silence. The lump in my throat was so huge that I could only manage to squeak out a few'

words to the bride in the reception line. No one sus{

pected that I was so jealous; they thought I was being|

sentimental. But she knew. While tears ran down my|

face, she looked at me sympathetically and then put her arms around me and held me tight.

I left the reception early When I got home I fell across my bed and cried. "When will it be my turn, Lord?"

If you're single, I believe that God wants you to see that your story has begun. Life doesn't start when you find a spouse. Marriage is wonderful, but it's simply a new chapter in life. It's just a new way to do what we're all created to do-to live for and glorify our Creator.

Right now God is working all the elements of your life together for your good (Romans 8:28). This time in your life is part of your story. Maybe it's not what you had planned. Maybe you wish your Prince or Princess would have arrived by now. But God is right on schedule. He knows exactly what He's doing. He sees you right where you are. He hasn't forgotten you. He hasn't overlooked you. The circumstances you're going through-no matter how difficult-are part of the very happy ending He has planned.

God is greater than your circumstances. My pastor, C. I. Mahaney, once told a group of singles: "Your greatest need is not a spouse. Your greatest need is to be delivered from the wrath of God-and that has already been accomplished for you through the death and resurrection of Christ. So why doubt that God will provide a much, much lesser need? Trust His sovereignty, trust His wisdom, trust His love."

I don't have any pat answers. I can only urge you to trust Him.

Trust God's sovereignty. He sees your end from your beginning. His plan for your life can't be thwarted. He is in control.

Trust God's
wisdom.
If marriage is His will for you, He knows exactly what you need in a spouse. And in His unfathomable wisdom, He knows
when
you'll be ready. His timing will be perfect.

Trust God's love. Hasn't He given His very life to save you

He can provide for your lesser needs too. Even your present tri|

als are part of His loving plan for you. And whatever God has

in store for tomorrow will be another perfect expression of His

love.

Look into His Face

I'm inspired by my friend Kimberly. She's serving as a missionary to India with her parents. She wants to be married. She can't wait to be a mother. Though she loves the people of India and the work God has called her to, she often wrestles with doubt. Is India keeping her from finding a husband? Can God provide?

Recently she e-mailed me about a dream God gave her. It
'?

gave
her renewed faith to trust Him. I hope it encourages you as well.

I saw the Creators hands forming little me. The same hands that had created the stars and the heavens were|

carefully fashioning me. I was filled with wonder and|

gratefulness.

I wept as I continued to see myself, now a young lady, sitting in the center of His hand, knees drawn up to
I

my chest, my head lifted to the Lover of my soul-my

all in all. I was focused on Him and only Him. My gaze was filled by His face. And He looked as delighted as I was to have my
total
attention. I sat for what seemed an eternity, marveling and communing with my Savior, my eyes reveling in Him.

As I sat there, I saw, out of the corner of my eye, His other hand coming into view and in that hand I saw
him.

"Is that him?" I asked, "The one I have been waiting for? The one who has been waiting for me? Is it him?"

I could hear that he was asking the same question about me. "Is that her? The one I have been waiting for? The one who has been waiting for me?"

Both of our voices quaked with excitement, but they could not compare to the joy and pleasure that was in God's voice as He smiled and said, "Yes." Bringing His hands close, He joined our hands and released us into the world...together.

"I can't tell you the joy and the peace the dream brought to my heart," Kimberly told me. For her, it was an affirmation and reminder of what the Bible clearly taught. God had shaped and formed her (Psalm 119:73). God knew her intimately (Psalm 139:2). Before anything else, God wanted her to look to Him for her soul's satisfaction (Psalm 42:1).

Kimberly told a few friends about her dream. Each one asked, "What did he look like? What did your husband look like?"

"I don't know," she answered them. "His face was never clear. But that's all right, because I know the face of the One that I am looking into right now and that is all that matters."

On That Day

Yes, that is all that matters. And even after marriage, it will continue to be the thing that matters most. When marriage is motivated by a passion to please God, it doesn't distract us. A godly