Breaking Through (The Breaking Series Book 3) (25 page)

My mind spun as I went through my closet, considering what to pick. I didn’t wear jeans often, but I had a pair I loved, so no questions there. But what about a blouse? There were so many options. A graphic tee that screamed casual and friend-like outing? An off-the-shoulder top that had a hint of sexy but still covered everything? Or a lacy strapless and fitted top that had sensual written all over it?

I opted for the dark green off-shoulder blouse, cute brown ballet flats, and a bracelet made of brown leather to match. I quickly brushed my hair and pulled it in a tight ponytail, applied some mascara and a pale lip gloss, and headed to the door.

As my hand touched the knob, I froze. What was I doing? I was ready to go out alone with a guy.

Me. Alone. Guy.

I pivoted to the mirror and stared into my eyes. A few weeks ago, heck a few days ago, I wouldn’t consider this. It wouldn’t even cross my mind, and if someone, a guy, had suggested it, I would ignore it. Now? Now I was ready. I had even dressed up a little. Wow. Was this me? Could I possibly be healing?

Before I allowed my fear and panic to slither back into me, I exited my room and met Gui in the living room.

Gui

I sat down to wait for Hilary, thinking it would take her forty minutes or an hour to get ready. Well, that was how long Gabi used to take to get ready—more actually. But that had been when we lived together, years ago. Who knew? She might have gotten worse with time.

Surprising me, Hilary stepped out of her bedroom much sooner than I expected.

My breath caught and, before I knew what I was doing, I stood. My eyes widened and my mouth hung open for two seconds before I recovered and relaxed my expression. Only my expression, because the rest of my body was reacting to everything else right now.

My eyes lingered on her long neck and exposed shoulder, and I couldn’t help but imagine how it would feel, how it would taste to graze my lips on her smooth skin. Would she shiver? Would she moan?

“Gui?”

I shook my head and focused on her beautiful face. “Ready?”

She shrugged. “It depends on where we’re going.”

I smiled. “Just … trust me.”

After she locked her apartment, we rode the elevator to the underground level, where we got in my Jeep. I drove us to another building, a few blocks from ours, and parked the car on the street.

“What is this place?” she asked, exiting my Jeep.

“Just a building. What I want to show you is on top of it.”

She raised one eyebrow. “On top?”

Hoping she didn’t have time to consider and be afraid, I grabbed her hand and pulled her inside the building. The doorman nodded at us as we took the elevator all the way to the top floor. The elevator doors opened to a small room with long glass windows and a glass door that lead to the open roof.

Hilary stepped out of the elevator and froze, her eyes wide.

“Oh my gosh,” she whispered.

I tugged on her hand. “Come on.”

She shook her head. “I’m dreaming, right?”

“Nope.” I chuckled.

“There’s no way a helicopter is sitting on the roof of this building.”

“Yes, way. It’s right here.” I tugged on her hand again. “And we’re going to ride it.”

“I-I can’t.”

I stepped in front of her and grabbed both her hands with mine. “There’s an item on your fear list that says you’re afraid of heights. If you come with me in this helicopter, and we fly around for a bit, you’ll be able to scratch that item off your list. One step closer to be rid of all your fears.” She shifted her wide gaze from the helicopter to me. I could see her internal battle. I squeezed her hands. “You’ll be okay, Hil. I promise.”

She gulped. “How do you know?”

“That you’ll be okay?” I asked, and she nodded. “I know the pilot and I know he has lots of experience. I wouldn’t take you on a helicopter ride if it weren’t safe. I promise. Besides, when have I let you down?” She stared at me long and hard. I could see I was winning. “Just hold my hand and don’t let go. I’ll keep you safe. Okay?”

Finally, she nodded.

I smiled and, still holding her hand, took her to the helicopter. I could feel her shaking and when we sat side-by-side in the helicopter, I could see her chest rising and falling fast. I let go of her hand long enough to adjust our headphones and seat belt, then took her hand in mine again.

Hilary probably thought I was doing it—keeping her hand in mine—for her benefit, but it was for mine too. I wouldn’t admit it out loud, but it was fucking great to hold her like this.

The helicopter went airborne. Hilary let out a yelp and squeezed my hand. Two seconds later, she turned to me with her eyes closed and rested her forehead on my shoulder.

I leaned my head closer to her, lifted her headphones, and told her, “I’m right here. I won’t let anything happen to you. You’re safe.”

Slowly, as the helicopter stabilized and started its smooth ride, she lifted her head and stared into my eyes. For one quick moment, my eyes flickered to her mouth—to her fucking perfect and kissable lips. I couldn’t help it. Kissing her was constantly on my mind, and when she was this close, looking at me this way, it was too damn hard to resist the pull.

I cleared my throat and pointed outside. “Look.” Still close to me, she turned her head to look. We were exiting Santa Barbara, going along the coast. From here, everything looked like tiny dots of light—the sky, the town, and even the sea.

As the minutes went by, Hilary relaxed and she even leaned closer to the windows. “It’s beautiful,” she said.

“Yes, it is,” I said, looking at her.

She turned to me with a small smile. “Thanks.”

I lifted her hand to my mouth and planted a little kiss there, my eyes on hers. “You’re welcome.”

Chapter Eighteen

“Here you go.” My sister handed me a glass with whiskey and coke from across the kitchen’s island. She immediately turned around to grab another glass to serve someone else, and I handed my drink to Bia. I wasn’t a drinker. In fact, I hadn’t had a drink since before that fateful day. I wasn’t sure why drinking related to that, but my therapist thought it was because men tended to abuse women, physically or even verbally, when drunk. She said it might also be because I was afraid of losing control.

“
Obrigada
,” Bia whispered, winking.

While Hannah busied herself with the drinks and the finger food, the guys played video games in their living room. They had just come back from the tournament in Los Angeles, which they had won, and they wanted to celebrate.

“Here,” Agnes said, handing me a glass with coke. She and João Pedro had joined us for the celebratory dinner, though João Pedro was with the guys in the living room, complaining that playing video games wasn’t the right away to celebrate and that finger food was an appetizer, not a proper dinner.

“Where’s the steak? The pasta? The lasagna?” he had asked once we started passing around the cheese bites and lobsters rolls.

I mouthed a thank you to Agnes and turned around on my high stool to glance at the TV. Well, to be honest, I was watching Gui.

He had one of the joysticks in his hands, taking a turn at the violent game flashing on the TV. Leo sat on his left, and Garrett sat on his right. Ri was seated on the loveseat with Lauren draped under his arm, Pedro had one armchair, while João Pedro was in the other.

Ri told them some joke in Portuguese and the guys laughed. Even João Pedro couldn’t hide his smile. After the laughter quieted down, the guys focused on the game, but a big grin stamped Gui’s handsome face. He looked boyish, with the hard lines of his jaw and chin smoothed, and his bright blue eyes shining.

As if sensing my gaze, Gui turned his head to me. His grin widened, making me smile in return.

“Hey,
presta aten
ç
ão
, Gui!” Leo said.

Gui snapped back to the game. “Okay, okay.”

He was a puzzle to me. I didn’t understand him at all. Why was he hanging out with me? Why was he helping me? Why was he spending so much of his time with me? Of course, my brain came up with several explanations. I was troubled and he felt sorry for me, or I was a challenge. Or, he had a traumatic experience during his teen years and now wanted to redeem himself through me. Or, the most absurd of all—but the one my brain and heart seemed to think of the most—he liked me. More than as a family member. Like the way I liked him.

There, I said it. Or thought it. I had finally admitted it to myself. I liked Gui more than I should. Which probably meant I should stop hanging out with him before things got complicated. And there were several reasons why this could get complicated. One, I could reveal my feelings, find out he didn’t feel the same way, and make things awkward between us. Two, I could reveal my feelings, find out he did feel the same way, and make things awkward for us and everyone around us. Dating the cousin of my sister’s husband? That was a mess in the making. And three, what about my fear of commitment? Or kissing a guy? Of actually surrendering my heart, soul, and body to him? As much as I wanted to believe I was healing, I didn’t think I would be ready to sleep with a guy for many, many years.

Besides, I was sure Gui didn’t feel the same about me. He hooked up with pretty girls all the time. For what, a month? A week? I knew he went through them like going through shirts during the week. I didn’t want to be one more. Which brought me to number four—what if I was some conquest? He enjoyed the challenge of breaking down my walls, of stripping my soul bare, of taking me to his bed, and then of throwing me away. Then things would not only get awkward between our families; they would get ugly too.

A different array of emotions swirled within me. Elation, wonder, frustration, hope, worry, nervousness, but mostly confusion. I was so, so confused. And if I stopped to analyze it, I became even more confused and nervous, and then my panic and fear flared. Like now.

My breathing grew shallow and my heart beat faster.

Bia sat on the stool beside me, a new glass of whiskey and coke in her hand. “What are you staring at?”

I lowered my gaze and whirled back to the kitchen. “Nothing.” I scanned the area, trying to find something to comment on, so she wouldn’t ask me more about it. Trying to calm myself down, I settled for her glass. “How many of those did you have?”

“Your sister keeps making them and passing them around,” Bia said. “I think everyone has had about ten. Each,” she joked. Yeah, right. She would have puked her guts out, and then passed out on the bathroom floor.

It didn’t take long for Leo’s parents to leave—I guess they preferred to celebrate at their ranch, which was what they originally wanted, but the guys insisted on doing it here.

Not thirty minutes after, Bia walked in front of the TV, drawing some shouts from Ri and Gui, who were playing the game.

Cursing, Ri paused the game. “What?”

“This party is dying down,” she said with her hands on her hips. “What are we? A bunch of old people? Nu-uh!”

My sister chuckled from across the counter. “I guess she drank more than I thought she had,” she whispered. I rolled my eyes. Did Hannah not notice she kept pouring drinks to everyone all night long? I guess those wedding jitters were getting to her, and she had to keep busy somehow. Getting people drunk seemed to be the night’s choice.

“Bia, what are you doing?” Garrett asked.

She smiled. “I’m telling you guys that we’re going clubbing!”

Pedro and Leo groaned, Lauren yelled, “Yes,” Iris and Hannah smiled as if they approved the idea, and Gui shifted his attention to me. His eyes were serious, focused. He was trying to send me a message and I was trying to ignore it.

“Turn this game off,” Bia said, reaching for the joysticks. “We’re leaving.”

Ri hid his joystick behind his back. “Let us finish this fight, then we’ll exit the game and go. Sound good?”

“
Sim
.” She stepped out of the way and strutted to the kitchen. “And you?” She pointed at me. “You’re coming too. No excuses this time, and no getting away from us.”

Hannah looked at me with worried eyes. “I would love for you to come, but I understand if you don’t want to.”

I opened my mouth to tell them I wasn’t feeling well, to tell them a lie, but closed it again. Why not tell them the truth? I wasn’t comfortable going to a club. I was
afraid
to go to a club. My eyes found Gui’s again. He had handed the joystick to Leo and stared at me with such intensity. Until he turned his gaze to his phone and typed. Once more, I opened my mouth to tell the girls something, anything, as to why I wouldn’t go to the club, when my phone dinged.

Gui:
It’s one more item you can scratch off your list. Come to the club
,
por favor
.

I snapped my head back to him, my eyes pleading.
Please, understand.

My phone dinged again.

Gui:
We’ll all be there. I promise I’ll stay by your side all night and won’t let anything happen to you.