Breaking Through (The Breaking Series Book 3) (28 page)

I had called Dr. Walker’s office in the early morning and, thankfully, her assistant was able to add me to her schedule for late afternoon. So, I came over right after work.

“You braved horse riding.” She raised one finger. “Fear of horses? Check.”

“I didn’t ride alone.”

“Not yet, but still, riding horses even with someone else is progress.” She raised a second finger. “You went on a helicopter ride. Fear of heights? Check.” She raised a third finger. “You went out to a club. Fear of crowds and clubbing? Check.” Another finger went up. “And you kissed a guy! That is great!”

It had felt great then. I didn’t feel too great now.

Sunday morning, I had sent texts to my sister and Bia, because, as their several texts said, they wanted to make sure I was all right. I wasn’t all right, but they didn’t need to know that. Gui also sent a couple of messages during the day, checking in. I didn’t answer him, though. I didn’t know what to say to him. I was afraid of bumping into him in the elevator or parking garage at our building, because I didn’t know what to think about what happened.

“Tell me about it,” Dr. Walker said.

I gaped. “About what?”

“About the boy and the kiss. Do you like him?”

I cringed. “It isn’t that simple.”

“Ah, of course not. Nothing is simple.”

“It’s just … I’m not sure about it.”

“It? The kiss?”

“No. Yes. I mean, everything.” I sighed. “I … I like him, more than I should, but I don’t know about his real feelings. And I don’t want to know. I’m not ready for that. What if I’m just one of his conquests? What if he kissed me back because I’m a female and I was available? Worse, what if he really likes me too? He’s the cousin of my sister’s fiancé. We’re practically family. We can’t date. I can’t have feelings for him, and he can’t have feelings for me.”

“We don’t choose whom we fall in love with.”

My mouth fell open. “I’m not in love with him.”

“I didn’t mean to imply that. Let me rephrase. You can’t choose whom you’ll be attracted to.”

“But I can choose to ignore it.”

“Yes, you can. But do you really want to?”

“I just said he’s like family!”

“He is the first male you’ve felt attracted to since the day Eric made you distrust all other men on this Earth. And apparently, he has been good to you; he has been there for you, which tells me he cares for you, maybe as much as you care for him. I don’t think the fact that he’s the cousin of your sister’s fiancé will be too much trouble.”

“It would be if we started dating.” I gulped, still not sure how I was able to say these words out loud. “Then broke up and had to face each other at family reunions and parties. Besides, he’s in my friends group right now. If we broke up, I would probably stop hanging out with my friends, making me sink deeper into my fears. I’ll be miserable.”

“And do you think it’ll be easier to hang out with him knowing there could be more between you two, but you didn’t even want to try?”

“That’s the thing. We’re here talking about a relationship I’m not even sure exists. That kiss might have meant nothing for him.”

Dr. Walker raised one eyebrow at me. “Are you sure?”

“What?”

“Are you sure the kiss meant nothing to him?”

The memory of his mouth on mine, his body pressed against mine, his hands on me invaded my mind and heated my body. My cheeks flamed at the same time my hands shook.

“I don’t know,” I muttered. “I’m so confused.”

Dr. Walker left her chair to sit beside me. She took my hand into hers. “I know trusting your heart with a man, even one you know and trust, might be too hard for you right now. But you’re going in the right direction. You’re stronger than you think you are. Just don’t overthink each one of your actions and feelings too much. Let them happen. They might surprise you, in a good way.”

Chapter Twenty

The girls and I were in one of the huge, fancy fitting rooms at the studio. Even Gabi had arrived last night. She had come to try on her dress, and she would stay a few days before returning to Brazil.

The room was a large rectangle with white leather sofas in the middle, four dressing stalls on each side, each with a booth and tall mirror, a floor-to-ceiling mirror taking over the entire back wall, and a short, round podium lined with white carpet in front of it.

Hannah stood on the podium, tears in her eyes as she looked at her reflection in the mirror.

“I hope those are happy tears,” I said from behind her.

She nodded, unable to speak.

Around us, Lauren, Iris, Bia, and Gabi stared at Hannah, also with tears in their eyes.

A knock echoed from the door. A second later, the door opened and Sonya walked in, bringing a tray with a champagne bottle and crystal flutes.

Her eyes widened as she saw my sister. “Wow, Miss Taylor, that is beautiful!”

“Thank you,” Hannah and I said together.

After Sonya left, the girls put on their dresses. Taking turns on the podium, the girls chatted happily, admiring themselves and talking about their expectations for the party. Catching me off guard, Gabi sneaked beside me.

“
E a
í
, guria
, how are you?”

I offered her a small smile. “I’m good. And you?”

“I’m better now that I’m here.”

“I’m glad you were able to come. I was really worried you would arrive only a few days before the wedding, and we would have gotten some measurement wrong and your dress would be all messed up.”

“That would have been terrible.” She looked down at her delicate, yellow dress. “It’s so beautiful.”

“Thank you. But it’s not finished yet. It’ll look even better.”

“I’ve always heard about your talent, and now I can say nobody lied to me. You’re truly amazing.”

My heart squeezed. She called me amazing, which reminded me of her brother calling me amazing. I had managed to avoid him so far, but I wouldn’t be able to keep avoiding him forever.

I swallowed the lump in my throat. “That’s an exaggeration.” She stared at me, her bright blue eyes so like her brother’s, shining with mischief. “How’s Brazil?”

She rolled her eyes. “The same.”

“Is it so bad? To live there, I mean?”

“Of course not, but …” She sighed. “There’s just my parents and me now, and it isn’t the same, you know. I grew up with Gui and Leo and Bia and Ri and Pedro, like they all are my brothers and sister, and now they are all gone. It sucks to be there, left alone.”

When she put it that way, I understood why she wanted to come live here so badly. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” She shrugged. “I believe things will work out the way they are supposed to.”

Those words … she was talking about herself, but they rang true deep within me.

Smiling, Gabi stepped away from me and joined the other girls in front of the mirror—drinking champagne and talking about the dresses and the wedding.

Watching the girls, seeing how happy they were, how they all seemed to have found what made their life special, brought a little pang of jealousy to my chest. What made my life special? Designing dresses? That was my calling, my talent, but it didn’t enrich my life, it didn’t make me a better person, did it? I felt so confused.

Noticing the girls were caught up in themselves, I slipped away from the fitting room and went back to my desk, hoping that if I immersed myself in a new project, I would be able to keep my mind busy, blocking all thoughts of Gui and our kiss. Our fantastic kiss.

I shivered.

At least I had my self-defense class tonight and could burn off some of my frustration while punching a target dummy.

Gui

Practice had run late today since we had been trying out a new play, and I arrived at the apartment after seven in the evening. Gabi was alone in the living room, watching what looked like an old season of The Bachelor.

“Don’t you ever get tired of that show?” I asked, dropping my bag on the couch beside her.

“
Não
,” she said with a smile. “The drama is so good. I mean, terrible but good, you know?”

I chuckled. That was the purpose of reality TV—to enjoy the suffering of others. I walked to the kitchen, grabbed a water bottle from the fridge, and then sat on a stool, turned toward the living room. Still sweating and probably smelling, I didn’t want to sit on the couch with my sister. I paid attention to the show for two minutes and couldn’t take it anymore. I stood and reached for the remote control on the side table. “This is ridiculous.”

Gabi almost jumped on me. “Don’t you dare turn it off.”

“If you’re gonna watch that shit, then I’m out of here.”

She wrinkled her nose. “You should get out of here. I don’t want to be near you with that smell.”

With a grin, I opened my arms and pretended I was going to hug her. She yelped and darted away. Laughing, I threw the remote back at her.

“Come here!”

She laughed and retreated several steps, putting two sofas between us. “You wouldn’t!” However, she knew I would. I had done it before, and she had loved and hated every second of it. “You better start showering at the club when I come live here. I don’t want this smell all over the apartment.”

I froze, my arms dropping. “What?”

She lost the smile. “If … I meant
if I come live here.”

“Where is this coming from?”

“What do you mean where? Since you guys moved here, I’ve been nothing but verbal about wanting to come too.”

“I know, but I also know mom and dad would never allow that.”

She shrugged. “Well,
tio
João Pedro didn’t allow Bia to go to Colorado, and she went anyway.”

“That is not the same thing.”

She sighed, sitting on the couch again. “I know. But I want to, Gui.” Her eyes were pleading. “You’re all here and I’m there alone.”

“You have Mom and Dad, and your friends. Aren’t you applying for
vestibular
in several colleges soon?”

“I don’t want to go to college there.”

I knew that. In fact, I was well aware that my sister didn’t want to go to college at all. She wanted to play polo, like our cousins and me.

“Gabi.” I let out a deep breath. “I won’t say yes or no or maybe, because I’m not Mom and Dad, and because you’re nineteen—old enough to make most of your own decisions. If you really want this, you have to talk to Mom and Dad. Make them agree with you. If they say yes, then my apartment is yours.”

“If I talk to them and they say maybe, would you talk to them for me?” she asked.
Merda
, I didn’t want to get in a fight with my parents, especially not over Gabi. Then she pressed her hands together and stared at me with huge, begging eyes. “Please?”

I cursed under my breath. “Okay. But only if they say maybe.”

“Yes!” she said, jumping up on the sofa. So happy, she raced to me and almost embraced me. Then she wrinkled her nose again. “Yeah, um, I’ll want a hug, but only after you shower.”

I laughed. “You win.” I turned my back to her and headed to the hallway. I itched all over, wanting to ask her how her afternoon with Hilary was, but I held on. I was surprised that I was strong enough and didn’t ask. “I’m out of here. I’m gonna take a shower, and then we’ll order some dinner for us.”

“Sounds good.” Her smile changed from sweet to mischievous. “As long as we get to watch more of The Bachelor.”

I shook my head and marched to my bedroom, thinking of ways to disconnect the cable.

Chapter Twenty-One

We had scheduled our next meeting at the ranch before we had gone to the nightclub on Saturday. Before we had kissed. I wasn’t sure if Gui was coming, since I had ignored all his texts and calls, but I thought he deserved a face-to-face explanation.

So, Thursday after work, I went to the ranch, like we had agreed.

For some reason, I thought he wouldn’t come, but I should have known better. Gui was honorable and didn’t back down from anything. Even when I was giving him the cold shoulder, he honored our agreement and arrived before me, as usual.

I parked my car between his Jeep and Hannah’s car—I thought she would be out with my mother right now—and walked the few steps until I was standing in front of him. I lifted my eyes to him and sucked in a sharp breath. He was seated on the hood of his Jeep, wearing dark jeans, a red T-shirt, black baseball cap, and black cowboy boots. His eyes were hard, and his jaw and shoulders seemed tense. I could feel the tension in his entire body, and I hated that I had put it there.

I especially hated that I couldn’t not noticed how good he looked, even when mad at me. He was still the most handsome man I had even seen.

“I wasn’t sure you would show up,” he said.

“I said I would come, so I did.”

“All right. Let’s continue with what we were doing.” He jumped off the hood and stood in front of me.