Breathe into Me (18 page)

Then going to school Monday morning and learning that events I didn’t remember in the slightest had been recorded and broadcast to everyone in my school. I was instantly labeled a slut and a pariah, shunned by the girls and relentlessly pursued by the boys.

“Lacey!”

Somebody grabbed my arm, and I reacted instinctively, attacking the person who held me. Some sane part of my mind told me I knew this person, but another more broken part only wanted to lash out, to hurt the ones who’d done this to me. Lost in my memories, I blinked as I fell back onto wet sand, the real world crashing around me once more.

Lightning flared over the water and I saw Everett standing above me, as soaked as I was by the storm. The blood from his eyebrow was a dark line running down the side of his face. I couldn’t see his expression but realized from the way he held himself back that it was him I’d mindlessly attacked. Remorse and mortification set in and I scrambled to my feet, looking around. The rain had plastered my hair to my head and I had to look an absolute mess, but I couldn’t find it in me to care.

“Are you all right?”

I started to nod my head, and then shook it instead. “No, not really.” My voice was a croak, barely audible over the storm.

“Let me take you home.”

There were no questions about the video, no remarks on my reaction. He didn’t seem at all curious about why I ran away and, somehow, that made me want to explain it all the more. But what could I say? “
I’m sorry you had to see that? I thought with you I could start over?”
There wouldn’t be any do-overs, though, would there?

“Come on, let’s get somewhere inside and we can talk.”

I didn’t want to talk about it, though, not really. Lightning flashed again, illuminating the dark waters of the Gulf. Oddly enough, I couldn’t take my eyes away. I’d never been on the beach in a storm before. The normally placid waters were roiling, waves crashing against the shore and reminding me of the Oregon beaches.

“Lacey …”

“I want to go for a swim.” The urge to see if the ocean was as strong as it looked was overwhelmingly powerful. Maybe it could sweep away my pain, end this wretched existence I called my life. I hadn’t taken more than a step, however, when Everett’s hand grabbed on to my arm.

“What are you doing?”

Everett’s grip was like steel, but his voice washed over me like the tide. I was so tired of fighting everything: my grandmother, my reputation, that video. My eyes blinked slowly as I stared at the waves. They were beautiful, illuminated by the lightning, and suddenly I wanted to see if they were as cold as the waters of my childhood. I tried to pull my arm out of Everett’s grip but he held firm. “Let go.”

“No.”

Anger bubbled up from deep inside, and I shot him a look. “Everett, let me go.”

“To do what? Go drown yourself in the waters out there?”

No. Yes
. I didn’t know what I wanted to do, except to wade into the turbulent ocean. It was just a little swim. I tried again to pull myself free, harder this time, but his grip was like iron. Not thinking about anything except escape, I lashed out quickly with my fist, twisting in his grip. The move must have surprised him because he relaxed his grip briefly, enough for me to slip free, then I was racing toward the water.

The wet sand offered me the perfect grip for running, but I’d only just reached the high tide point when something slammed into me from behind. We fell to the ground, Everett’s arms pulling me sideways and up so that his body absorbed the blow.

“What the
hell
are you doing?”

“I don’t want to do this anymore, let me
go
.”

“Do what anymore?”

“Live my life here, in this hellhole.”

“So what are you going to do?” Everett rolled me over, pinning me to the sand. “Swim away in the middle of a storm? Are you trying to kill yourself?”

“
I don’t know!
” I wanted to fight something, to rail against the world, but Everett held me still against the ground. Unable to move, unable to fight, the despair burst forward from a dark part of my soul. “I can’t take this anymore,” I sobbed. “If dying is the only way out …”

“Don’t say that, don’t you
ever
say that.”

The intensity in his voice startled me out of my misery. Everett shook me, his grip like iron. “I can’t let you go, Lacey,” he said, releasing one of my arms so he could stroke my face. The skies illuminated his face again, and the desperation I saw there mirrored my own. “You can’t do that, or I’ll follow you.”

Water dripped from his face onto mine, but the despair I read across his features told me they might as well have been tears. When I didn’t struggle, he let my hands go, framing my face with his hands. “You can’t leave me,” he murmured, and the anguish I saw in his eyes broke my heart. “Don’t go, please …”

His face hovered above me, his lips only inches from mine. Around us the storm raged, but for right now there was only the two of us. It took barely a tilt of my head, the smallest of movements, for me to brush my lips across his. I tasted salt mingled with the rain, and wondered if they were his tears or mine. Then Everett’s lips parted, deepening the kiss, and my brain lost focus on everything but his taste.

There was desperation in his kiss, a hunger that answered a similar need inside me. I twined my arms around his neck, pulling him close, sighing into his mouth. Every situation weighing on my mind fled at his touch, and I sighed into his mouth as he gathered me up.

“Don’t leave me,” he pleaded against my mouth, his lips trailing down my neck. I sighed, enjoying the feel of his body on top of mine as he slowly chased away the lingering darkness in my mind. His touch was like a balm, distracting me from the pain until it was only a memory, not a monster ready to swallow me whole.

This close, even in the darkness I could see the beautiful lines of his face. His hair hung down from his head, the shaggy locks limp and dripping from the rain. The bedraggled look somehow struck me as amusing, and I gave him a small smile. “You look cold.”

“So do you.”

I touched his cheek, running my fingers along his face before leaning up and giving him another feather-soft kiss. “Can you take me home?”

Everett’s eyes searched mine, and then I saw the edges of his eyes crinkle slightly as he smiled. “I’ll drive you.”

He helped me to my feet, but wouldn’t let go of my hand. I don’t know if he was afraid I’d take off running toward the water or just wanted to hold my hand, but I didn’t protest. The crash of the waves lessened as we crossed back toward the Calamity Jane hand in hand.

Everett led me over to his car, but as he opened my door I saw Trent walk over from under the awning. He took in our bedraggled faces and soaked clothes, then gave a lopsided grin. “Glad you found her.”

I looked away from Trent, just wanting to hide in the car, but paused as the blond boy called my name. “I remember you from school now. It was shitty what happened to you back then, and I’m not going to let it happen again now.”

Flushing with shame, I ducked quickly inside the car door. Outside, I heard Everett say his good-byes, and then he got inside the car and drove out of the parking lot. “We’ll get your truck tomorrow, I promise.”

The mansion was only a few miles away, and we spent most of that time in silence. I snuck peaks at Everett, who kept his eyes focused on the rainy road ahead. He pulled up behind the house and came around to open my door, but when I started toward the guesthouse he grabbed my hand.

“Come on, we have some towels upstairs.”

I followed him inside the back entrance, acutely aware of his hand in mine. The lights inside were all off, although the exterior around the compound was kept lit. I followed him blindly as we weaved around furniture, my heart fluttering as we went up the stairs.

Everett rummaged through a hall cabinet, and then threw a large towel over my shoulders. “Here, use this to dry off real quick.”

I drew it around me, not realizing just how cold I really was until I had the terry cloth over me. Everett must have noticed because he began rubbing my shoulders. “We should probably get you out of your clothes.”

I knew the moment he realized exactly what he said because his hands stopped trying to dry me off and he cleared his throat. His uncertainty made me smile, but I kept quiet, not wanting to ruin the moment with a joke. “I can get you some clean clothes from the guesthouse while you take a shower.”

“They’re all in my truck,” I said, shaking my head.

“Well, maybe we can borrow from the people who live here. There’s a girl’s room just down the hall, her clothes will fit you.”

“You’ve gone through the drawers?” I quipped, and flushed at the shrewd look he gave me.

“Never know when I might want to suddenly become a cross-dresser.”

The deadpan statement made me laugh, and I clapped my hand over my mouth. In the low light, Everett grinned and handed me another towel. “Take a shower and get the sand off you, I’ll have clothes for you when you get done.”

For a guest bathroom, it was pretty darned big. There was a white metal tub to one side that looked deep enough to sleep in, but the shower was insane: four jets, two on each side, as well as one traditional showerhead.

“Yeah,” I murmured to myself, wadding the now-sandy towel onto the floor near the tub, “I gotta try this.”

I wasn’t sure how long I stayed in that bathroom, but I couldn’t remember the last time I had this much fun. The shower itself had numerous settings as well as a waterproof keypad that let you play music, but I wasn’t in the mood for songs. I took my time, not leaving the shower until the water was lukewarm even on the highest heat settings. The new towel Everett had given me was big enough to wrap around me twice and nearly came to my knees, so I wasn’t afraid to open the door and step outside.

The lights in the hall and interior were still off, but I blinked as I saw a row of small candles on the floor. A smile tilted my lips as I followed the tiny votives, padding quietly over the wood floors in bare feet. The hallway was long, curving around a corner to the left before opening up into a large bedroom. My jaw dropped as I stared around the room, lit only by the glow of what seemed like a million candles.

“I thought you’d never get done in there.”

Arms wrapped themselves over my shoulders as Everett moved in behind me, laying his chin on one shoulder. “It’s the master bedroom,” he murmured in my ear, sending chills up my body. “You can stay here for the night.”

“But…” I was speechless, looking around the room. Setting this up must have taken him forever, as well as lighting this many candles. “You did this for me?” I whispered.

He nuzzled my neck, lips laying a soft kiss just behind my ear, and my breath hitched in my throat. “I thought you deserved something nice after the day you’ve had.”

I turned in his arms and stared up into his eyes. Everett had a small smile on his face and, despite the opportunity to look down my towel, kept his eyes fixed on my face. He stroked my cheek with one hand. “Everyone deserves some happy memory, something they can …”

My kiss silenced him. I looped my arms around his neck as his grip tightened across my back, pressing me against his body. His clothing was dry, meaning he’d changed, but the thin pajama pants did little to hide the telltale bulge.
So he’s not as unaffected as I thought
. As an experiment, I pressed my hips forward, rubbing his chest with mine, and heard his breath hitch.

“Why did you really do this?” I whispered, staring up into his eyes.

His throat worked, hands tightening against my back. “Because every girl should get a proper first time.”

I knew exactly what he was saying, and drew in a shaky breath. “I’ve had mine,” I murmured, but before I could get lost in the darkness he shook his head.

“No, you didn’t.” Everett lifted up my chin until I was forced to look at his face. “Yours was stolen from you. What happened was cruel and unforgivable, and you deserve better.”

“And you think you can give me one better?”

“I’d like to try, more than anything in the world.”

His offer made me want to cry. A loud, cynical part of my soul cried out,
He’s a boy. He doesn’t care about you. He just wants sex
. But the candles, the truth I saw in his eyes, told me there was so much more. Torn, I laid my hand on his chest, feeling his heart beat beneath my palms. I wanted him so bad it hurt, and yet … “I don’t want to be that girl anymore.”

He took my hand and kissed the palm. “Then start over. Be whoever you want to be. Lacey, if you say no, then I’ll walk away and still be your friend tomorrow.” He stroked my cheek again. “But please say yes.”

I stared up into his eyes, then with a shaky hand I pulled out the little knot to the towel wrapped around me. The terry cloth stayed in place, held there by our pressing bodies. “Help me with this?” I whispered, my body tightening with longing as his eyes sharpened.

Everett skimmed his hands up my sides, lifting my arms and raising them above my head. I held them there as he carefully unwrapped the large towel from around me, shivering from far more than the cold. I swallowed as the towel, no longer held in place, slipped from my body.

“You’re so beautiful.”

Drawing in a trembling breath, I lowered my arms around his neck. His fingers slid down my back, following my backbone before fanning out over my hips. Then, with barely any noticeable effort, he grabbed my backside and picked me up. Yelping in surprise, I wrapped my legs around his waist, then stared down wide-eyed into his smiling face.

“I gotcha,” he said, winking, and then one hand went behind my head, pulling me down into a kiss. I sighed, parting my lips to accept the flicks of his tongue as he walked us across the room to the bed. He laid me slowly back onto the large mattress and carefully crawled over on top of me, straddling my body. I clung to him, even when he let me go, but Everett didn’t seem to mind. My hands went down across his chest, then started tugging at his shirt. “Take this off.”

He quickly complied, pulling it over his head. Biting my lip, I ran my hands along the bare torso I’d been dying to touch for so long. His touch mirrored mine, and I arched my back as his palms brushed across my aching nipples. He flicked them with his thumbs and I groaned.