Making the Connection: Strategies to Build Effective Personal Relationships (Collection)

Making the Connection
Strategies to Build Effective Personal Relationships (Collection)

Jonathan Herring
Sandy Allgeier
Richard Templar
Samuel Barondes

Vice President, Publisher:
Tim Moore

Associate Publisher and Director of Marketing:
Amy Neidlinger

© 2013 by Pearson Education, Inc.

Publishing as FTPress Delivers

Upper Saddle River, New Jersey 07458

Company and product names mentioned herein are the trademarks or registered trademarks of their respective owners.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, in any form or by any means, without permission in writing from the publisher.

ISBN-10: 0-13-334612-9

ISBN-13: 978-0-13-334612-1

For more information, please contact us at
[email protected]

Contents

How to Argue: Powerfully, Persuasively, Positively

Introduction

Part 1: The ten golden rules of argument

1 Golden Rule 1: Be prepared

2 Golden Rule 2: When to argue, when to walk away

3 Golden Rule 3: What you say and how you say it

4 Golden Rule 4: Listen and listen again

5 Golden Rule 5: Excel at responding to arguments

6 Golden Rule 6: Watch out for crafty tricks

7 Golden Rule 7: Develop the skills for arguing in public

8 Golden Rule 8: Be able to argue in writing

9 Golden Rule 9: Be great at resolving deadlock

10 Golden Rule 10: Maintain relationships

Part 2: Situations where arguments commonly arise

11 How to argue with those you love

12 How to argue with your children

13 Arguments at work

14 How to complain

15 How to get what you want from an expert

16 Arguing when you know you’re in the wrong

17 Arguing again and again

18 Doormats

19 How to be a good winner

20 To recap

The Personal Credibility Factor: How to Get It, Keep It, and Get It Back, (If You’ve Lost It)

Introduction

Part I. The Three Secrets to Personal Credibility

Tell Everyone: There Are Actually Three Secrets!

Reading for All It’s Worth...

Chapter 1. Secret #1: Forget Power, Position, Status, and Other Such Nonsense

Same Ideas, But Very Different Results

It’s What You Do, Not What You Say

Secret #1 Applies to Other Life Experiences

Credibility in Parenting

Chapter 2. Secret #2: I Can See Right Through You

The Human Invisible Fence

Authenticity: We Know It When It’s Not There

The Silent Alarm System

It All Begins with Accepting Our Own Human Warts

Invisible Fences Don’t All Look Alike

Authentic Results, Even During Tough Times

Taking It Personally

A Final Word of Encouragement

Chapter 3. Secret #3: The Decision to Suspend Judgment

A Frustrating Situation for Dad

Hold Your Thoughts...Just for a While

Thinking Through Your Tendencies

The Thought Process for Suspending Judgment

For Personal Credibility: Know the Secrets!

Part II. Stepping Up with Credibility: Seven Steps Influence Credibility

Understanding Influence and Personal Credibility

Chapter 4. Step #1: Know Your “Stuff”

Learning As She Goes

How Do I Make Sure That I Know My Stuff?

Gain an Appetite for Knowledge—Consider It Credibility Survival!

Read!

Seek Wise Counsel

Know the Enemy (Its Name Is Apathy!)

Chapter 5. Step #2: Keep Commitments

Commitments Break Down and Invisible Fences Go Up

Keeping Small Commitments Adds Up to Big Credibility

Commitment Difference Makers

Chapter 6. Step #3: Honor Confidences and Avoid Gossip

With the Best of Intentions

The Truth Behind the Gossip

Chapter 7. Step #4: Know Yourself—the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly!

She Knew Herself and Understood

Third Time Is the Charm

Section 1: Ideas or Evidence?

Ideas

Evidence

Section 2: Direct or Diplomatic?

Direct

Diplomatic

Section 3: Retreat or Engage?

Retreat

Engage

Section 4: Options or Plans?

Options

Plans

Chapter 8. Step #5: Choose to Value Others—the Good, and Yes, Even the Bad and the Ugly!

Ideas or Evidence?

Direct or Diplomatic?

Retreat or Engage?

Options or Plans?

Some Final Thoughts on Style Differences and Personal Credibility

Chapter 9. Step #6: Ask More and Listen Most

Tip #1: Stop and Connect

Tip #2: Restate or Paraphrase

Tip #3: Ask, Ask, Ask...

Chapter 10. Step #7: Create Credible Interactions

Interaction Technique: Maximize Your Agreements

Interaction Technique: Create Productive Disagreements

Scenario #1: There’s More Than One Way to Look at Numbers

Scenario #2: She Was Always Late!

Interaction Technique: Express Your Thoughts with Credibility

Who Am I Speaking To?

What Am I Saying?

How Do I Say It Effectively?

Part III. Face the Truth and Begin Anew

Chapter 11. The Truth Shall Set You Free—When You Avoid Truth Traps!

Trap #1: The Little White Lie

Trap #2: The Need to Be “In the Know”

Trap #3: Loose Lips Sink Ships... and Our Credibility

Trap #4: Don’t Worry...It’s Done!

Truth Trap Tips

#1: Make the Decision to Be a Truthful Person

#2: Don’t Overexplain or Create Excuses—Just Stick with the Facts!

#3: If You Are Clueless...Say So!

#4: The Truth Doesn’t Need Stretching—It Just Needs Doing

Chapter 12. Credibility: I’ve Lost It—Can I Rebuild It?

Rebuilding Is a Process, Not an Event

A Simple Statement: “You Were Right”

“I Meant Well, but I Blew It!”

From Problems to Progress

Chapter 13. Rebuilding: One Step at a Time

Step 1: Objectively Acknowledge Your Own Actions

Step 2: Identify Your Options for the Next Action

Step 3: Verbally Take Ownership with Those Impacted

Step 4: Manage Your Expectations

Step 5: Share What You Learn from the Rebuilding Process

Starting Over...Every Day

Tapping Into the Power of the Three Secrets to Personal Credibility

Stepping Up with Credibility: Seven Steps Everyone Can Take to Increase Personal Credibility and Impact

How to Get What You Want: Without Having to Ask

Introduction

PART 1 Be the Kind of Person Who Gets What They Want

Know What You Want

Know Why You Want It

Know How Much You Want It

Want What You Get

Don’t Be a Fuzzy Thinker

Know What It Takes

Work Out Who You Need on Your Side

Break Big Ambitions into Chunks

Set Up Some Milestones

Celebrate Every Step

Write It All Down

Analyze Your Sticking Points

Set Your Deadlines

Check Out the Back Door

Don’t Make Excuses

Think Positive

Don’t Hang Out with Naysayers

Say It Out Loud

Believe in Yourself

Expect Ups and Downs

Enjoy It When You Get It

PART 2 Be the Kind of Person People Want to Say Yes To

Don’t Fake It—Have Real Confidence