Buddhist Boot Camp (7 page)
Read Buddhist Boot Camp Online
Authors: Timber Hawkeye
I worked for a software development company in the early nineties with managing partners who used to scream and cuss at us, literally throw piles of paper across the room and yell, “File this!” and constantly fight with each other in front of everybody. I hated my job so much that I used to cry in the bathroom on my breaks. I stayed there for a year because I thought having that company’s name on my résumé would be impressive, but as it turned out, the company folded a month after I left and nobody ever cared that I worked there.
Buddhism teaches us to be tolerant and accepting, but tolerance does NOT mean accepting what is harmful. Even if you think there are benefits to staying in a situation that is harmful, I urge you to reconsider. Abuse is never justified, and it is only when we don’t love ourselves enough that we allow others to treat us with disrespect. When you love yourself, you can do anything with dignity and be appreciated for it, or you can take your skills elsewhere.
Success means being happy, and nobody deserves to hate what they do for a living. So love yourself enough to choose happiness every time, and you will be the most successful person in the world!
Tolerance does not mean accepting what is harmful. —Timber Hawkeye
If working a full-time job leaves you feeling like you’re only living part-time, is it possible that careers are overrated?
Nobody looks back on their life and says, “I should have spent more time at the office,” so why do we make work our priority? If it’s because we regard those who work really hard and earn a lot of money as successful, then let’s reevaluate! They tend to have a lot of stress in their lives, high blood pressure, heart problems, ulcers, headaches and insomnia . . . Does that sound like success to you?
The only folks who truly love their jobs are the ones who have found their calling. Have you found yours? A nine-to-five job is not the only way to spell success, you know. Don’t let the concept of change scare you as much as the prospect of remaining unhappy!
The thesaurus lists a “calling” as another word for career, and it’s nobody’s calling to hate what they do for a living. If success means being happy, are you on the right track?
The difference between who you are and who you want to be is what you do. —Anonymous
Sure, it would be nice to eat out every night, sleep on a much more comfortable mattress, have a fancier phone and computer, a massage chair, and the ability to travel more frequently, but I don’t want to work 40 hours a week to be able to afford all that.
I don’t feel that I sacrificed those things by choosing to work 20 hours a week; I simply exchanged them for what I personally want even more: getting off work at noon, going swimming, hiking, volunteering, playing tennis and volleyball, writing, reading, you name it. I wouldn’t be able to do all that with a 40-hour-a-week job, and “things” don’t make me happy, but all that free time sure feels great for my health (mental, spiritual, physical and emotional).
It’s a question of what you want MORE out of life, and whether your daily decisions reflect your answer, ya know?
We make our own choices; we pay our own prices. Some people love their full-time jobs, and I think that’s awesome. But what if more people switched to a 20-hour workweek? We would immediately double the number of people employed, and they would automatically be twice as happy with all that free time to spend with their family and friends. Am I crazy for thinking that we need THAT a lot more than we need to buy more STUFF?
There is a difference between the cost of things and the price of things. The COST of a new smart phone, for example, is about $400, but the PRICE is about two weeks of work (if your salary is similar to mine).
I get a lot of e-mail from people who say things like, “I really hate my job and want to simplify my life, but I NEED this job to pay for my car insurance, car payment, cell phone bill, mortgage, living expenses, etc.” My answer simply reflects back that the smart phone, car payments and other extras are all choices that we make, and the price we pay for those things isn’t in dollar value so much as what we have to DO in order to pay for them.
Go a whole day without complaining—then a lifetime!
One day you will wake up and there won’t be any more time to do the things you’ve always wanted to do. Do them now! —Paulo Coelho
My dad told me this story when I was a little kid, and even though many of us have heard it before (it was originally told by Heinrich Böll), I believe it deserves to be regularly shared, especially at every high school graduation around the world. Enjoy!
One summer, many years ago, a banker was vacationing in a small village on the coast. He saw a fisherman in a small boat by the pier with a handful of fish that he had just caught. The businessman asked him how long it took him to catch the fish, and the man said he was out on the water for only a couple of hours.
“So why didn’t you stay out there longer to catch more fish?” asked the businessman.
The fisherman said he catches just enough to feed his family every day, and then comes back.
“But it’s only 2 p.m.!” said the banker, “What do you do with the rest of your time?”
The fisherman smiled and said, “Well, I sleep late every day, then fish a little, go home, play with my children, take a nap in the afternoon, then stroll into the village each evening with my wife, relax, play the guitar with our friends, laugh and sing late into the night. I have a full and wonderful life.”
The banker scoffed at the young man, “Well, I’m a businessman from New York! Let me tell you what you should do instead of wasting your life like this! You should catch more fish to sell to others, and then buy a bigger boat with the money you make so you can catch even more fish!”
“And then what?” asked the fisherman. The banker’s eyes got all big as he enthusiastically explained, “You can then buy a whole fleet of fishing boats, run a business, and make a ton of money!”
“And then what?” asked the fisherman again, and the banker threw his hands in the air and said, “You’d be worth a million! You can then leave this small town, move to the city, and manage your enterprise from there!”
“How long would all this take?” asked the fisherman. “Fifteen to twenty years!” replied the banker.
“And then what?”
The banker laughed and said, “That’s the best part. You can then sell your business, move to a small village, sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take naps in the afternoon, go for an evening stroll with your wife after dinner, relax, sing, and play the guitar with your friends. You would have a full and wonderful life!”
The fisherman smiled at the banker, quietly gathered his catch, and walked away.
Live simply so that others may simply live. —Gandhi
Knowing Is Not Even Half the Battle
You never make the same mistake twice. The second time you make it, it’s no longer a mistake; it’s a choice. What we essentially are is a series of bad decisions.
If knowing alone made us wise, then every senior citizen would be a Zen master. Attaining realization is not about what we know, but what we do with that knowledge. Meditating for sentient beings to be freed of their suffering doesn’t make you a Buddhist any more than simply thinking about buying a lottery ticket makes you a millionaire. So treat every person in need as an invitation to be of service, and then you’ll be putting compassion into action.
Buddhist Boot Camp
urges you to roll up your sleeves and actually help anyone in need; and to align your habits with what you already know is best. It all begins with you and the decisions you make. Start with behavior patterns, food choices, and deciding how to most effectively use your time, money and talent to benefit others.
Pretend every person you meet is the Buddha, and you won’t be greedy, hateful or disrespectful toward anyone. Stop trying so hard to always be right or to prove yourself superior to others, and strive to connect with people instead. We are all in this boat together. Answer me this: What is detrimental to your health? Why are you still doing it?
All know the Way, but few actually walk it. —Bodhidharma
To reduce the amount of stress in our lives (as well as anger, fear, disappointment, anxiety and intolerance), we must start by reducing our expectations.
If you get road rage because of slow-moving traffic, annoyed with bank tellers for taking “too long” with other customers, hurt feelings when a friend forgets your birthday, or disappointed when the weather doesn’t clear on the day of your planned picnic, take note that most of your expectations are completely unreasonable and self-centered.
When we don’t expect a movie to be incredible, we’re not totally disappointed if it falls short of amusing. Not hitting the jackpot in Las Vegas isn’t a big deal if we don’t expect to anyway; and, for adults, it’s actually okay for a book to have an unhappy ending. Without expectations, we’re not completely deflated if our blind date turns out to be rude, or when an avocado is brown on the inside. Think about it: the only reason you’re not disappointed when you don’t find a love letter in your mailbox every day is because you’re not expecting to find one in the first place.
With the people closest to you, a simple agreement to never intentionally harm one another is sufficient to solidify a healthy and long-lasting friendship. And when we expect so little from one another, we are actually inspired to do more.
Be patient with the employees at the grocery store and the servers at restaurants. They might be moving slower than you expect because they’re sick or have a headache, and it’s possible that they just received some bad news, or that it’s their first week on the job. The problem isn’t how fast or slow they move; the problem is your expectation. They might even be working with a disability of some sort that prevents them from moving faster. Be patient.
We’re jaded by a society that promotes overnight delivery, express checkout lines, 24-hour customer service, airplanes, carpool lanes, instant rebates, instant messaging and instant coffee. Constantly encouraged to expect what we want, how we want it, and right away, we are conditioned to move more quickly, multitask, speed-read and drive through, which leaves no room in our lives for learning patience, tolerance, listening, or conscious breathing.
Slow down, people, smell the plumerias, and chew your food!
Then, and only then, will you be in a position to be kind to yourself and others.
When you release your expectations that the world should fulfill you, your disappointments vanish. —Dan Millman
Anger is like a mask that covers hurt feelings or fear. So next time you are angry, see if you can trace the origin of that feeling to its root of disappointment, shame, fear, hurt, impatience or embarrassment. Learn to skillfully explain THOSE emotions instead of the anger, and you’ll quickly find peace from understanding the misunderstanding.
It has somehow become socially acceptable to publicly express frustration and irritation by yelling, slamming doors, giving someone the finger, or storming out of the room. For some reason, however, sensitivity and vulnerability are still frowned-upon as signs of weakness (especially with men), even though honesty and grace are significantly more courageous than a bad temper.
If we use anger to motivate change and fuel determination, it can actually drive our good intentions forward without causing any harm. But when anger isn’t handled with care, it can turn into hatred and rage, and that’s not only unproductive, it’s dangerous.
When you’re disappointed or irritated, take a moment to think about what you would like to accomplish, and you’ll find that screaming or acting out will rarely, if ever, get you the results you’re after. EXPLAIN your anger, don’t express it, and you will immediately open the door to solutions and understanding.
Many people say this is “easier said than done,” but when you contemplate the ease or difficulty of any practice, don’t forget to consider the challenges of the alternative. As difficult as it may be to express our insecurities in a healthy way, it is far more damaging to lose our temper or keep everything bottled up inside. Remember the Freudian advice, “Pain does not decompose when you bury it.”
Gratitude is the antidote to anger. We cannot be angry and grateful at the same time (one stomps the other). So choose gratitude every time, as it never fails to put the mind at ease.
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. —Eleanor Roosevelt
It’s as if there are two versions of me: one is calm, truthful, giving, forgiving, harmonious and wise, and the other is sometimes greedy, selfish, dishonest and argumentative. So when I wake up every day, I say good morning to both of them, but then I vow to only listen to the wiser of the two for the rest of the day.
What’s funny is that the selfish part of me is loud and obnoxious, always yelling, “Listen to me, listen to me!” while the selfless side just quietly sits there like a Buddha, with a knowing smile on his face, thinking, “You know what to do . . .”
I believe that both of these parts are within each of us, and that we are capable of being either one. The choice is ours with every decision we make.
It’s like the Native American story of the old man who told his grandson, “There is a battle between two wolves inside all of us. One is Evil (it is anger, envy, greed, resentment, inferiority, lies and ego), and the other is Good (it is joy, peace, love, humility, kindness, empathy and truth).” When the boy asked, “Which wolf wins?” the old man quietly replied, “The one you feed.”
It is better to have a mind opened by wonder than a mind closed by belief. —Gerry Spence
I approach fear the same way I approach almost everything else in life: with an antidote. Here’s what I mean: anger and gratitude, for example, cannot coexist in the same thought; it is cognitively impossible. The moment you are angry with your spouse, for example, is the moment you stop being grateful for having them in your life in the first place; yet the moment you go back to gratitude, the anger goes away. It’s like magic: gratitude is the antidote to anger.
Here’s the trick: instead of focusing all of your energy on “letting go of anger,” focus on increasing your gratitude . . . and the anger will naturally subside.
Fear also has an antidote, and I hope you can follow my train of thought here.
I spent years envious of people who had faith because I was too logical to understand it, which was frustrating because I’d heard it said that if you feed your faith, then all your fears will starve to death, and now I know it’s powerfully true.
“Faith” is trusting the process. You see, SOMETHING is making your heart beat right now, your lungs function, the grass grow and the planets spin. So whether we admit it or not, what we have is FAITH. We have faith that our heart will keep beating, and that we’ll wake up tomorrow morning. We don’t KNOW this; we TRUST it. So trust the process and honor it by not overlooking this tremendous faith that you have. It’s okay. It doesn’t mean your faith has to be wrapped up in religion. I, Timber Hawkeye, for example, am Faithfully Religionless.
Why is acknowledging our faith so important? Because faith is the antidote to fear.
We now know that energy flows where attention goes. So if you feed your fears they get bigger, but if you feed your faith, your fears have nothing to eat and eventually die. The problem is that fear has been drilled into us from a very young age, with its level of severity greatly varying depending on our upbringing, culture, family, etc.
So in your “battle against fear,” I say change direction: don’t focus on letting go of fear; focus on increasing your faith . . . and the fear will disappear on its own.
It’s like kundalini yoga, if you’ve ever done it. It involves a lot of very rapid breathing and can get very frustrating if you’re trying to breathe in and out really fast. As my yoga instructor says, however, just focus on the exhale; the inhale will happen automatically.
Trust the process, my friends. Let it happen (it’s going to happen anyway). When you trust the process, you trust that it’s okay for people to be different from one another, that as much as we don’t like it, there’s a reason for what’s happening in the world, and the opposite of what we know is also true. Trust. The. Process.
There is balance and harmony in the world (the north and the south poles), and we need it so that we don’t spin out of control, right?
So just focus on feeding your faith and the fears will naturally go away. Try the breathing stuff . . . I’m serious. Close your mouth and breathe in and out through the nose really fast. It can get tricky UNLESS you just focus on the exhale and trust that the inhale will happen effortlessly.
Being nice to those you don’t particularly like is not being two-faced; it’s called growing up. —Anonymous