Read Buddhist Boot Camp Online
Authors: Timber Hawkeye
Buddhist Boot Camp (6 page)
In my life . . .
I have been selfish, resentful, and unapologetic;
I have cheated on almost every person I’ve been in a relationship with;
I have not always respected the commitments of others;
I have killed two cats;
I have physically beaten and badly hurt a dog;
I have gone fishing with my father;
I have lied to my parents, friends, lovers, teachers, employers, the government, and strangers;
I have cheated on school exams;
I have copied somebody else’s homework;
I have broken many traffic laws;
I have stolen;
I have gossiped;
I used to be homophobic;
I used to burn ants and spiders with a magnifying glass as a child, and killed other insects throughout my life by other means;
I have said some harsh words that I can never take back;
I have discriminated against people based on looks;
I have wished ill upon others;
I have used guilt to manipulate;
I have been greedy;
I have been ignorant;
I have condoned acts of war;
I have condoned the act of killing animals with my dietary choices;
and I have consumed drinks and foods that are toxic to my health.
There is no excuse for any of it.
I am sorry.
If you do not openly repent your wrongdoings, you are more likely to repeat them. —Cheng Yen
Patience is the most challenging practice for me as an adult.
When I was growing up, the surest way to upset my dad was to stand idly with my hands in my pockets. “It’s a sign of laziness,” he would say. “Do something!”
I now realize that I was essentially taught from a very young age to do everything fast, and to do it correctly, or I would upset the “higher-ups” and suffer the consequences. Perhaps it’s natural, then, that I was drawn to working at law firms as a young adult; they are fast-paced, cold, brutal, unforgiving, demanding, and . . . well, a lot like boot camp!
After a decade as a paralegal and legal secretary, however, I too grew cold. Not only did I really like the directness of being told exactly what to do without any sugarcoating, I started treating others with the same level of rigidity. It was efficient, after all, and the golden rule says to “treat others the way we wish to be treated ourselves,” right?
Wrong.
The golden rule doesn’t apply if we ourselves want to be treated like a machine. I never understood why people couldn’t “take it like a man,” so to speak. And I can still hear my parents yelling, “I’ll give you something to cry about!” and it makes me quiver.
Sadly, I ruined almost every relationship in my life because of this unbending mentality, and it was only after living in a monastery with wonderful teachers who made all the right observations that I finally understood what was going on.
I went from being abused to being abusive, not only toward others, but also toward myself.
The upside to this is that CHANGE IS ALWAYS POSSIBLE.
Awareness was the first step (clearly understanding why I was the way I was, and then vowing to change it), but habitual tendencies are tough to break, and changing them requires something I’d never been taught before: patience.
Life is an ongoing classroom in which everyone is our teacher, and every situation contains a lesson for us to learn. It is only by first being patient with myself that I can ever learn to be patient with others.
I don’t blame my parents for raising me the way they did (it’s all they knew because they were probably raised the exact same way), and I certainly don’t blame the legal industry for operating the way it does (I’m the one who chose to be in it, after all, until I chose to get out).
Some law firms, I hear, are actually moving away from that working style and implementing non-violent communication techniques in the workplace. And let’s face it, if there is hope for lawyers, then there is hope for us all! (My apologies to attorneys everywhere, who always end up being the butt of a joke.)
We make our own choices, and we pay our own prices. That’s why a few years ago I decided to be gentle, kind, patient, understanding, loving and compassionate, and I’m right there with the rest of you guys: still learning.
Thank you for your patience.
A lesson will repeat itself until you learn it. —Anonymous
When things don’t go as we had hoped, we either look for external influences to blame instead of reflecting on what we could have done differently, or we go too far in that latter extreme and blame ourselves too much.
There is a happy middle ground wherein we consider possible outcomes if we had done things differently, but we don’t call ourselves failures or losers just because we didn’t have all the facts right off the bat.
It’s very easy to spot these extremes when other people go off on a tangent, venting about everything that went wrong without seeing what they could have done differently, but the trick is to catch ourselves when WE do it.
We bend over backward to reason with ourselves so that we can feel better about what happened, but even if we walk away from the experience feeling justified, we don’t walk away from it any wiser.
When others beat themselves up about doing everything wrong, we immediately steer them in the other direction by reminding them about other factors that were in play. So why can’t we do it with ourselves when WE feel like complete losers?
I guess that’s why having honest friends around is so important. They tell it to us like it is (whether we want to hear it or not), and if we’re wise enough, we take all the comments into consideration, learn, grow, mature, and try again.
If you want your life to be a magnificent story, then begin by realizing that you are the author, and every day you have the opportunity to write a new page. —Mark Houlahan
I made the decision to live a simple and uncomplicated life a few years ago, and I thought it meant having to diligently eliminate anything that interfered with that goal. As a result, I swung like a pendulum for a few years, flying from one extreme to another, not realizing that serenity isn’t found at either end of the spectrum, but actually somewhere in between.
When you’re not standing at either end, but hanging out in the middle instead, nothing can offend you. Compassion and deep understanding toward others are significantly easier to access when nobody is far away from where you are.
So go ahead, surround yourself with like-minded people for comfort and support, but don’t forget to honor those who push your buttons just as much if not more, for they’re the ones who provide an opportunity to grow and mature beyond having buttons that can be pushed.
The world isn’t black-and-white, I now know. We live mostly in the gray.
Kina-ole:
one Hawaiian word says it all. Doing the right thing, in the right way, at the right time, in the right place, to the right person, for the right reason, with the right feeling . . . the first time!
I stayed with different people in different cities on my journey across the country, and one thing proved to be universally true: we all create much of our own suffering.
There was one host, for example, with whom you’d think I would have royally gotten along because we were both into yoga, were big fans of farmers’ markets, were vegetarian, environmentally conscious, etc., but there was a big difference between us that wasn’t evident on paper: he was an activist who literally fought and protested against anyone who didn’t hold the same values as he did, and I am not. He was angry with people who ate meat, for example, with drivers who had gas-guzzling cars, and even with me for not being angry with them too! It was very interesting.
I completely understand why people eat meat—for example, it tastes good! But my choice to stop eating it back in the nineties didn’t turn my meat-eating brothers into enemies (nor do I try to convert other people to my way of life by telling them that what they’re doing is “wrong”).
If people who know me are compelled to change their diet or athletic lifestyle to resemble my own in the hopes of getting similar results, that’s great, but it’s not my job to judge anyone who doesn’t.
It is my way of leading by example. Some follow; some do not.
C’est la vie.
When I was staying in Florida for a short while, my nieces woke up one morning and asked me to make them breakfast. “What would you like?” I asked, and they said, “Scrambled eggs, Uncle T!”
This was a true test. I could say, “No way! I don’t eat eggs, and you shouldn’t either!” or I could simply ask, “Would you like some toast with that?”
I prepared their eggs just as they requested, and when they asked, “How come you’re not having any?” I explained to them what being vegan means, and why I was eating something else. They smiled, nodded, and then said, “That’s cool!” as they went on eating their breakfast.
The seed of option was planted. They were introduced to a different lifestyle because they inquired about it, not by force. In time, with the right conditions, those seeds will sprout and grow, and my nieces will make their own decisions. A week later, in fact, they tried a fresh fruit smoothie for breakfast and really liked it!
My life is my message, you see. Even the
Buddhist Boot Camp
Facebook page and book, for example, are not things I’m PUSHING on anyone else; I am simply sharing my life with all of you who CHOOSE to be a part of it, which is what I love about this medium the most. What you do with the message is your choice.
We do not always agree on everything (nor do we have to), but we do understand the importance of being kind to one another, not judging each other, and seeing one another as human beings trying our best.
Who was it who said, “Live and let live”? I think they were onto something!
If you recall the happiest moments in your life, they are all from when you were doing something for somebody else. —Desmond Tutu
Voting is not something that we do only once every four years; it’s a daily way of life. We vote with our wallets through every purchase decision that we make (be it at the grocery store, department store, or online businesses). For example: there is only one reason why grocery stores in Hawaii sell mangoes that are imported from Ecuador: people keep buying them. Tropical fruit grows right here on the island, but we can’t blame the stores for supplying what we demand. If we change our ways and only buy local mangoes, however, then they will only sell local mangoes; it’s that simple.
If you’re against animal cruelty, for example, yet purchase toothpaste made by a company that tests its products on animals, you’re essentially supporting a cause that you don’t believe in. Remember: your beliefs don’t make you a better person, your behavior does! We vote when we pay for services too, not just products. If you’re against violence but rush to the movie theater to watch the latest violent blockbuster, then more movies that glorify the act of war will be produced, thereby adding more violence to the world.
Take inventory of your decisions’ far-reaching consequences, and make sure they are in line with your values. Bridge the gap between what you believe and how you act in the world.
You’re not stuck in traffic; you ARE traffic. We blame society, but we ARE society. —Anonymous
Have you noticed how we view every situation from a relativity perspective? We immediately contemplate ways to make things different than they are, be it better, faster, bigger, warmer, bolder; it’s exhausting! Now imagine letting go of labels and evaluations, and allowing everything to be just as it is, without wishing for it to be any other way. Accept yourself, and then others, without needing to change anything.
Feelings and emotions will inevitably continue to rise (both pleasant and unpleasant).
Buddhist Boot Camp
is simply reminding you to relax, to acknowledge that everything is temporary, including youth, health, and life itself. All experiences are as transient as clouds in the sky: anger comes and goes, excitement rises and falls, and tears dry on their own. So practice tenderly watching your feelings and emotions as they move in and out of your mind, just like traffic on a busy street.
Remain aware of what goes on around you, but try to do it without the mind’s commentary. Observe without judgment, and experience life without resistance.
Opinions change, perspectives widen, and the opposite of what you know is also true. Take a step back and you’ll see that all of our anguish is self-inflicted. We assign meaning to everything, and simply refuse to accept it all as impermanent.
Instead of spending so much time thinking about what’s missing from your life, remind yourself (if only for twenty minutes a day), of everything you already have: from a comfortable bed to sleep on, to a roof over your head, to clean air, drinking water, food, clothes, friends, functioning lungs, and a beating heart.
When you approach each moment with gratitude, not only will you stop experiencing life from a place of lack, you will experience abundance!
THAT is luxury. THAT is being rich!
Some people are so poor, all they have is money. —Anonymous
I was working in Corporate America, sending creditors a thousand dollars of my salary every month to slowly pay off my outrageous credit card debt, and one day I realized that I was only a couple of payments away from being debt-free for the first time in my adult life.
“What am I going to do with that extra thousand dollars a month after my debt is paid off ?” I wondered. My mind started racing with all sorts of crazy spending ideas, but then I had one of my big AH-HA Moments and decided that I didn’t actually have to make that “extra” thousand a month. I could quit my job, change my lifestyle, work less, and live more!
It became a fun game of “How little can I live off of and still have a great time?” Moving to Hawaii was an obvious choice at the time (even though many people consider it to be a really expensive place to live), because everything I enjoy doing outdoors, like tennis, volleyball, hiking, biking and kayaking, is not only fun and free, but I can do it all year round!
I sold everything I ever owned, moved to Hawaii with no savings account, but no debt either, filled with determination to live a simple and uncomplicated life.
That was over six years ago, and I’m still having a great time.
True, I could have continued working a full-time job and used the “extra” money to help others, but there are many ways to help people that don’t involve money (like volunteering my time, skill, talent and devotion). An old lady alone at the hospital after a stroke, for example, doesn’t necessarily need money; she needs a hand to hold, and I can do that now that I only work part-time!
A nine-to-five job is not the only way to spell success.
Man sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future, that he does not enjoy the present moment. As a result, he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then he dies having never truly lived. —The Dalai Lama, when asked what surprises him the most