Caged In (5 page)

He nodded as I took Charlie
’
s hand and
held on even when she tried to wrangle it free. I fell in step with Charlie as
we walked outside and I knew in that moment that I was exactly where I was
always meant to be - with
my girl.

CHAPTER SEVEN

Charlie

 “
Cage,
”
I whined as he pulled me out the
front door and down the path.
“
I
am really not comfortable with this.
”

He stopped so abruptly that I ran
into the back of him.
“
Why?
”
He speared me with those
beautiful navy blue eyes that I could get lost in and often did when we were
younger.

“
I agreed to talk, not to leave with
you.
”
The emotions in
his eyes were too intense so I looked away.

“
We have a lot to talk about and I
don
’
t
want anyone interrupting or distracting us.
”

“
We haven
’
t seen each
other in ten years and our parting was so unexpected. I just need time to
process.
”

“
Ok. Well you can process with me by
your side.
”
Cage
continued to walk away from the house, dragging me behind him.

“
Please Cage. I need time alone.
”
I was getting desperate for an
excuse not to go with him.

“
Alone? You mean being with Nate is
alone. No, if you are being alone with anyone it is with me.
”

“
What are you talking about?
”
He spun to face me again.

“
I asked you earlier and you didn
’
t answer. Are
you two together?
”

“
I am crashing at his place until I figure
out what I am going to do next.
”
I did not have to answer to him.

His frustration was palatable.
“
Are you two together?
”
he repeated through clenched teeth.

I side stepped him again and
continued down the sidewalk, but came to an abrupt stop when the single most
beautiful car I have ever seen came into view.

“
You have a Maserati GranCabrio in
granite,
”
I breathed.
My dream car!

He shook his head knowing that I
was not going to answer him.
“
Yep,
”
he replied as he opened the
passenger door for me.
“
You
want to drive it?
”

“
Holy shit Cage,
”
I squealed as I covered my mouth. I
felt the blood rush to my cheeks in reaction to my loud outburst.
“
You would let me?
”

“
I would let you do anything you
wanted to babe,
”
he
said with a wink.
“
You
still remember how to drive stick from when I taught you?
” 
My answer was a nod of my head.

“
Then it
’
s all yours .
. . tomorrow.
”
A
mischievous glint entered his eye.

“
Tomorrow?
”

“
It
’
s as good as any reason to see you again.
”

“
Think whatever you have to say is
that good?
”
I pushed
back.

“
No, but I just can
’
t imagine going another day without
seeing you.
”
The fight
completely left me as he opened the passenger door. I did not fight the sigh of
contentment as I slid across the softest leather I had ever felt as I got into the
world
’
s
most beautiful car. Cage ran around and jumped into the driver
’
s seat. He placed a quick peck on my cheek,
“
Let
’
s go babe.
”

The joy in his eyes and the smile
on his face were contagious as he opened the top making the car a convertible.
I brushed all fear and panic aside as I just enjoyed the ride. It was
fantastic; the scenery, the warm wind through my hair, and the man next to me.
I closed my eyes when he caught me for the third time staring at him. He
laughed when I fought against him holding my hand. When I gave up he entwined
our fingers and placed a soft kiss to the back of my hand. A few minutes later
I heard the big beat of the drums and beginnings of my new favorite song on the
radio.  Turning it up, I looked over at Cage to find his smile was even bigger
as he started singing Caged In
’
s
latest hit.

Where
do I hide when I am in plain sight
It was with you always in the
light
You ran to me from the
darkness
The window to my soul open
all night

I
left and never came home
Where you wait by the phone
You have nowhere else to go
How you pierce my mind like
an arrow

I gasped when the words started to
sink in. Was he singing about me? I stared at him while he belted out the
chorus.

The
green eyed monster is never far away
It teases nonstop all throughout
the day
Its claws of regret rake my
mind
Because it
’
s you that I
left behind

Where
do I hide when I am in plain sight
It was with you always in the
light
You ran to me from the
darkness
The window to my soul open
all night

The
heart always seems to be aching
My beast tearing to
get out
His caged walls nearly
breaking
My soul dead I have no
doubt

The
green eyed monster is never far away
It teases nonstop all
throughout the day
Its claws of regret rake my
mind
Because it
’
s you that I
left behind

I had never really listened to the
words, but with Cage singing them it was hard not to. Realization dawned.
“
Cage, did you write that song?
”
I turned the volume down and
turned completely towards him.

“
Most of it,
”
he replied while still looking out
the front window at the red light as if he could will it change to green.

“
What is it about?
”
I did not want to ask outright if
it was about me.

“
The green eyed monster,
”
he answered robotically as if he
was asked that question all the time.

“
Ok, what is the green eyed monster?
A metaphor for jealousy?
”
I
asked being more direct.

“
It could be seen that way.
”
His non-answers were starting to
wear thin on my nerves. The light changed and we drove a little while longer
until we pulled into a gated community. Cage scanned a key card that he stored
in a little compartment on the dash.

I never bothered to ask where we
were going.
“
Where are
we?
”

“
My place,
”
he replied.

What the hell was I thinking?

Cage

As I sang along with
“
Green-Eyed Monster
”
on the radio, I knew the full
meaning of the song finally hit Charlie. I wrote that song in rehab, trying to
exorcize the beast that drove the need to slay myself slowly with drugs and
women. Ever since I hit rock bottom at the music awards show in front of
Charlie I had been clawing my way back to myself. Charlie was my green-eyed
monster, but only when she was not by my side. It was when I was away from her
that the beast grew wings and took flight with my fears of what my leaving did
to her, of what I was too afraid to admit to myself that happened to her all
too frequently. Those memories mixed with my worries drove me to a point where
forgetting was my only option or I would have driven myself insane or maybe
even killed myself.

My therapist asked me every day why
I did not just reach out to Charlie and ask for forgiveness or another chance.
But I never did. I was too afraid of the rejection after I could not find her
on my one trip back to town. At least by not calling I lived with the hope that
one day when I got my life together she would say yes.

“
Cage, did you write that song?
”
Charlie reached over and
turned down the radio.

“
Most of it,
”
I answered, concentrating on the
red light, too afraid she would see the lie and know I wrote all of it.

“
What is it about?
”
I hated this question. Only Locke
really knew the answer.

“
The green-eyed monster.
”
The light turned green and I hit
the gas needing out of this car.

“
Ok, what is the green-eyed monster?
A metaphor for jealousy?
”
She had to know it was about her.

“
It could be seen that way.
”
I finally pulled up to the gate
outside my neighborhood, scanned my keycard and drove through it.

“
Where are we?
”
Her question brought a smile to my
face.

“
My place.
”
I could see apprehension grow in
her eyes before she turned to face forward.

“
Cage,
I don
’
t
know. Maybe I should just go,
”
she
whispered.

Yeah
fucking right!
Just the thought of letting her walk away
ever again had a shiver of panic slicing through me.

“
Not
yet,
”
I
said, opening my door. Charlie did not wait for me, getting out at the same
time.  I met her at the front of car where I reached over and took her hand in
mine, leading her up and in the front door.

It
was now or never!

CHAPTER EIGHT

Charlie

Cage led me through the first floor
of his house, which was pretty much a bachelor pad. Where a formal dining room
would go was a pool table and a few high top tables with bar stools around
them. The formal living room had two arm chairs in it and a piano that I knew
he could play with his eyes closed and a wall of awards. We stopped in his
family room which opened up to a kitchen dripping in granite and high-end
appliances. The whole house was painted neutral colors and the family room,
like the living room, had dark brown, leather armchairs and couches. He had two
mounted large screen TVs on one wall, and a wall of windows on the other. The
house was simply breath-taking with its open floor plan, crown molding and
silver light fixtures. I loved it!

He directed me to sit on the large
couch while he took the closest armchair. Cage
’
s energy was always off the charts, but right now he
looked like he could run a marathon. He was restless as he sat perpendicular to
me. His outside leg shook violently as he rubbed his hands together.

“
So . . .
”
he trailed off.
“
Want something to drink? I could
use a water,
”
he
stammered as he stood and walked to the kitchen.

I shrugged, way too interested in
looking around to try and get a glimpse into the man that Cage had become.
Sliding to the middle of the couch, I started looking through the magazines he
had on the table. I froze when I found myself looking back at me. I lifted that
magazine up to find the one below it, and the next one, and the next one were
all of me. I moved through the stack faster and faster until I got to the bottom.
Then I looked under the table to the shelf that housed more magazines, which
all contained pictures of me.

“
I can explain.
”
Cage
’
s voice shattered the bubble of panic I placed myself
in.

“
WHY?
”
I yelled, not really meaning to but
could not prevent.

“
It was the only way I got to see
you.
”
Cage sat next to
me on the couch. I went to move away, but he placed his hand on my knee and
said,
“
Please don
’
t.
”

“
Why?
”
I asked again. Locke
’
s broken English from the awards
show came back.
“
Let
me see your wallet.
”
He
reluctantly fished it out of his back pocket and handed it to me. I opened it
to find a picture of me where his license should have been. It was from our
last day together as he drove me to the carnival. I remember everything about
that night and from looking at that younger version of myself I knew it was the
happiest I ever was.
“
Locke
said you had pictures of me.
”

“
There is another of the two of us
by my bed,
”
he confessed.

“
Cage?
”
I said his name as a question.
“
What happened? Please tell me
before I lose my mind. How could you feel this strongly and let it all go?
”

“
Everything was so messed up,
”
he answered as he ran both
hands through his hair.
“
I
don
’
t even know where
to start.
”

“
The beginning,
”
I implored, placing my hand on his
knee.
“
Just start at
the beginning.
”

“
Ok. The beginning. Well, let
’
s see. It was your birthday. We
went to the carnival and then spent the night in the bed of my pick up,
”
he said looking right at me.
“
Best day of my life. Hell, best
thing that ever happened to me,
”
he
added. I could see the truth in his eyes and I felt a piece of my heart fall
back into place.
“
You
left the same day to go to that special needs camp to be a counselor. At first
everything was fine. Boring, but fine. I met up with the guys for summer
practices. We hung out after, chilled, drank, whatever. You and I talked every
night, and the first two weeks were hard, but not unbearable.
”

I nodded, needing to hear what came
next. His expression slowly turned deadly as he began the next part.
“
It was storming one afternoon so
practice ended early. I had nothing else to do so I headed home. Dad
’
s truck was in the driveway, which
was weird, but I remember thinking he must have finished his route early. He
was probably watching some damn John Wayne western or really bad ad-lib kung fu
movie. I walked in the front door,
”
he paused as he ran his hands
through his hair again. He looked directly into my eyes when he finished with,
“
to find him fucking your mother doggy style.
”

“
Oh. My. God.
”
I tried to think of something else
to say, but my brain literally stopped working as I just stared at him with my
mouth gapping open in shock.

“
He didn
’
t hear me, so I got the jump on him
when I pulled him off and started to beat the shit out of him. Your mom tried
to stop me and couldn
’
t.
She was all strung out and looked even skinnier than normal.
”
He snorted.
“
Probably because you weren
’
t there to cook for her. She was
such a bitch.
”

“
Cage,
”
I uttered, not sure what else
to say. He shrugged me off as he continued.

“
So she ended up calling the cops.
They hauled me down to the station. My mom was beside herself when she came to
get me and found out why I was there. She moved out that night into that shitty
motel at the end of town while I sat in jail and fumed. My father
’
s lawyer convinced them I was a
flight risk and they would not allow bail. Your mom completely disappeared. So
in the end it was my word against my father
’
s. He claimed he was just talking with your mom and I
went ape shit crazy for no reason. I gave my side, and the judge took a middle
of the road approach. He put me on probation, but with a restraining order that
kept me away from my dad, our houses, his work, church; pretty much anywhere he
went I was not allowed even close. I was really only allowed to go to school
and the motel. My mother lost her job because of me. It was a mess.
”

“
It sounds insane. Why didn
’
t you call me, tell me? I still
called every night to no answer.
”
I
would have left camp to be there for him.

“
How? You called me. I didn
’
t know how to reach you. Your mom
was gone. I was forbidden to go to my house. I even snuck into my dad
’
s one night to try and catch your
call, but he came home and caught me. He called the cops and they took me back
to the motel with a stern warning of jail time if I did it again. I was beside
myself. I was going fucking crazy without you.
”
Cage got up and started pacing back and forth. He ran
his hands through his hair again and again. The torment he experienced, still
felt, was evident in his eyes, his movements.

“
I hated myself. My father. Your
mother. Hell I blamed everyone, including my own mother. I used to yell at her
that if she would have pleased my father he never would have had sex with your
slut of a mother. Then my father started really fucking with me. He would come
to the motel with other women for mom and me to see. He would wait after
practice for me and say how the apple could not fall far from the tree with
you. He said you would call and talk to him. He even implied you two had phone
sex. When I beat him up for the second time, my mother moved us to California
to live with her sister. The judge pretty much said I was never welcomed back.
”

I wiped away the tears, but they
continued to flow as Cage told more of his story.

“
When I got to Cali, I hated
everything, everyone. But I didn
’
t give up on you. I even called
school a few times that fall, but the principle never let my calls go through
to you. I tried leaving messages with my coach and teammates, but they just
went unanswered.
”

“
I didn
’
t know. No one ever told me,
”
I sobbed.

He looked at me. At seeing my
tears, he crumbled to the ground. Racing to him, I put my arms around him as he
rocked back and forth.

“
I had no way of telling you.
”
Each word timed with his body
rocking. He kept repeating himself as his rocking intensified.

“
Shhhh, it
’
s ok,
”
I promised.
“
I got you.
”

Cage

“
Charlie,
”
I
murmured, burying my nose in the crook of her neck. Everything I ever needed to
say had spilled out, but I knew I was not done. I had to finish, to get it all
out. Nothing could stop the dam once it opened.

“
I
came to hate myself.
”
I
felt her surprised intake of breath, but her arms never wavered as she held me.
“
My
head was so fucked up. I blamed everyone and everything. I quit football,
started smoking weed. I was a mean son-of-a-bitch. I got a fake ID my senior
year in high school and started hanging out at a hole in the wall place. I was
sitting at the bar when this Irish piece of shit started arguing with the
bartender, who was also the owner. The band wanted to be paid for past
performances, but the owner wouldn
’
t
because their lead singer was too fucked up to sing that night. Locke caught me
staring at the exchange and tried to start shit with me. When I gave it right
back to him, he offered me the gig for the night, and well the rest is history.
”
I
sat back so that I could look at her, knowing the next part was the most
crucial.

“
Locke,
Linc, and Shutter introduced me to a lifestyle I never knew was out there. The
bigger we got the better the drugs, the prettier the girls, the more lavish the
set-up. By the time I took my first trip back to find you, you were gone. Both
of our houses were boarded up. When I asked around they said you went to some
college in California. Imagine my surprise and heart ache knowing you were so
close and I never knew. But you had to know. You had to know about the band, my
fame. It would have been so easy to find out I was living in Southern Cali. You
went to USC for God
’
s sake.
”

“
I
know,
”
she
replied.
“
But things weren
’
t
good on my end either Cage. I came home to two empty houses when camp was over.
My mom came home about a week later with the scariest boyfriend yet. Home life
was bad before, but this guy was a walking, talking nightmare. There were a few
that hit me, a couple that tried to touch me, but nothing bad really ever
happened. I either ran to my room or to you and I was always fine. But this guy
wanted me from the moment he saw me.
”
My
breathing picked up the more she talked. I could feel my face getting red with
rage, but it was her time to get the whole story out so I held my tongue as she
continued.

“
He
kept my mother under the influence to keep her out of his way. I had nowhere to
go, no one to help me. I fought him off at every turn, until one night he got
so drunk he beat me. My mother came to long enough to call the cops. The state
got involved. But I was lucky.
”
Lucky?
How
could she say she was lucky?

“
My
day nurse as I recovered was Nate
’
s
mom. She took me under her wing, and brought me home with her when I got
released. I finished my last two years of high school at Prep with Nate. He
became my big brother and protector even though he was only a month older.
”

“
Baby,
I am so sorry.
”
I scooped her up
and carried her to the overstuffed leather couch and sat down, pulling her down
to sit on my lap. I buried my nose into her hair and took a deep breath.

“
You
always smell so good. Still wearing Happy?
”
I
felt her nod.

“
I
could never part with it even when I hated you for being with all those women
in the tabloids.
”

“
I
came to hate you too.
”
She
gasped in surprise, but I kept her glued to me.
“
That
was when the drugs went from green to white and eventually from recreational to
a lifeline. But in the end I knew I didn
’
t
hate you. I still loved you so much. I did it at first because it made me happy
and I got a break from having you on mind. Then I did it to forget what I did
when I was on it, because it was never pretty. Then I did it to so I stopped
hating myself. The music awards was my lowest.
”