Call Me Lumpy: My Leave It to Beaver Days and Other Wild Hollywood Life

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Authors: Frank Bank,Gibu Twyman

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BOOK: Call Me Lumpy: My Leave It to Beaver Days and Other Wild Hollywood Life

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Page 2

Published by Addax Publishing Group
Copyright © 1997 by Frank Bank

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted
in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying,
recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without the
written permission of the Publisher.
For Information address:
Addax Publishing Group
8643 Hauser Drive, Suite 235, Lenexa, KS 66215

ISBN: 1-886110-29-8
Distributed to the trade by Andrews McMeel
4520 Main Street
Kansas City, MO 64111

Library of Congress Catalog Card Number
Printed in the United States of America
1 3 5 7 9 10 8 6 4 2

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Bank, Frank, 1942-
Call me Lumpy: my Leave it to Beaver days and other
Hollywood
life / by Frank Bank with Gib Twyman.
p. cm.
ISBN 1-886110-29-8
1. Bank, Frank, 1941- .2. Television actors and actresses-
-United StatesBiography. 3. Leave it to Beaver (Television
program) I. Twyman, Gib. II. Title.
PN2287.B165A3     1997
791.45'028'092dc21
[B]                                                                97-41563
                                                                               CIP

Page 3

Dedication

To my Beeky and the girlsMichelle, Julie, Joanne and Kelly
-F. B.

To the guys I grew up with in the Cleaver years, my own little
Beavers, my brothers, Tom, Greg, Geoff and Mark.
-G. T.

Page 4

Page 5

Table of Contents

Foreword

By Kenny Osmond

Introduction

Chapter One
Gee I'm With the Beav

Chapter Two
Leonard, Sylvia and Scarface

Chapter Three
Beach Days and Knights

Chapter Four
Speaking of Lots of Beaver

Chapter Five
The Idiot Magnet

Chapter Six
Beetle Bilko Minderbender, PFC

124

Chapter Seven
Bux-Up Bank

140

Chapter Eight
The Name is Bank . . . Frank Bank

158

Chapter Nine
Desperately Seeking Mayfield

172

Chapter Ten
Frankly Speaking

190

Afterword

By Rebecca Bank

222

Page 6

Page 7

Foreword

By Kenny Osmond

I tell you, Frank Bank gives the impression when you first meet him that he is Lumpy Rutherford. That is, he's "Big Dumpy Lumpy."

And he's not.

The guy is particularly sharp.

He's got some working brain cells. They just don't show when you first meet him.

I have no idea why.

He's an extrovert. He's very social.

And yet, maybe right at first, he's a little guarded and reiterates into his old character for just an instant.

All I know is, the Frank Bank inside, all that is a guy, I consider a really good friend.

And I guess the thing I find most interesting about Frank and me is that we are good friendseven though we don't have a great deal in common.

His music and mine are different. His politics and mine are different. His social activities and mine are different.

I'm a hard-core country music guy. Country and bluegrass.

Allison Krause. Union Station. That type of stuff. Frank wouldn't even know these names. Frank is kind of contemporary. Pop. That type of thing.

I'm a hard-core conservative. He's on the conservative side, but not as opinionated as I am. I was a Goldwaterite long before he was a Reaganite.

I'm more of a down-home type. I would go to a nightclub that has saw-dust on the floor. He would prefer to go to someplace in Beverly Hills that has crystal glasses and linens on the tables.

But in spite of that, he's a good friend.

I don't know. We just click.

Even though we're totally different in other areas.

Page 8

I'm a mechanical person. He's not.

He just moved into a house a couple months ago. I was out there the day he was just starting to get moved in. He had a washer-dryer there and he didn't know how to hook 'em up.

So I said. "Get me a pair of pliers."

And he said, "What's a pair of pliers?"

I hooked up his washer-dryer for him.

I became a policeman in L.A.and I hope none of you ever has to know what it is to be a policeman. You just don't want to know. I got shot a couple of times.

Frank went off and became a stock broker.

He wears clean clothes and a tie when he goes to work.

I don't. I renovate houses now. So I put on cut-off Levis and I go and play with my houses.

And yet I love the guy.

We just get along.

You know, there are people that you just don't want to be with.

You're sociable with them. You have to be. They're there at a function, so you're sociable with them.

And there's other people that you prefer to be with. I definitely prefer to be with Frank.

We can go out after we've done an appearance or something and have a drink together and sit and chit-chat.

I always feel respect and affection from Frank. I feel that same respect and affection for him.

Like I say, he's sharp.

I would trust him totally with money. If I had $50,000 and I wanted to put it someplace to make some money, he's the first guy I'd call.

I have a couple of Franklin accounts and he's done them for me. And they've been great. I mean, I'm not making a million dollars on 'em. But they've been consistently profitable.

So I appreciate his abilities professionally. He definitely knows what he's doing with a dollar.

And yet, it's interesting . . . I know when we did "The New Leave It To Beaver" series, Frank would actually lose money. He'd take off work and drive to Florida to do an episode. And it would cost himthe amount he'd make on the show versus being away from his brokerage business.

But he'd do it anyway just because he loved it.

I understand it. It's good for your ego. Why not?

If he were working at the poverty line and losing money, I'd say, "No, that's dumb, Frank. Don't do that."

But this is not the case.

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