Can't Resist a Cowboy (6 page)

Chapter Ten

“Carrie?”

Unsure at first where it was coming from, she crossed to the kitchen door. Her dad must have left it cracked open when he’d gone out. A shape at the bottom of the porch steps gave her a jolt.

“Hey, can you toss my jacket out here?” Levi’s voice was tight, tense, followed with a low grunt as if he were trying to hold back pain.

“Come on in and let me find it.” She’d rearranged the table and chairs and moved things out of the way in preparation for mopping the floor. She had no idea where she’d put it.

“I’ll wait.” There it was again, words punctuated with a groan as if talking was difficult. Wiping her hands on her jeans, she pushed open the screen door and went out. It took a minute for her eyes to adjust in the light, but she saw clearly enough to read the hard-etched lines on his face.

“You get kicked or something?”

Levi was bracing himself with one arm on the railing, bent over a little. “No. Get my jacket, please?” She started toward him, but he put his other hand out at her, palm up. “Damn it, woman, don’t.”

His harsh tone stopped her, surprise turning into irritation with a big helping of concern. Then she realized he’d been on a horse all day, like the last time he’d had pain. His legs. Snapped back into motion, she went to the top step and looked down, offering him a hand even though he wouldn’t be able to reach it from down there.

“Let me help you. Come on.”

“Fuck, Carrie. I said,
don’t
.”

“And I said, come on.” She extended her hand again, knowing full well that he wouldn’t come up to take it. It ripped her up inside to see him like this, and as long as she had the ability to help, she’d push him until he accepted or stormed off. By the agonized look on his face, he wasn’t in the position to be storming off anywhere.

Levi looked up, fading daylight casting his face in gray. His breath came hard and soft, once, twice, four times until he blinked and set his jaw. “Go inside. I won’t come up with you standing there.”

Men and their pride. Fine. As her own disability progressed, Carrie often wondered what it would be like to have to rely on others for help, and if her self-worth would suffer because of it. For Levi, needing help was probably about the worst blow imaginable.

A minute or so later, Levi came in, so pale she thought he was going to pass out. She ushered him into the living room. His broad shoulders were set tight, pulling his shirt across his upper body. His biceps bunched and rounded beneath the fabric as he grabbed his left thigh with both hands and lowered onto the couch.

“It might be better if you slip out of your jeans?” His scowl deepened, his lower lip curling up a little beneath the top one.

“Just do it over my pants again. Please.”

She recalled the topography of dips and rises she’d felt through his jeans. The angles of his jaw were more pronounced as he clenched his teeth, a small muscle jumping in his cheek. Even in uncertainty and pain, Levi was the most breathtaking man she’d ever laid eyes on. Whatever his clothing hid, she’d accept it because it was a part of him. Her fingers tingled at the promise of soothing his pain, even as her heart geared up to protect itself.

“I stripped in front of you, buddy.”

“No.”

“Look, I use oil during therapy that helps the muscles relax. But you have to take your jeans off.”

Levi’s face was impassive, his fingers clenching even harder around his thigh. His shoulders softened a little, and just when she thought he might agree, he shifted as if to get up. Afraid that he was going to leave, Carrie crossed her arms and took a steadying breath. He couldn’t leave—not in this much pain. She’d never rest knowing she’d let him walk out of here.

Time to pull out the big guns. “Are you scared?”

His eyes narrowed, his lips going thin. “What did you say?”

“You heard me, cowboy. Are you too scared to let me see, or are you man enough to let me help you?”

His chin came up and the steely expression was just what she’d hoped for. The marine in him wouldn’t back down. Neither would the cowboy. “Don’t give up on a challenge so fast, Levi. I’d be awfully disappointed.”

His hand shot out and snagged her wrist, gently yanking her forward until her face was inches from his. A thrill raced through her, every inch of skin on her arms going electric. “I don’t lose. Pants stay on. And by the way, Carrie Lynn, you seem to have forgotten how good I am at paybacks.”

She huffed a short laugh. Hell no, she hadn’t forgotten. It’s what the wicked part of her—the one that still wanted him despite good sense—had been counting on.

…

He resisted the urge to get up and walk out because he needed the relief her hands could bring. Wary, but relenting, Levi lay back with one arm under his head and straightened his legs the best he could. It ate at him, lying vulnerable, and made it hard to stay still.

His lids wanted to drop, but no way was he taking his eyes off Carrie. Her hands moved carefully, purposefully, as she smoothed his jeans. At first, her firm touches were nearly unbearable. Forcing himself not to wince, Levi clenched his shoulders and took a tight breath. He’d been on horseback way too much today. Shit, not just today, this week in general. So much for taking it easy by fixing the fence.

“Breathe out, nice and long.” Her soft voice had the same effect as a drill sergeant’s yell, prompting him to do as he was told without question. Staring at the ceiling, he focused on even breathing, and slowly, the pain turned into an ache.

“Tell me what you’ve had done.” She moved down past his knee, her palms soothingly warm through the denim. Levi’s mouth was so dry he could barely speak.

“Hardware in my femur. Tendon surgery. Muscle debridement and grafting.”

“Infection?”

“Oh yeah.” Over half of his outer thigh muscle was gone, along with a good portion of the front. What hadn’t been blown off had become infected, the disease leaving behind a network of ripped and sunken muscle. Lying in a hospital bed as long as he had allowed more muscle mass to waste away. When all was said and done, his thigh looked like a half-eaten drumstick. Tissue grafting had provided some extra padding and support. Therapy worked to strengthen the leg to support his body weight. Standing, walking, taking steps, driving, all became huge feats of willpower and perseverance.

Her touch went deeper, penetrating with the firm downward pressure. Levi groaned despite himself, instinctively leaning his head back.

Carrie started to speak, but stopped herself. Then, hesitantly, “Can you tell me about it? What happened to you?” Her hands were easing and pushing and prodding from his hip to his ankle and back up again. Though he knew she’d asked him something, Levi couldn’t seem to pull himself together to answer. He was drifting too far into sensation. Forcing concentration, he briefly mulled over how much to say.

Whether it was the force of shock waves from the explosion that had damaged him so, or shrapnel, or both, he’d never found out. Never asked, because it wouldn’t have changed anything. What was done was done. “Bomb.”

“Were you in a vehicle? I’ve seen news reports on roadside bombs and how they’d hurt so many soldiers.”

He winced as she hit a tender spot, but breathed through it. “No. I was climbing stairs…was supposed to check the upper level and hit a trip wire.” Talking about that day brought back tension he’d tried so hard to get rid of. He’d never delved into memories of his last day as an active marine with anyone but his doctors, and the shrink he’d seen for a short time. Even with them, he’d kept the details mostly to himself, waving off the antidepressants they said would help with the anxiety and the shadows in his mind. Instead, he’d thrown himself into physical therapy and working out, and both had helped.

“Were you alone?”

He’d never been alone. Not when he slept, or ate, or had a few minutes to read or listen to his iPod. And never on a mission.

“No.” He dropped the word with unintentional venom, and he tried to feel sorry about that. Carrie let it go, and he was glad…figured he’d apologize later for being rude. Soon he was completely lost in the mix of pleasure and discomfort she was causing him. It was sensitive as hell, but the stabbing, life-altering pain was gone.

The scent of floral shampoo filled his senses as she bent near his side. Her strong fingers eased the knots and pins and needles from his flesh, eliciting a low moan he couldn’t hold back. The warmth of her body seeped into his own.

“Better?” The low vibration of her voice brought tingles of pleasure over his limbs. He tried to answer but couldn’t. Nodded instead.

“Shirt off and flip onto your belly.”

That pulled him from the haze. Levi sat halfway. “What?”

She looked completely unfazed “Tension in your upper body can cause pain in other places. So, shirt off and flip.”

Levi’s cock twitched, surprising the hell out of him. Well, hello and thank you for deciding to pay attention now. At least lying on his stomach would hide the growing evidence of his thoughts. Levi reached across his body, pulling off his shirt. It wasn’t graceful but he flipped, crossed his arms, and laid his forehead on top of them. Carrie’s movements made soft sounds next to him. Every muscle in his back tensed in anticipation of what she might do next. He couldn’t see, but he could imagine.

She’d rub oil between her palms and put her warmed hands on his shoulders. Her fingers would dig into the straps of muscle over his back and knead with just enough pressure to make him hold his breath. She’d lean down close enough that her shirt would tickle his skin, her breasts hovering just above his back as she leaned into the massage…

Levi mumbled a quiet curse to get his thoughts under control. Silence filled the room. Turning his head slightly, Levi peeked. Carrie stood next to him, her hands frozen in front of her, eyes trained on his back. His brow fell, his brain running through his catalog of injuries. Nope, nothing back there he’d forgotten to tell her about.

“Something wrong?”

She licked her lips and looked a little dazed. “You’re just so damn beautiful.” Carrie’s eyes went round, her mouth dropping open. “I…I mean—”

Shit, his cock was completely awake now, pressing painfully into the soft cushions. He pushed up on his elbows, his brain absorbing her words.

“Down!” She nudged him back into place and he allowed it, but not before he’d seen the blush on her cheeks. Smiling, he was glad to bury his face in his crossed arms to give them some space. She was giving him an endorphin high with this massage stuff, and her words, her closeness, were driving his libido through the ever-loving roof.

Her hands began to work his shoulder muscles, massaging and digging and smoothing along his neck, his back, the curve of his waist. Time sloughed off as he sank into…something…a daydream state, maybe? His body seemed to sway as if he were floating, but instead of being in water, he found himself standing in the desert, looking at a singular row of buildings. His friend Carlos adjusted his night vision goggles and made a sweep with his hand as if Levi should follow.

No one was supposed to go inside—at least, that was the feeling going through him. Going in was wrong. Bad. Unsafe. He tried to tell Carlos to wait, but his friend was already going up the long, black metal staircase on the side of the building. One step. Two…five. Levi followed, tried to reach out and grab Carlos’s shirt to tug him back down, but he was too far ahead.

Carlos turned with a huge, toothy smile, his Hispanic accent thick and way too cheerful for the circumstances. “’Bout damn time you caught up, cowboy.”

“Wait!” He grabbed for Carlos, but no one was there. Just inky darkness punched with tiny little stars.

“Did that hurt?” Someone was tapping on him. He turned his head, groggy yet perfectly clear. The shadows in his mind disappeared like a fog, leaving behind the bitter aftertaste that always followed when he remembered that day. It was over—he was safe, alive, with the only woman he’d ever imagined coming home to standing right here.

Levi made a half flip, reaching for her. Carrie’s brow was furrowed, her touch gentle as she threaded her fingers through his.

“Better?” Carrie touched his cheek, the soft imprint of her fingertips grounding him to the here and now. Confusion bled into clarity, remnants of the dream skipping off as desire, hot and demanding, replaced it. Levi snagged the back of her neck with one hand and pulled her down to him.

Her lips met his with a cascade of sweetness. Her mouth parted, urging him in deeper, wider, her tongue meeting his in a hot slide. His hands wound up in her soft curls, pulling her closer until he was completely lost in her warm, wet mouth and the pleasure of her lips on his.

He pulled back just a little to trace her lower lip with his tongue before nipping it gently with his teeth. One of her hands gripped the back of his neck, her other raking into his hair, the pads of her fingers drawing shocks over his scalp. The moan she let loose was so fucking satisfying, Levi’s chest welled and clenched, his groin tugging with a deep ache.

“Payback time,” he whispered, trailing his right hand down her neck, over her back where he cupped between her shoulder blades and held her tight. She followed him in, bringing an openmouthed kiss closed, and leaned into the quick little kisses he pressed against her mouth. She sucked his lower lip between hers before she pulled back and leaned her cheek against his and whispered, “I don’t know what to do with you.”

Levi leaned back, making her look at him. “What do you mean?”

“We can’t do this.” She pulled away from him. “I want to know you again. I want to be part of your life, but it can’t be like this.” Levi sat and swung his legs over the side of the couch and stood easily. He’d already told himself the same thing this morning, but here he was kissing her again. Thing was, he could give a damn about what he’d decided this morning. It didn’t feel right, deep in that place inside that he’d come to listen to. Holding her, keeping her close, being here with her. That felt right.

That’s what flooded him with peace and contentment.

“Why?” A simple question, but it mattered so much. He fixed things, solved problems. Whatever the obstacle, they’d find a way. He’d been told he’d probably never walk again without crutches, but here he was on his own two feet. He could lift her up, too, if she’d just open up to him.