Carter (The Harlow Brothers Book 1) (29 page)

Slowly opening my eyes, I say with a sultry voice. “I’m here, Carter.” My eyes stay on his as he takes me, claims me for his own, forever branding me. I can feel it in my heart, my mind, and my soul. I’ll forever be his and nothing will come between us after this.

His thrusts are unrushed as he takes his time filling me with the bliss only he can bring me. I arch my hips meeting his thrusts, and his hands grab mine. His grip tightly holds onto mine as he pulls them over my head. I’ve never felt more connected to him than I do now. It’s hard not to feel the love, the tenderness, and the absolute passion as he pushes deep inside me hitting my favorite spot over and over. I can feel my orgasm building, and it won’t be long before I fall over the edge. Carter’s pace quickens, but our gaze never wavers.

This isn’t fucking. This isn’t just another roll in the hay. This is special, meaningful, and it’s us making love. Pouring everything we have into each other. I don’t want it to end. I want this moment, the overwhelming surge of love and pleasure to last for a lifetime, but I know I can’t hold my orgasm from taking over me any longer. My entire body is screaming for release. My toes curl as my body tenses, waiting for me just to let go and come completely and utterly undone.

Carter leans down and pushes his tongue deep in my mouth. I take all he gives relishing in the sweet bliss. He pulls back locking gazes with me again as he says with a groan, “Let me feel you, Shelby. Let go for me.”

It’s my undoing.

It’s soul shattering, heart stopping, and absolutely breathtaking.

I cry out, letting the immense release rush through me. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever felt before, and I never knew our love could be this powerful. Our hands tighten and when I feel Carter’s release, it sends me in a carnal frenzy. A second orgasm takes me by surprise, and his pace slows, letting me ride out every wave of satisfaction that flows through me.

Carter’s deep thrusts slowly stop and he rests his head on mine as our grip loosens, and I wrap my hands around his neck. He plants sweet and gentle kisses on my forehead, cheeks, and finally on my lips. I feel his heart racing in his chest just as fast as mine is. I take a deep breath trying to calm my panting, as he strokes my cheek and stares down at me with a loving gaze. I let my legs relax and rub my hands up and down his back, savoring the feel of his weight and warmth against me. He places a final peck on my lips and slowly pulls out of me, making us both groan. He lays next to me, still touching me, and I let out a deep and satisfied breath. I turn to him and smile as I caress his cheek. We eventually make our way to the bathroom to clean up, and he never once stops touching me.

Once we’re clean, we get back in bed facing each other as our bodies intertwine. There isn’t a part of us not touching, and it’s exactly what I need to make this night even more enjoyable. Carter’s hand roam down my arm, thigh, and slowly makes his way back up to brush my hair off my shoulder. I’ve craved intimacy like this for a long time. It’s something I never once had with Easton, and my heart swells with contentment. Carter is the only man that can make me feel so loved, adored, and perfectly cared for. We talk about anything and everything. We laugh more than once, and I love how easy it is to be around him. Being able to be who I really am.

Carter leaves for a few seconds to grab us some water, and I stare at his tattoo on his back as he leaves the room. When he returns, he hands me the glass of water first letting me drink my fill, before he does the same. He gets back into bed resuming how he was before he got up, and I ask, “Will you tell me what your tattoo means?” I have a feeling it means more than just a random piece of artwork.

He sighs, rubbing my arm, as he says, “It was my reminder.” When I frown, he explains more. “It was a reflection of my pain for losing you, and what I did to myself. It was the only way I knew how to really show what my heart looked like after I pushed you away.”

I gaze into his eyes, and wish I could take away the pain he’s remembering. I caress his cheek telling him, “We’ll heal each other, Carter. What we have is all we need, and one day those wounds won’t hurt so much.”

He grins, kisses me sweetly, and starts running his fingertips up and down my arm. His brown eyes never leave mine, and we just enjoy each other. He begins to trace his finger down the side of my cheek, then to my chin. I can’t help but look away from his loving gaze as his finger moves down to the scar on my lip. I don’t want our moment to end, and I know if he asks how I got it, it’ll do just that. I won’t lie to him. I won’t avoid my past any longer because there’s no point. I used to fear him not wanting me after what I went through, but he’ll always want me. Even if I’m broken, he’ll slowly repair the damage. He’ll slowly put my shattered heart back together, and I know he’ll never let me go again.

I suck in a deep breath when he asks me the question I knew he would. “Why did you leave South Carolina, Shelby?”

I swallow and look back up to him as I say, “It wasn’t just one thing. It was a combination of regrets and betrayal.”

“How did you get the scar?” He asks as he runs his forefinger over it once more.

I want to tell him everything. I want to purge myself of all the hell I went through, and get rid of all the pain I felt during that time in my life. But a part of me knows once I tell him, I can never erase it. He’ll know everything there is to know, and I don’t want him to blame himself like he did before. I most definitely don’t want him to get angry and do something stupid. I sigh deeply and stare back at him, knowing he’s waiting for me to open up to him completely. His caress on my cheek gives me the strength I need to begin. “I changed when I moved to South Carolina in so many ways. At first, it wasn’t as noticeable. At least not to me, but I slowly began to see how vulnerable and lost I was without you.” Carter continues to caress me with his gentle touch, letting me know that I can open up fully and trust him. “When I first met Easton, he was nice to me, and we quickly became friends. He was kind and was always showing me how caring he could be, but I never knew someone could hide who they truly were so well until I married him.” I frown thinking about it now, and I wonder if I only agreed to marry him because of how lonely I was. How confused and hopeless I felt no matter what I did. I never felt the consuming love that flows through me now with Easton, and I realize I never loved him at all. How could I? I’ve always loved Carter and no amount of time apart will ever change that. 

“Easton must have sensed how broken I was. It’s the only thing I can think of as to why he latched onto me. Our first year of marriage wasn’t so bad, but he slowly began to manipulate me into doing things I’d never even think about doing. Things like changing my hair color, what to wear, how to act, and what to think basically. He would twist his words in such a way that I thought I had to change, and had to be perfect for him. I felt insignificant when he would tell me how to talk properly to his friends, and I tried so hard to be flawless for him. But he changed me, molded me into the woman he wanted to show off to his rich friends and family. I can’t tell you why I stayed after I realized what he was doing.” I pause and I look away from him, ashamed I was that type of woman. I should’ve known better, or should’ve left when I first saw the signs all but slapping me in the face. I know why I stayed though. It’s because I had nowhere else to go, nowhere that I belonged anymore, and Easton made damn sure to remind me of that on several occasions.

I stayed because I didn’t have any other choice. I stayed because after a while, I thought I deserved everything Easton did, or said to me.

“When my mother moved down the road from us, things started getting worse than it was. She adored Easton, and she saw how he treated me. She egged him on when he would try to control me most of the time. She constantly belittled me, always agreeing with Easton. I couldn’t do anything to please either one of them.” I stare at Carter’s chest listening to his heavy breaths as I continue on. I know he’s not liking anything I’m telling him. His light touching has stopped, but his hand is still on my arm. I can’t look up at him, and see the regret and guilt in his eyes like earlier. “I’d finally had enough about five years after we were married. I started to stand up for myself hoping Easton and my Mother would change, but it didn’t work. If anything it made them crueler than before.” My voice breaks and I clear my throat a few times before I can keep telling him all of it. “That’s when Easton would leave for weeks, sometimes months on end, just to deprive me of touch. He would make sure I was alone, and made all the friends I thought I had stay away from me. His family name held so much power over the town we lived in, and it made me feel like an outcast. It showed me who I could count on, and who was just there for the social status. All I had during those times was my job, and it was the only thing that kept me going most days. Sometimes Mom would stay with me, but it wasn’t to keep me company, and do what normal mothers do. I realized it became her job to continue with the mental abuse while Easton was gone. There’s only so many times someone can say you’re worthless and will never be loved by anyone, before you start to believe it. I started to believe everything they would tell me thinking I just had to stay and endure it. I slowly began to lose myself more than I’d ever had, and I didn’t know what to do to change it from continuing to happen time and time again.”

I feel Carter take my hand and I sigh, willing my tears away as he rubs the back of my hand with his thumb. He’s still trying to comfort me, and I’m grateful for his touch. It’s keeping me grounded and from not completely falling apart. “One day I came home early from work because I was sick. The flu was going around, and I knew Easton wasn’t home since he was gone on a business trip. When I saw his Lexus parked in the driveway, I instantly knew something was wrong. I should’ve listened to my instincts and the alarm bells going off in my head, but I didn’t. I ignored everything in me telling me not to go inside the house thinking I was overreacting, or was feeling so uneasy because I wasn’t feeling good.” I shut my eyes, knowing if I don’t I’ll lose control over my tears, and I don’t know if I’ll be able to finish. “I walked inside noticing the house was eerily quiet. I remember my heart racing for no apparent reason and when I walked into the kitchen, I saw two wine glasses sitting on the counter. An empty bottle of wine sat by the glasses, and I knew it wasn’t from me. My first thought was that Mom came over with a friend. But that thought was quickly washed away when I began to walk upstairs. I heard them before I even got to the door. I remember my hand shaking as I reached for the doorknob, knowing what I was about to see. I wasn’t stupid, but I never in my life realized how vindictive, and malicious Easton and Mom could be until that moment.” Carter’s hold on my hand tightens and I’m glad for it. He’s holding me here, in the present, not drifting back to the absolute horrid day. “I pushed the door open, and my mouth fell open as I saw Easton fucking Mom. I was disgusted, and I had to cover my mouth to hold back the bile from spilling. All I could hear was her cries of pleasure and when she looked at me then smiled, I dashed back downstairs. I emptied my stomach in the sink, realizing this had to have been going on for a long time. It made sense to me as to why she moved there and quickly attached herself to Easton.”

I open my eyes as Carter slowly raises my head with a finger under my chin. I gaze into his brown eyes trying to find the courage to let it all go. All the pain, suffering. The loneliness. Carter’s eyes hold me captive, and when he brushes his fingers against my face as lone tear escapes. “What else happened, Shel?”

I don’t want to tell him, but the feeling doesn’t last long. I’ve kept so many feelings and regrets bottled up for so long. I didn’t have anyone to unburden to when I left, and now that Carter is here, back in my life, I know I can tell him everything. He won’t judge me. He won’t make me feel weak for opening up, or for actually letting someone close to me. I can trust Carter. He uses his thumb to wipe away my tear when another one rolls down my cheek. “Easton came running after me. He tried to make excuses, to get me to listen, but I was done. I couldn’t take it anymore. I’d reached my limit of being fucked with, and I told him so. He was shocked and for a second, he looked hurt. I didn’t care though. I told him how much I hated him, how revolted I was that he’d been with my mother.” I suck in a breath and clench my jaw as I replay the memory of what happened after I told Easton I was leaving. “I turned to leave and that’s when he grabbed me. He’d done it before, pushed me a few times, but he’d never actually hit me. Not until that day at least. I tried to jerk my arm out of his grip, but he pulled down hard and when I yelled at him to let me go, he backhanded me. He hit me so hard, I fell and hit the counter before landing on the floor.”

“That motherfucker.” Carter’s voice makes me stop and when he sits up, he pulls me with him. I sit in front of him, worried he’s angry at me. “Don’t even think for a second I’m mad at you, Shel.” A rush of relief washes over me and I nod, letting him know I understand why he’s angry. “I had a feeling that bastard hurt you, but hearing it and learning everything he put you through, I want to kill him.” His jaw and fists clench, and I glance down at my hand in my lap knowing this isn’t the end of it. Yes, the worst is over, but there’s more to my past. “There’s something else, isn’t it there?”

I look up and nod. Carter’s eyes are full of pain and I know it’s for me. I wish I hadn’t put that look there, but he wanted to know. I wanted to open up and when this is over, we can finally move on. We can forget the past. “I went to stay with a friend after everything, but when I got there, Easton had called her and told her that I hurt myself. He told her that I wanted attention, and that I was trying to cover up for being the one caught cheating.” At the time, I was shocked and devastated. Now it seems comical. Easton turned the tables on me, and I knew it was his backup plan if anything ever happened between us. That’s why he changed me so much. Rumors quickly spread of why I’d dyed my hair and acted so differently. “Needless to say, after my so-called friend turned her back on me, I knew what I had to do. I stayed in hotel rooms for a few months, but that didn’t last very long. After I’d talked to a lawyer, and the divorce papers were drawn up, Easton started showing up every day to my room. He would threaten to take everything I had and leave me with nothing, if I went through with the divorce. The sad thing about it is, he went through with it. He got everything in the divorce, and I never felt so demoralized in my life. I give him credit though. He twisted everything to favor him and with his family’s reputation, I was left with not a dime to my name.” I shake my head, feeling so pathetic for letting myself go through everything I had. I was naive and stupid for allowing Easton’s name to be on everything I owned. He took it all without remorse, and no concern what so ever of how I would survive. “Of course Mom was right by his side and afterwards, she told me I got what I deserved. I didn’t know what to do and with limited funds, I tried to lean on a few so-called friends. One did let me stay for a couple of days before I realized she was keeping tabs on me for Easton. Throughout everything, he begged and pleaded for me to come back. He promised so many things,” I let out a snort knowing everything Easton ever said was a lie. I knew better than to trust him and believe for a second that he would change. “Anyway, that’s when I made up my mind to come home and try to start over.”