Carter (The Harlow Brothers Book 1) (5 page)

“Really?” I nervously pick at my jacket, hoping that today isn’t a day Carter randomly stops by.

“Of course they do. It’s always nice to see the boys and spend time with them.”

“Caden was here this past Sunday, helping me work on the old pick-up,” William chimes in. I nod, making sure I eat my food slowly, and more lady like. Annie and William continue to talk about the Harlow boys, and my heart clenches every single time Carter’s name is mentioned. Neither Annie nor William seem to notice how quiet I become, but I like hearing more about how things are going. We all finish eating, but none of us leave the table. Annie and William ask me how college was, if I liked South Carolina, and what my job was. I give them a brief summary of my time there, not wanting to go into detail about my life back then. I mainly talk about my job I had as an accountant. They both seem proud of me when I tell them I was the branch supervisor, and how I was going to get a promotion for the district manager if I hadn’t left. They don’t ask why I left, but I notice the look from them. They seem to communicate in a secret language that I’m not privy to. I don’t tell them anything about Easton, or how we were married for seven years. I don’t tell them anything about Mom moving to South Carolina, and ruining everything I had going for me. As the thought crosses my mind, I realize maybe Mom doing everything she did was my way of coming home. Maybe everything that happened, did for a reason, even if I don’t know what the reason is yet.

Annie stands as she starts to clear the table, and I quickly get up to help her. “Let me take care of this, and William will carry your bag upstairs for you.”

“Are you sure you don’t need any help?”

“I think I can handle a few dishes. Go on, I’m sure you would like to lay down from all the travelin’.”

“Thank you, Annie.” I give her a hug and a kiss on the cheek, hoping she knows how much I appreciate her gentle nature. William follows me into the living room, stopping me before I can pick up my bag. I know better than to protest, and follow him upstairs. I suddenly feel tired, and I know it’s because I’m exhausted from traveling, not to mention from having a home cooked meal. My room is still where it was the last time I was here years ago. Down the hall, first door on the right. William opens the door, and I can’t believe how nothing has changed except the bed has upgraded to a full instead of a twin.

William doesn’t say anything as I walk further into the room and touch my old porcelain dolls on the dresser. Annie let me pick out some of them for my birthday when I was fourteen. I turn around, seeing William standing by the door, watching me carefully. I wonder if he thinks I’m going to run away again or break down seeing my old room. It’s strange to think they kept it all this time. “Everything is exactly how I left it last. Except the bed of course.”

William nods, then says, “Annie and I always knew you’d come home when you were ready.”

I look away, not wanting my emotions to get the best of me. I sit down on the bed and let out a deep sigh. “Are you sure it’s alright if I stay here?” I glance up at him, quickly adding, “Just until I get back on my feet.”

William sits on the bed beside me, and lets out a heavy breath before saying, “This house has and will always be your home too. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been gone. You know you can stay here as long as you’d like, for however long you need.” He pats my leg, then gets up. William starts to walk out of my room, but then stops, and turns back to me. “I’m glad you’re back where you belong. We sure have missed you.”

“I’ve missed y’all too,” I mutter, then he’s gone, letting me have a moment to take in everything. It’s a welcoming feeling. A sense of belonging somewhere in the world again, and I’m proud of myself for making the decision to come back here. I could never regret being back, with the two most gracious people I know.

Thoughts of how amazing Annie and William are, begin to make me sob. I wish I never left. I wish I would’ve stayed, letting their love keep me safe. I slowly lay down, letting all the bad memories of the past shed with my tears.

The cold January air hits my face as I step out of my truck, but the sun shining makes my mood better. Shutting the door behind me, I hope today isn’t filled with dread like it normally is. It began months ago when Dad told me he was getting ready to retire. I knew exactly what that meant before he told me, and I’ve been avoiding making the very big decision about taking over our family law firm ever since. I flip my keys around my finger as I begin to walk to our building on Main Street, working through my conflicted thoughts. Dad called me a few nights ago, asking if I’d given the offer anymore consideration. Of course I have. It’s something that never leaves my mind, and I know I’m putting it off for no reason. I just don’t know if I want the responsibility of running the firm. My father runs a tight ship, and maybe it’s more a feeling than the thought of not being able to live up to his legacy. I’ll never be as good as him and even though I’ve been doing this for years, I just can’t shake the uneasy feeling I get when I think of the firm being solely mine. It’s the doubt, and the fear of change that makes me question my decision so much.

My stomach grumbles, and I’m reminded I didn’t get breakfast with my family this morning. It’s been a tradition since I was a kid to have an early breakfast with my Mom, Dad, and, my annoying at times, brothers. Mom called me first thing this morning when I was twenty minutes late, but I didn’t have the extra time today. It’s my own fault for staying up so late talking with Bethany. And it’s not the romantic, stay up all night fucking, or spilling your guts to someone kind of night. It was a night trying to talk her out of doing her usual nerdy thing, and wanting me to come over to get another tattoo.
Bethany and I are more like brother and sister. She annoys the hell out of me like a sister would, and I give her hell at the guys she dates when she does date. She’s smarter than any chick I know, and I’ve told her more than once she’d give Caleb a run for his money. I’d known her since Dad handled her parent’s divorce about five years ago. Bethany is ten years younger than me, but when I saw her sitting in the lobby, waiting for her parents to be finished with all the divorce papers, something compelled me to talk to her. She was eighteen then, still a kid in my eyes, but our sibling like relationship bloomed from then on. She apprentices at a local tattoo shop, and I have to keep reminding her I’m not her damn guinea pig. I did let her do a piece on my back, just to show the owner of the tattoo shop, Theo, she’s a brilliant artist. 

My thoughts of talking to Bethany last night slip away from my mind, as Mrs. Baker calls out to me. I raise my hand in a friendly wave, knowing she’ll be over around lunch to give us sandwiches from the Bistro she owns across the street. Mrs. Baker isn’t the only one about to open their business for the day. I wave at a few more people as they pass by. I love the south. Everyone’s just friendly, and it doesn’t matter if I barely know some of the new business owners.

Flipping my keys around my finger once more, I glance around Main Street where my father’s firm is located, before unlocking the door. It’s a fairly new spot for us. We moved a few years ago, hoping the new location would pull in more clients. The move worked out in our favor for sure. Most days we’re so busy that I’ve told Dad a few times he needs to hire another lawyer to pick up the slack. But I wouldn’t trade those busy days for anything. Those days keep my mind away from thoughts of taking over the firm, and thoughts of the past that still to this day haunt me. Just as I’m about to unlock the door to start another day, I stop in my tracks. My eyes land on a slender woman wearing a gray oversized jacket, walking on the other side of the street. Seeing her makes me do a double take, and I squint trying to make out her face. She’s looking down at her feet, which isn’t working in my favor, but I can’t help the overwhelming sense that I know her. Something about her seems familiar, but I can’t put my finger on as to why that is. I continue to stare at her like some creepy stalker, and one name that still stops me in my tracks, takes over my mind.

Shelby Ross.

I sigh, knowing I’ve done this countless of times. I think I see her in strangers or think that I can smell her sweet perfume. I thought I would go mad at how many times I swore Shelby was walking down this very street, or how many times I had to look twice at someone that reminded me of her. Memories try to wash over me, but I push them out of my mind. I can’t go down this road. Just being reminded of her memory is painful, and I reach up to rub my chest. Instead of looking away, like a man possessed, I watch the woman walk further down Main Street. I watch her as she takes in the town, almost as if she’s been here before. I can’t deny just seeing this mysterious woman makes me want to run across the street just to look at her face. It’s like a force is willing me to go to her. I shake my head, only for a moment, thinking maybe I have finally lost my mind. The only other time I felt this strong pull to someone was with Shelby. But, this can’t be her. The Shelby I knew would never come back to Columbus. I’d never get to see her again, or even hear her voice. After all this time that I’ve been away from her, it still hurts like hell knowing I’m the reason she’ll never come back into my life. Every single day, since I stupidly pushed her away and let her go, I’ve regretted it. There’s not one day that I don’t wake up, and she’s the first person I think of. She’s also the last person that crosses my mind before a restless sleep overtakes me.

Over the years, I’ve figured out there’s only one person that enters our lives and becomes permanently ingrained into our soul. It’s that one person that will forever be with us, even if they’re not physically here. Shelby was that person for me, and I’ll never meet anyone like her again. She’s etched into my heart, mind, and soul. I’ve tried to let her go, and accept she’s never coming back. It’s not like I’ve been sitting at home for thirteen years pining over the one that got away. I’ve dated a few women, but none ever lasted.

How could I ever try to really commit when my heart belongs to someone else?

The woman leaves my sight, and I finally pull my gaze away from the spot I last saw her. I drop my head sighing, feeling a deep sense of regret I haven’t felt in months. It hits me like a ton of bricks, and I swallow hard trying to push back the emotions threatening to take over. I don’t dare look over my shoulder. As I unlock the door to the firm, I tell myself I have to stop doing this. I can’t always stay hung up on my one.

I have to let her go, but I don’t know how. I realize that no matter how much time has passed, Shelby Ross will stay with me forever.

At five o’clock on the dot, I lock the doors to Harlow: Attorneys At Law. Glancing out the front window, I make sure no one is about to stop in for a late consultation. When I don’t see anyone, I shut the blinds, making my way to my small corner office. Dad has already left for the day, and I told Mary, our secretary, to head home about an hour ago. Wednesday’s are always the slowest day of the week, and I for one, am grateful for the reprieve. Being a family and divorce lawyer makes me wonder if there’s a thing such as a good marriage anymore. It seems every day we get more and more couples coming in and wanting a divorce. I shake my head thinking of the last client that came in today. He came in like a man on a mission, demanding we help him. Supposedly, his wife was cheating, and when I told him without documented proof, there was no way I could help him get everything he wanted in the divorce. Needless to say, the man left with another disappointment after our consultation. I turn and switch off the light in my office once I’ve put away all the files I’m working on, pushing that final client out of my mind. I have to remind myself multiple times a day that I can’t let other people’s horrible marriage affect me. I rub my hand on my neck, as I take a look around my office, making sure I haven’t forgotten anything for the day.

My father’s practice isn’t big, but it suits us perfectly. We rent the building from a local real estate company that gives us a great price, and with the tan walls and new hardwood floors, I can’t complain. I just don’t know if I want it all. Caden, Cason, Clark, and Caleb all went for what they really wanted to do with their lives. Me, I had to be just like my Dad. Maybe some part of me wanted to impress him, since I’m the first born, and the expectations were high. I shake my head at this train of thought. Dad wouldn’t care if I was a janitor at the high school. I know what he’d say, but being a lawyer is all I’ve ever known, and all I’ve ever wanted to be. I still have my doubts, and I often think maybe if I was happier with the way my life was going I wouldn’t feel this way. Maybe it’s just the responsibility that comes with taking over everything Dad built. I don’t want to fuck up and disappoint him.