Carter (The Harlow Brothers Book 1) (9 page)

He took me in his arms again when I started shaking and held me as I let the pain and anger out. He didn’t have to say anything because I knew he’d always be here for me. He was my best friend, and I knew he’d forgive me for yelling at him. As all the emotions poured out of me, I realized that if Carter were to ever leave me, I didn’t think I could survive it.

“Shelby?” Caden’s voice pulls me out of one of the many bad memories I have. I unclench my hand around my necklace, placing it back inside my shirt. I sigh, and glance back at him with tears in my eyes.

“Want to go somewhere with me?” I ask with a shaky voice.

“Yeah, sure. Where do you want to go?”

I look back out the window as I say, “I want to go see my Dad.”

The drive to the cemetery is quiet and shorter than I remembered. Caden drives as I sit in the passenger seat of his car, and the silence is welcome. I haven’t been to my father’s grave in a long time. I used to go before I left for South Carolina, but once I started a new life there, I couldn’t make myself return.

I stare out the window, trying to keep the tears away. I don’t want to have a breakdown in the car, or in front of Caden. It seems all I do lately is cry, or feel the darkness creeping in around my heart. I have a feeling Caden understands my pain. I turn to him with tears in my eyes as he squeezes my hand. He looks at me with his deep blue eyes, and I can tell he knows. The Harlow brothers and I were so close. They all shared my pain, and just having Caden here, means more to me than he knows. I couldn’t do this on my own. He slowly lets my hand go, and I face the window again. I try to focus on the cars around us, and the buildings we pass as we make it further out of the city, but it’s all a blur. I blink rapidly, failing at holding back the tears. I don’t wipe them away as they fall, choosing to let out all the pain out. Caden stops and parks the car, turning to me to ask, “Do you want me to go with you?”

I shake my head, staring at my hands in my lap. “Thank you, but this is something I need to do alone.” He doesn’t respond, and after a moment, I open the car door. I know if I need him, he’ll be right here for me. I take a deep breath as I exit the car, and make my way towards my father’s grave. It’s strange how nothing has seemed to have changed since the last time I was here. It’s a typical cemetery, although a depressing place to visit, the grounds keeper has kept the place nice and clean. I slowly walk down the familiar path that leads to his grave, and as I get closer, my chest starts to tighten. I almost want to run, to get away from the never-ending sadness I start to feel. But, this is something I have to do. This is something I
need
to do. I remember coming here and sitting by my Dad’s grave just to talk to him. Now it seems silly, but as a child and even as a teenager, it was comforting to have somewhere to go and talk about what was going on in my life, or just to get things off my chest.

Especially when Mom was her normal hateful self. This was the place I always would run to when I needed to escape. Even from Carter, sometimes.

Once I reach my destination, I sit on my legs in front of his headstone. I touch the words etched on the stone, wishing I had more time with him. I sigh deeply, feeling the sadness overwhelm me, and I don’t stop the tears from falling. It hurts to remember all the times Dad was sober. All the times I could rely on him, and would be the father every little girl needed. But as I got older, I noticed his drinking more and more. I noticed how he wasn’t my ‘Dad’ as much, choosing the bottle over spending time with me, or even helping me with my homework. I don’t know if he knew I saw the pain from my Mom’s actions. I knew my father loved her, and I’ll never understand why she didn’t love him the same. I have more bad memories than good, but I’ll always cherish the good times, and the times he was actually with me. Not passed out on the couch, or slumped over the toilet. It does seem bitter sweet how much he was himself before Mom left for a year. He was the perfect Dad then. He seemed happy and so carefree.

“I’m sorry we didn’t have more time together. I know now that you did what you thought was the only option left. I know you battled your addiction every single day, but I can’t regret anything. Even some of the bad. I’m not angry anymore for you leaving me behind. I’ve forgiven you for what you did to that family. It’s taken me a long time to accept that you couldn’t help it, and I hope wherever you are, you’re finally at peace.” Somehow, I feel lighter and even though the pain is there, I know it’ll be more bearable than before. Maybe it’s knowing I can come here at anytime again that makes me feel this way. Maybe it’s knowing even though Dad isn’t here anymore, at least I have a place to come to talk to him when I feel so lost in this big world. I touch his stone one last time as I get up, and make my way back to Caden’s car. With each step, my chest loosens and my tears dry up. I wipe my face with the palms of my hands, and I smooth my two toned hair back from my face.

I reach the car and see Caden leaning against the front waiting for me. He doesn’t say anything as he sees me. He walks to the passenger side, opens the door for me, and soon we’re heading back to Annie and William’s home. Caden rolls the windows down, and I lean my head back against the seat, letting the wind blow on my face. I close my eyes, holding my hand out the window, feeling free once again.

And I realize, coming home was the best thing for me.

I walk into the Waffle House and my mouth instantly waters. I nod and wave to all the Sunday regulars, as I make my way to our booth in the back of the restaurant. I slide in, not even bothering to look at the menu. I always get the same thing, and the only time Caden, Cason, and I have to tell the waitress our orders is if someone new has just been hired, or if they order something different. I enjoy coming here every Sunday with my younger brothers after our daily workouts. It’s become another tradition, just like us going to Mom and Dad’s every morning during the weekdays. Plus it’s nice to come to a place that has friendly service, and I can always count on seeing more than one person I know. Tables and booths fill the small area, and there seems to be more people here than last Sunday. The stools by the counter are all full, and the cooks behind the counter rush to fill orders. I’m surprised our booth is open, but I have a feeling our regular waitress had something to do with that. I see her wave at me, and I return the gesture.

I look out the bay windows, seeing the heavy traffic. Rubbing my hand on my jaw, I realize I forgot to shave. I’ve had a lot on my mind, and Dad has been asking almost every day about my decision on taking over the firm. I know he’s ready to retire, and a part of me wants to say yes, more out of obligation than anything. I don’t know if it would be a good idea for me to say no because that would mean Dad would sell the firm. I sigh, hating how I can’t seem to make up my mind, and I feel as though I’ve taken a step backward with it. I drop my hand from my chin and look to the door when I see Caden and Cason walk in. They spot me instantly, and I laugh when they race to the booth. Cason hates to sit on the inside, and I know Caden always tries to beat him to it, just to piss him off. I shake my head as they reach the booth. They are arguing and pushing each other. I can’t be anywhere without them bickering like children.

“Will you two stop,” I scold, trying to diffuse the situation before it escalates. It’s happened more than once. One would think since they’re twins they wouldn’t fight so much, but they do. They might be identical, but they are two different people completely. Caden mumbles as he slides into the booth, and Cason has a satisfied smirk on his face. “Can you two please chill out for at least an hour?”

Caden rolls his eyes as Cason says, “It’s not my fault Ms. Prissy over here,” he elbows Caden on the arm. “Gets upset every time he doesn’t get his way.”

“Cason, I swear. If you don’t shut the fuck up, I’m going to beat your ass at the gym tomorrow.”

I shake my head, knowing I’ve heard this conversation a million times. “You wish you could beat my ass. Not my fault you can’t handle my moves.” Caden clenches his jaw, and I can’t help but laugh at them both.

My laugh turns into a groan when my phone chimes. Caden smiles as Cason shakes his head. It’s sad really that we all know who it is. “That poor girl just can’t take a hint, can she?” Caden asks.

I pull out my phone as I say, “It’s my fault more than anything. I should’ve made it clear when I lost that stupid bet that nothing was going to happen.” I don’t open the message, deciding to deal with Summer later. It’s been six months since Bethany’s stupid bet, and I tried to like Summer, I really did. I just couldn’t connect with her, and now she’s like a leech. She refuses to accept that I have zero feelings for her and that just blows my mind. I’ve never given her any reason to think there was going to be anything between us.

“You know, if she doesn’t chill out with the million texts a day, you might have to get a restraining order,” Caden says, and I’m actually considering it. At first, she wasn’t bad, but lately it’s becoming hard to ignore the constant texts, or the random visits at my office. Dad has also noticed, and he’s warned me more than once I need to put a stop to it.

“I’ll try to talk to her first before I do that. Surely this time she’ll take a hint.”

“I don’t know about that. Haven’t you already told her over and over you’re not into her?” Cason chimes in.

“I think it’s funny.” I stare at Caden, wondering what the hell he means. This shit isn’t funny. It’s downright creepy and border-line psychotic behavior.

“Of course you’d think my creepy stalker is hilarious.” Cason chuckles and I huff as I lean back in my seat.

“Who knows, maybe this Summer chick already has a secret fan club dedicated to you, Carter.”

“Alright Caden, you’ve had your fun.” Cason and Caden laugh loudly, and I can’t stop the grin from forming. In a way, I guess it is funny. It seems I always attract the strange ones, but a stalker is a first for me. I’ve dated a few women here and there, but nothing has been serious. It’s more for me to not feel alone, than me wanting to settle down.

We quiet down once our waitress, Kelly, comes to take our orders. I don’t have to tell her mine since I always get the same thing, but she nods her head and writes down Caden and Cason’s order. She’s quick with bringing back our drinks, and I inwardly cringe when my phone goes off five times in a row. Caden smiles as Cason looks as though he wants to punch someone. This time I do open the messages, and I’m not surprised when I see they’re all from Summer.

Why won’t you answer me?

Okay you’re pissing me off.

Stop ignoring me.

Carter please we need to talk.

I guess you’re busy.

I take a deep breath before replying. I can feel the irritation rising, and it’s becoming really hard not to be a dick to her when she does things like this.

I’m having brunch with bros. We’ll talk later.

I don’t even set my phone all the way down before she messages me right back. Caden bursts out laughing, making the other customers stare, and Cason cracks his knuckles looking bored or angry. I’m not sure which one it is since Cason is hard to read.

Where are you?

I know better than to tell her where I am and instead of saying anything back, I turn off my phone and lay it on the table. “She doesn’t know when to quit, does she?” Cason asks.

“Apparently not. I’ll talk with her later. I can’t keep letting her blow up my phone and repeatedly show up at the office.”

“And how do you plan on breaking her love connection?” Caden pipes in.

I roll my eyes, wishing I could smack that shit eating grin off his face. “I’ll think of something.”

“Sure you will.”

“You can stop at any time with being a dick bag,” I snap. He holds up his hands in surrender, and I try to reign in my temper with him. He just has a way of getting to me the most out of all my brothers. Thankfully Kelly brings our food before Caden and I have words. She places our plates in front of us, and Cason and I politely thank her.