Chasing After Infinity (10 page)

When I get too exhausted and I feel like ready to keel over, I tap Kara and shout in her ear, “Let’s go somewhere quieter!”

“What?” She screams back, her face red with the sweaty dancing and exertion.

I motion with my hands, guiding her to the corner of the basement where we’re farther away from the splitting music. Kara grabs a beer from the nearby cooler, wiping away her hair, her eyes shining. “Holy shit, adrenaline rush!” she says, her voice a bit raspy.

My throat dry, I take a huge swig of the beer. It leaves me feeling fizzy and warm. “It’s been a while.”

She nods. “Good old days. But I was always on the sidelines though.” She gives me a wink. “You were always the one that the guys chased after and ended up half-naked with them an hour later. How many times did I have to hold back your hair for you while you puked your guts out, huh?”

This was a topic that I’m uncomfortable with. My past is the past. I don’t want to be reminded of it again. And again, the image of him kissing me furiously on top of my body slides into my mind but frantically, I push it away. “Let’s drink!” I force a smile, opening the tab of another can.

“To hell with it all,” Kara agrees, tipping her head to drink the entire swallow.

We’re just drinking in silence as the party blurred when I notice that she has two more empty bottles than me and is drinking tons more.
She’s on her fifth or sixth round when I grab her hand. “Hey, the night’s young,” I try to ease her.

Then I notice the almost imperceptible miserable look on her face as she lifts her eyes to mine.

I grab her shoulders and she slumps over. “Kara! What’s wrong?” I seize the can from her fingers before she can swig it down again.

She shakes her head. Her voice is so hoarse and she tries to stifle her hiccups. “Graham.” She buries her face into my shirt.

I wrinkle my eyebrows together. “What about Graham Michaels? Did he hurt you? I swear, if he laid one finger on you, I’d beat the hell out of him--” Graham is a metal head at our school, the times I’ve seen him in the halls is when he looks like he’s about to drop asleep with his half-lidded stoner eyes and messy sheaf of red hair.

“No,” she chokes out. “Ave, Graham and I hooked up at the last party at Shelton’s. We’ve been secretly dating since April.”

My eyes widen in shock. “No kidding?”

She doesn’t make a sound, only nods. “Only last night, he told me over the phone that it was over. He’s dumping me for a chick he’s been screwing behind my back this entire time.”

On her face is a look of pain, the kind that I’m all too familiar with.

I extend her arms from me to look at her face, clenching my teeth and looking over the scene.
“That bastard.
Where is he? I’m going to kill him.”

“No, don’t!” She pulls me back. “It’d probably only make things worse.”

“Okay, fine,” I say sullenly, glaring at a boy who looks blurrily like Graham dancing with a couple of girls over her shoulder. “But at least let me give him a piece of my mind when I see him in class.”

We sit without talking until Kara jumps up, grabbing another wine bottle. “Fuck this. I refuse to go into a dopey depression.”

She dances drunkenly around the room and drags me along with her, both of us screeching out the lyrics “Life goes by so fast, you only want to do what you think is right, close your eyes and then
it’s
past” as we tumble around.

“I’m starting to wonder if there’s any good guys left on this planet,” I say introspectively, kind of drunken as we sway clumsily.

“I don’t think they even exist.” Kara slows down for a bit.

While I dance, out of the corner of my eye, I notice a familiar figure sprawled on the couch in the darkest corner surrounded by a gaggle of girls as they do shots. Adrian swings back the shot and smiling playfully, licks the lime slice that the brunette is holding in front of him as she giggles. He presses her hand to his lips, sucking away the salt, making her squeal.

I snort. “Yeah, look at Huntington. He’s the confirmation to that theory.” I jerk my thumb to them.

Kara hiccups. “Guys like him…are no good.”

“They humour you for a while and then get rid of you for a hotter version of yourself.”

“But you know what I think?” She stops her drink mid-sip. “You two should just release all of your inner hormones and hook up.”

I shoot her a dirty look. “No way in hell.” I shake my head distastefully. “I don’t want to give him the pleasure in being yet another one of his conquests.”

Kara has this evil yet sort of distant look on her face. “Well, if you want it that way, you know that they say. The best medicine is to use their own power and have it backfire on them. He’s the king of heartbreak, right?”

I realize what she’s saying, hesitating.

A vehement smile comes over her lips. “We’d ruin him. Just like he’d ruined all of the past girls he’d been with.”

“No feelings and no commitment,” I say slowly, smiling.

Kara laughs and she lifts her can. “I’ll drink to that!”

I swing back the can, clink it with hers and down it, wiping my mouth with one hand.

After a few more drinks, she tells me that she has to go to the bathroom and I hang around, awkwardly, waiting for her to come back. I swig more beer, looking around the room. I see a few faces that I’ve seen around before, old friends that I used to hang out with and other acquaintances. I see a bunch of skaters smoking in the corner, Tom Landers and Mark Perry among them, jostling. A group of girls are passing around a bong and on the other side, another is playing strip poker. On the other side, a giggling group of seniors had laid claim to a booth, surrounded by another collection of boys.

I’m walking around to the keg to refill my can when Anna Jacques steps in front of me, deliberately blocking my path. I stare at my former middle school friend with all of her perfectly coiffed blond ringlets and irritated thunderstorm gray eyes. We have barely said a word to each day ever since the day I broke away from her, resulting in two years of high
school feuding. She has her right hand placed firmly on her hip, cocking her head to the side as she glares at me.

“Melissa told me,” she spits out, her cheeks flushing. “She heard it from another one of the guys on the soccer field that you tried to hook up with
my
boyfriend last Monday.”

I stare at her, uncomprehending. She’s not making any sense. I haven’t even talked to Sam Rodgers before. “What the hell are you talking about?” I shove past her but she digs her nails deep into my shoulder, wrenching me back.

“They told me that you forced yourself on him, that you tried to stick your tongue down his throat and tried to take off his pants but he pushed you away. You’d do
anything
because you’re that desperate, huh?”

“You can’t be serious.” I almost want to laugh. This makes her madder.

“Shut up,” she snarls, pointing a finger at me. “I can’t believe I ever thought you were my friend.” Her lips press together. “You’ve probably tried to get into other guys’ pants as well before. Maybe Brent was right about you being such a tramp.”

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Anger courses through my veins and I try to rein in my temper. I want to slap her. “If you want to believe what he says, go ahead.” I push past her but she shoves me roughly against the wall. “And just to let you know, I don’t give a damn.”

“Yeah, right.
Stay the hell away from him,” she spits at me.
“Whore!”

“Did it hurt?”

His lazy voice is near.

We both turn to see Adrian standing behind us, looking at Anna expectantly, a cigarette chomped between his teeth. Beside him is the same blond bimbo that’s been making out with him on the couch. Surprised, Anna lets go of my shirt. “What?”

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
One side of his lips quirks up.
“When you fell out of heaven?”

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Anna looks taken aback. “Uh--”

Adrian’s easy smile transfixes her, his green eyes cheery.
“Because they sure have messed up your face.”

Her mouth almost drops open and I have to bite my tongue to keep myself from laughing aloud. She looks sour as she shoots me a vile look and goes by me, purposely knocking her shoulder into mine as she passes.

We watch her storm away. “Poor Anna,” I say. “You’ve probably scarred her self-esteem.”

Adrian shrugs. “She’ll get over it.”

I turn to walk past him but he whips around, catching my elbow fast. “Hey, where are you going?”

“Nowhere,” I reply crisply, tugging my arm away.

Shifting emotions roll in me as I pass him by, trying to debate whether Adrian had a major personality change this night. He's an impetuous
asshat
, but could there be some semblance of a heart beneath that melting smile and gigantic ego? Defending people was not one of his best traits.

I push him out my of my mind and join the throng of dancers, succumbing to the deafening music and the bass thrumming under my heart. Soon, I lose myself in the whirlpool.

 
Ψ
Ψ
Ψ
 

I’m drunk with music streaming through my blood and rhythm pounding in my mind. I’m joined by another guy, a punk with a piercing in his eyebrow and blond hair spiked up. He tells me that his name is Jason and we dance together among the throng, him behind me as we move sinuously. He presses himself against me and I let him, enjoying the feel of the inebriated. It’s so easy to slip back into old ways. He’s kissing my neck and all of it, the blurriness and the room spinning around me is just delicious.

Then someone crashes into me hard and I nearly topple over. His vodka cocktail sloshes onto my shirt, soaking it. Jason takes a step back. “Watch it!” I cry, looking up to see Hayden leaning over me. “Oh, it’s you. Where have you been all this time? I’ve called you so many--”

“Ave,” he says, a bit of a slur in his voice. His eyes are glassy blue and his shirt is
untucked
and a few buttons are undone.

“Oh God, are you already drunk off your ass?” My eyebrows come together.

He laughs. “Of
courshh
,” he replies, licking a citrus slice hanging off his tumbler.

“Hayden!”

A girly shriek comes out from the back and a petite brunette squirms her way through the crowd. I barely recognize her as Trish Laverne beneath all that heavy make-up. She’s wearing a short leather miniskirt and a corset, immediately finding and wrapping herself around him. He staggers back, half-smiling drunkenly, squinting at her. “Trish?” he says but it sounds like
Tryshh
.

“Have you missed me?” She says, kissing him on the cheek. “Hey, let’s dance!”

He gets dragged into the vortex of bodies and I watch him disappear.

“Who was that?” Jason’s husky voice sounds beside my ear. His hands are held around my waist.

“Friend,” I say, leaning my head against him. He lowers his lips over my ears.

“Hey, it’s getting crowded in here. You
wanna
go upstairs?” His breath tickles my ear.

Intoxicated, I let him drag me through the horde of people and the piercing music makes my head revolve. We pass a haze of faces but I can’t see them straight. Jason moves with me up the winding stairs, to a hall where it’s secluded.
Heartbeat picking up speed, I squint as he pushes open
a bedroom door. My mind struggles to think through the haze.

“
Wha
-what’ happening?” I slur.

He pushes me to down the bed and dimly, I feel his body press over mine. I stifle a cry as he compresses his lips over mine, pushing me down with the weight of his body. His tongue probes my mouth, tasting of chemicals. It’s always been like this. With all the alcohol in my blood, I just let them do what they want. All I can feel is the ecstasy and the heat of beer drowning my senses.

Love is unneeded. I don’t want it.

Or so I tell myself.

As he begins to kiss me harder and his hand slips under my unbuttoned shirt, I start to feel cold. Like my body is made of stone. And
suddenly, it’s like something has been triggered inside of me, sending up waves upon waves of memories.

It’s no longer Jason there kissing me but someone else. Someone with brown hair and glinting dark eyes and I’m no longer in the bedroom but in a hotel room where the smell of rose perfume is overwhelming. I stiffen, fighting back bile. Brent. Two years ago. He’d wrestled me to the bed and…