Chasing After Infinity (11 page)

I close my eyes. Jason tugs my shirt off and starts kissing my bare shoulder blades. He kisses a trail from my ear to the nape of my neck, his other hand pushing aside my shirt. His tongue forces into my mouth, hot and suffocating. Suddenly, I can’t do this anymore.

I writhe around hysterically but can’t seem to budge free. Jason pins me to the bed beneath him, trying to tug my jeans down, him reeking of alcohol. I scream but his mouth covers mine, muffling the sound.

Then I hear approaching footsteps and the clink of the door opening. My eyes widen when I see Adrian standing there with a nonchalant expression.

I stop struggling and just stare at him. Jason stills and looks up at the shadow looming over him.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
“This bedroom is off-limits,” Adrian says, raising a brow.

“But
Shhelsea
s—” Jason protests.

“Leave,” he replies in a disinterested voice. He flicks his eyes to the door.

Grumbling and reluctantly, he gets off me, trying to zip his jacket and with one look at Adrian’s expression, leaves the room.

I sit up dumbly on the bed, shivering and shaken. I try to cover myself up with my shirt but he has probably already seen my bra. I haven’t even realized I am crying when I touch my face and take my hand away to see tears there.

“
Avena
—”

Without another word, I shove past him out the doorway and he makes no move to stop me.

I find Hayden first quickly, unlatching himself from another brunette when he sees me like this. “Please get me home,” I say.

“What
happen’d
?” He demands, swaying slightly. He glances over my shoulder to see Adrian standing there. I follow his eyes and his blue eyes instantly darken.
“That
sonofabitch
.”
He lurches for him drunkenly but I hold him.

 
I shake my head. “No. Just get me home,” I repeat tiredly. “Please.”

He takes one look at me and gets Kara. Kara is the only one who’s sober enough to drive; the alcohol she’d consumed had already dissolved. The ride home is so silent that the tension is giving me a headache. They exchange concerned glances in the rear-view mirror and I’m glad that they’re not prying for information out of me.

When I finally am home, I instantly crash.

chapter
nine

AVENA

Once upon a time, an older boy lured a clueless girl out of her comfort zone. He had her eyes on her for a long time. She was so engrossed in his charming ways and rugged good looks that she let everything crash around her but the bubble they created around them. He would pull her out of classes and kiss her in the darkness of janitor’s rooms. She thought that this was love.

On their last date, he led her to a fancy restaurant and she was mesmerized by the shiny dinnerware and white tablecloths and the bottles of expensive French wine. She had gotten so drunk that she’d nearly fallen over on the way to the car. He checked them into a hotel, knowing that her parents were on vacation in Cuba and wouldn’t be back till the next day. Having no idea what she was going into, she giggled about their escape together. As soon as the door closed behind them, he started to undress her. She, dimly aware of what was going on, tried to resist him but he was just too heavy and the alcohol was dragging her down.

She had never felt so hopeless in her life.

The rumours were all over school the next day. Ugly names like “slut” and “whore” were shot down at her, hissed in her ear. She couldn’t do anything about it. Everyone believed his word against hers.

I thought those months were the hardest months of my life. Even after Brent moved away to Philadelphia, he still haunted me.

The whispers, snickers, and malicious glares swirling around me broke me down.

I didn’t know who I was anymore. So I gave up. I started to go to wild raves, get smashed, and hook up with random guys. Then I began dating a senior on the varsity team and we’d watch old mystery shows in his basement while fooling around on the couch. Four months of this continued until he dumped me for another girl in the cheer squad. A whole other line of guys I also hooked up with emerged. Memories of them were limited. All I can remember are lips hot against mine, hands everywhere, unbuttoned shirts scattered on the floor.

I grew into something I didn’t recognize, all primal urges and no commitment. I didn’t care about anything, only wanting to feel.

The girl who everybody calls the whale?

She’s starving herself.

The girl who everyone hates because she doesn’t fit in anywhere? She cries at night everyone because of the loneliness. The boy who the other guys push around? He is beaten at home by his stepfather. That guy you just made fun of for crying? His mother is dying.

You never know what
its
like until you walk a

mile
in their shoes.

Ψ
Ψ
Ψ
 

I wake, my eyes slowly opening and squinting under the bright white sunshine flowing through the window. My mouth tastes like bile and there’s an insistent pounding in my head like construction work hammering my brain. I grope restlessly for the glass of water resting on my nearby nightstand and accidentally knock it over. Muttering, I let my eyes close again. The mere thought of moving a muscle makes me grimace. I’ve never felt this hangover before.

But then I have to sit up from the couch and all my bones are aching.
It’s
seven A.M. and a Monday. Moaning, I lift the ratty old blanket over my head and find comfort in the gray darkness. Scattered bits and fragments of last night come to me in jagged parts. I remember that guy Jason’s easy grin, the cold tone of Adrian’s voice and Hayden’s fierce protectiveness. The parts I don’t want to think of flood back, the taste of Jason’s hungry mouth and his hands all over my body. I curl into myself, trying to block it out.

Then I realize that I’ve now completely lost myself in the game I’ve created.

Letting out a breath, I roll over, muffling my face into a plush pillow. I want to just sleep and sleep everything away.

Adrian.

I don’t want to think about him.

I groan and sit up on the bed, rubbing my sore eyes. I can’t skip any more school; I’d have to endure another day. I pull my arm into one sleeve and shimmy into jeans, wobbling out of bed. I pull the curtains apart and a shaft of sunlight pours through the window, temporarily blinding me for a second.

Agape, I stand and watch the sun and blue sky for a moment, revelling in the feel of warmth encasing me. Then coldness sets my skin clammy again.

I head downstairs and don’t have the stomach to eat breakfast with the acid churning in my stomach so I just go out the door. My heart thudding in my chest, I realize that my car has disappeared from its place on the driveway.
My dad.
He had warned me that I had crossed too many curfews and this was the last time he was going to let me drive to parties. He had kept his word.

Seeing no other choice, I catch the bus to the school and
race to class.
Calculus
.
The class that I dread the most, the class that I’m failing.
Mrs.
Henridge
shakes her head in disapproval as I’m, once again, late to her class and I retire to my seat in the secluded far back. The seats next to me are empty.

Since last week, Adrian has moved on to Stacey Abrahams, a flashy brunette always dressed in a low-cut shirt. She keeps on whispering in his ear and writing things on his paper and I can barely help but roll my eyes as Adrian’s arm is relaxed down her shoulder, fiddling with her curls. I guess Abrahams doesn’t mind his STDs.

As I glance at him, he turns his face and meets my gaze. His eyes are a dark green today, reminding me of the pine trees outside the school. I look away, blinking and feel his gaze shift away from me. I move away in my seat, stiff. I’m strangely on edge and it isn’t until class ends that the tension leaves my body.

I’m met up by Kara as I move through the halls and she looks concerned.
“Hey, you alright?”
She walks alongside me, snapping her fingers in my face.

“Just tired from last night,” I reply wearily.

She cuts right to the chase. “I saw that look on your face as we were leaving. What had happened between you and Huntington?”

I rake over my hair with a hand, sighing. “Nothing, okay? I had a bit too much beer. I was drunk, I can barely remember anything.”

Kara frowns. “Well, something must have happened because you were crying.” A hard look comes into her eyes. “Did he hurt you or try anything on you?”

I shake my head so fast that my jaw hurts. “No. Just stop.”

She stops, making me stop as well. “Look, if anything did happen--”

“Leave it, okay?” I suddenly shout, wheeling around so that I’m facing her. The words come bubbling forth like lava. “I’m fine, alright? I can handle stuff on my own. You have your ex-boyfriend to handle so lay off me.”

I shrug myself from her hold. “Just…leave me alone.” The words are soft.

Hurt fills Kara’s face and grudgingly, she turns and walks away, turning once to just say, “You know, I never thought that you were one to escape from your issues but now…” She shakes her head sharply once and turns from me.

I watch her go, my insides twisting with guilt. I walk rigidly to my next class, feeling the icicles in my glass heart form icy frost.

 
Ψ
Ψ
Ψ
 

ADRIAN

I’m not good with these types of girls
, I had thought as
Avena
lay there in the middle of the bed, crying silently, trying to cover herself up.
I always ended up ruining them.
Something about her, vulnerable and pale against the dark
bedsheets
sends a jolt through my heart. I’ve
always been used to her being tough and biting that the image shook me up. Something, deep inside me, wants to go to her but my own nature holds me back. I can only stand there, unable to say anything.