Cheap & Classy (Hide Your Crazy) (13 page)

Snorting at Danielle’s comment, I impatiently wait
ed for the crew to open our small private plane. That man had a lot of nerve trying to buy me off with a credit card. Who was he turning into now, fucking Jefferson?

Chapter 24

“It’s raining men, or plastic, or condoms, maybe even some lube.”

I stewed the entire plane ride to St. Lewis. Grumbling at the fact either Reid was being a chauvinistic pig, really believing that the man made the money and kept everything good, or he simply wasn’t thinking it was that big of a deal sharing his finances with me. Either way, I knew I had overreacted in a big way. Once again, my mouth just started dumping verbal diarrhea before my head could realize what words were even forming.

“I fucked up
, huh?” I asked Danielle, who sat next to me nursing her fifth cup of coffee.

“Well, let’s just say you didn’t
bake him a cake or anything. I’m sure you’ve done worse than throwing a little tantrum out in public and flipping the man off.” Sliding her sunglasses up on the top of her head, Danielle looked directly at me with her blood shot eyes and scoffed. “There was this one time, I caught my ex cheating with some bar skank who danced in tiny ass little nasty shorts and tape over her nipples in the bed we shared. Now, I went postal, flipped the fucking crazy shit, and started trashing the apartment with his prized
Babe Ruth
baseball bat that cost him a small fortune to buy from some collector. Now, that, Molly, was excessive. I’m guessing Reid will get over the little stunt you just pulled by the time you call him.”

“Next time
, will you just throat punch me when I start off on a tangent like that? Seriously, punch me in the throat and remind me to stop being a stupid hussy.” Danielle agreed, and slipped her sunglasses back over her eyes, slouching further down into her seat.

“One of these days I’m going to learn,” I remind
ed myself.

“Yeah, just like you claimed you were going to start wearing panties when you tore your pants and let the world see your crack?”

“Yeah, not like that, you angry bitch.”

Danielle and I both get a chuckle out of our madness. There was no way either of us
was ever going to change. I had always been impulsive, crazy, and short tempered. Sure, we may alter our mindsets to propel us further in life, but in the end we would still go ape shit at the drop of a hat. Was it logical to live my life that way? Probably not, but I did have a man that loved me and normally put up with my random outbursts of anger and stupidity.

“Remind me to never drink again,” Danielle complained, rubbing her fingertips forcefully into her head.

“Maybe you should just learn your limit when you drink.”

“I know that limit, but after drinking past my ‘fuck it limit
,’ one no longer cares.” I reached over and patted the top of Danielle thigh in slight compassion.

“Consider this payback for making me use those damn petal things over my nipples. You could have at least warned me to take out my hoops before slapping them on. I swear
, duct tape would have been gentler.” Soft feminine petal flowers my ass, more like skin shredding adhesive monsters that eat people’s nipples for a fun time. I swear I’m going to have bruises for weeks after getting those bad boys off. Stupid little flowers of sunshine.

As many times as I sat there and contemplated my upbringing, nothing ever changed. Why I continued to beat myself over the head with the boring details, the cruel facts, and horrible memories was something that I just could not understand. I wanted to just move on, get past all the shit, and be a stronger person. But somehow, my heart and mind always drug me back into my own personal hell. Not to mention the mental torture I put myself through each time I decided to take a trip back down memory lane. I had become a whiny little bitch. One full of talk and promises, yet never actually doing anything about it.

I freaked the fuck out over a plastic credit card. Most girls would be excited to have that kind of resource. A little black card was an ultimate status symbol, opening doors anywhere alone the road.
Even my parents never acquired that little diddy. However, it wasn’t from the lack of my father trying. He worked hard to afford the life my parents lived. The fancy mansion, beautiful cars, wardrobes larger than some people had in their entire lifetime, and we still couldn’t make our family unit work. So did I panic when Reid handed me that card due to my misfortunes with my parental units? My father’s quick fix for life was throw money at it, and my mother used the tool as bribery to try and get me to conform. Money wasn’t everything, yet at the same time you had to have it in order to survive.

I mad
e a very fare wage being on the tour. It paid the bills several times over, and I did have some to put away in my ‘little black rain cloud’ fund. Anything I really wanted or needed was already provided for with my paychecks, so why in the world did Reid think I needed his fortunes? I sat there on the bus for the last hour racking my brain as to the underlying meaning behind the gift of the card. He knew I was capable of paying my own bills, yet he still handed over that card. I wanted to believe that he did it for another reason, one of wanting to take care of me. I seriously hoped he didn’t think that little of me in the sense I needed the funds, but once again everything seemed so unclear for the time being.

“Molly?” Megan called as she wandered up the bus steps.

“Yeah?” Sitting Simon back down in his case, I closed the lid and flipped the locks. Normally a little session with my old best friend could clear my mind. These days I felt like the cloud had never lifted, leaving me desperate for a little bit of sunshine.

“Sorry to interrupt you, but I thought we should go over the next couple shows. The guys are adding some pyrotechnics to their encore and we have a meeting with the fire marshal in a half hour.

“Lay it on me.” Sinking back into the couch, I really tried to focus on the words coming out of my assistant’s mouth.

“Well, during the song Street Walker there will be a set of these sparker things going off behind them. Almost like a wall of twinkling lights I’ve been told.”

“Like Christmas lights? Why are we paying for this effect if it’s just like a bunch of plug in lights? I’m totally confused,” I stated, giving Megan a puzzled look. I swore the guys were getting more extravagant with their requests as the tour raged on. Sure, they were still pretty hot on the charts, but good lord, we didn’t need to spend thousands every night for a little flash and bang on stage. “Who authorized this little upgrade?”

“Allen,” Megan said with a sigh.  That man was starting to drive me batty. He was game for anything the guys asked of him, and apparently didn’t have the word no in his vocabulary.

“Has anyone talked with Stephanie, or did we just skip the step of upper level management giving their okay?”

“I thoug
ht maybe you would call her.” Megan cautiously held out the work phone with a tightened smile.

“L
et’s hope she shuts this stupid request down. Otherwise, I need you to go get some marshmallows, graham crackers, and chocolate from the store. If the set is going to go down in flames, we might as well get a little enjoyment out of the bitch.

Apparently, all level headedness went out the damn window during the last two weeks of the tour. For some unknown reason, I sat there talking with the local fire marshal, going over proper procedures for that night’s little fire demo and the new evacuation plan. I swear to god if something caught on fire, I would be roasting more than just the damn marshmallows; PD would no longer be standing.

“So there were
no other safety measures that needed to be in place before tonight’s show?” I asked the older gentleman, who had said maybe two whole sentences in the last half hour. Talk about a man of few words, this guy was about as exciting as the large extinguishers now placed on either side of the stage.

“Please sign here,” the marshal instructed, handing a clipboard over for me to autograph.

“All right then,” I muttered while scrawling my signature across the bottom of the page. “Hopefully I’m not signing away my life here.” Lightly laughing, I handed it back to an obviously not amused fire marshal. With a gruff nod, the man turned around and headed for the back exit. “Well, I guess it’s the end of that,” I mumbled.

My cellphone chimed as I glanced down at the text.

*Reid*
Thinking of you. Are you still mad?

Scowling at the screen, I couldn’t decide if I still was. Sure, I had reasoned in my head the different sides to the meaning of the card, but still couldn’t decide which one to believe. Why was something so small and insignificant
such a heavy weight on my mind? Quickly, I tapped out the word ‘no’ and hit send. I might not exactly be mad, but sure as hell wasn’t ready to discuss it with him.

“So do we have fire for tonight?” Eric asked with enthusiasm.

“Yep, so please don’t blow the damn place up.” Rolling my eyes at the horrible happy dance Eric was bestowing on myself and the crew, I shook my head. Who would have known that all it took was a little danger and fire to make the men listen and obey? Certainly l would have given them the sparkle at the beginning of the tour had I known I would have gotten this response. “Seriously, do not touch the stuff backstage. I will kill all of you if you even look at it wrong.”

“You seriously are a fun sucker.”

Tossing Eric a nasty look, I headed off to find Allen and Megan. Someone had to be responsible and watch the equipment so no idiots touched them. The last thing I needed was for someone to lose an arm, leg, eyeball, penis, or whatever body appendage that could get seared off in an accident.

“Hey boys, you guys take the stage in fifteen,” I called out while walking into PD’s dressing room.

“So I was thinking,” Chance stated, giving me a smile that screamed he was up to no good.

“Should I congratulate you on the thinking part, or coming up with a plan I know is going to receive an automatic no?” Taking the seat next to him on the leather couches, I reached over to the end table and snatched a bottle of water.

“Well, you know those cannons that shoot the sparkly shit?”

“Alright, let me just shut you down right here. First, you guys just got pyro added to your set. Second, sparkly shit is called glitter, and third, there is no way you will all look badass and tough with two fucking glitter cannons shooting off at the end of the concert.”

“Two? I thought just one, but damn
, Molly; I like your’ thinking.” Chance laughed, smacking the top of my leg.

“We don’t want glitter
, Molly; we want condoms,” Eric added, wiggling his eyebrows up and down suggestively.

“Alright, I’m confused. You want more condoms in glitter wrappers?”

“No, dumbass, we want to shoot condoms out of the cannons. I had originally only envisioned one cannon, but then you mentioned we could do two, you know on either side of the stage. How bad ass would it be blowing the cannons at the end of the night and raining condoms down on everyone?” Chance’s eyes lit up the entire time he was talking.

“It could be like a message for safe sex,” Brantley shrugged from the opposing couch.

“Just when I thought you guys couldn’t get more insane, you bump it up a notch. I’m going to have to say no on the whole condom cannon thing. I don’t think raining down condoms at the end of the show promotes safe sex as much as it promotes promiscuity. Also, the velocity and trajectory rate the condoms would be coming down on the crowd could quite possibly do some damage. Personally, I would be a little pissed off if a condom came pelting out from the stage and maimed a body part of mine.”

“Condoms aren’t going to kill anyone
, Molly,” Chance protested, popping the top on another beer.

Grabbing the can from his hand, I glanced at my phone to check the time. “Well, you would all feel pretty shitty when one of your said condoms came crashing down and sliced off a guy’s penis. No more blowjobs for said guy.” I smiled, standing to go check on the set transfer between the opening
act. “Oh, and children, you all have ten minutes now. I suggest you head backstage.”

“What was a guy’s dick d
oing out at our concert anyhow, Man? Normally it’s just chicks that get naked,” Chance questioned, scratching his head like a confused baboon.

“Maybe he was putting on another condom,” Jeremy shouted, leaning over and smacking hands with Chance.

“Fucking idiots,” I ranted while opening the door. I worked with a bunch of condom wanting, no brained idiots.

Chapter 25

Talking crabs are seriously something one should get checked out for.

The last two weeks of the tour seemed like a blur. Between dousing fires, wrangling a herd of llamas, missing drummers, and bailing out the opening band, I was glad we were on a plane headed back to Seattle. I was so sad but excited when Black Laden’s tour ended, not wanting the magic to really end. Now, I was just thankful to not be in charge of those boys for a few weeks, getting to sleep in my actual bed, and using a shower that wasn’t attached to the small bus bathroom or a hotel with scratchy towels. Being able to just relax and play my music during the next full week off was going to be dreamlike, complete with magical little fairies that do my laundry.

In reality, th
ose fairies were the Laundromat, and it would cost me a small fortune to have all of my clothing done, but completely worth it.

“I can’t believe you get to be a lucky bitch and get a whole week off, while I’m stuck pulling clothes for the PD music video,” Danielle huffed, flipping through yet another fashion magazine. I simply shrugged and closed my eye
s again. Nothing could ruin the euphoric high I was riding at the moment. The tour being over, going home, and having one entire week without my four children equaled perfection.

“Whose dick do I have to suck
to get a day off?”

“Not mine,” I joked, letting a little smile spread across my face. Reid had texted me right before getting on the plane, letting me know he would be arriving in Seattle tomorrow afternoon. Was our relationship one-hundred percent perfect? No. But then again was that really reality? Even two people
who were destined for each other, like Reid and I, had relationships that tend to get rocky at times. At least we both know that we are each other’s better half, and giving into our wants and desires would only make our lives easier. Sure, I do believe that life would be more like rainbows, sunshine, puppies and kitten bullshit when we are actually in the same city together for longer than forty-eight hours. 

“
I really want to face punch that stupid grin right off your face,” Danielle whined, slapping the magazine closed and turning to glare at me. I could feel her eyes burning into my face, even with my eyes closed.

“Don’t get all mean. You just have to get the video shoot planned out, then you get some time off too before shooting. Besides, I have to go down that road with you
, too, when the director is ready.” Opening my eyes, I smirk at my best friend. “Don’t be so dramatic.”

“I swear to god
, I’m going to kill you.”

“That’s
fine; just can you do it after my week long break? I could really use the time to catch up with my music.” Smiling, I leaned my seat backward and closed my eyes again. I would have loved to look over at Danielle and see her face, it must have been priceless.

“I hate you
, Molly Anne McGlenister. I hope you have horribly awful sex with Reid when he gets home,” she grumbled.

“Well, that is mean and I wouldn’t wish it upon my greatest enemies. Well, I take that b
ack, maybe my sister and mother.” I laughed, snuggling deeper into my first class seat.

“I think your family
deserves harsher punishment than that,” Danielle giggled next to me.

Sure, they deserved a Godzilla sized punishment for being hateful human beings, but I had to believe Karma would come and kick their pretty little asses one day.
No good dead went unpunished, just like being a horrible person always caught up to you.

“It feels so good to be home,” Megan gushed as we drug our suitcases through the apartment door.
Dropping my bag in the hallway, I immediately ran over and tossed open a window. The cool Seattle air rushed into the stale room, sending shivers down my body.

“Alright, I have to admit
I miss the warmth of the south.” I laughed, hugging my arms tightly around my midsection.

“Me too.
” Megan laughed as she drug her massive suitcase to the other side of the apartment. “Do you have plans for dinner tonight? We are going to need some food in the house and I doubt what we have left in the cupboards would constitute as a meal.”

“I was just going to unpack some of my stuff, but then I’m game for a little shopping trip. I need to drop my clothes off a
t the Laundromat anyhow.” Grabbing my bag, I opened my bedroom door and let out a soft sigh.

“Alright, so in what…………like an hour or so?”

“Yeah, that works. I need to shower and get the bus airplane combo smell off my body before we go anywhere.” Megan laughed and shut her door. I loved the fact that our bedrooms were on opposites ends of the small apartment, but sharing a bathroom sucked royally. However, being able to share the space with someone I didn’t want to kill on a daily basis was a major plus. Sharing counter space in the bathroom and occasionally scheduling the hot water issue was only a little thing when it came to our living arrangement.

Closing my bedroom door, I smiled at my wonderful queen sized bed with the dark purple duvet cover. “Oh how I missed you,” I rambled, dropping my bag on the floor and leaping into its buttery
softness. This had been one of the best purchases I made when moving to Seattle. Too bad I couldn’t get a small mattress to fit a tour bus, because those stupid bunks were the worst to sleep on. After spending several minutes rolling around on the world’s best mattress ever, I forced myself up and over to my closet. Grabbing a couple large duffle bags, I set out to stuff all the nasty clothes from my suitcases.

My phone dinged from my bag, as I reached over my suitcases to grab it.

*Reid*
Meet me at my place for dinner tomorrow, six.

Smiling at the screen, I replied with a simple okay, and set the phone down on my bed. Dinner at Reid’s place tomorrow sounded fantastic. Spending the evening with the man that devoured my entire soul was the best possible way to spend my second night home. Sure, I would rather have him back tonight, but I could wait until tomorrow. Besides, I need to visit the salon tomorrow and get the bush wacked back down again.

“Hey, you almost ready?” Megan called out through the door.

“I need to shower real
quick; give me fifteen,” I hollered back.

Grabbing some clean clothes from my closet, I wander
ed out of my bedroom and into the bathroom. Reaching for a towel off the rack, I turned the knob in the shower and smiled as the steam filled the room. At best, on the road we had luke warm water. I wanted this shower so fricken hot that it scalded my skin. Make me a lobster like the summers always did in Georgia I was ready for a good cleansing.

“So what plans do you have while we are
back home?” Megan asked while I pushed the grocery cart down another isle.

“I’m meeting Reid for dinner tomorrow night, and I really want to get some writing done.” I wouldn’t mind not having the time to get any writing done if it meant being able to spend the entire time tangled up in Reid’s bed. Hell, I wouldn’t mind being tangled up on Reid’s floor, table, bathroom counter, garage floor, or even outside on that massive deck of his.

“Earth to Molly? Do you want any cereal?” Megan wondered, snapping her fingers to try and get my attention.

“Sorry, yeah that’s fine.” Giving Megan a sympathetic smile, I pointed to the box in her left hand
. I couldn’t stop thinking about tomorrow night. Glancing at my phone, I still had twenty-four hours before I was seeing Reid again. Someone needed to get control of their big girl panties. Being absent minded while having naughty daydreams of the man I still had to wait an entire day to see was not healthy for my other real world relationships.

“So, I know we just bought all this food, but I really don’t feel like cooking tonight.
Pizza?” Megan asked as she scanned over all the food in the cart.

“Sounds fine to me.
” I laughed, pushing the cart toward the checkout line. I really sucked at cooking, anyway.

“Pizza is going to be here in thirty minutes,” Megan said while sticking her head around my door.

“Thanks,” I muttered, barely looking up to glance at her. For the last hour, I had been sitting on my bed with Simon, plucking the same damn melody over and over again.
Why I couldn’t get past this simple section was beyond me, but my head couldn’t seem to let go. Scribbling a few cords down in my journal, I gently laid Simon at the top of my bed and unfolded my aching limbs. Only twenty-one more hours until I got to see Reid. I was becoming pretty pathetic, watching for the clock to turn every few minutes or so. I couldn’t even focus on my music because my damn vagina was screaming his name.

“Ugh,” I let out a loud huff. Grabbing my journal, I tossed it over to the desk and rolled off the bed. I seriously needed to find something to do with my time that broke my obsessive clock watching.

“Megan!” I shouted out of my bedroom.

“Out here,” Megan replied, sitting on the small sofa in the living room.

“I need something to do. Fucking anything to keep me busy,” I whined while sitting down in a chaise chair across from her.

“I thought you were writing?”

“Well, I kept playing the same stupid chords over and over. Then my lyrics turned completely sexual, so I had to stop.”

“Well, the pi
zza should be here pretty quick. Want to watch a movie?” Megan put her magazine down and got up to the entertainment stand. Browsing through the selection of DVDs she kept on the shelf, Megan stopped and pulled one out of the stack.

“Alright, completely girly and childish moment right now, but
Little Mermaid
?”

“Please no. Talking crabs reminds me of Brody, and that ties back to Reid, who I am trying to not obsess about for the next twenty hours and fifty-four minutes.” Groaning, I dropped my head into my hands and began to rub my eyes. I seriously couldn’t even watch a damn movie without being reminded of him.

“Why don’t you just call him?” Megan asked, stuffing the DVD back into its slot and searching for another.

“Because I don’t want to seem clingy.
We just got whatever we have going back a couple weeks ago, and me bugging him seems like a total turn off.”

“You realize you are dating, and a huge part about being a couple is talking to each other. I really doubt he would be bothered by you calling him.” Megan rolled her eyes and grabbed another disk from the shelf. “I don’t want to hear any excuses why we can’t watch this one. After a long tour with a bunch of drunken horny rock stars, a little
Officer and a Gentleman
is exactly what we need tonight.

Laughing, I look
ed up at Megan and gave her a smile. A little romance never hurt anybody, and lord knew we could all use some after those long couple weeks.