Chiaroscuro (20 page)

"Thanks. It's home."

Micah nodded, hands in the back pockets of his jeans. "I miss you."

Jamie stared at him. "You what?"

"I miss you. I mean, Ryan's nice and all but--he's not you. He's not smart like you or funny like you--" His hand drifted out and lightly touched Jamie's chest. "Or creative like you." He raised his gaze to meet Jamie's eyes. "Or hot like you."

Jamie slowly blinked, his lips parted, and behind him, Ben had gone completely still.

Emboldened by Jamie's silence, Micah stepped closer and put his hands on Jamie's waist. He looked into Jamie's eyes, a breath away from Jamie's mouth. "I'll move in," he whispered. "I won't see him ever again. I'll be good. I'll be good, Jamie, I'll be so good to you." Jamie closed his eyes and he felt the soft brush of Micah's lips.

The volume of his own voice surprised him. "No."

The kisses stopped at once. "Jamie?"

Jamie opened his eyes and removed Micah's arms from around his neck. "I said no." He managed to smile at Micah, who simply looked stunned. "You wouldn't be good, Micah. You wouldn't be good to me, you wouldn't be good to the blokes you fucked on the side, you…wouldn't be good."

"But, Jamie, I still love you."

Jamie wavered and took a deep breath. "No," he repeated. "You just miss me."

Micah glared at him, then at Ben over his shoulder. "This is his fault, isn't it?"

"No," Jamie said. "It's entirely mine. Go home, Micah. Go have fun. That's what university is all about. Maybe after you've figured out who you really are, we can talk."

Micah started to protest again, but there must have been something in Jamie's face that told him it was pointless. He gave another dark, angry look to Ben and then turned and stormed down the hall to the elevator.

Jamie shut the door. He exhaled and leaned his forehead against the door, and then glanced back and smiled when Ben put his arms around him and kissed the back of his neck.

"Look at you," Ben said, pride in his tone. "You don't know your own strength." He stroked Jamie's chest and nuzzled his hair.

Jamie felt his skin jump at Ben's touch, particularly as Ben's hands slowly circled down to his stomach and their bodies arched together. He took a slow breath. "Yes," he said, "actually, I do."

Ben hummed in a questioning tone and licked the back of his ear.

Jamie turned around and took hold of Ben's shoulders. "I do know my own strength," he said clearly. "And I know I'm strong enough to say no."

"Well, yeah, you sent that kid packing."

"To you."

Ben's smile lost some of its luster. "What?"

"No, Ben." He lifted his chin and smiled winningly. "You have to ask. You have to ask my permission or you can't touch me."

"Oh," Ben said, and then it dawned on him: "Oh...so is it okay if I…" He slid his hands up Jamie's neck.

Jamie wrapped his hands around Ben's fingers. "Slow down, cowboy."

"For what?"

"You have this rule."

"Rules were made to be broken." He bent to kiss Jamie, but Jamie leaned back his head out of reach.

"I have a rule of my own." Ben raised an eyebrow at him and Jamie said, "We stay friends afterwards."

"Oh," Ben said softly. "Yeah, I'd...I'd like that. I'd miss you if we weren't."

"I'm not going to expect anything. No sudden changes of character, no monogamy, no passionate declarations. That's not what we're about." He moved his hands to Ben's biceps and turned him quickly so his back was against the door. Ben laughed out loud and waited for him to go on. "But," Jamie drawled, "we are going to be--" He focused his gaze on Ben's mouth. "Passionate."

"Yes," Ben said and kissed Jamie's forehead, hands on the base of his neck.

"Hot."

"Oh, yes." He kissed under Jamie's eyes.

"And I'm going to be on top."

Ben blinked and refocused on Jamie's eyes. "I don't think--"

Jamie kissed him, hands in his dark hair. Ben gripped his hips and kissed him back fiercely, stooping as Jamie arched up to meet him halfway. Jamie pulled away long enough to whisper, "Stop thinking," and took his mouth again.

Ben's pulse was racing as they kissed, and Jamie had to laugh a little--Ben always seemed so detached and superior, but he was here, right here, kissing Jamie back with his hands in Jamie's back pockets, making out like teenagers. He pulled on Ben's shirt and Ben let go of him long enough to lift up his arms and let Jamie pull his shirt over his head.

"Holy God," Jamie breathed at the sight of Ben's strong naked torso, and Ben ducked his head and grinned at him.

"Maybe later." He bent again to kiss him and brushed Jamie's jaw with his thumbs.

"You always smell like cookies," Jamie whispered and Ben laughed.

"You are Mr. Romance, James Makepeace."

"Are you looking for romance, Mr. Gallagher?" He tasted Ben's chin and the bridge of his nose and the space between his nose and his lips.

Ben exhaled and faintly smiled, held Jamie's face and kissed him. "No. Romance is for kids. We're both adults here."

Jamie laughed and whispered, "Ain't it the truth," and started kissing his chest. No slender waif-like frame here: Ben's chest was broad and deep, his hair thick and dark, his stomach ridged with muscle. "All those hours in the gym paid off," he murmured and slid down to his knees.

"Have to work off those cookies somehow," Ben breathed and pushed his hand into Jamie's hair, rubbing his scalp with his fingertips. He watched as Jamie undid his jeans and kissed his belly, moaning low in his throat.

Jamie licked his way back up Ben's body and kissed his mouth. Ben held his face, and laughed with amusement when Jamie grabbed his hands and pressed them against the door. He tried to pull out of Jamie's grip, but Jamie was stronger than he looked and held Ben fast. He grinned with mischief and licked the tip of Ben's nose.

"This isn't going to work, you know," Ben whispered, his eyes half-closed. "I'm bigger than you. You can't just bend me over and have your way with me."

"Want to bet?" He nibbled Ben's neck, sucking skin up between his teeth, and Ben squirmed. "What are you afraid of? Not being butch?"

"I am always butch," Ben said, arching an eyebrow.

"Of course you are," Jamie said and kissed him, triumphant when Ben shivered. He pressed his hips against Ben's, kissing him, kissing him until Ben's breath caught in his throat and he tore his hands from Jamie's to hitch him up off the floor. Jamie wrapped his legs around Ben's waist, not caring at this point about anything other than Ben's mouth, Ben's skin.

Ben turned him and pressed him roughly against the door. He kept one arm under Jamie's ass to support him and fumbled with the other at the fly on Jamie's jeans. Jamie unwrapped his legs long enough to shimmy his jeans and shorts off, then around Ben's waist again even tighter.

Ben raised his mouth and ran his fingertips along Jamie's lips, and gently pushed them in as Jamie sucked them. His dark eyes seemed even darker, golden brown like amber, and he watched Jamie with an unconscious half-smile.

Jamie whimpered when Ben pulled his fingers from his mouth, and arched his body against the door with a small cry as they pressed into him. Ben thrust his fingers deep and sucked on Jamie's lip, smiling at the sounds Jamie made. "So fucking hot," he muttered and pulled his fingers out to set Jamie's feet on the floor.

Jamie was still shaking and gasping, and watched Ben almost suspiciously as Ben took his wallet out of his back pocket. "You go to work with a condom?"

"You never know who you're going to meet." He tore it open with his teeth, and then paused and smiled. "Arm-wrestle you for it."

Jamie breathed a laugh and pulled off his shirt so he was completely naked. He ran his hand down his chest to his stomach and Ben's eyes followed his fingers. "There has to be a compromise, Ben."

"If I let you fuck me--"

"It won't make you any less of a man, I promise."

"There's few things stranger than a bottom trying to be a top."

Jamie laughed. "I don't like to limit myself by labels." He put his hands on Ben's waist. "But if you feel it will somehow compromise your integrity--"

Ben kissed him with an open mouth, tongue licking deep. His arms went around Jamie's neck, holding him tight, and Jamie slid his hands up and down Ben's rib cage. He thumbed Ben's nipples and breathed in his breath.

When Ben paused the kiss Jamie licked his lips and had to take a moment to collect himself. "You--" He couldn't think of a joke or a word or a thing to say. He wanted only to fall to his knees, to his back, and let Ben do what he wanted with him. He pressed shaking hands to Ben's chest.

"I," Ben encouraged, lips against Jamie's neck.

"--are the sexiest fucking thing in this room--"

"Second sexiest fucking thing," Ben whispered with a chuckle.

Jamie dug his fingers into Ben's shoulders. "Enough of this--fuck me already. I want feel you. I need to feel you."

Ben held his head and tilted it back, kissed his lips lightly. And then not so lightly, making his kisses hard and hungry, hips against Jamie's so the soft cotton of his shorts rubbed against Jamie's bare skin. Jamie shoved them down, bringing a hiss as he bared Ben's cock, and Jamie smiled and wrapped his hand around it. Ben's head fell on Jamie's shoulder and he rolled his hips into Jamie's hand.

Abruptly he turned Jamie, pressing his chest against the door, and pushed his legs apart. Jamie's fingers scraped the wood and he lifted himself up onto his toes, bracing himself. He groaned at the first press of Ben's cock and behind him Ben moaned and his hands dug into Jamie's hips as he rocked into him. Jamie grabbed Ben's head and twisted his fingers into his hair.

The door rattled on its hinges, and as Jamie moaned into it he wondered vaguely if his cries were echoing down the hall as well.

Ben palmed Jamie's forehead, held his hand over Jamie's heart, kissed and licked his neck. His skin was hot, smooth and slick. He held Jamie across the shoulders, pushing hard into Jamie's body. His teeth sank into Jamie's neck and as Jamie threw back his head and slapped his hands against the door Ben shouted and his body slumped to a stop.

They both slid down to their knees, panting. Jamie rolled his head against the door and peered at him. Ben blinked sleepy eyes and started to smile. "Forgot to ask permission."

"I'll forgive you this time." He kissed Ben's cheek and leaned back against him, closing his eyes when Ben ran a hand over his hair and rubbed his cheek against Jamie's neck.

***

"Never," Ben repeated for the fourth or fifth time.

"Never. I never had the opportunity and I wouldn't have wanted to even if I had." Jamie sipped from a cup of tea. "I don't feel that I'm missing out on anything."

"I'm not saying you are. I would have thought the girls loved you. Did you go to an all-boys school?"

"No, there were boys and girls together. Most girls never noticed me, really. Or if they did--" He shook his head and shifted to place his teacup on the night stand. "I'd much rather talk about something else."

"What did they do if they noticed you?" Ben said seriously.

Jamie seemed to consider it, then sighed. "Laughed at me while their boyfriends beat me up."

Ben pulled him over and kissed the top of his head. "I'm sorry, Jamie-lad," he said, and Jamie lay on his chest with a quiet sigh. How anybody could hurt Jamie was a mystery; Jamie was so golden and bright. His heart ached to think of this gentle artist treated with anything other than respect and admiration.

"Do you want some more tea?" he said out loud.

Jamie shook his head. "Too comfortable to move."

"I can make it."

"You don't know how to make a proper cup of tea. I've yet to meet an American who does." He kissed Ben's shoulder. "Not that you don't have many other redeeming qualities."

Ben smiled and ran his fingers through Jamie's hair, and looked up at the stars dancing on the ceiling. Jamie's bed was far more comfortable than he'd expected, and the sheets were soft and warm. Of course, good company made any bed better.

Jamie laid down his head again and then laughed. "What?" Ben said.

"I thought you'd never fuck me. I thought I'd have to wait forever, yet here we are."

Ben pressed his lips together, then said simply, "Yeah."

Jamie said nothing for a moment. "Not that I expect it to be repeated. You have your rule."

Never have sex with Jamie again. He shivered and put both arms around Jamie now. Absolutely not. "And you have yours."

"Friendship and sex don't always go together well," Jamie said. "Although Dune and I have made it work for three years now."

"So, you and I can do the same arrangement as you and Dune. We both have somebody to rely on." He lifted Jamie's face and lightly kissed his lips. "We don't need love to make it work. Just trust."

Jamie studied him with solemn eyes, and then kissed him back. "I trust you." He laid down his head. "I can't say that it's better with love since love has never worked well for me. I've only been in love twice and both times they've ended the same way."

"Who was the other guy?"

"It was while I was at university." He paused. "His name was Stuart."

"Oh," Ben said softly. Dune had warned him about asking after this--but his curiosity was strong, and Jamie seemed in the mood to talk. "And what happened?"

"We were together for three years, and at the end I just wasn't enough."

"I find that hard to believe, Jamie-lad."

Jamie smiled. "Thanks. But it must be true. How else do you explain Micah doing the same thing?"

Ben held him close. "It wasn't that you weren't enough for Micah--you were too much." Jamie gave him a skeptical look. "I'm serious. That day we went over to see him he told us a lot of stuff and he was too angry to be lying. And the upshot of it was he couldn't handle you."

"You realize that does not make me feel better."

Ben kissed him. "The truth is not always good news."

"So I'm doomed."

"I don't think that. I'm sure love is out there for you, waiting to be found. It's just not me."

Jamie looked at him a moment and then flipped back the sheets. "I think I do want another cup of tea."