Chocolate Reality (3 page)

“Nancy, I am sorry to hear about your husband.You must be happy that Jude is coming home,” I give her a brief smile. “But Nancy, the only relationship between Jude and I is friendship. I haven’t seen him since he left, and although we’ve remained in touch here and there, that is all in the past. We’ve been over for a long time.”

Do I really believe that though? Deep in my heart I know we weren’t meant for each other, but I still have feelings for him. Goodness – I almost married the guy, of course I’m still going to have feelings for him

“That is good to hear Wynne. Just make sure you keep it that way,” Nancy said, as cold as the Ice Queen herself. Walking towards the front door, she stops, turns her head and drops her final piece of news. “Jude has moved on with his life. He’s even bringing a friend of his home with him for us to meet. He doesn’t need you in his life to complicate things.” The door slams, leaving me with no response.

My body crumbles, my lungs shrink in size and I struggle for air. Thank goodness I haven’t moved away from the tables. I grasp onto the edge of the table, leaning on it while I sink to the floor. If my chair wasn’t under me, oh well. Tracy places her hand on my shoulder; Judy takes hold of my hands and gives them a squeeze. Joan says the one thing she knows I need to hear.

“I think this is the perfect time for some more chocolate.”

Pastor Joy comes over and gives me a brief hug. She leans down and whispers in my ear, “I need to leave for the office, but Wynne, please give me a call if you need me. You are a strong woman of God, and you can get through this. I know you.” She turned to whisper something to Judy before she walks away.

Lily comes over with some chocolate in her hands. I absently take what she offers, briefly realizing that this is the chocolate I keep hidden away for emergencies. This only comes out in dire need. How does she know about my secret stash? I dismiss the thought as I savor the sweet decadence melting in my mouth. I’m just glad she knows about it.

With a quick, “Lord, give me strength” prayer being uttered, I stand up and try to act as if nothing was said that should affect me in the way it has. It’s a façade, a mask that I try to place on but which never really works with this group of ladies. I give them all a quick smile.

“I’m okay. It’s been a long three years. You ladies helped me pick up the pieces of my life and made me the woman I am today. I’m okay. I’m glad he’s been able to move on with his life. That’s the way it should be. And other than seeing him at church,” I shrug my shoulders, “I doubt I’ll come in much contact with him.” Do I really believe what I just said? My favorite saying will come into play right about now.

“After all, with God and chocolate, I can get through anything.”

*****

After a busy day consisting of bible study, mystery boxes, out of the blue announcement along with the normal hustle and bustle that comes with running a shop, I’m wiped out. Since closing the store at 6 p.m., I haven’t been able to stop dreaming of a hot bubble bath. Three hours later, and I am just now walking through my front door, that dream will soon be reality. I have full intentions of ignoring the beeping and flashing light on my answering machine. I’m tired, drained and all I want is to soak in hot water, read a good book and go off to bed. Whoever wanted to talk to me could have called the shop if it was important enough. And since it wasn’t, it can wait until the morning.

Those were my intentions. The water is running, bubbles have been added and the book has been selected. But of course, I have to check the phone. You just never know who could have called. It’s not like I’m expecting anyone from the past to mysteriously drop by, which I’m not, in case you’re wondering. I click the button and discover that I could have resisted the machine after all. It was only my mother.

I love my mom, don’t get me wrong. But for the past three years she has been ‘concerned’ that her daughter has chosen the life of single hood rather than motherhood. Even though I live across town, only a fifteen minute drive from where I grew up, my mom has a tendency to crowd me. She doesn’t like the fact I live alone. She’s proud of me for opening my own store and the fact that it’s successful blows both her and dad away. But it’s not what she wanted for my life, and so she feels she needs to worry about me. It’s not like I plan on staying single for the rest of my life. It’s not my chosen way of living let me tell you.

So with a sigh of exasperation, I listen to the message.

“Wynne dear, this is mom (as if I don’t recognize her voice). Listen, I ran into Nancy Montgomery today. She told me the news. Jude is back in town. Isn’t that wonderful honey. You just haven’t been the same since he left town (no Mom, I’ve actually learned to be independent), and I know that you both have a lot to catch up on. Listen, I want to invite him over to dinner this week. He was, after all, part of our family for such a long time. Tell me what night is good for you, and I’ll make all the arrangements. Maybe you could even bring over one of those cakes you make to sell in your store? Hmmm? Okay, call me back. Love you.” Click.

She has no idea. When it all had happened, I refused to talk about it with her or my father. I asked them to respect my privacy and my decision. And that’s how it’s been left. But to invite him to dinner? Knowing how emotionally hurt and physically drained I was when he left, she actually wants me to share one of my cakes with him? Nowhere in the bible does it say I have to share my chocolate cake with my enemies - only that I have to pray for them. I don’t share my chocolate with just anybody you know. This is where I draw the line. I shake my head as I head back to my bath. That was definitely a phone call I just didn’t need to hear.

To me, having a bath is a luxury t one must never give up. To sink into the hot water, have it completely engulf you, well, as far as I’m concerned, it’s this side close to heaven. Add scented bubbles, candles all through the room, a cool drink to refresh yourself with and of course a little bit of chocolate to nibble on, it couldn’t get any better. It’s the one part of my daily routine that I refuse to give up. Having a hot bath is not only considered a way to pamper yourself, but it also helps you to fall asleep faster. Add a good book, and you’re off to far away places, distant lands and pure romance. That is, if your mind behaves itself and goes along with your plans.

Tonight my mind and thoughts decided to rebel. All I could think about was that Jude is back in town. I find myself smiling and giving those little happy sighs when I thought of all the great memories we had. And then all of a sudden I would remember what occurred three years ago, and I would begin to feel anger. Anger that’s first directed towards God and then at myself. This was something I had already dealt with; it’s not supposed to hurt me anymore. I’ve laid it at the foot of the cross, and Jesus is supposed to hear all my hearts cries and rescue me. So why isn’t that happening? I won’t allow myself to dwell on my feelings towards God, after all, who can be mad at God? That’s just not allowed. But why now, when I am happy and contented with my life, does he have to come back and remind me of my past failures?

We were just one of those couples who didn’t make it. It happens to a lot of people in relationships. Sometimes you are blessed to have that one deep love, and other times you have to settle for second best. We both decided not to settle. It would have been nice if we could have kept in touch, but I understand that it would have been difficult for him. Plus, from what I understood from Nancy, he’s already moved on with his life. That fact alone should make me happy for him. After all, we are all grown adults. Time has gone by, and while feelings might still be there, there’s no possibility of them being acted upon.

My bath was ruined, I didn’t enjoy my small piece of chocolate and the book – I don’t think I got past the first page. I headed to the kitchen to heat water for some gourmet hot chocolate. While waiting for the water to boil, I quickly checked my email. Perhaps I should unplug the phone just incase mommy dearest decided to call back. I definitely am not in the mood for conversation with her tonight.

After my computer loaded up and my email popped up, I made the mistake of clicking into my instant messenger. Up pops MM2CHOCQUEN (Mom to Chocolate Queen).

MM2CHOCQUEN: Did you get my message?

CHOCQUEEN: Yes.

MM2CHOCQUEN: Why didn’t you call back?

CHOCQUEEN: Was I supposed to?

MM2CHOCQUEN: What date is good for dinner?

CHOCQUEEN: I don’t want to do dinner Mom. Sorry

MM2COCQUEN: I thought it was a great idea. To get you and Jude together?

CHOCQUEEN: I don’t want to get together Mom. Please leave it alone.

MM2COCQUEN: I don’t understand you. Why won’t you tell me what happened? It’s not too late you know.

CHOCQUEEN: Yes, it is too late. Good night mom.

I suppose if I had explained it all to my parents at the time when he left, this could have been avoided. But knowing my parents, they would have tried to fix the problem. This was just one problem that could not be fixed.

With a sigh, I shut down my computer, fix my cup of hot chocolate and head to the living room where I plan to shut down my thoughts and relax in front of the television watching either a mindless comedy or a popular drama.

With the fireplace turned on, my favorite show about to come on, I settle in for a quiet night or relaxation. Until the doorbell rings. Seriously. Can I not have a quiet night after having a bit of a stressful day? It had better not be my mother.

I make sure I glance in the mirror before I open the door. I am in my pajamas after all. But I’m decent. That’s all that matters. The doorbell rings again. “I’m coming, I’m coming,” I call out. I plaster a smile on my face, even though it’s the last thing I feel like doing. I open the door. It’s definitely not my mother.

“What are you doing here?” I blurt out.

“What do you mean, what am I doing here? Is that how you greet your best fried? What do you think I’m doing here?” Heather said. “Our program is on and I brought some munchies. Now get out of the door way so I can come in before we miss too much.”

“Sorry. I forgot about tonight.” I tried to apologize as I followed behind her to the couch.

“You had better be sorry. I brought your favorites you know. Chewy chocolate chip cookies and ruffled plain chips with dip. But if you keep up with the attitude, I’ll just keep the cookies to myself.” Heather held the bag in front of my nose and teases me mercilessly.

“Oh, you’re so tough. Give me those.” I made a grab for the cookies and managed to snatch them from her greedy fingers. Imagine the audacity of threatening me with cookies.

About half way through the program I decide to broach the subject that I know Heather actually wants to talk about.

“So I guess you heard the news about today?”

“Whew. It’s about time you brought it up. I’ve been impatiently waiting all evening to talk to you about it. How are you doing? Oh, off subject, what did you think of the Sweet Surprise boxes?” Heather asks.

“Hmmm, I loved them. You did an amazing job creating those little chocolate baskets with all the little goodies. Just perfect. I think we should do more of those throughout the year, but I’ll order some boxes with windows, so you can see the baskets. You once again outdid yourself. Thank you.”

I seriously love all her creations. I sincerely believe her gifting is with food. Not one single thing that she makes turns out tasting bad. Me, on the other hand, well, let’s just say that I’m not that gifted in the area of cooking. Now baking, that is a different story. Where do you think all the cakes from my store come?

“Thanks. That’s a great idea. I’ll have to charge extra next time,” Heather says as she gives a little wink.

“Listen, with all that you do, I couldn’t even begin to repay you. As Matt says, you’re worth your weight in gold.

“But, in all seriousness, I’m okay. Can you imagine Nancy coming up to me like that and telling me to stay away from her son. The claws were visible this time around. She reminded me of a mother bear with her cub. Do I look that dangerous?

“After everything, does she really think we would pick up right where we left off? Um, hello. Besides, from what I understood, he’s already involved, and more than likely hasn’t given me one moment of his thoughts. But why should he? He’s the one who ran away rather than face the music and try to work things out.” I’m babbling. I almost sound like it matters to me, after all this time.

“Me thinks the lady doth protest too much.” said Heather.

“Hmm, it sounds that way doesn’t it? But it doesn’t matter though, does it?” I said, with a hint of sadness starting to settle in. Do I allow my hearts hurts to surface, or should I just shrug them off again and pretend it doesn’t bother me? With Heather, I don’t have to worry about hiding things. And even if I did, she knows me too well. She knows the whole story after all.

“Wynne, I really think it would be helpful if you talked to Jude about it. Bring it out in the open and face the issues. It doesn’t matter if it’s in the past; it’s a part of who you are. You need closure. Then you’ll feel free to move on with your life. You guys made the right decision, so stop beating yourself up about it. It’s time you invested some time into a man, into your future, something other than Chocolate Blessings” encouraged Heather.

“Hmmm, we’ll have to see. Right now, I don’t think it would make much difference. We’re one of those casual acquaintances that have a bit of a history. We’ll be the type of people who are able to say hi without too much awkwardness.” I said without too much conviction.