Chosen Child (21 page)

Saturday 19th July

‘Can you be a big boy and walk downstairs for Mummy?’

Amanda held out her hand and Jaden gripped it, reaching for
the banister with the other plump fist. It was a good thing he enjoyed being
independent; there was a lot of him to carry when you had a buggy under the
other arm. It took them forever to get to the ground floor this way, but at
least it was easy going.

Jaden climbed into his buggy at the bottom and sat prodding
the fading rash on his leg. Amanda pulled a face. Talk about bad luck. The rash
had flared up yesterday after lunch, and getting it checked out ruined her last
day with Rick till after his holiday. She’d wanted to cook dinner for him but
by the time she arrived back from the doctor’s it was after five and Rick had
given up and gone home. Tears flooded Amanda’s eyes. She was going to miss
their late afternoon dates. He’d taken to coming by three or four times a week
after work, for an hour or two. Sometimes she managed to organise Jaden into a
nap and she and Rick spent the time in bed, and when that didn’t work they had
family time. Jaden loved having Rick round.

Halfway up the hill, Amanda paused. It was juvenile, walking
past Rick and Ella’s to see if she could catch a glimpse of him before they
left. Something a teenager would do. But she couldn’t help it; she was in love.
The fact that he’d left her for so long was forgiven, if not forgotten – she
could understand how he might have panicked about someone finding out what
happened to Gareth.

The minute the thought entered her head, the usual doubt
wormed in after it and Amanda stopped again, her breath catching. What
had
happened to Gareth?

‘Up, up!’ Jaden bounced in the buggy, then turned to look at
her, dark hair flopping into his eyes in exactly the same way Gareth’s had. In
the two months since Gareth’s death, his son had changed from a baby into a
little boy. How tragic.

‘Up the hill, that’s right. And next time you can walk, you
heavy lump!’

Ten yards of hard pushing brought them to Cedar Road and
Amanda turned left thankfully, disappointment flashing through her when she saw
the empty driveway at Rick’s house. She was too late – they had gone. A lump
swelled in her throat as she pictured the three of them in the car, Rick
driving and Ella beside him chatting to Soraya in the back. Oh, how she wanted
to do just that with Rick and Jaden.

You will, she told herself as she trudged along the
pavement. He’ll leave them after the adoption… ‘- and then it’ll be our time,
won’t it, lovey?’ She said the last few words aloud, and Jaden turned again and
beamed at her. It was amazing, having a little boy. And soon she’d have two
babies.

Amanda glanced at her middle, then frowned. She’d been for
her twelve week scan last Friday, and asked the sonographer if she could tell
the sex of the baby. Rick wanted a boy, she knew. The woman said it wasn’t
possible to be sure yet, but if she was a betting woman, she’d put money on a
girl. But no guarantees. Amanda decided not to tell Rick – the woman might be
wrong and they’d be able to see at the twenty-week scan. And anyway, a few
weeks ago
she
had wished for a girl.

A movement on the other side of the road caught Amanda’s eye
and she stopped in sheer amazement as Ella emerged from the kitchen door with a
basket of washing. What the – or had Rick gone to buy something for the journey,
perhaps? Hope flared again. If she went over for a chat she might still see him
today.

‘Hi there!’ Amanda pushed the buggy across the road,
noticing that Ella looked anything but pleased to see her. The other woman was
pale, and her clothes looked as if she’d slept in them. Had she found out that
Rick…? ‘Not away yet, I see.’ Amanda racked her brains to remember if she was
supposed to know about that morning’s planned departure. But, yes, she was,
Soraya had told her the other day when she’d met them on the way home from
school.

‘Change of plan,’ said Ella, her voice dull, and Amanda
frowned. What change of plan? She waited, sensing that the other woman wasn’t
comfortable talking about it. Where was Rick?

‘Rick and Soraya have gone away for a couple of days by
themselves first.’

Amanda gaped. Rick had said nothing about this on Thursday
and it didn’t sound like him, wanting to go away alone with Soraya.

‘Oh – that’s nice,’ she said lamely. There was something
going on here, something she didn’t know about. ‘Where have they gone?’

‘Up the coast a bit.’ Ella’s voice couldn’t have been
flatter, and Amanda took the hint and went on her way, her stomach churning
nervously. What the hell was going on? She had to get in touch with Rick, make
sure he was okay.

She hurried along and turned into the next street where she
pulled out her mobile, but Rick wasn’t taking calls. Exasperated, Amanda left a
message. There was nothing she could do, apart from wait for him to get back to
her.

By mid-afternoon Rick still hadn’t called back. Amanda paced
around the flat, the nervous feeling in the pit of her stomach stirring up the
morning sickness. She’d tried twice more to call Rick, with the same
non-result. Of course he wouldn’t want to go into explanations with Soraya by
his side, but he could have texted. If there was anything going on she wanted
to know. Time for another attempt.

She sank into the sofa to call in comfort, and thank God,
this time he answered straightaway.

‘Rick! I’ve been trying - ’

Heavy breathing filled Amanda’s ear and she stopped, the
hairs on her arms rising. This wasn’t Rick. ‘Hello?’

‘Mummy?’

A child’s voice, heavy with tears. Amanda gripped the phone.
‘Soraya? Where are you, sweetheart? Where’s Daddy? Can you give the phone to
Daddy?’

‘He’s in the shower. Who are you?’

‘It’s Amanda, sweetheart. Where are you?’

‘In a hotel and I want to go to my Mummy. I was trying to
phone her – how can I phone her?’

Amanda’s mind raced. How indeed? ‘If you, um, tap the little
man picture at the bottom of the screen when we’re finished, and then swipe
upwards till you come to Ella’s name…’ This was stupid, a six-year-old who
wasn’t used to mobile phones would never manage that. ‘Why don’t you just ask
your dad, Soraya?’

‘He won’t let me call Mummy.’

Amanda’s unease was growing by the minute. Rick and Ella
must have had some kind of bust-up. It would explain Ella’s behaviour, but now
Rick was endangering their plans. His job was to keep things ticking over
nicely until Ella had her chosen child – and then leave.

‘I see. Have a go, and I’ll phone Daddy again in ten minutes
anyway, okay? Tap the little man at the bottom and then swipe up till you see
‘Ella’ and tap that.’

She ended the call and sat hunched on the sofa, watching the
minutes tick by on her phone. Five, seven, ten. She made the connection and
listened as it rang out. And of course, he didn’t pick up.

‘Yog-ut,’ said Jaden, toddling in from his room with a
cuddly rabbit under one arm.

‘I was going to make spaghetti. Don’t you want spaghetti?’

‘Yog-ut.’ He started to climb into his high chair, and
Amanda hoisted him up and gave him what he wanted. Helping him open the tub,
she came to a decision. If it was her child who was away from her, wanting to
talk to Mummy, she would want to know.

Reluctantly, she connected to Ella’s number. This might not
be easy.

‘Ella, I had Soraya on the phone a minute ago. She was
trying to call you, but she ended up with me. I gather Rick was in the shower.
Kids, eh?’

It sounded awkward in her own ears, but at least Ella knew
now and could react as she thought fit.

‘Oh… thank you. I – I’ll give them another call. Rick wasn’t
taking calls earlier.’

Her voice was weary and alarm bells rang even more loudly in
Amanda’s head. This must
not
come between her and
Rick. They were meant to be together; he loved her and they were having a
child. Rick’s child.

‘Is everything all right, Ella? You sound a bit down.’

There was a pause, and Amanda held her breath. A horrible
thought struck her and she gazed in horror at Jaden stirring his yoghurt. Did
Ella
know?
If Rick’s wife was aware that her husband
was having an affair with the woman down the road… and it wasn’t only the
affair. Gareth… He had to stay a secret, no one could ever find out.

‘I’m fine, thanks, Amanda. I miss them, that’s all.’ Ella’s
voice was still dull.

The connection broke, and Amanda dropped her phone on the
table and went to fetch the laptop. It didn’t sound as if Ella suspected
anything, but if Rick carried on like this she would, nothing was more certain. It
was time for some plain speaking, and if Rick wasn’t answering his phone, an
email was the next best thing. Grimly, Amanda waited for the machine to boot
up.

Sunday 20th – Tuesday 22nd July

Rick stared at the phone in his hand. Ella, for the tenth
time at least. She was going to be furious, and who could blame her? He should
never have run off – again – with Soraya. Rick squirmed, remembering the
contempt in his wife’s voice on Friday evening, and how he’d clenched his fists
so hard his fingernails had marked his palms. He’d needed to lash out after
that and he’d done it in the only way he could. Still, this wasn’t the way
forward. He couldn’t fob her off with text messages indefinitely. Trembling, he
accepted the call, wiping the palm of his free hand on the bed he was sitting
on.

‘Rick. Where are you? I’d like to speak to Soraya, please.’

Her voice was cold but he heard relief there too. She wanted
Soraya, he had to remember that. If he gave her Soraya she would let him do
anything.

‘We’re in a hotel outside Newquay. I know I shouldn’t have
left without saying anything and I’m sorry. But you can’t speak to me like
that, Ella. I’ve been thinking and I have a suggestion for you.’

He waited.

‘What is it?’ This time her voice was suspicious.

‘Come here tomorrow and we’ll talk about it then. Soraya’s
tired, I’m going to take her for a quick walk and then it’ll be early bed for
us both.’ What a reasonable Daddy thing to say. Rick blinked hard. When had he
turned into such a trickster? And Ella clearly wasn’t taken in.

‘I want to speak to Soraya before making any arrangements
with you.’ Frozen would be a good description of her tone now.

Rick turned to the child at the table in the corner. She was
staring at him, fingers poised over her game on the iPad, fear on her face. She
must have realised it was Ella on the phone and something was wrong. He patted
the bed beside him. ‘Want a quick word with Mummy? She’ll be here tomorrow.’

Soraya knocked the chair over in her rush to get to the
phone. Rick held it to her ear, his head bent close to Soraya’s to hear what
Ella was saying.

‘Mummy? When are you coming?’

‘Tomorrow at the latest. Are you okay, sweetheart?’

‘I wanted you to come too. We had ice cream this afternoon
and they had the strawberry kind you like.’

Rick’s tension evaporated. Ice cream talk was exactly what
was needed to convince Ella that Soraya was indeed okay. Sure enough, his
wife’s voice was oozing warmth when she replied. She had missed her vocation;
this entire phone call was worthy of an Oscar.

‘Yum. We’ll buy some tomorrow, shall we? I’ll be with you
for breakfast.’

‘Yay!’ Soraya was one big beam.

The beam didn’t last long. The girl was restless all night,
tossing around in the bed beside Rick’s, and he cursed himself anew for his
impetuous decision to leave St Ives. Punishing Ella had turned into a bigger
punishment for him. As soon as Soraya was awake – at six-thirty – she started
asking when Mummy would be there, and when Ella appeared at eight Rick would
happily have signed the child over to his wife there and then. Not that Soraya
greeted her mother with hugs and smiles.

‘You didn’t come with us! Why didn’t you come too?’

Ella held out her hand. ‘I’m sorry. I wanted to. Shall we go
for breakfast?’

Rick was left to follow on behind. He slid into his chair in
the hotel dining room, where too-close-together tables removed any illusion
Ella might have had about a private talk over the bacon and eggs. He saw her
mouth tighten.

‘I think we should have the day here with Soraya, Rick, and
then go home to talk.’

Rick agreed – what else could he do? He’d blown it this
time; he could tell by her face. What a pity it was she’d overheard him on the
phone on Friday. But at least his affair – and thankfully she didn’t know it
was Amanda – was out in the open. They could plan on from there. The problem
was, his blood boiled every time she looked at him, her scorn and frustration
plain to see. He had to fight to keep the disdain from his own expression.

Soraya was the only one who enjoyed her day, opting for the
beach instead of Rick’s suggestion of the Eden Project, which made it even more
difficult to play happy-Daddy beside Ella playing happy-Mummy. They barely said
a word to each other that didn’t go over the medium of Soraya. At four o’clock
Ella suggested they went home, and Rick couldn’t agree fast enough.

When Soraya was in bed he and Ella faced each other over the
kitchen table.

‘Who is she, Rick?’

‘No one you know.’ She didn’t know Amanda, or not like he
did, anyway.

‘Don’t be so childish. I need to know what you intend doing
about the adoption, that’s the most important thing. And then there’s the
house. I want to stay here with Soraya -’

‘No way.’ It was a gut reaction; he could
not
leave Ella here with Gareth under the shed waiting for
someone to chip away at the concrete and find – what? What did a body look like
after two months under a garden shed? Sweat trickled down Rick’s neck.