Chosen Child (20 page)

‘Cards on the table,’ he said, sitting on the armchair and
leaning towards the sofa. ‘I was the biggest bastard in creation to leave you
alone like that. I was terrified if we were seen together someone might have
rumbled us -’ hell, he was beginning to sound like a bad movie, ‘- and I
panicked. I do want to be with you and Jaden and the baby, and I think that’s
what you want too. But we need to wait up for now. Let things settle with
Gareth and my home situation. Come the autumn, the adoption’ll be finalised and
we can be together properly.’

Her eyes narrowed. ‘What did you do with Gareth?’

He took her hand. ‘Amanda, you don’t need to know. Don’t
worry, I’m sure you’d be fine with what I did. But if you know nothing, you
can’t give anything away. What’s happening with the police?’

She removed her hand and went through to the kitchen. He
followed and watched as she poured two glasses of grape and elderflower. Rick
had to fight to look grateful – what wouldn’t he give for a double Glenmorangie
in that glass.

‘They reckon he’s in the sea. The search has been called
off. At some point he’ll be declared dead and I’ll get a widowed parent’s
allowance.’

She leaned against the sink, somehow looking tough and vulnerable
at the same time, and Rick felt his heart start its usual anticipatory dance.
It was going to be all right… ‘And you’re okay for cash?’

‘I’m on benefits and I’ve got some freelance secretarial
work. Could do with a new computer, though.’

‘I’ll get you one. We should -’

‘I’m going to Scotland tomorrow,’ she interrupted. ‘To stay
with Gareth’s mum. For a week.’

Relief crashed over Rick. An absent Amanda would give him
space to sort out Ella and Soraya. ‘Excellent. You have a think about what you
want to do, and I’ll get things organised at home. We’re going to Ella’s
parents when the school holidays start, and after that…’

She set her glass down and came to stand in front of him,
putting one hand on his chest and running the other down his side.

‘After that,’ she said, her lips brushing his chin, ‘It’ll
be our time, won’t it?’

He kissed her, feeling her body mould itself to his for a
few moments until he pulled her towards the bedroom. Oh yes, it was all still
there between them.

Thursday 17th – Friday 18th July

‘Woo-hoo! Summer holidays!’ Soraya raced across the
playground, and Ella caught the little girl’s hand as she swung to a halt by
the gate.

‘Yes – and we’re going to enjoy them, aren’t we?’

Soraya’s face was a picture. ‘Can we go for ice cream now?’

Warm satisfaction filled Ella. ‘Why not? And we’ll make a
celebration pizza for dinner!’

They wandered along the sea front, Soraya dripping chocolate
soft ice all the way down the front of her school sweatshirt, but what the
heck. Ella beamed. It was lovely to see the child so happy. It wasn’t that
Soraya didn’t like school, just… Ella sighed. They’d been invited for a ‘chat’
with Soraya’s teacher the week before and while the woman genuinely appeared to
like her new pupil, it hadn’t been all good news. They were to have Soraya’s
hearing tested in the holidays, to make sure her concentration problem wasn’t
at least partially caused by poor hearing. It didn’t sound likely to Ella, but
who was she to judge?

Another thing that was testing now was her daughter’s
behaviour at home. The honeymoon phase was over and Soraya was pushing her
boundaries all the time. Ella tried to be patient, and actually it wasn’t
Soraya’s cheek that had her fizzing with resentment, it was Rick’s calm
assumption that she would do all the parenting necessary – anyone watching
would think the two of them were playing good cop/bad cop with their daughter.
It was boring being bad cop all the time, but in spite of this Soraya seemed to
prefer being with Ella.

The little girl stopped to gaze into a shop window full of
seaside souvenirs, and Ella smiled at their reflection in the glass. A tall
blonde mother and a dark-haired wisp of a child, her child; she could feel it
all the way to her soul. The wait to become official parents was nearly over.
They had a court date on the 20th of August, and then hallelujah, they’d have
made it.

Turning into Cedar Road, Ella was unsurprised to see no sign
of the car in their driveway. That would have been too much to expect, she
thought resignedly. Rick had always been home early before Soraya came to stay,
but nowadays it was more often after seven before he appeared. Ella couldn’t
get rid of the feeling that he was avoiding spending time with them. Yes, it had
turned into ‘him’ and ‘us’. Yet he was more intent than ever on having the
adoption finalised. At least, he talked about it regularly, but… Ella bit her
lip. His adoption talk – something about it wasn’t genuine, but she couldn’t
put her finger on what was wrong.

At ten past seven the car lurched into the driveway and Rick
emerged, switching on a grin as soon as he saw her at the window.

‘Hi, honey. Hi, love.’ He tossed a packet of crisps to
Soraya, and came to kiss Ella’s cheek.

It was difficult not to scream at him. What on earth did he
think he was doing? A peck on the cheek twice a day was the sum total of their
physical relationship now; a symptom of the decay in their marriage. Rick was
still sleeping in the spare room, and although she had tried to say they’d
never make their marriage work like this, he wouldn’t change. Which didn’t make
her feel great. Had he gone off her completely? Yet she was still ‘love’ – and
he brought flowers too, once a week at least. A guilty conscience? But he
couldn’t be having an affair, he was home every evening. Nothing about his
behaviour added up, but at least he was always nice to Soraya now. Although…
Ella joined them, frowning as Rick examined the drawings the girl had brought
home from school. Soraya still wasn’t relaxed in Rick’s company. Trust had been
broken, and it would take a long time to rebuild it. Hopefully Liz wouldn’t
notice, because a postponement of the court date was the last thing they
needed. And talking of Liz, the adoption worker was visiting them tomorrow for
the last time before the holidays. Had Rick remembered?

As usual, Ella had coffee ready in the kitchen when Liz
arrived. The social worker wasn’t one for formality.

‘Where’s Soraya this morning?’ Liz helped herself to sugar.

‘Getting dressed. First long lie-in of the holidays and all
that.’ Ella passed the biscuits, noticing that Rick was shifting around on his
chair. He was having to take an hour off work for this meeting, but big deal.
He was there until nearly seven in the evening nowadays so it couldn’t be a
problem – could it?

Feet thundering on the stairs was followed by a thud and a
shriek before Soraya burst into the kitchen, clutching her head.

‘I banged my head on the banister!’

Rick was nearest and Ella was glad – and surprised, to be
honest – to see him reach out to the child, but she swerved away and buried her
head in Ella’s front. A cuddle and a cold cloth followed by some magic cream
did the trick, and Soraya ate her cereal at her usual breakneck speed. When she
pushed her bowl away Liz stood up, looking from Ella to Rick.

‘Maybe Soraya could show me her shell garden, and afterwards
the three of us can have a talk?’

Soraya jumped up and led the way outside.

Ella clasped shaking hands under her chin. Liz had never
suggested ‘a talk’ so specifically before. ‘She’s noticed something.’

‘Like what?’

‘Oh for heaven’s sake, Rick, stop pretending everything’s
all right; it’s infuriating. Anyone with half a brain can see things are all
wrong here.’

A muscle was jumping in the corner of his eye, and she
stared at it. Where had that come from?

He turned his head away. ‘You’re exaggerating. As usual.
Don’t worry, I’ll explain to Liz.’

Ella propped her elbows on the table and leaned her head on
both hands. There was no time to talk tactics; all she could hope was Rick’s
explanation wouldn’t make things worse. And hopefully too Liz wouldn’t look in
the shed, because the floor was still an embarrassing mess.

Liz appeared at the kitchen door. ‘She sure loves those
shells, doesn’t she?’ She sat down and opened her folder, frowning as she
shuffled a couple of papers around. ‘So, just a few more weeks and then you’re
finalised. Ella, Rick – is everything all right? I couldn’t help feeling a
tension in the air. Is there anything I can help with?’

Rick leaned back in his chair. ‘You know us too well. I’ve
had work-related problems this summer, and I suppose it’s made me grumpy, but
it’s just a blip. We’re going to stay with Ella’s parents in Yorkshire tomorrow
so we’ll be able to do loads of family things there. Did Soraya say anything?’

‘It was more what she didn’t say. She seems happier in
Ella’s company. No doubts about the adoption, then?’ She was looking straight
at Rick, and Ella held her breath.

‘It can’t come soon enough for me.’ The sincerity in his
voice was unmistakable, and Liz laughed.

‘Won’t be much longer now. Summer holidays first, then
you’ll be official parents.’

Yes, thought Ella, and the problem with summer holidays was
they’d be together all day, every day for the next two weeks. It suddenly
sounded like a very long time. Was the visit to her parents – where they’d have
to share a bedroom – really a good idea? But Mum and Dad would be disappointed
if they didn’t go.

‘I don’t know when I’ll be home tonight, might be after seven
again,’ said Rick, when Liz had gone. ‘I’ll have to leave things in order for
the others while I’m away.’

Exhaustion washed over Ella. ‘Does it matter? All you do
when you are here is avoid talking about the important stuff.’

He patted her shoulder and she cringed. His touch made her
cringe.

‘Don’t worry, Ella. There’ll be plenty of time to talk when
we’re on holiday, and new things to think about too.’

He drove off, and Ella slumped, then turned to the stairs.
She would pack a case for each of them, ready for the journey tomorrow. Then
she and Soraya would go to the beach. At least she could give her girl a happy
day.

It was after five when they returned home, and to Ella’s
surprise the car was in the driveway. Soraya ran up the garden with the new
shells, carefully washed in sea water, and Ella took the swimming things in
through the kitchen door. She’d need to use the dryer to have this lot ready to
go tomorrow; an afternoon at the beach the day before they left maybe hadn’t
been such a clever idea. She plonked the beach bag on a chair and pulled out
the towels. Rick was on the phone, she could hear his voice in the dining room.
Hopefully they wouldn’t call him from work every five minutes while they were
away. But… was this work calling? Rick’s voice sounded odd…

Ella inched towards the dining room and leaned her head on
the door frame. It was a long, long time since she’d heard that tone in Rick’s
voice. Bile rose in her throat.

‘Oh, darling, I know, it was such bad luck… it’s only
another four weeks… I’ll call you every day… ’Bye, sweetheart.’

Horror and fury vied for space in her head and Ella shoved
the door open, spitting the words out. ‘Who the
hell
were you talking to?’

Was she doing the right thing, confronting him? It had been
a gut reaction. For her own self-respect, she had to say something.

Rick dropped his phone on the table, his face
expressionless. ‘I’m sorry you heard that, Ella, but if you do things my way
it’ll all work out for you and Soraya. Please.’

Ella couldn’t stop her temper boiling over. He had another
woman –
bloody
hell, who was it? – and what did he
mean by ‘It’ll all work out’? Was that a threat – if she didn’t co-operate with
his sordid little affair, he would sabotage the adoption?

‘Are you blackmailing me?’

His voice was tired. ‘Ella, we’re going to do this my way.
You know it’s Soraya you want, not me, so don’t pretend to be so indignant.’

‘That is so not true. And how stupid – oh, get out of my
sight, Rick. Go.’

Hearing Soraya skip into the kitchen, Ella fled upstairs.
She couldn’t speak to him now with Soraya looking on. Dear God in heaven, what
could she do? They couldn’t possibly all go on holiday to her parents and
pretend everything was all right. What could she do to make this better? And
Soraya – her beautiful girl…

Tears dripping from her chin, Ella went into the bathroom
and turned on the shower to drown her sobs. She sat on the stool, face buried
in her towel, her body shaking. This was the worst thing, the most awful thing…

The sound of the car driving off calmed her. Thank heavens,
he’d gone. She didn’t have to go downstairs and look at him. Ella splashed cold
water on her cheeks and examined her face in the mirror. She wouldn’t win Miss
Cornwall, but a six-year-old wouldn’t notice that. A slosh of lippie and some
powder and she almost looked normal. And – best idea ever – she would call her
parents and tell them she and Soraya would be visiting by themselves. A
complete break from the situation here was the only way forward.

‘How about pasta bake for tea?’ she called as she ran
downstairs. ‘You can chop some ham to put in it – Soraya?’

The house was silent, and Ella went into the garden.

‘Soraya?’

Nothing.

Cold sweat broke out on Ella’s forehead. No. Oh no. Her
breath ragged, she ran back inside. The living room was empty. She stumbled
into the dining room and the world spun darkly. The cases… she’d left them by
the sideboard, ready for tomorrow’s departure.

One case stood there now. Her own.