Christopher and Jaime (Pianos and Promises #1) (6 page)

I fell into a fitful sleep holding onto his hand near his bedside. I woke up with a start. I swore I heard him call my name, but when my eyes came into focus, I could see he was still unconscious. I looked at the time, it was only four in the morning. I pulled my knees up to my chest and rested my head on them. My mind wandered back to his first year of graduate school at Duke.

We’d missed each other again in passing. I had come home to start school after four years of traveling just as he was leaving for North Carolina. He hadn’t been gone a month when I got a phone call from him. I could hear the loneliness in his voice, and some homesickness. He wouldn’t admit it.

He got a C on some big test, and it had floored him. He was a straight-A student, and a perfectionist. I think it finally hit him that he was now a little fish in a big pond. He didn’t ask me to come, but I was always up for a road trip. I skipped classes on Friday and drove the eight hours to surprise him. He lived in an apartment with a couple of other guys, but I stayed with him anyway. It’s not like I could have afforded a hotel, and besides, we never left each other’s side. I brought all of our favorite movies and made caramel popcorn. That first night, we stayed curled up together on his couch. We hardly said a word to each other, only our presence was needed. I remembered him squeezing my hand repeatedly, as if he was checking to make sure I was really there. It had been a while since we had seen each other, though we emailed every day. I still hadn’t gotten a cell phone and he always teased me about it.

I remembered resting my head on his shoulder that night, wishing he would kiss me. We had both recently broken up with someone else, and it seemed like the perfect time. I had almost kissed him, but I had too much girl in me at that point to be so forward. I wanted him to make the first move. I couldn’t stand the thought of being rejected by him.

I grabbed his journal to see if he had any thoughts about that weekend. I wondered if it even registered on his radar. I flipped through page after page. I noticed some of his pages had several days on them, like he had only written a line or two about the day’s events. I caught a passage about Bianca as I was flipping through. They met while undergrads at the University of Tennessee. She was a couple of years older than us.

It was dated a few days before my visit to North Carolina.

Bianca called, she thinks maybe we should give ourselves a second chance.

I didn’t know they had dated during their time at UT. I couldn’t think about it right then. I already felt ill. I fast forwarded a couple of pages and found what I was looking for.

Jaimes showed up this weekend. It was just what I needed. I’m glad she’s finally back in the states. My buddies all wanted to hook up with her. I noticed the way Beck looked at her especially, but I told them all to keep the hell away from her. They all want to know why I haven’t hooked up with her yet. I kept staring down at her while she slept on me Friday night, wondering the same thing. Maybe because I can get a girlfriend anytime I want, but real friends are hard to come by and she is the only friend I’ve ever needed.

I don’t know why we watch movies together. She falls asleep every time and we always watch the same ones. She has some weird obsession with eighties movies. In particular, a film called
Some Kind of Wonderful
. I watched it after she fell asleep. I think it was the first time I noticed that the best friends ended up together. I wonder if that’s why she likes it. Maybe someday that will be Jaime and me, but she needs to finish school and I need to focus on grad school.

And then there’s Bianca, she does something for me. She has her act together and the thought of her in a sexy suit in a courtroom drives me wild.

I slammed the journal shut. I had my act together, too, just not in a way he always agreed with. I learned way more traveling the world than I ever did in a classroom. So what if I didn’t go to some expensive private college and get a degree in law, or if I didn’t wear sexy outfits every day? I got to help villages in Africa get clean water. I helped the Red Cross vaccinate children to protect them from measles. I toured Mozart’s home in Vienna and the Bach House is Leipzig. I experienced the beauty of the Louvre and picked pineapples in Hawaii. I played piano on a cruise ship. I met dozens of people that impacted my life and that I made forever connections with. I helped people raise their children. And I was raising his child.

So maybe I would never make millions with my music and teaching degrees, but at least I was helping people and wasn’t consumed with myself or my career. He and Bianca were perfect for each other—two self-absorbed people that wouldn’t know what real love was if it bit them.

And he was right, I did adore that movie because I thought maybe someday he would see I was the perfect woman for him. That what we had was real love. And when we first got married, I thought he had finally gotten it. But it was short-lived. I wasn’t sure he knew how to love anymore. He hadn’t always been that way.

Deep down, I knew he had it in him. I had been the recipient of it. I saw how he took care of his aging grandparents with such tenderness and dignity. And there were moments when he read to Allie or played with her on the floor that I saw the man he could be. He was the man that held me all night long when my mom was diagnosed with cancer eight years ago. He didn’t hesitate when I’d said I needed him. He’d dropped everything on his plate and drove from North Carolina to be with me. He helped me have hope that it would all work out, and thankfully it had. He sent me flowers a year later when my mom got her first clean bill of health. The card read,
I told you so.
He was the man that spoon-fed his grandfather, wiped his chin, and kissed his cheeks.

I wanted that man back. I don’t know why he was so consumed with success and making money. His grandparents had left him a nice nest egg from the sale of their estate and what they had in cash and holdings. Chris was set, but for some reason he felt like he had to prove he could be just as, or more, successful on his own. But didn’t he realize the success he was after was fleeting? Did he not see what his grandparents valued most was him and each other? Not their possessions or status. Was this really the legacy he wanted to leave Allie?

Around six in the morning I decided to go home to shower and change. And I needed a dose of Allie. My mom was going to come up and stay with her at my place.

I kissed Christopher’s bandaged head and lingered. I missed kissing him. One thing our marriage hadn’t lacked was physical intimacy. I thought it might be awkward at first since we had known each other for so long, but that only made it better. I slept in his arms every night for two years. I still dreaded going to sleep without him. I missed the way he kissed my neck every morning before he got up to run on the treadmill. I missed watching the sweat drip off him and jumping in the shower with him before Allie woke up. Every day, for those brief moments where I had him just to myself, I felt like that was where I always belonged. I thought maybe he had felt that way, too.

I wondered if he missed me. Did the bed feel empty to him? I know he used to watch me sleep on the couch almost every night once I left our bed. He would sit on the square coffee table and watch me, sometimes for minutes, but sometimes much longer. He thought I was asleep, but I was always drawn to his presence. I could hear him breathe, shift his position, and sigh. At times I was tempted to turn toward him, to ask him why, to beg him to change. But I lay there in the still of the night, mostly wondering why he didn’t say anything to me. Why was he watching me?

“I love you,” I whispered to his still form. I gathered up his belongings, including his journal, and took them with me. I knew he wouldn’t want those things lying around. And I knew I couldn’t tell him how much I loved him when he woke up.

I ran home to clean up before I went to get my Allie bug. Walking into my unpacked house was a glaring reminder of how much my life was in chaos. It reminded me that I had a slew of phone calls to return. The insurance company of the woman who hit Chris had called and left messages, as had Chris’ company. I couldn’t deal with it yesterday. And I didn’t want to today, but I knew I had to. But first, a shower, some food, and my baby.

I let the warm water engulf me. The worry began to creep in. Was Chris going to fully recover? How was Allie going to deal with this new turn of events? We had already put her life in upheaval. All she wanted was for Mommy and Daddy to live together again, preferably in our new place. She was so over the loft. Our new home was small, but it had a big backyard and she could laugh, play, and sing at the top of her lungs without disturbing the neighbors or her dad. He was never harsh with her, but when he was home, he was always asking her to keep it down.

I guess he forgot how loud he was as a kid. Sometimes when I was at his house for piano lessons he would howl like an idiot. And when he and his buddies got going, it was deafening. I missed that kid.

Right now, though, I would take arguing with him just to know he was okay.

The water ran cold. I forgot I no longer lived in a place with an endless supply. One perk of the loft. At least the cold was invigorating.

I wrapped myself in a towel and called to check on Allie.

“Hey, sis. How are you holding up?” Caleb asked before I could get a word in.

“Just fine.”

“You would say that even if your house burned down.”

“Probably.”

“How’s Chris?”

“The doctors say his EEG patterns look normal, and they’ll check later today to see if the swelling has gone down. It’s weird to see him so helpless.”

“You sound tired. You’ve sounded that way for a long time. I’ll bring Allie to you this morning.”

“Look at you being all big brotherish.”

“I’m here for you if you ever want to let it out.”

“I’m just trying to get through the days right now.”

“Let us know what we can do to help.”

“Thanks. Taking care of Allie last night was perfect.”

After my phone call to my brother, I fell onto my unmade bed. I still hadn’t unpacked the bedding. I had slept on the couch the first night here, it had seemed less lonely and real.

I needed a part of Chris. I leaned over the edge of the bed to grab the journal. I propped myself up on my hand and let the journal choose its page. It fell open to a place in time that still haunted my memories. It was almost seven years ago, the night before Chris married Bianca.

My last night as a single man. Jaimes came to my bachelor party and wiped us clean at poker. She looked good with my ball cap on backwards, pretending to smoke a cigar. She had been distant since we announced our engagement, so I’m glad she showed up. Except watching her turned my feet ice cold. It doesn’t help that Gran is unhappy about my decision. Bianca’s good for me. She pushes me. I wish she could see that. And Jaimes is dating that professor. The guy can bore you to death talking about music theory.

Am I making a mistake like Gran says? Jaime and I are night and day, but what is one without the other? I asked Jaimes tonight when I walked her out to her car if she could give me one good reason not to marry Bianca. She didn’t answer for the longest time. Instead she pulled me to her and rested her head on my shoulder. I held her there in the parking lot. I could feel her shake. In the end, she whispered, “I can’t.” She kissed my cheek and took off. I almost went after her, but I thought about Bianca. We make sense.

I closed the journal and rolled on my back. I felt a pit in my stomach. I feared I made a critical error that night. Why hadn’t I told him I loved him? Maybe he would have changed his mind. I wanted to, and I almost did, but he and Bianca had already bought a place together and I was with Julian, who was a great guy even if Chris thought he was boring.

I had sat with his grandmother at the wedding the next day, feeling like I would puke. She leaned over before it began and whispered in my ear, “I’ll give you ten thousand dollars if you stand up to object.” She wasn’t kidding. “You should have told him you loved him. You missed your chance, darling.” Unfortunately, Julian was sitting on my other side and he heard her. It didn’t help that he stared at me during the whole ceremony while tears streamed down my face. We broke up that night. Not a tear was shed for that event.

I thought nothing would ever be more painful than to watch Chris marry another woman. I was wrong.

Holding our baby in my arms did me a world of good. I kissed her head and cheeks dozens of times until she giggled.

“Stop, Mommy.”

“Never.” I kissed her some more.

Her laugh was infectious. I needed that more than anything today.

“Did you have fun playing with Emeline?”

“Uh-huh, but I want to see Daddy.”

I squeezed her tight as she sat on my lap. “I know, baby, but you aren’t old enough and Daddy is sleeping for a few days.” It was the best way I could describe it to her. “He got a big bump on his head and they’re trying to make it all better.”

Her bottom lip quivered and her blue eyes filled up with tears.

“It’s going to be all right.” It had to be. “Grandma is coming to take you to the zoo while I go stay with Daddy. Do you want to make him a card?”

She nodded with vigor. “And can I give him Benny?”

“I’m sure he would love that.” Benny was her stuffed cow she’d had since she was two. She used to carry it around with her everywhere, but now was slowly outgrowing him. She still slept with him though, so this was a sacrifice on her part.

I found the box with art supplies in it, and set bug up at the table while I finished getting ready. I was braiding my hair when Chris’ executive assistant, Charles Beckett, called. He wasn’t only an assistant, he was Chris’ friend, Allie’s godfather, and my ex-boyfriend. To us, he was Beck, the Beck he had mentioned in his journal. We had weaved a tangled web.

I put him on speaker and his debonair voice echoed in my bathroom. I pictured him perfectly in my mind: sleek suit; subdued tie; and dark, slicked-back hair. He was a good mix of Colin Firth and Hugh Grant—the charm of Hugh mixed with the intensity of Colin.

Like Chris mentioned, he and Beck had been friends since their days at Duke. And just like Chris, he was a licensed commercial broker, but he was better suited being on the admin end of it. I dated him on and off for a year while he was attending Duke. Long distance relationships were tricky, and it was made even more so since I was hopelessly devoted to Chris. It was during the same time Chris and Bianca started getting serious, and I was having a terrible time deciding if I was with Beck because I liked him or because I needed someone to help me deal with losing Chris. Beck finally broke it off. I’ll never forget his words. “For you, I would play second best, love, but you need to sort out your feelings.” His British accent alone was worth sticking around for, but he was right, I wasn’t being fair to him. I did my best to hide my feelings for Chris, but I never could successfully mask them.

“Jaime, love, how’s your bloke this morning?”

“You mean yours?”

“Now that won’t do. You two need to kiss and make out, or up, or whatever it is you do. He’s been a beast to work for the last few months. I told him to buy you something shiny already and beg for your forgiveness. I miss your visits at the office.”

Until our separation, I had tried to drop by the office once a week to bring Chris his favorite coffee and muffins or meet him for lunch. I had also enlisted Beck’s help to set up some other surprises, but I couldn’t think about those because it only opened the unhealed wounds surrounding my heart.

“He’s still in a coma,” I answered.

“Love, how are you holding up?”

“Better than he is.”

“He’ll come through. He’s has too much to live for.”

“Yeah, the Addison building.”

“Cheeky this morning. I will give you that he’s an arse, but he’s been beside himself ever since you’ve split up. Every time I walk into his office, he’s staring at the picture of you and my goddaughter.” There was always such love in his voice when he spoke about Allie.

I was surprised he hadn’t taken the picture down. I supposed since Allie was in it, he kept it up. “Does he still have the picture of Bianca on his desk?” I wasn’t sure why I even asked that. Like I needed more heartache this morning.

“Don’t even get me going on that slag. And no, that picture is long gone. I say good riddance. Christopher was never as chuffed with her. And I’ve never seen him so gutted, not even when the hag died, may she burn in hell.”

He made me laugh. “That’s not a very nice thing to say.”

“I’ve said and thought worse. I have no intention of making it to heaven, so it’s all brilliant.”

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Making me smile.”

“I do enjoy that smile of yours.”

“Beck.”

“I know. You had to marry the prat we both claim as our mate. For all our sakes, I hope he figures out what the bloody hell he’s got going for him before it’s too late.”

“It is too late.”

“I don’t believe that. He may have lost the plot for a moment, but he doesn’t want to lose you.”

Talking to Beck was like speaking a different language sometimes. I didn’t respond to him. Chris’s actions were counter to what Beck was saying.

“I gave him a severe ear-bashing over it.”

“I’m sure that went over well.”

“He took it. He knows what a right prat he’s been.”

“By the way, I think he might have some files that you need. Do you want to meet me at the hospital for lunch?”

“Is that an invitation? I know what you and Christopher do on your ‘lunch’ dates. I’m still jealous.”

I felt myself blush.

“Don’t be shy,” he said as if he knew my cheeks were turning pink. “I’ll see you midday.”

He was just what I needed to lighten my mood, even if it was temporary. It was particularly helpful before my mom arrived. I loved my mom, but she was not happy when Christopher and I decided to get married. I’m not sure any of my family was, except Bree. And she was more like supportive.

“Grandma Karen.” Allie jumped off her seat to greet my mom at the door.

I will say that my mom, for as unhappy as she was about my marriage, took to grandmothering Allie in no time at all.

My mom picked her up and held her tight.

“Thanks for coming, Mom.”

She gave me a wry smile and set my daughter down.

“Baby doll, why don’t you finish your card for Daddy. I’m going to leave in a minute.”

She trotted off to the table.

I turned back toward my mom. “Sorry everything is in disarray, but there’s plenty of food in the refrigerator and Allie’s bed is set up. I’ll be back either late tonight or early tomorrow morning, depending.”

“Don’t worry about us. We’ll have a grand time.”

“Thanks.” I turned to walk back toward my bedroom to get my bag and Chris’ briefcase for Beck.

My mom followed me. “So how’s Chris?” she whispered.

“It’s hard to know for sure, but the doctor is optimistic.”

“I suppose this changes things.”

I rubbed my forehead. “What do you mean?”

“I guess you’ll be taking him back.”

“No, but I wish you wouldn’t say it like that. I know how unhappy I made you by marrying him, but it’s over now, so everyone can say I told you so and move on.” I held on to my bedpost for strength. I didn’t have the time or the energy to break down.

“Jaime Jo, we’re worried about you. We don’t want you to get hurt again.”

“Nothing hurts more than losing Chris. I love him.”

She reached over and touched my cheek. “You always have. We knew you would eventually end up together, but your daddy and I were hoping he would have matured more before that happened.”

“Chris is plenty mature.”

“Not in the ways that count. He’s always thought more about his own wants and needs.

Why do you think we let you run off to Europe?”

I raised my eyebrows. “Because you wanted me to see what the world had to offer.”

“We wanted you to see what a world without Christopher offered.”

“Now I know, so you and Dad can be happy. Mission accomplished.”

“If you think this makes us happy, you’re sorely mistaken. We hoped it would work out. For a while there, we thought it might. We just want you to be careful. You’re in a vulnerable spot now.”

“Don’t worry, I have no intention of taking him back. He doesn’t want me anyway.”

“Oh honey, he does, but until he figures out what being a husband and father are really all about, he doesn’t deserve you.”

“I know, Mom.”

“I love you. I hope Chris gets better soon, and I don’t just mean physically.”

I kissed her cheek. “Thanks for watching Allie.”

She smiled. “Any time.”

I felt like crying all the way to the hospital, but I held it in. My parents were rightly reserved when I announced I was marrying Chris. It didn’t help the situation that we married two weeks after our decision. My parents did their best to be gracious and even put together a lovely little wedding for me, their only daughter. We had married in front of the large magnolia tree in my parents’ backyard. It was perfect timing, the tree was in full bloom and I remembered everything with exact clarity.

I had walked across the lawn barefoot in my, white, off-the-shoulder summer dress, toward a smiling Chris, who was dressed semi-casually in dark slacks and a white button-up shirt. Allie was standing in front of him, looking adorable in a white-cotton dress to match mine, holding a small bouquet of sunflowers. We thought at first it would be only my family and a few close friends, but we were surprised how many old friends and teachers wanted to come. Just like my mom said, they all knew we would eventually end up together. I’m glad someone did, because I sure didn’t.

I don’t really remember what the preacher said that day, I was so taken by the man who held my hand and never let go that day, or even for the next couple of days. It was like no one else existed outside of our little family. During the ceremony, Chris held my gaze and frequently reached up and stroked my cheek; he even stole kisses between the preacher’s flowery words. I felt loved and adored.

Then the kiss the bride moment came and I thought he would be dramatic about it, like he was with Bianca, dipping me down and showing off, but it wasn’t like that at all. He took me in his arms and whispered for my ears only, “You’re so beautiful.” He ran his hand down the length of my cheek before he leaned in, and with gentle sweetness, pressed his lips against mine. I felt cherished. It felt different from the wild, passionate kisses we had been sharing in the days leading up to our wedding. Those kisses spoke of making up for lost time and enjoying this newfound aspect of our relationship, but our first kiss between husband and wife felt like forever.

But now forever was lost.