Christopher and Jaime (Pianos and Promises #1) (7 page)

BOOK: Christopher and Jaime (Pianos and Promises #1)
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Chapter Six

I placed the card our bug made near his bedside, along with Benny the cow. The card broke my heart. She drew a picture of the three of us all holding hands with a big heart around it. I hated that her big heart was being broken.

I settled in by his side. He looked worse this morning. I could see more bruising on his scruff-filled face. I knew he would hate that he wasn’t clean shaved, but I always liked the five o’clock shadow. His brow was furrowed and I could see frustration on his swollen face. If he was aware at all, I was sure it was killing him to be bedridden. He was the kind of person that never called in sick, and if ever he was sick, he would go anyway and push through it. I admired his dedication, I only wished he was equally so with Allie and me.

I found myself holding his hand. It was what we did, and I knew we never would again. That thought ached so much, I felt like I couldn’t catch my breath.

I intruded into his thoughts again, too. I opened the journal and it fell open to the page where he had attached his grandma’s funeral program. I had felt as if my own grandmother had died when she passed away. Miss Allison had taken a nasty spill and ended up in the hospital. It only got worse from there—infection and then pneumonia. Her body couldn’t recover. I was there with Chris when she passed. He held one of her hands, and I held the other. I remembered the tears welling up in his eyes. I had saved mine. I wanted to be strong for him.

“Thanks for always being there for me,” he whispered across her lifeless body.

It’s a horrible thing to listen to the heart monitor slowly retire, especially when it’s a loved one. It was like watching an hour glass trickle away until the last grain of sand fell.

It was a rough time for Chris all around, and maybe for me, too. At the time, they had just found out they were pregnant with Allie. Shock was an understatement. And like I said, Bianca’s reaction was atrocious.

I understood being scared, but she was vile, referring to her unborn baby as an infectious disease or parasite that was going to ruin her figure. I think she purposely ate less. I believe her attitude gave Christopher some pause, though he never said anything to me. But, oddly, after Miss Allison’s passing Bianca began to behave better about the impending arrival. I tried not to be suspicious about it, because I was insanely jealous. At the time, I threw myself into finishing my master’s program to deal with my unfavorable feelings.

I flipped through the pages of Chris’ thoughts on the subject. Besides the grief I already knew he felt because I lived it with him, there was a passage I was caught off guard by.

Gran’s estate sale took place today. It was more successful than we had anticipated. I wish I could say what a relief that was, or even how happy I am about it, but selling off my memories and disappointing the woman who raised me has brought neither. Even worse, I devastated Jaimes. She won’t mention it, but her look at the auction said it all. What in the hell is wrong with me? Gran wanted her piano to go to Jaime, and there Jaimes sat to bid on it. She never had a chance. The first bid alone knocked her out of contention. She walked out without a word to me. It was like she knew. Why didn’t I give her the piano? It was mine to give. No, it was hers. She loved it and no one, not even Gran, played it so well. They belonged together.

But where would she put it? She lives in a dive barely big enough for her.

Bianca said the money we made from it will be better spent investing in our future. That doesn’t feel right. I don’t feel right. In an instant, I disappointed the two women who have been a constant, unfailing presence in my life. Neither would have ever acted so selfishly.

I’ll make it up to Jaimes.

I looked up from the book and dropped Christopher’s hand. Miss Allison had promised me the piano, but I didn’t say anything. I thought maybe she had changed her mind, because I knew if she had told Chris, he would have made sure it was given to me. My trust had been misplaced. How could he? He knew how much that piano meant to me. How much his grandmother meant to me.

She wasn’t just a once-a-week teacher to me. Anytime I was there we sat at her piano, talking and playing. She gave me priceless advice like, don’t bother with pantyhose, the devil invented them. Or, if you eat a cookie while standing up and drinking a diet soda, you won’t feel the calories. Beyond her sage advice, we talked plenty about Chris. “You two were written in the stars,” she would say. It was on that bench I first saw Christopher.

“Do you know my grandson?” Miss Allison had asked.

I shook my head no. We went to different elementary schools. He went to the brand new one where all the well-to-do families went. I went to the one across the railroad tracks. My first glimpse of a gangly Chris gave me my earliest taste of butterflies in my stomach. He flashed a crooked smile at me as he tossed a soccer ball in the air, and that’s all it took—I was his. By the way Miss Allison smiled at me, I thought she knew from the very start that he had stolen my heart.

After every lesson, she would say, “Why don’t you go find Chris?”

He was always waiting for me with an adventure. Sometimes it was down by the river where he taught me how to catch a fish with my hands, or in the Foster’s orchard where we ate apples until we were sick to our stomachs. Or sometimes we just held hands on the back porch swing, not saying a word.

That boy would have never sold his Gran’s piano.

The dam broke, and tears streamed down my face as I watched Chris’s heart monitor and wondered where his heart truly lay. I was interrupted by Beck, who came by early.

I wiped away the foreign water works from my face, but I wasn’t fooling anyone.

There Beck stood, looking dashing. I could have had my own Prince William, but Beck deserved a woman who could give him all of her heart.

“I don’t do emotional females,” he stated.

I smiled and wiped more tears away.

Beck was all talk, and before I knew it I was wrapped up in his arms and sobbing. Crying for what used to be, what could have been, and for all that I had lost.

Beck patted my back. “It’s a good thing you’re gorgeous without makeup, or I would be sending you a bill for mucking up my suit. Now tell me what’s causing these tears?”

I turned away from him and stared at Chris.

“Him? He might be mucked up now, but he’ll pull through.”

“It’s not that. I’m beginning to feel like I never knew him. I feel like a fool for marrying him and pining for him for over half my life. He’s never loved me.”

“That’s bollocks.”

I picked up the journal and handed it to Beck. He perused the cover. “So you’ve been prying.”

I nodded with shame.

He eyed me carefully. “You look peckish. Let’s go get something to eat.”

“I’m not really that hungry.”

“Too bad.” He reached for my hand and pulled me all the way to the cafeteria. “Sit,” he ordered while he went off to grab us some food.

I stared at the journal while I waited for him. Maybe I should have never opened the wretched thing. Of course I shouldn’t have; it was meant to be private.

Beck returned with an assortment of desserts and two bottles of water.

I raised my eyebrow. “You consider this lunch?”

“This is bare-your-soul food.” He handed me a fork.

I pulled the carrot cake towards me. “Thank you.”

He took the large piece of chocolate cake. “So what deep, dark secret did you discover whilst snooping?”

I set my fork down. My stomach was churning. “Now who’s being nosy?”

“Love, I know every move Christopher makes. I own his life, but you, you own his heart.”

I shook my head. “No, I don’t. He gave that away to Bianca.”

He waved his hand around. “Please. He may have lost his head over her, but you, darling, you have the ability to destroy him.”

“I don’t think so.” I tried a small bite of the carrot cake. It wasn’t half bad.

“Let’s start with another question. Tell me why you love him.”

I looked up from my cake into Beck’s green eyes. Such passion lived inside of them. I don’t know why English men get a bad rap for being emotionless. Beck was quite the romantic. I sighed. “There are a hundred different reasons, but none of them matter now.”

“That’s rubbish.”

I felt tears forming, but I held them at bay. “When we were growing up, he always saved a seat for me at lunch. And during gym, when he was the team captain, which was more often than not, he chose me first, even though the best I could hope for was to not fall flat on my face.”

Beck chuckled.

“And he emailed me every day when I lived in Paris. I was homesick and unwilling to admit it, but it was like he knew. Not even my family communicated with me so frequently. He would write things like, ‘Please don’t become like the French women who don’t shave their legs.’ Did you know Chris plays the piano, too?”

Beck grinned, but shook his head no.

“It’s true. His Gran taught him along with me, but the only time he would play was when we did duets.” My favorite was “West Side Story Medley.” He would try his best to trip me up, or grab my hand while my fingers zipped across the keys. The thought reminded me of what I had just read. The tears crept up again. “He sold her piano. She wanted me to have it, but he put it on the auction block for Bianca. I loved that piano and the memories it created, and he gave it away, just like me. He only cares about himself.”

Beck sat up, business like, and brushed off his sleeves. “Now, I don’t know about any piano, and I agree Chris is an arrogant arse, but I can’t let you lie. Mind you, I’m not making excuses for his neglect of Allie and you. I’ve warned him the long days were going to catch up to him, but you have no idea the pressure he’s been under. I know he didn’t want to worry you, but when one of the investors for the Addison deal fell through, he bought in with his own money. And it’s taking longer to get tenants to fill the spaces than we originally projected, making the other investors jumpy. Chris has been wining and dining potential tenants every night, and during the day tracking down any possible lead, all while trying to sell and lease other properties. You don’t know how many times he’s commented that he’s put his family’s finances in jeopardy.”

I sat back, astounded by the news. I thought he was exaggerating when he wrote about possible bankruptcy. “Why didn’t he say anything? He knows I don’t care about how much money he makes.”

“But he does, and he cares for you. I have a feeling if you dig deeper into that journal of his, you might get some more insight. You owe that to yourself and Allie.” He was protective of his goddaughter.

“So you’re advocating my snooping?”

“No love, I’m saying you might want to get the whole picture before you muck things up.”

“They’re already messed up.”

He reached across the table with his masculine hand and took mine. “He doesn’t deserve you. I’m doing this for myself. I’m going to have to start polishing my resume and finding some real work if he doesn’t quit acting like a petulant child.”

I knew he was all talk. He was as loyal to Chris as I had been over the years. And he was a hard worker. He put in almost as many hours as Chris. “We’re not staying together.”

He squeezed my hand. “I wouldn’t wager on it. But if not, I’m still happy to play second best.”

I squeezed his hand harder. “I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you.”

“It’s my own fault. I knew it was a one-off chance, but you, gorgeous, were worth the risk.”

I blushed and turned to the desserts on the table.

“It was always a lovely shade on you.”

I bit my lip and ignored him. I tried to eat some more cake while he returned calls and emails. Like Chris, he was attached to his phone, but today I was glad for it. I hadn’t realized the stress Chris was under. I wished he would have told me what was really going on. For Chris’ sake, I was glad Beck was there to pick up the slack while Chris recovered. At least I hoped he was recovering. The hospital was performing another CT scan that afternoon to see if the swelling was under control.

In the meantime, I had some reading to do.

Chapter Seven

I wasn’t sure how long I would have access to Chris’s journal, so I started where we became husband and wife.

I married Jaime over the weekend. I finally understand why they call it making love. There wasn’t time for a real honeymoon, but this weekend of only her and me was incredible. Best honeymoon I’ve ever had. Until this morning, I’ve never had the urge to skip a day of work, but watching her sleep in our bed, I can’t think of any other place I would rather be. She’s beautiful. And she’s mine.

I felt myself internally heat up thinking back to those first days as husband and wife. I was surprised he wrote something so intimate, but I had felt the same way. It was the best weekend of my life. Any worry I’d had about our future melted away during the course of those couple of days. Everything about it felt so right. For a while, he tried his best to come home at a decent time, and as soon as Allie was sound asleep, we were wrapped up in one another in true newlywed fashion.

I read on, and for many more pages it was mostly business related. I began to see the worry creep in about the Addison building. Contractors were sloppy, or untimely; the costs were sky rocketing. He questioned cashing out the annuity he had purchased with the sale of his grandparent’s estate. Allie and I were considerations in it.

I hope I haven’t robbed my family of our financial security. I’m trusting in my research and trends. I’ll do whatever it takes to make this work for us. Allie and Jaime deserve that. And when it’s all settled, I’ll take Jaime on that honeymoon I promised her.

From what Beck said, it still wasn’t settled. That made the trip to Italy we would never go on more surprising. I didn’t need the trip or lots of money. Allie and I just needed
him
. He probably didn’t understand that because he grew up with both money and doting grandparents. I never had money to throw around, and even being married to Chris, I lived within a budget. I drove him a little nuts with it, but I didn’t marry him for money.

I still remember with fondness our fight over what kind of car he was going to buy me. He didn’t want Allie being driven around in a death trap, as he called my ancient car. He wanted to put me in some luxury SUV, but I wanted a simple sedan. He finally gave up taking me to car dealerships. He came home one night with the keys to a Volvo and the next day he had my car towed away. I think he donated it to some charity for veterans so I wouldn’t protest.

He kissed me on the cheek while pressing the key into my hand. “Please accept the car. I want you and Allie to be safe.” His sincerity was apparent.

Moments like those bridged the gap for me. They gave me incentive to make our marriage work despite our differences and expectations.

The Addison deal, and some other minor contracts, began to consume his journal entries. I skimmed through them, only picking out pieces like this one.

I should learn to never underestimate Jaime. While I find her to be irresistibly beautiful, she tends to dress outside the norm.

I laughed to myself and looked down at my paisley-patterned pants. I knew he would be shaking his head at them if he could.

I wasn’t sure what she had in store for my company’s Christmas party, so I purchased a little black number that I couldn’t wait to see on and off her. She, of course, had other ideas and wanted to surprise me. When I came home tonight to change and pick her up, I had second and third thoughts of going at all. I wanted her all to myself. How does she do that? Her dress was nothing like I would pick out, but it was her, complete with the fact she got it at Goodwill.

I loved that gold-toned off-the-shoulder gown. I was afraid he wouldn’t like it, but I knew in an instant he did. He crossed our bedroom in a few strides, and before I knew it, I was redoing my hair. “Your skin is begging to be kissed,” he growled as his fingers found themselves tangled up in my locks.

She was a vision, and won everyone over with her stories from abroad and her natural way of pulling people in. Then she entertained the crowd when she played the piano in the foyer of the hotel where the party was held. She played Gran’s favorite “Alla Turca” by Mozart. Jaimes was masterful. Why was I ever worried she wouldn’t fit into my world? I don’t think Bianca did so well considering her knowledge of real estate law. Come to think of it, her bulldog attitude didn’t play out well with my colleagues.

It certainly didn’t sit well with me. I felt like she pushed Chris around and that bothered me more than anything, that and her blasé attitude toward her daughter, my daughter. She was happy to let the nanny raise her.

I wanted her all to myself tonight, but Allie wasn’t feeling well when we picked her up and now I’m watching the two of them sleep next to me. Allie never slept in my bed until Jaimes came to live with us. It’s inconvenient when I want to make love to my wife, but it’s not a bad sight— Jaime holding Allie against her with that hair of hers fanned out against the pillow next to mine. Jaime amazes me with her ability to love. I’m not sure I could love a child that wasn’t mine the way she has. As far as Allie is concerned, Jaime is her mother. I wish I were a better father. I love Allie, but I’m not sure I’m cut out for the day-to-day dealings of parenting. Maybe as Allie grows older, it will get easier.

If he had doubts about having more children, he should have been honest with me. Or I should have been honest with myself. I could see with my own eyes how hard it was for him, but I blamed it on Bianca and the way she handled the situation. I thought that with me it would be different. If he saw how happy I was being a mother, he would match my feelings. And mostly I thought he would want to create a little person with me.

I took a break from reading when a couple of nurses came in to take Chris for his scan.

“We’ll have your husband back to you in no time at all,” the dark-haired one spoke.

I smiled close-lipped. I had heard the term husband more in the last couple of days than I had the whole time we were married. It was cruel. Chris added to the cruelty by doing his best to make sure we stayed married. Since he was contesting it, I had to prove grounds for divorce. Tennessee did its best to make divorce as difficult as possible. I hated that we had come to this point. I had planned on never being divorced. My parents, and each set of their parents, were married for a millennia, and I only made it two years. Even Bree and Caleb, who’d had a rough go, were working through it. But Caleb had always done his best to put family first. At least he was trying.

I returned phone calls to the insurance company and filled out more hospital paperwork while Chris was gone. I prayed the scan showed improvement. The longer they kept him sedated, the more nervous I became. And what if he had brain damage or memory loss? What if he didn’t remember Allie or me? I could use it to my advantage. I could tell him we were moving, he was a strict nine-to-five worker, we had a love for the ages, and he desired nothing more than being a husband and a father. Somehow, I didn’t think it would work out that way.

He would wake up and we would still be getting divorced. Bianca would continue to be the love of his life. As for me, I would have to find a way to move on, to remove a piece of me, the part we shared for the past twenty-some years. The worst of it was we could never go back to being best friends. That hurt more than anything. I valued our friendship above all.

Chris was wheeled back in a half hour later.

“Dr. Little will be in shortly to talk to you,” the nurse informed me.

I nodded in acknowledgment. I was learning “shortly” or “soon” at the hospital meant something entirely different in the outside world. I decided to dive back into the journal while I waited.

Jaime and I have been married for a year. It seems like a lot longer—I can’t remember my life without her.

He’d had the most romantic bouquet of flowers delivered to me on our first anniversary. I still had them, dried and preserved.

Work has been insane. I haven’t had time to stop and think, but Jaime made me take notice today. I can’t believe how sexy she is sometimes. I should have married her a long time ago. Let’s just say, fantasy fulfilled.

I appreciated him not delving into any graphic details about that day. That day I enlisted Beck’s help making a fake appointment for him at the bane of my existence, the Addison building. I set up a picnic lunch in one of the empty suites, but we never did eat anything. That’s all I’m going to say.

It was also a reminder of the kind of person she is. We’ve been arguing more and more, yet she overlooked that and made our anniversary memorable. She’s not happy with all the time I spend at work. I’m not, either, but it’s the way it has to be right now. She doesn’t realize all that’s at stake. She knew when she married me this was my life. This is what I do.

That’s what he does.

And I did know what was at stake.

~*~

Dr. Little walked in shortly—two hours later. “Mrs. McKay.”

“Please, call me Jaime.” I meant that.

He smiled and approached Chris’ bedside where I sat. “I looked over the results of the scan and he’s moving in the right direction. The bleeding has stopped and the swelling is down. Tomorrow we will begin to titrate off the sedation and run another EEG to look at his brainwave activity. If we see positive signs there, he could be awake by late tomorrow afternoon.” He clapped his hands like it was a done deal. “Do you have any questions?”

Lots, but my own brain wasn’t functioning correctly at the moment. “Uh . . . Will he be . . . uh, normal?” That sounded uneducated. I wanted to pull out my degrees and prove to him I could actually string two words together intelligently.

At least he grinned. “What is normal?” A doctor with a sense of humor. “All signs point to him making a full recovery, but let’s take it a step at a time.”

“Yeah, okay.” I heaved a heavy sigh.

The doctor exited and I turned my attention to Chris. “It’s just you and me,” I whispered. “Probably for the last time.” I took his hand and wished he could hold mine back. “I just want you to know how much I love you, and I can’t bear to think of my life without you. I’m not sure why I was never enough for you. I hope someday you’ll find yourself again. That you’ll see what’s right in front of you before it’s too late.” I kissed his hand and held it close. It was all I would have of him after today, but in that moment I could pretend he was my Christopher one more time.

BOOK: Christopher and Jaime (Pianos and Promises #1)
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